kirstie Report post Posted February 4, 2006 Hello all, I just thought i could sound off a bit....... I am feeling the strain of having a new baby and a teenager and my darling Lew! I feel i am taken for granted. My partner is a good un, but he's the biggest kid of all and pretty much useless with the baby unless he's smiling and asleep!! No-one picks up after themselves, infact they just drop whatever they are wearing where they stand and muggins has to trail around and put it in the washing pile, another bug bear- it's like Mount Etna and the Ironing pile well, it's not much better........ I am just so tired, the night feeds haven't eased off and my bouncing bubba doesn't settle down after a feed very well In fact it can be up to an hour before he'll go back down. Pretty tough when if i don't get up when the alarm goes no-one does. I feel like opening the front door and running. But if i did that i might not stop It says something when i can't even talk to my partner who is right behind me watching TV and i have to get a bit of tlc from you guys instead. I think he thinks because i cope pretty much all of the time that i'm just being silly, and should "Pull myself together" I have come to an arrangement with my eldest. If he does the dishes 3 times a week, keeps his room tidy and makes his bed and doesn't give me any cheek then he can have pocket money every Saturday! Just in time for him and Richard to go out to the Football.......... I am actually demented. I am meeting my friend for lunch today. I don't think i'll want to come home. But i will of coarse-my kids are my life.That in itself is a pretty sad statement. I think i might just get trollyed!!!!!! Must remember to empty my bag, it's once again full of nappies rattles and soggy bibs. It's so heavy a Seargent major would be proud I thought i had hung up my maternity knickers years ago...........i have been doing this since i was Nineteen.I'm just tired. I'm sorry to go on and on, i know there are others with worse problems than me right now but i needed to let off some steam. Thanks for listening. I'm sure it will pass. Take care, Kirstie. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
OPooh Report post Posted February 4, 2006 <'> <'> <'> hope things get better hun. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kathryn Report post Posted February 4, 2006 Oh Kirstie, <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> Have a really good time this afternoon. Can this time out become a regular Saturday thing? K xx (I have to laugh about your description of the bag contents- My youngest is 8 and I still carry a packet of emergency crayons around with me!) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
katkin Report post Posted February 4, 2006 Oh dear, you sound so fed up. Can you , as Kathryn says make a little "me time" for yourself? Many years ago a teacher i worked with said to me that everybody had to have some "soul time" as she called it. It's a philosophy i have grabbed hold of and kept to. Practical suggestions: Having a teenager I haven't changed his bed for years, just left the clean linen on top and told him to do it. Don't tidy his room either. Every body has to put their laundry in the washbin - don't see why I should pick up dirty knickers from the floor. Big teenager washes up every day after main meal Online shopping - a godsend!! Just told husband to hoover Husband always baths and storys small people to bed - I don't do chil;dren after 7.00pm Lastly, I always went swimming by myself, for myself on a Sunday evening A lot of this came about because I was working nights from when daughter was small. It was hard so husband and teenager had to do their bit. Can you talk to your partner a bit and say how you feel? Perhaps say "I would like you to do this......" rather than expecting him to know what he should be offering to do (he is a male after all!!!!.......) Lastly, I don't know much about it, but is postnatal depression a possibility. If it is please see your GP. Had to laugh to at your handbag - mine still has "bribery and corruption" pieces in it. Sick bags, pens and paper, and a book too!!. Little dainty pale coloured things just don't figure. Take care, love Kat Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
UltraMum Report post Posted February 4, 2006 <'> <'> <'> kirstie <'> <'> <'> It's always good to get stuff off your chest Try telling your hubby how you are feeling - he's a man - he may not realise! Look after yourself - no one else will ... hope you have a good lunch Here's a Robbie from J! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest flutter Report post Posted February 4, 2006 ooh kirstie <'> <'> <'> hope you get a break, and yes as mother eve says tell him bet he not really noticed, be blunt!! he wil notice then C xxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sue1957 Report post Posted February 4, 2006 I felt like you for a time, but bit the bullet and having warned them, left the dirty washing where it was. When the favourite top or jeans wasn't clean when they wanted it, things improved. I haven't ironed for years, and I don't sort clean washing. Eveything is put on the bed in the spare room (eldest has left home) and it can be collected from there. (I also don't buy clothes that look a pig to iron, I know they will go out of fashion before they come out of the ironing basket). I find the "do you want to wash or wipe up" or the "do you want to take the rubbish out or hoover?" etc plan works best. Give two options, both of which you want done- they are less likely to say "neither." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LKS Report post Posted February 4, 2006 Kirstie <'> <'> <'> I had my first child when I was 25 and the 4th when I was 37 and god did I notice the difference I honestly think most (not all) men do not have a clue when it comes to housework etc. My husband says just tell me if you want me to do something, well sheesh you'd think he'd notice there are no clean plates and we are tripping over clothes to be washed/put away I don't want to have to tell anyone, I just want them to do it Don't think teenagers care much about their surroundings and I gave up long ago on having anything to do with their bedrooms.) Hope you had a good afternoon. There was always a part of me that was really scared about 'escaping' for a while as coming back to everything was ten times worse. You obviously really need to catch up on your sleep as well. When I had my last baby instead of the family buying clothes and prezzies etc. they clubbed together and paid for a couple of hours a week for a cleaner to come round it was heaven. Take care of yourself Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
reuby2 Report post Posted February 4, 2006 <'> <'> <'> Kirstie <'> <'> <'> You are doing great! I do agree about being blunt with your hubby...E.g can you do the washing please etc. You really need someone looking after you a bit. Hope you have a great time today and if you are not feeding baby yourself, make hubby get up and take his turn in the night , you need some sleep!!! <'> <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nellie Report post Posted February 4, 2006 <'> <'> <'> kirstie <'> <'> <'> I do feel for you! I agree with the others, your hubby is probably oblivious to how you feel and the amount you have to cope with. Why not show him your post. There was a programme on telli not long ago about dog training husbands. If you looked closely they weren't training the husband, they were training the wife, the poor women rarely sussed this!! I found it fascinating. The gist of it was ask nicely and give clear instructions, not hints, jibes, sarcasism or nagging. Reward when they do something, by saying thank you, possibly with a light stroke and a smile. Consistency - be consistent. It's basic respect and manners. Most husbands feel worthless because women do everything, we talk in riddles, we never say exactly what we mean or want, we never or rarely say thank you. We end up doing everything, getting more and more tired, more and more resentful and think everyone will know why we're upset!!! Don't ever expect men to see the mess and dirt that we see. It has to be bad for them no notice! I find the "do you want to wash or wipe up" or the "do you want to take the rubbish out or hoover?" etc plan works best. Give two options, both of which you want done- they are less likely to say "neither." I agree with sue1957, I use this system and it works a treat. Kirstie, bringing up a baby is a full time job, recruit the family, put up a list of rota jobs if necessary. Hope you had a great afternoon and things improve soon. Nellie <'> <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jen Report post Posted February 4, 2006 my teenager made lots of washing and ironing. So I told him it was up to him to wash and iron his clothers every week. Miracously when he had to do his washing shrunk by half. He also has to clean his room and wash the car every week for his pocket money. If he makes a mess of the bathroom he has to mop it. It may seem hard but it is real life. Take the bull by the horns and say to your teenager he had to do his own washing and ironing. If people to not put there clothers in the wash then they do not get washed. (I use to put them in a black bag and leave them in the garage. Its amazing how tidy everyone becomes. Get all the children to help you with the washing up cleaning up the mess do not kill your self and once a week have some "me" time to keep you sane. regards jen Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
loulou Report post Posted February 4, 2006 Hi Kirstie, <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> Hope you enjoyed your lunch honey. I only have myself and Kai to take care of and i find it hard enough, so you must be Superwoman to manage a teenager, a baby, and a man aswell! Loulou x PS You can pm me if you need any baby advice Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
neda Report post Posted February 4, 2006 Kirstie, hope your feeling a bit better now. Sometimes it can be more tiring trying to pretend everything is ok. If your hubby is anything like mine he may just need a gentle nudge, failing that walking about the house picking dirty clothes up and shouting am I the only person in this house who does anything can also work. Have some of these <'> <'> and let us know how you are doing. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
call me jaded Report post Posted February 4, 2006 <'> Hi Kirstie This too will pass. Seriously, I resorted to an evening class to remind my DH just how much of a wonder woman I really am. If it was a competition to see who did the least in the house, I assure you Mr J would win Olympic gold. Since I gave up regular paid employment, it's not as if I have anything to do, is it???? With you on the baby front, too. I have three aged 6 and under and have had just one night's uninterrupted sleep since way before Christmas. Umm not really slept well since 1994. Now you know where I get my user name. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cmuir Report post Posted February 4, 2006 Hi Kirstie You're allowed to feel fed up. Think we all feel like you are just now, from time to time. Go out with your friend and have a blast or spend some money on a g-string (I always find spending cash very therapeutic much to hubby's annoyance!). Let your man take a turn of sorting everything out. That saying 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' has a bit of truth in it ? your boys will appreciate you more once your home with any luck! I remember the feeling of having an existence and not a life when my son was little. What kept me going was when I saw him sleeping!!! . . . seriously, it reminded me how helpless and innocent he is and that he really needs me. Hope a little change of scenery for a few hours perks you up. Take care. Caroline. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
reuby2 Report post Posted February 5, 2006 Hope you had a good time yesterday, tell us all about the juicy details!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kirstie Report post Posted February 5, 2006 <'> Thanks every-one for your replies. I had a good day out. we had something to eat and just talked and talked. I didn't get home untill around 11pm pretty much worse for wear the wine flowed but i enjoyed myself. I had decided that once a month when Lewis was at his respite club for the day, it was my time.Richard could have the baby and i would meet my friend or shop. Unfortunatley i had a brainwave just before Christmas and bought him and my eldest half season tickets for the team they support, needless to say my saturdays have gone out the window and i will not be buying season tickets again! I think yesterday was much needed and i feel better today as a result! (Bit of a sore head though.... ) I'm sure you all know how it is, the tv is blaring , the dog is barking, the baby is crying, the door is knocking, eldest son wants to know where his fiootball boots are and middle son wants to know whats for tea, the baby is still crying, the house is a tip and the dishes need doing..........it frazzles your head after a while. I will most definatley delegate more. They are all capable and i need to stop being so protective of the washing pile, so what if Richard dyes everything it's not the end of the world. I think it proves a point though, it's unhealthy to bottle things up. and don't get me wrong i know i'm lucky and i love my lot to bits, i just need to get out more......... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
reuby2 Report post Posted February 5, 2006 (edited) Glad you had a good time, it's something you need and will give hubby a chance to bond more with the babe. Look after yourself. you're a star <'> Edited February 5, 2006 by reuby2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
