asereht Report post Posted February 21, 2006 Hi all. My son has been attending a unit for adolecents (not strictly ASD) who are out of school for one reason or other since October. He has long hair and they require that he tie it up, which he has been doing, but lately it has just got too uncomfortable to have it tied back as it pulls his scalp and he is very hyper-sensitive. He got in a arguement with them just before mid-term over this and I was called to take him home. He was off for a week and went back yesterday. Two hours after I left him in, the same thing, except they rang to say he had stormed out in temper and someone had gone after him but they weren't sure which direction he'd taken, and could I head in there. Luckily he had his mobile, so I called him and told him to wait in the grounds until I arrived (I live 20 minutes to a half an hour's drive away). He went back into the unit through a back door, waited for me and I took him home. He has also been attending school part-time, one to one, and they are trying to get him to go back full-time or at least to his own class of 30, but no matter how much they try, he does not want to but they have been saying they are going to keep trying. He did not want to go to the unit today and I didn't feel comfortable sending him, when I told them they said they will discuss him at the team meeting, call me back later and decide what to do. Please, any advice? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paula Report post Posted February 21, 2006 <'> <'> I dont realy know what to say. But i cannot stand what i think are daft rules such as hair must be tied back ect.... When there are far more important issues at play. Surely its better that he wears his haire however he pleases and they just concentrate on him being happy and attending this unit and then hopefully getting him back into school. My Nt daughter attends a large comp senior school.Shes an a grade student yet because her haire is died black and a bit dishevelled as they put it she has had numerous 1 hour detentions for her appearance.Its stark raveing mad i told them. Another mum had her son excluded from the school because he wore his haire in spikes.Well behaved boy but spikes wernt appropriate.She phoned the school and said why dont yer just issue a ###### school wig and be done with it hey.!!!!!!!! I wish id thought of that line i really do. You know there must be a reason why he doesnt want to be in school.And yer know whan all is said and done hes to be educated but not neceseraly in school.Home education is possible.Im a firm beleiver in kids happiness comes above all else.Sod rules and regulations and the one size fits all.Coz it doesnt.Id talk to youre son find out what he wants to do then try to impliment that.Hell be happy,youll be happier and it could all be a lot less stressfull. I made that sound all easy but we all know it isnt. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Suze Report post Posted February 21, 2006 I,m sorry but why oh why must he tie his hair up???....why are they concentrating on this??.............He,s been attending the unit making progress I guess and the first sign of trouble from him and they really lay the law down.Over his hair???....am I missing the point??.........Why must they concentrate on this one thing he refuses to do which directly impacts on him his attitude and stress and directly leads to him refusing to attend the unit.Where is the support and understanding.Is his hair a health and safety issue.I would imagine he likes his hair long and around his face as a barrier and to perhaps hide behind........can they not understand this and his sensory issues.I can,t understand why they can,t cut him some slack and be more understanding. ................if this is some sort of specialist provision ........help.........sorry Theresa not been much help, but I,m disillusioned for you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
asereht Report post Posted February 21, 2006 (edited) .She phoned the school and said why dont yer just issue a ###### school wig and be done with it hey.!!!!!!!! I too would love to have thought of that one!! To be honest I would take him out of there and school too but as for the unit ( I'm not worried about school to be honest- more about him!) he was referred there by his psychiatrist and that was the firstbit of help offered. It was ok until now but I think they thought he would have been finished there and back in school now as it is only a short term measure ,my guess is they have a waiting list. Also the teacher at the unit does not seem to understand my son at all and seems to want to change him and teach him to conform! I am worried about what will happen if he is not there with regard to support. For instance will they say I didn't like/take the help offered and send me packing. Is his hair a health and safety issue.I would imagine he likes his hair long and around his face as a barrier and to perhaps hide behind........can they not understand this and his sensory issues. He has agreed to tie it for woodwork and the like but the teacher at the unit wants it tied up for class as he was wearing it in his face when he first started and get this - she can't hear him when his hair is in his face. He had it tied yesterday but the two front bits were out. He pointed out that two girls had there hair down and was told " different kids are here for different reasons and I don't have to discuss it"??!! His own school are now following the unit and saying hair tied is a must for him, although not all teachers insist. I wish I could take my son and run away! Edited February 21, 2006 by asereht Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paula Report post Posted February 21, 2006 (edited) <'> <'> Take him and run go on i wish you could also. My daughter shes NT and attends a large senior comp. She doesnt fit into the norm either always pushing the bounderies so they say. She became a Goth 2 years ago,changed her image got into " strange" music i call it,died her haire and started standing out more. But her school work didnt suffer.She also started questioning the rules and basically saying no if she didnt agree.Like i say shes an A grade student.But they want people to look and behave all the same.Shes drawn to drama and music and writes fantastic songs there so bloomeing good.Teacher says shes the best music and drama student theyve ever had. I said to them well there you go kids who are like her stick out are outspoken push the bounderies are normally good at stuff like that it goes hand in hand you cant then expect her to look like she stepped out of a convent !!!!!!!!! Like i say some kids dont fit in they never do it doesnt mean there bad or stupid or trouble its the fact people are forceing them to fit in and be like them that makes it all worse. Good charlotte have a song called "The anthem" that kinda says it all. Edited February 21, 2006 by Paula Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted February 21, 2006 What a weird thing to make an issue of!! Auriel has long hair, and nothing is said at his special school...some of the lads there have hair right down their backs! Bid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
asereht Report post Posted February 21, 2006 Bid, his hair is midway down his back! Does Auriel wear his hair off his face? The thing is when K started at the unit he was very stressed and self-consious so he let the hair hang in his face. He told them he hides behind it when he is stressed but they said he needed to stop hiding behind the hair and they were helping him by making him tie it back. He is well used to them now and speaks up( too much at times!) and will push the hair behind his ears,but apparantly this is not enough. Now I've had enough!! It's not the first prolem we've run into. He was excluded for something( a long story ,I posted here) a few weeks back and told he couldn't come back until he apologised,he didn't and they took him back anyway. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tez Report post Posted February 21, 2006 Sounds like it's a combination of lack of understanding of ASDs and not realising the sensory issues involved and the teacher's need to be in control and call the shots. Seems to me that allowing him to have his hair how he wants is a reasonable adjustment in this case as long as it doesn't create a safety issue. Hope you manage to get it sorted. Is there any alternative to the unit if it's not working out for your son? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
asereht Report post Posted February 21, 2006 (edited) Tez ,I agree with what you say about the teacher and the lack of understanding. I think if it doesn't work out then he may have to have home ed as he will not be able ( and doesn't want to go back to school). When the unit was suggested to us we did not realise the main goal would be to get him to school come hell or high water. We were led to believe that if it became apparant he was not able to return there may be alternatives. The care worker who told us this has left , she was my son's main careworker this is part of the problem.Just as he was really settling in and getting on with her,making progress etc. she left, not her fault of course but it hasn't been the same for him since. I wouldn't mind the home ed, but I would like some support for him in areas other than education. I get the impression that if he doesn't want to go back to school they will release him from the unit . Edited February 21, 2006 by asereht Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
call me jaded Report post Posted February 21, 2006 Do they insist on girls tying their hair back? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
asereht Report post Posted February 22, 2006 Do they insist on girls tying their hair back? There are 3 or 4 girls in the unit and they don't have to have their hair tied back. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
asereht Report post Posted February 22, 2006 (edited) He did not want to go to the unit today and I didn't feel comfortable sending him, when I told them they said they will discuss him at the team meeting, call me back later and decide what to do. They didn't call me yesterday after the meeting. I thought they may have called this morning, when the unit opened at 9am. He doesn't want to go in today, and I don't really want him to, as I am afraid he might walk out again. Thing is should I call them or wait for them to call me as promised. Theresa Edited February 22, 2006 by asereht Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paula Report post Posted February 22, 2006 (edited) If girls dont have to have there haire tied back then boys shouldnt either.Sex descrimination type of thing. At my daughters school there not allowed to have a nose piercing.But children of other religions can have a nose piercing.Againe this is a form of descrimination.We pulled the school up on this and they backed down. You cant have opne rule for one group of people be it based on sex or religion or even age and it not apply to another. Edited February 22, 2006 by Paula Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
asereht Report post Posted February 22, 2006 They didn't call me yesterday after the meeting. I thought they may have called this morning, when the unit opened at 9am. He doesn't want to go in today, and I don't really want him to, as I am afraid he might walk out again. Thing is should I call them or wait for them to call me as promised. Theresa 10:10 and still no call. Do they even care Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tez Report post Posted February 22, 2006 Have you got an email address for them? If so, I would suggest emailing them stating that as per your agreement with them you are awaiting their phone call regarding the decisions taken at the meeting before resending your son to the unit. Can they please advise you on how they intend sorting this situation out because you are concerned about the amount of education your son is missing. Wouldn't hurt to point out that the hair is a sensory issue related to his disability at the same time. I do think that it needs to be recorded in writing to keep you and your son in the clear. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
asereht Report post Posted February 22, 2006 Well they called me . The situation is they are not going to pursue his going back to school. They will support him through the next few weeks until he does his mocks for exams which are 3rd to the 17th of march and wean him from the unit to finish by the end of march. He does 4 subjects in school one to one and 4 subjects in the unit. After this he will be referred back to the hospital were he attended before (child and adolescent psychiatric services). All sound ok BUT there is a condition he tie his hair back. I asked him and he is just refusing,I told them it is a sensory issue but they just said he has been tying it back since xmas. I said he was but under duress and now he has had enough. I had to call them back after I spoke to him and they said that it was a pity and does he realise he will only take 4 exam subjects now. I said he did ,but will still not budge on the hair issue. We have to go in for a final meeting on fri morning to finalise things. They want hubby there to but he can't get time off work at this short notice. Of course I lost the head with him then,even though it's not his fault. Son thinks it's all the units fault that he only does half the subjects for his exams now and is gone all quiet and upset but in a foul mood( I can tell by his face). I can't take much more of this Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tez Report post Posted February 22, 2006 (edited) <'> <'> I hope things start to improve for you soon. It's such a worry when things aren't going well for our children. The severity of sensory issues in autism come and go, particularly with stress. THIS site explains SID and does say that the brain interprets the senses inconsistently. Somewhere I've seen it written more clearly to show how one day a child can be undersensitive to a certain stimuli bearly feeling it and the next find it unbearably painful. The unit obviously has no understanding of AS or sensory issues at all. Another site that explains the inconsistency in response. here I would suggest that you give IPSEA a phone and talk this through with them because this doesn't seem to have been handled very well and although I'm not up to speed on the exact workings of units such as PRUs I believe that they have to act in the same manner as mainstream schools with regard to exclusions and making reasonable adjustments for disabilities. Do you have an advocate that can attend this meeting with you and your husband on Friday? Are the unit having any advice from an autism expert on how to handle your son because they seem to be treating this like a plain EBD case where your son will be broken and bend to their control or else, particularly when you consider the previous incident. Edited February 22, 2006 by Tez Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
asereht Report post Posted February 23, 2006 Thanks Tez I will check out these links. Thanks to everyone that replied to this thread. I will let you know how the meeting goes tomorrow. Theresa Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
