swearing

[lisa35]

My 10 yr old has really improved at school, for which Im very very proud of him keeping his cool, also, at home he still has blow outs but we are managing to shorten them by sending him to room to cool off.

 

However, the last few days when hes lost it he s started swearing at me, telling me to f *** off, which is awful,really upsetting

 

Is always sorry after, and Ive told him that he ll loose 10 p off spending money every time he swears at me (for different poor behaviours this is what we do) as shouting back at him sweet nothing!!

 

I feel like he s getting away with unacceptable behaviour and that we tread on egg shells at times, how on earth do u know whats caused by him being stressed or just naughty!!??

 

Also, he can change within seconds, fine one minute, then ww3!!

 

Any tips? Apart from a strait jacket for me?

 

Thanks

 

Lisa

 

ps he refuses to wear a coat, even in snow but I insisted- Ive read some stuff e children with body temp not feling extremes of temperature-any one else come across this? I get lots of disapproving looks off parents whe he doesnt wear coat- but stuff em!!!!

[pingu]

Hi Lisa.

 

I know what you mean about the swearing Our eldest (adhd) is swearing all the time, under his breath mostly, but sometimes aimed at us, The thing is we dont swear so the only thing i can think is that it is the playground laungage, they do pick stuff up, and if they see the words associated with anger (in the playgroud for example) they bring them words home to use when they are angry. The fact that he is sorry about it afterwards makes me think he is understanding some of the implications his behaviour is having on you, which is a good sign, (theroy of mind) , He might just be venting steam.

 

You sounds like you are doing everything you can, (with the behaviour will come a consequence = taking money off him.) So just be strong.

 

As for the body temperature, we live in a house of cold arses so i cant relate to this, but yes i have heard of the things you describe. (i envy those people) Im cold Look away from the dissaproving stares, after all you know him the best !!

shaz

[Paula]

I understand what youre saying about not wearing a coat.

 

My 12 year old As son will refuse to wear a coat also and it absolutley freezing oustside.Least i think its freezing.He obviously doesnt and i guess who am i to tell him what hes feeling.

 

Our son obviously has a thing about tempreture because he insists the shower is scolding him but when i put my hand under it it feels ok.He can only tolerate the water if it is virtualy cold.On holiday he also couldnt use the hot tub because he said that was red hot he prefered the freezing cold plunge pool.

 

Let people look.Lets face it you see loads of teenagers and other people wandering round in tshirts when its obviously freezing outside.No one bothers if its an adult.

 

As for the swearing our son swears sometimes i just let him get on with it and he soon gets fed up.But luckily its only in the house he does this.

[CarerQuie]

My son has a star chart (going between home and school-he doesn't have a problem at school)and each day he can get stars for 'I did not swear', I spoke nicely' etc.He has earned a bubble machine and a sports car from school.

 

he now fills in the chart himself under supervision and he seems to have gained a lot of reassurance from doing this.xx

[slaphead]

Hi Lisa,

I shouldn't worry too much about the swearing, you are already doing the right thing by deducting 10p a time, it's a good way of getting your point (that swearing is not acceptable behaviour) across, and one that your child will learn sooner or later, you just keep strong and tough it out. We've had much the same problems with our son Barry (9), but we make him lose 1/4 hour of his playstation time as this seems to work better for him. (He lives for football and PS2, and doesn't really have any sense of the value of money). Perhaps you could stop 50p instead, to show him how serious you are about non-swearing? We tend to ignore it at home, but in public and at school, it's a no-no, as people in general don't want to hear it. Give your child a definite boundary line that must not be crossed where swearing is concerned.This may also work with other problems too, such as on/off temper, shouting, etc.

Barry doesn't wear a coat, (or a jumper if he can avoid it!) and also says he doesn't feel the cold. We've just come to accept that as part of the AS and therefore part of who he is. Don't pay any attention to the disapproving stares, you are probably closer to your child than they ever will be to their's, like you said, Stuff the lot of them!

Hope some of this helps and keep your chin up!

[cmuir]

Hi

 

My 4 year old son does exactly as you've described on both counts (swearing and not wearing appropriate clothing for cold weather).

 

It's really very difficult because nursery don't allow swearing due to the affect it may have on the other kids. I've tended to ignore it and found I've had good results ie if I make a fuss, he'll run around in circles ranting for ages (days even!).

 

On the clothing issue, I initially thought that I'd let him go without a jacket as once he was cold he'd come running for it! Not the case. I've been reading a really ibnteresting book called 'Out of Sync Child'. It basically sheds a lot of light on sensory issues ? he may not even feel the cold! I now insist that he wears a jacket when outside. That usually causes WW3, but it's 'mummy' that has to nurse him (or try!) when he's unwell.

 

I'm afraid I can't give advice as I'm in the same boat. Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone!

 

Caroline.

[lisa35]

Hi all, thanks for all the replies,too tiired and lazy to say all your individualnames!!!

I have read some stuff around sensory issues and sure that he has these, eg tonight snowing = no coat/ no jumper! awesome- but dont bother anymore, hates his scalp touching, hates to clean teeth, loves snuggled under his quilt and huge bear hugs (all links with a lot Ive read)

As for the swearing Ive decided to take 50 p each time- I cant remeber who suggested the stars but ew do a similar thing using points

I found this tip in a book by Brenda Boyd- he gets points for certain behaviours- it s excellent method as you can adapt it, use on holiday, increase popints if a certain things a big problem (eg swearing!)

Then we have a treat box and each item is worth so many points, Its absol genius- say if hes having a bad day and only gets 5 points I put a smalll bag of sweets in, so he doesnt feel all is lost

I think with our kids its so much about self esteem, they need it boosting so much

Thanks again

Lisa

[zaman]

Goinf off the main topic I know, but my son doesn't feel the cold either. I bought him a woolen duffel coat as we usually walk 20mins to and from school, and it can be a cold trip. But he complains all the time that he is too hot, and usually walks along with it open. School told me off this week as I let him just wear a t-shirt under his coat with no jumper, and they thought I was being a bad mum. Grrr.

 

I think it would be useful for new-ish people like me if we started a pinned discussion on these sorts of traits, so that we can see how other people have coped with them - and what we can learn (weighted blankets for example being good for some kids with sensory integration issues).