Son's been invited to birthday party for first time tomorrow

[cmuir]

Hi

 

Sounds terrible, but I'm absolutely dreading tomorrow ... My son has been invited to birthday party for the first time, which in theory is great. The birthday boy is in my son's nursery class, so I took the opportunity to phone his mum and thank him for the invitation. I also wanted to ensure that she knew of R's difficulties (he has AS and has BIG behavioural problems amongst others!). She was extremely flippant and stated that she has 2 nephews who have autism and said "I sometimes think that we have autism". I don't necessarily think she meant to be hurtful or flippant, but I was annoyed (hid it well!) as this comment trivialises autism. Anyhow, I've said he could go. I'm hoping for the best, but expecting the worst if that makes sense. My theory is that I don't know until we try, but it's damn difficult both emotionally and physically watching your child's every move in case they got into meltdown! Fingers crossed though! Thought I'd take it as it comes and even if we're there for 30 minutes, then that's better than nothing. I'm trying to convince myself ? as I've just munched another chunk out of what's left of my nails!

 

Caroline.

[Flora]

cmuir,

 

Hope it goes well for him. William's first birthday party went well until the food and he threw a wobbler because it wasn't pizza, I had to go and pick him up and he cried and wailed for hours. I didn't know then that he had AS and to be honest I gave him a good telling off. The next birthday he went to he was a little angel and it was obvious it was because that time he knew what to expect.

 

Perhaps you could ring her before hand and ask her exactly what is happening at the party, and then you can tell your son what to expect. It may not avert any problems but at leat it cuts out the element of surprise which can be a huge problem for kids with AS.

 

Good luck, and let us know how it goes.

 

Lauren

[Bagpuss]

Caroline,

 

Hope tomorrow goes well and your son has a ball keep us posted and let us know how it went The only parties our youngest dd has been too have been her siblings, her own, and one other classmates (who also had ASD), so found the whole atmosphere really relaxed. No one batted an eyelid

[lil_me]

Hope it goes well

[stressedmumto2]

Hope it goes well for today <'>

[asereht]

Hope it goes well <'>

[kirstie]

<'> hi Caroline,

Hope the party went OK. I know the feeling of dread! We didn't get any invites to parties untill Lewis started school. The kids in his class are all on the spectrum so it was far more relaxed and no-one bothered about the kids wants and needs.

It is hard but don't NOT go. If anyone takes exception to Robert if he does kick off then it's them who have the problem. He is who he is and should be accepted regardless!

Let us know how you got on!

Kirstie.

[phasmid]

Weeeell?

 

How did it go? OK I hope.

[Bagpuss]

Bet Caroline has her feet up with a very large glass of wine

[Bullet]

Hope your lad enjoyed the party. Is there any chance the mum meant that she herself thought she might be HFA or AS so was saying that she didn't see autism as something to be "scared" of? Not the right word, but I hope you know what I mean?

Tom went to his cousin's birthday party in April. As long as he didn't have to have anything to do with the other children he was fine. He spent most of the time charging round the place on his own. The only time he got upset was when we tried to sit him next to another child at the birthday tea. Once he could sit a bit apart he stopped fussing.

[cmuir]

Hi

 

Survived the party! I'm so proud of him. It wasn't perfect, but still he did really well. Lots of growling, calling people 'stupid' and other choice names, but considering what could have happened he did well. I wrote him a social story prior to the party and despite his attempts to rip it up, he still looked at it. I really think that helped. There were lots of potential triggers for meltdowns, but Robert managed to control his anger several times. Problem was when we got home ...

 

He was extremely tired but started going on about going to the birthday boy's house straight away. I persuaded him that I'd take a day off this week and the kid could come for lunch, but that wasn't good enough. Put up with him throwing things around the lounge, shouting and screaming his head off, then bang his head off the door repeatedly. Don't know whether I actually 'dealt' with the situation, but I did my usual and switched off completely. After about 45 minutes he seemed to get it out of his system before round two!

 

This time he wanted to go out on his bike at 7.45pm. We made a 'deal' which as usual he broke ? I'm trying to get him to understand that if we make a 'deal' (one that he likes!) and he breaks it, then we go home. Sure enough, he broke the 'deal' which started round 3!

 

His dad ended up carrying him into the house and fell over a load of toys. His a******e of a father threw his own tantrum and scared the hell out of Robert in the process. He dad lost control and I'm ashamed to say I belted him one to get him to stop so that Robert wouldn't become een more distressed (witnessed by Robert, I'm ashamed to say). I'm disgusted with myself, but at the time felt it necessary to get his dad to stop. Crazy thing is everything calmed down after that. Trouble is, that's no example to set to a child. Thing is, this is a vicious cycle with his dad. I don't want his dad to go, but unless he admits he can't deal with Robert and actually asks and seeks help, nothing is going to change ? and he HAS to go! His dad makes me so mad as he's buried his head in the sand and hasn't made any attempt to find out anything about AS. I'm starting to rant again, aren't I?

 

C.

[Richt]

Rant away

 

We're all ar**holes once in a while, and none of us get it right all the time. Chill and prioritise. DS #1, DH #2.

 

Teach both on your own time?

 

I am now beginning to recognise all the time I lost with ours when they were small, didn't know who I was then, do now and not being stupid, I realise what I missed (but am sensible enough to know I'm not really to blame) It kind of helps. (but not that much)

 

Hey ho

 

Someone once told me that guilt was a waste of emotion, after all you've already done the thing that makes you feel guilty and can't undo it. I still struggle with that because I'm trying to understand people with all the prompts I can - so I often get them wrong. (And then beat myself up for getting it wrong - again)

 

Such is life as they say.

 

R

[kirstie]

<'> Oh Caroline,

We will have to meet up for that pizza.......and soon....

I'll pm you!

[caren]

Hi

 

Sounds terrible, but I'm absolutely dreading tomorrow ... My son has been invited to birthday party for the first time, which in theory is great. The birthday boy is in my son's nursery class, so I took the opportunity to phone his mum and thank him for the invitation. I also wanted to ensure that she knew of R's difficulties (he has AS and has BIG behavioural problems amongst others!). She was extremely flippant and stated that she has 2 nephews who have autism and said "I sometimes think that we have autism". I don't necessarily think she meant to be hurtful or flippant, but I was annoyed (hid it well!) as this comment trivialises autism. Anyhow, I've said he could go. I'm hoping for the best, but expecting the worst if that makes sense. My theory is that I don't know until we try, but it's damn difficult both emotionally and physically watching your child's every move in case they got into meltdown! Fingers crossed though! Thought I'd take it as it comes and even if we're there for 30 minutes, then that's better than nothing. I'm trying to convince myself ? as I've just munched another chunk out of what's left of my nails!

 

Caroline.

 

 

K has got his 1st one on 29th july i'm dreading it but the mum knows K from school so going to try and see if he can't cope then we will come away