loulou Report post Posted March 12, 2006 Hi everyone, I'm feeling totally sorry for myself (and Kai) today. Kai was bored so we went to one of those activity places. I always dread going incase there are any horrible kids that wind Kai up. Anyway, Kai got totally obsessed with collecting all the foam shapes (he said they were treasure) and stashing them all at the top of the play frame. He was having a lovely time in his own little world. A gang of horrible little sh*** could see what he was doing and so ganged up on him to take the shapes back down to the bottom. The more obsessed he got, the more they wound him up. These little darlings were much younger than him and led by an obnoxious girl (who i wanted to slap). It all got too much, so i had to try to coax him out. He started screaming and shouting b/c he wanted to stay and protect his treasure. He shouted out "You f*****r!" to me. I literally dragged him out into the street and bundled him in the car. He wasn't even being naughty but i had to get him out of there before he did something bad to one of the kids. Full scale meltdown then carried on for three hours at home . He's nearly kicked my bedroom door in, punched me in the face and tried to kill the cat. Then he threw his dinner across the room b/c it was "cr*p". He's been begging me to kill him, then threatening to jump out of his bedroom window. He said he wishes everyone would die so he could have a nice life without any people . I feel so sorry for him, he really struggles socially and i don't know how to help him. I feel emotionally drained now and i've left my phone off the hook b/c i don't want to speak to anyone . I'm really finding it hard to deal with him. I don't know what to do when he goes off on one. If i leave him alone, he'll wreck my house. If i try to intervene, he'll attack me. He's only 7 but he's REALLY strong. I'm going to call my (useless) social worker tomorrow, but i'm not hopefull they'll be able to help. Loulou x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted March 12, 2006 oh loulou,the meltdowns leave you both exhausted dont they,they make me emotionally drained,i know what your son means when he says he would like to live in a world without people,i think my DS would as well,im not much help but i do know how you are feeling <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tmf Report post Posted March 12, 2006 loulou Sending you lots of <'> <'> <'> I can totally sympathise with you. I remember when my son attacked me for the 1st time, i sobbed my heart out. Not because he hurt me physically (mind you i hadn't realised how strong he was until that point) it was the shock at my own flesh and blood doing this to me. At the time i couldn't go near him for 2 days or so (this was not long after he was 1st dx) as i was so ashamed at my parenting that my own child could do this to me. It was only gaining understanding of AS and learning what could trigger an 'attack' that luckily we have had no more of them kind of meltdowns. Plenty of the other mind you! It is so hard on deciding which is the best way to go to try and prevent these meltdowns, it's certainly one big learning curve and just when you think you have it sussed they take on a new dimension! Hope things improve soon... take care tmf xx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
redberry Report post Posted March 12, 2006 <'> Really sorry to hear that you had such a hard time. Feel like any thing I think of saying sounds totally inadequate. Hope things get better really soon <'> <'> <'> redberry Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cmuir Report post Posted March 12, 2006 Hi So sorry to hear you've had a really difficult time. I can totally relate to what happened. I know that sinking feeling when I take my 4 year old son to a quiet playpark and think great. Then, all of a sudden, literally car loads of kids appear out of nowhere. It all gets too much for Robert and I find that I desperately try to get him out of a potentially horrendous situation (ie he'll lash out, etc), he doesn't want to go, etc. I then usually have to take him away against him will for his own good and the good of others and then feel awful and then have to put up with the aftermath. I had a really good experience yesterday. I've been emailing someone from this forum (whose been brilliant) and we arranged to meet. An organisation called SPECTRUM gave me the name of an activity centre specifically for children with physical and mental disabilities, so that was the perfect venue to meet. I took my son there and straight away it felt 'right'. There was no one there tutting or huffing and puffing because we were all 'in the same boat'. Robert loved it. There were qualified playworkers there who were amazing. A little boy came in with his mother and played really well with Robert. Turned out it was the child whose mother I'd be emailing. I had a tear in my eye! Although I didn't take my eyes off my son, I have to say, I didn't feel so on edge. It was great to meet others in exactly the same position. To cut a long story short, I wonder if you could contact eg your health visitor, phone book, look on the internet, phone CAB, etc and try and find somewhere specifically for the disabled (I found that difficult ? facing that my son does have a disability that prevents him from interacting appropriately with others, etc). Someone asked me recently how I cope. I answered that I cope because I have to and that I love my son more than anything and that he desperately needs my help. But it's also the good days and the small achievements that keep me going when we have days like you've experienced as well. Take care. Caroline. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Brook Report post Posted March 12, 2006 loulou & Kai <'> <'> <'> Whenever I take my son to the indoor playcentres he always ends up getting really upset because of other kids, they either tease him or ruin the game he is playing. I remember not long ago, I'd taken him to the playcentre and he was in the bit where they go around on little cars, he went round the corner out of sight, all of a sudden I heard "somebody help me I'm being attacked"! I flew in there to find five boys trying to drag him out of the car (I wanted to throttle the little s***s) I said very loudly "tell these boys that YOU were already in the car, and they should go away and leave you alone"! I glared at the little s***s and they ran off! This totally ruined it for my son, he was very screamy and teary after this! It makes me so b****y angry they can go wherever they like and enjoy themselves, but it takes alot for my son to cope in these places and they can just ruin it by being such horrible little bullies!!! Our local NAS group now hire an indoor kids playcentre for an evening every school holiday, it is solely for ASD kids and their siblings, I can honestly say that he has never had any probs with kids on these events and it's a real treat for him to just be himself without pressures. I hope Kai calms down soon, the poor little mite. <'> some of these for you. <'> <'> Brook Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kevilou Report post Posted March 13, 2006 I am sorry to hear you have had such a rough day of it. I can't offer any practical solutions for you other than to say keep your chin up It does get easier as they get older in many ways, although I still find myself having bad ones too - so my heart really goes out to you. <'> <'> <'> Hope things improve soon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest hallyscomet Report post Posted March 13, 2006 (edited) Hi LouLou Sending you lots of these <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> Kai has sensory overload - we become wiser as time goes by, and learn what are the worst triggers. Perhaps as your boy loved the place sooo much; you could ring the owner and ask them is there a time of day or week that it is not so crowded, so he can go back there. But using a clock have a really set reason why you must leave at such and such time, and perhaps suggest you can go and get something he really likes like an icecream to lure him out of there..... You must feel exhausted emotionally, so be gentle with yourself. It really hurts when they say things like Kai said. Try and give the bad things a no reaction, reaction.......a wise mentor told me.....praise him for the things he does well. Find something to compliment him over, you will get him out of that mood in no time, even putting your arms out for a hug and saying you love them, is enough to bring them out of one of those horrible meltdowns, just have to wait till he's calmed down first. Times like this is good to have Mozart in the car or at home, as it calms them down. From experience with sensory overload.......it always comes out and hits you from the left. We eventually note what those triggers are and find ways to not isolate your child altogether but to go at their pace. I am still learning the hard way with my 18 year old, as I assume oh he will out grow it, "wrong". <'> <'> <'> <'> Take care, I really feel for you at the moment, but don't take anything to heart, it is always, "all talk" but at the same time we learn what are good and bad choices regarding your childs social calendar. Hailey Edited March 13, 2006 by hallyscomet Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
