mother in law

[jools]

my MIL looks after the children when needed (once in a blue moon) and has never seen G in full swing.

she only ever looks after them for short periods and i make lists and rotas for everything while i'm out.

 

she had the 3 of them today at my house while i went to work for 4 hrs .......it was a training day so kids at home.

i've been up all night with a bad stomach and as a result was very groggy and running late this morning.

i didn't write everything down.........big mistake!

 

firstly she ate the bread that G was saving for lunch and according to my eldest when G asked her not to eat it (we had another full loaf she could have used) she told him to stop being cheeky and not tell her what to do.......melt down no 1.

again, according to eldest things went from bad to worse with grandma going on and on at G until melt down no 2 which carried on for approx 45 mins and was still going on when i came home.

 

even when i asked her to just leave him alone and give him some space she continued to tell him how naughty he was and what a horrible child he had been today. kept going on at him for screaming and crying like a baby.

it was like i was invicible......didn't matter what i said to her she carried on.....aaaggggggghhhhhhhhh!

 

i know i was short with her and my tone of voice was off so she went home in a huff!"

 

i'm glad in a away he has done it so she can see for own eyes and it MIGHT just make her think but it is sooooooo frustrating

 

i've been home 3 hours and he is still locked in his bedroom watching football videos and won't talk to anyone............. so i'm waiting for him to make the first move so i can give him a big hug

 

i know what to do with g but what do i do with a stubborn MIL who thinks he does this on purpose????????

Edited January 11, 2006 by jools

[lil_me]

Times like this I am so pleased I have very little to do with my MIL. The only person who occasionally looks after my 2 is my partners brother, who is 20 now and has nearly grown up with them, he has learned what works and what doesn't. His mother started working away a lot so he virtually moved in, and now when she comes home he's here every day from first thing in the morning as she gets on his nerves too Pleased he's gone back to work after the Xmas break as it was getting a bit much.

 

Back to your MIL, let her have her huff, then explain where she went wrong, and why, and if she doesn't accept it, thats her problem. Can you tell I have very little patience with people ?

Edited January 11, 2006 by lil_me

[Paula]

Grandparents dont yer just love them

 

 

My sons grandma is a right paine.She still kinda insists that its all down to me that im too soft and if she was in charge then everything would be a ok.

 

She also throws in little gems of advice like i should have aborted and why dont i shove him in a home and enjoy life.

 

Thing is she rarely looks after him doesnt speak to him his grandads as bad and isnt interested in him realy she wishes she had a proper grandson one she could be proud of.

 

My son naturally cannot stand it on the rare occasion he has to be looked after at her house and when he returns home he always kicks of and relays tales of what has been said or done to him.

[Jill]

Can't really offer much advice (my MIL is like an angel from heaven) but am sending you big <'>

[stressed out mum]

Hi Jools

 

Is your MIL of the opinion that children must be seen and not heard? Older people do seem to tut and be less tolerant of children who need to are not 'easy going' (for want of a better word).

 

Maybe you could give her some information leaflets.

 

My MIL never looks after my children cos she has always got the other grandchildren and she doesn't even know that my son has AS.

[jools]

its not so much she thinks that children should be seen and not heard......cos that would be a miracle in this house....lol.

but she doesn't like to be answered back in what she sees to be a cheeky way......she has to have the last word.

 

I've asked hubbie to have a word with her again but because we haven't got a dx yet she won't accept anything except bad parenting

 

G came out of his room at 5pm and is much calmer. he is happily telling me and his dad every detail of the football he has watched.........oh joys........lol

[jomica]

MILs - just as well we don't choose our partners for their mothers, isn't it?!!

 

Like Lil Me, I think you should explain to her why things got so out of hand - after all, she's never going to learn unless she starts to take his ASD seriously, is she?

 

Good luck!!

[UltraMum]

Have you seen Especially for Grandparents of Children With Asperger Syndrome ? It's on the oasis site:

 

http://www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/grandparents.html

 

Might be worth giving her a copy ... when you're talking to her again!

Edited January 11, 2006 by MotherEve

[madmooch]

My MIL, what can i say

 

Why cant we divorce Mil's

[sue45]

Hi Jools,

 

I don't know about MIL's because i haven't got one but my mum can be the same. As much as she tries to understand she lets H rub her up the wrong way and I end up being piggy in the middle. It was funny (not Ha Ha!) reading this tonight as my mum came for tea last night and we ended up having a great big meltdown because H couldn't back down and mum, whose NT by the way, wouldn't "I'm not going to sit here and let a granddaughter of mine speak to me like that" -(mum) "she doesn't beleive I meant i was sorry when I said I was sorry" (H). H of course said sorry in that tone of voice that really sounds like an insult raqther than an apology and mum brought it on in the first place because H was slow with her manners and mum was insisting she say "please". You know the kind of scenario. It's really difficult. i don't want to upset my mum but she knows enough about AS in the sense of being told about it and even seeing it for herself but can't (and sometimes neither can I in the heat of the moment if truth be known) accept that H can't help the way she is. Mum's response, which is valid, is that she can't help the way she is either - my mum's tone of voice can be clipped and sound a bit harsh and she's not always exactly diplomatic about what she says or how she says it (I was brouight up to be seen and not heard) and H takes her the wrong way because she's feeling got at and so it goes on...

 

The only advice I can offer is to try, after things cool down, to explain to MIL what went wrong without pointing the finger too much, and to keep on explaining and picking up the pieces as often as it takes to maintain relations between her and your child. Hopefully one day she'll understand. Some of it's probably the generation gap thing but persevere. That's all you can do.

 

Good luck.

 

Sue

 

xx

[sue45]

Mother-eve,

 

I just looked at the paper you posted for Jools for grandparents - I'm going to get my mum to have a look. I' m a bit worried she might get upset - but I think it puts some things really well and I think she might take it better from that than from me!

 

Thanks!

 

Sue

 

xx

[UltraMum]

Glad it's of use - my parents in law are fantastic with J - it's my mum and my stepfather we have problems with - and I have given them the grandparents letter to read!

 

Funny old world!

[jools]

thanks for that mothereve.....i will have a read of that and give it to MIL

[petet]

My wifes Mother-in-Law (also known as "My Mum"- aged 83) says that "All he needs is a good SMACK!"

 

(That's for a 14 year old Kanner Autistic! with 'routines that must be followed'!)

 

Some people just never get it!!

 

P