Some advice please

[stressedmumto2]

My son has had 6 exclusions since christmas.

 

He's due back at school tomorrow and the school told me last week they would call me to let me know what was happening, if they wanted me to bring him in later etc.

 

I've had no phone call, I don't know what to do.

 

I know tomorrow that he wont want to go so he will probably refuse before we even get there then by the time we reach the door he will be disruptive. I don't think the school will change how they have been dealing with it.

 

I'm worried that if he keeps getting excluded he will reach the 45 days so I was thinking should I call the school in the morning and ask them before we leave to go to school if they are going to try with him or will he just get another exclusion that day. If it's going to be the case of another exclusion I would rather not go through the process of him becoming disruptive to come home and just keephim off. I've never kept him off school but it's getting to the stage that I have a couple of hrs of hell before we even leave for school just for him to get excluded.

 

Any suggestions on what I should do ?

[helenl53]

SMT2

 

You have to take him in - I believe that Outreach is organised for tomorrow so you will lose your credibility if you keep him home.

 

Assume that because you have not heard any differently, that he will go into school as normal.

 

At the end of the day - the problem is the schools - not yours.

 

If you keep him home then you will be seen as a defeatist and all the work so far will go out the window. You need to keep on top of this - keep saying to yourself - the school and the authority need to sort this problem - not me!

 

Be positive with T - if you are talking about him having problems going in to school and if he hears that you are wavering, then he will do as you expect and you will be leaving yourself open to criticism that you are not helping the situation. You have come a long way and you need to be and stay positive or you will get left to cope on your own again! - believe me - they are looking for every excuse to drop this problem back into your lap!

 

HelenL

[phasmid]

I agree with every point Helen has made. Be careful not to play into their hands on this. You take him as normal. If they exclude him before you have even walked through the door hand the the letter you are about to write stating that this is a continuation of their already ilegal excluson and you wish this to be noted on his school records with a note home to indicate this has been done to be sent to you at once (in the pre-paid envelope you're going to enclose!).

 

Time to fight fire with fire...but your going to play fair and by the rules.

 

DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, NOT TAKE HIM INTO SCHOOL TOMORROW!!

[darky]

hi love, i agree 100% with the others. you should take him into school and do not anticipate problems before you get there or there will be! ty will sense that im sure. do everything you are supposed to do and stay positive, what will be will be hun. stay firm but fair and rememeber YOU are in control, remember who is the adult. i know it sounds harsh, but i really think you need to build your confidence and have faith in your skills as a mum. going to school is very important for ty now. let the school do their bit too, fullfil your duty as a parent and get him there, let them do the rest if they can. if it dont work out, dont stress, try again on tuesday. good luck!

[stressedmumto2]

Thanks. I will take him in. He's never missed a day of school since he's been there apart from these ###### exclusions despite the huge effort he puts into trying to get out of it.

 

He will go tomorrow, i'm just so scared of him reaching the 45 days and being permanently excluded. Then again he wont reach that because the school are being un-lawfull with the exclusions.

 

Thanks again for making me see sense <'>

[stressedmumto2]

Oh great, another exclusion.

 

Why did I even bother to take him to school.

 

Been on the phone to exclusions um, well we don't know what to do really, cos it's so complicated. Walked out of school telling them I will be going to the papers.

 

[Hectorshouse]

OMG did you even get past the front door!!!!

 

What are they're reasons? was the sun and moon not aligned with venus and pluto???

 

SMT2 ... go get them now, enough is enough.

 

HHxx

[Mother in Need]

What are they doing, you bring your son to school and they instantly say, we can't cope with him so take him back home?

[stressedmumto2]

Get this, he wasn't even meant to be going into school today.

 

At the professionals meeting last week everyone had to go away and talk with their managers about what was to happen.

 

I made a phone call and was told that he's not going back in untill next week. Support has been put in place for this week to give me respite at home and that support will be put into school next week.

 

Why haven't social services called to tell me, why have the school not beein informed, why did I go through all the cr*p this morning ???

[Kathryn]

This must be incredibly unsettling for your son.

[Hectorshouse]

<'> SMT2

 

I think that those are definitely questions you need to ask, maybe a letter to the appropriate bods is needed, both you and your son have now been through (another) unecessary stressful experience that could've and should've been avoided.

 

Its meant to be about effective communication, and obviously this isn't happening, how can you possibly work with these people if they don't let you know what the ###### is going on

 

HHxx

[stressedmumto2]

No wait, this is what I am going to do.

 

When my son goes out in a short while with the sessional worker that has been provided I am going to take my letter into school stating this is another illegal exclusion, this letter also contains all information about lack of communication, where it states that communication is only being made by myself when I enquire about what is going on. I shall then wait to see if they say anything different to me.

 

Somebody is not doing there job and I really can't see why commiunication is not made especially when all services have the use of e-mail, telephone and being able to write letters. Their excuse will be because it was left to Friday, but like i've said they could leave messages.

 

I'm a bit peed off, they could intergrate him into school that if he goes in just for mornings this week he could have the sessional worker for the afternoon, again I can't make the descisions or even suggest them.

[Hectorshouse]

Go go SMT2 ... !

 

Their are no excuses for this level of poor communication, and definitely hand that letter in about 'another' illegal exclusion, perhaps also drop an email to your local paper as well, and if your in writing mode an email to your local MP.

 

HHxx

[Suze]

I,m shocked and upset for you both, I hope your sons situation is sorted out soon.Suzex.

[phasmid]

Shocked and upset?

 

No, I'm ###### livid. SMT2 I will Pm you later on when I'm at home. This is simply not good enough - and it is illegal to exclude him in this manner. How dare they play around with you both like this!