school refusal

[tracey]

My daughter was off school for 3 weeks as she was having problems mainly with friendships

had meeting last week sorted afew things out

After putting in one day this morning she would not get up even though i told her she had to go.

By not turning in she is making things worse as her friend is hanging round with others

I think the reason this morning is being tired as she hardly sleeps

Things have got so bad I told her she would have to go to residential school as I just cant

seem to get her to go, how do you get a stubborn 14 y old out of the door

If its not one thing its another probs at school, things going wrong in morning as everything has to be perfect,

now she wont even get up I feel like im banging my head against a wall

We are moving in afew months into an area where the school is walking distance which will help

a little but it doesnt help the actual getting out of the door situation.

Anyone had similar probs ?? or had experiences with residential school for teenagers

T

[Tez]

It's very difficult when this is happening. When you say you had a meeting last week to sort things out, was the Educational Welfare Officer involved? EWOs should not just be waving big sticks to get children into school they should be getting to the root cause and putting things right. In our area there is also a unit for school refusers that is comepletely separate from the EBD units. They have had some success with these and often have help on hand to help with anxiety problems. They are also far less rigid about time keeping and can set hours that suit your child's sleep pattern.

[jb1964]

My daughter's 12 (AS) and hasn't been to school since mid Dec - although quite a lot of this has been due to being ill other days and loads in the past she's simply refused to go to school saying one thing or another - sore throat/tummy ache/feels sick.

 

I know more often than not if I tried to force her to go we'd have complete meltdown - and I really don't think I could actually 'force' her anyway - other than putting her (if I could get one on those rubbery arms and legs - when she doesn't want to do something she can be so evasive with her body movements!!!!) in a straight jacket.

 

We've had the EWO on our backs for sometime now and following the last review they've offered a flexi system - home tuition in the afternoons and school in the morning - until she's back in school full time (which personally I think will be never).

 

Can't offer any miracle to this one - she has me beaten every time.

Sorry.

[JenRose]

M has been out of school since Nov05, he refuses to go in , makes himself sick,soils himself you name it.

His psych has sent school letter saying he,s not medically well to be in school and we are hoping for a home tutor soon.

 

He cant cope with the other kids he says they pull his hair because it makes him scream and he doesnt have any friends so i totally sympathise with you on this one.

[Tez]

There was a time when the LEA termed A as a school refuser/school phobic because he could not even cope with an extremely restricted timetable. I asked that they stop using the phrase because I felt that it completely misinterpreted the situation, and since a thorough assessment put his problems down to sensory issues I have since received an apology.He was also extremely reluctant to go to school but always attended because he's rule bound only to be sent home by the school within an hour due to extreme anxiety. We tried everything, flexischooling, safe areas during breaks, learning mentor and LSA support, disapplication from certain subjects but it all proved unsuccessful.

 

I don't think it's any good forcing a child into school without sorting out the root causes of the difficulty and putting in additional support. Like jb1964 I don't think A will ever return to school on a full time basis. We eventually withdrew him from school on medical advice and he has been receiving limited home tutoring at home from the LEA. We have agreed in principal that this arrangement will be extended and the hours increased, even without the need for a medical note but with a statement, because everyone is agreed that A will find it almost impossible to learn or function in a school environment due to sensory issues.

[Zemanski]

Please think carefully before using the term 'school refusal' as it implies strongly that the problem is willful and is often treated as a behaviour problem.

 

With AS kids the issues are usually anxiety based and children generally develop and active fear of going to school - this is more likely to be considered school phobia which is a medical thing and viewed much more sympathetically

 

Zemanski

[Zemanski]

Please think carefully before using the term 'school refusal' as it implies strongly that the problem is willful and is often treated as a behaviour problem.

 

With AS kids the issues are usually anxiety based and children generally develop and active fear of going to school - this is more likely to be considered school phobia which is a medical thing and viewed much more sympathetically

 

Zemanski

[tracey]

I was looking into the home tutoring thing back in january but couldnt seem to get much info on this

and was told I would have to pay for private tuition my daughter is not statemented so whether this

makes a difference.

It seems abit harsh my saying about residential but I do wonder if she isnt just being stubborn

and realizing she is getting her way by not going to school.

Its a vicious circle I seem to spend half my time struggling to get my daughter to school

ie. sorting problems, getting her out of bed, the stress of her temper when things go wrong and

are not perfect and the other half of the time I spend worrying about her when shes actually

gone.

Tez you asked if the EWO were involved well I have no dealings with them the only people at our

meetings other than myself and my daughter were the senco and 2 members of camhs.

Tracey

[Tez]

Your daughter doesn't need a statement to get home tuition it can be done on medical grounds. She can be signed off school on health grounds by any Doctor and if anxiety is the root cause of her problems this may be an option.

 

Maybe this is the time to have a word with the EWO and ask for help and advice. In our area it is the EWO who makes the referral for home tuition and they should also talk you through other options that might be tried to help your daughter, she should certainly be more aware than the SENCO of what is on offer. If part of the problem is down to socialisation issues the EWO can help to sort this. A was being bullied the EWO offered assertiveness training and anxiety support groups aimed at teenagers with asds.

 

I personally, also think it is best for you to take the initative and contact the EWO rather than for them to contact you due to attendance issues.

Edited February 6, 2006 by Tez

[jb1964]

Your daughter doesn't need a statement to get home tuition it can be done on medical grounds. She can be signed off school on health grounds by any Doctor and if anxiety is the root cause of her problems this may be an option.

 

Agree with Tez,

My (AS) daughter hasn't got a statement at school and she's just been offered home tuition. The LEA were involved in the last school review and they offered (Flexi schooling) - although the EWO has been on our back for some time now (about just having home tuition).

 

To be honest as Zemanski says about the 'school refuser' issue - I've never said to the school that she simply refuses to go to school (as more often than not - it's not the case - she usually says she has some sort of symptom - stomach-ache/sick etc - how much of this is real or real because of anxiety I don't know).

Edited February 6, 2006 by jb1964

[Zemanski]

Contact your EWO by phone or email - the contact information can be found on the LEA website or you can phone the LEA switchboard and ask for the number.

 

Zemanski

[jannyk]

My ds j 14 hasnt been to school since before chistmas he had a place at a referal unit but wasnt happy there at all the thig i liked about it it was the small groups and the teahers seemed a bit more understanding than at his previous mainstream school. but the other kids made fun of him and gave him a hard time it was only supposed to be temporary for six weeks and after that we were offered a place at another local mainstreem school but i didnt want him to go here at all as i think all previous trouble would start up again .j statement not gone through yet but even with it only one special school in our area and this is full from now until forever we hwve been told we can appeal but still might not get a place so i have decided i am going to home school him even though i know it will be difficult for us both i have changed my job so from march this is what we will be doing but not sure how to start i have spoke to lea and informed them and put it in writing we havent been offered any home tutoring i feel everything is always so difficult and nobody ever wants to help

[bid]

Hi Tracey

 

My son is 16, and he goes to a residential special school for AS...he is very happy there, and has made huge progress in every area, from academic to his self-esteem and self-confidence

 

So for us, it has been an absolutely life-enhancing experience.

 

Bid

[sue45]

Hi Tracey,

 

I could have written your post myself only my daughter is 13 not 14. From Sept through Most of Oct thigns seemed to really be going well because she started meeting another girl to walk to school with. She was up and ready and out the door with hardly any intervention from me. It was fantastic, but alas,short lived. iAt the end of oct she got tonsilitis and since then has hardly been to school. She keeps picking up throat infections and even if she's not what you'd call really ill ie not running a temperature, I know it's pointless trying to make her go to school because I'm worried she wouldn't cope when she's not a hundred percent fit ie she could have a massive meltdown in school and end up being excluded and worse, lose face with her peer group.

 

On the days when she has been well enough, it's been really difficult to persuade her to go. She doesn't want to meet other girl any more because she has to get up too early. Like your daughter, she gets really upset if her routine doesn't go to plan (if her hair won't go right or her porridge is too thick!AAArg whatever) and she also does this thing where she'll get up in plenty of time but doesn;t like to be ready too early but then if somethign goes slightly wrong and makes her a minute over the time she wants to leave the house she refuses to go. I've stopped getting stressed about that these days. I say to her that she IS going to school even if it's just for one lesson. I let her take her own time to calm down and ususally she's quite happy to go in after the first or even second lesson has finished, she just doesn't want to go into the classroom late once that class has started.

 

The school she attends is overcrowded and there have been issues with other girls and `i sometimes wonder, like you, if she wouldn't be happier going somewhere else. We had a morning like this yesterday, she stepped out of the door then turned and grabbed my arm shouting she wasn't going to school because she would be late. It was a minute after her self designated time for leaving. I think it's anxiety. When she'd calmed down, she told me she's all right once she's in school but she's frightened to go before she gets there. That makes me think she's finding it difficult to cope and is anxious all the time. Like you, I've had letters from lea about her attendance but I don't know how to tackle it. I've rung school to try to get to speak to SENCO who I've never met (d was only dx just before xmas).

 

Will your daughter talk to you about school? Maybe there's something bothering her but she doesn't know how to say it? Sometimes when they've had a long time off it can be really hard to get back into things (as it can for anyone) and maybe she needs something set up where she has some reasurance that she won't be picked on on made to stand out. One or two of my daughter's teachers commented on the fact that she'd had a lot of time off so I contacted the school and asked them to make sure none of the teachers do that again. Okay it's a school matter but not one for every teacher to comment on in front of the other kids.

 

I really hope you get it sorted, if you want to talk any time, let me know (I've never pm and don't know how but if you drop on line on here I'm sure I'll work it out!! I'm a bit lazy you know, and dozy some say...

 

Sue

 

xx