Seperation Anxiety Disorder

[Mother in Need]

School keeps saying my son has seperation anxiety disorder, and that is why I can't get him to go to school. As there is nobody else who ever cares for him, I can't honestly say if he has this or not, but what I do know is that he doesn't want to go to school because school is such a place of stress for him.

 

Does anyone have more information on this subject? Would this anxiety come out in other ways as well?

[board]

hello my daugther is the same but when she gets home she is very nasty to me she hits me and tells me she hates me she is not bad in school its like she keeps it in till she sees me she is 6 next month is it the same for you all the best jill

[Mother in Need]

Jill, my son is 12 but yes he is very different in school and at home. At home he has severe behavioural problems but at school he is an angel.... however, it is clear from loads of observations that school is very stressful and his needs are not being met. He doesn't say he hates me or anything though, but he has many meltdowns and is very aggressive towards his brothers. All is fine ofcourse as long as he gets to do exactly what he wants to do, where and when but if we have something else in mind... anyway, I tend to comapre him to a steam engine, at school stress builds up (the steam) but as he does not feel safe this gets not reduced and by the time he comes home he is fit to burst......choo choo! BOOM.

 

My biggest problem at the moment though is getting him to school in the first place, which is an enormous battle every day again and I am simply tired out. I am wondering also what would happen if I refused to drive him in when I can't get him on the bus, will school then finally help with alternative transport or will they just stress that I should get him to school as that is my legal obligation.

[nellie]

M-i-N,

 

Pretending to be cope is very common in children with ASD.

 

If you read through this topic from the beginning, you will read what other parents have done to get the school to understand this problem. There's also evidence from professionals that you may be able to show to school.

 

The passive child/pretending to be normal., Meeting the needs of the passive child.

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.ph...st=0entry8544

 

Hope this helps.

 

Nellie xx

[oracle]

Anxiety Seperation is something they try to pin on the parents. I am sorry but this is quite common when a child is having problems and they decided that they stem from the mother (well usually the mother) Do not let them pin this label onto your son because it is they and not you who are not meeting his needs.

 

Professionals tend to push the balme anywhere but where it should be placed.

Do not let them do this to you.

 

Carole

[Mother in Need]

Do not let them do this to you

Carole, that's why I am asking the question as to how seperation anxiety normally presents itself, because then I can say very clearly 'no, he has not got this'.

Does anyone have a child who has this problem, and what are the symptoms (so to speak)?

[Elanor]

Hi

 

Since when did schools make diagnoses of medical/psychiatric disorders?

 

Even if they're right, are they making specific proposals to help - or just blaming you?

 

I had a look at the European diagnostic criteria

http://www.mentalhealth.com/icd/p22-ch03.html

 

Seems to me that none of the above behaviours would be surprising in a child with AS, but you'd have to exclude AS before determining that separation anxiety was the only issue.

 

Elanor

[oracle]

The point is that many kids with AS and ASD will present like a child with an anxiety seperation disorder. But they do so for quite different reasons and those reasons are that the child has an ASD. I know that that is about as clear as mud but it's the way it is. If a child with ASD is not having it's needs met then it becomes very stressed and anxious. Most of our kids want to go back to a place and with the person they feel most comfortable with and that is usually Mum and Dad.

 

I think the point to make here is that your son has not got an anxiety speration disorder and that he is becoming anxious because he is in an environment over which he has little if any control. Our kids do learn to adapt but it can take a long time.

 

How old is your son?

 

My eldest had what they called anxiety seperation disorder. He was physically ill every time I left him at Nursery and School. They said that 'I' was the problem and that he needed to be away from me. But I now know that they were the problem. Often a child with an ASD does not realise when they have been left at school that the parent will return. Even though they return everyday the child will feel the same level of stress and anxiety everyday because once Mum has gone then to them they have gone. Does that make sense? This is especially true if the child is young.

 

True Anxiety Seperation Disorder is when a Mother does not want to be seperated from her child and so creates situations which make the child feel totally dependant on her, so that left without Mum they become stressed and anxious.

 

We are the people who understand our kids and fill in their blanks. We do understand their hidden communications and messages so yes they can feel really stressed when we are not around to help them.

 

If you have any other questions just yell. Even though I am not answering them very well.

 

 

 

Carole

[Mother in Need]

Elanor, good link that, thanks!

Shows I am definitely right and school is (ofcourse) totally wrong; just spoke to them and they just said 'oh, it comes in different degrees'. Yeah right

 

I think the point to make here is that your son has not got an anxiety speration disorder and that he is becoming anxious because he is in an environment over which he has little if any control.

Carole, thanks, you're spot on! My son is 12 and at school passive as to his needs/stresses and cannot express himself even though he is very fluent verbally, which school ofcourse can't understand...