Eva Report post Posted July 1, 2006 Hi, how do you get your children to listen to you when you are (trying) to discipline them? I'm at a loss. Joe, who's 5, either keeps on doing whatever he's not meant to be doing with this really insolent look on his face, or else he just doesn't 'hear' me. Oh yeah, for example, if I tell him to get off the kitchen table he'll get off but only to do something else instead, such as knock an object over, throw everything off the table, re-set the washing machine, etc. Sigh. When he and my 2.5 year old get going and are having one of their wild games of chasey or wrestling ( just before bed of course ), then I have no hope of stopping them and it's mayhem here. Advice much appreciated or I'll have to get the Super Nanny out. Eva Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oracle Report post Posted July 1, 2006 (edited) Hi Eva, At 5 it's more than possible that Joe is still at the 'own agenda' stage of the spectrum, with little understanding why he can't do what he wants when he wants. Until you have some shared meanings and understanding with him it will be difficult for him to tune in to your requests and voice. He probably does not understand an angry voice or at least why you are angry. Would some symbols help here? For example if you start to stick symbols on the table which show that he is never to stand on the table. If you just picture a child standing then put a big red X through the symbol. Of course you will have to begin with the big red X and the fact that whenever he sees this it means he is not to do something eg re-set the washer. It may be a case of the big red X meaning that he is never to touch the switches on the washer. It's a step before to a social story because maybe he's not at the stage where he could sit still long enough to listen but you could try eg Kitchen Tables are where we eat - we don't stand on them because the table is for sitting and eating. This may sound a bit extreme but he needs to know what is expected of him and where before he gets carried away with himself. My youngest is 9 and he still has a silly switch, which when activated has no counter stop switch. It's trying to get on in there to stop it before it overloads and it's not easy. To do that the child has to be aware of this themselves. Matt is 9 and only just beginning to understand this. He now comes and asks me if he is becoming too silly But it's been a long time coming. I was told once by Rita Jordan just after the dx of both of my sons that it is no good saying to them stop doing that now! You must say stop doing that and do 'this' (whatever this is) instead. Because the child will have no understanding of what it is to do next and will probably just do something else which you do not want it to do. At 5 he is still very young but that does not mean that you should not start to make him aware of the things that are and are not acceptable. I will end now before this becomes a novel Oracle [ Edited July 1, 2006 by oracle Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lisann Report post Posted July 1, 2006 Hi yes would agree with Oricle you could try a simple round red circle and say stop when you want him to listen. Lisa x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
brooke Report post Posted July 1, 2006 Hi Eva My boy is 5 too and we have the same struggle. He never listerns and seems to go into hyper mode at least twice a day which is even worse. I cant offer much advice but i sympathise and i just keep hoping eventually he will learn when we say no we mean it i find if i have the energy to distrat him that can work Brooke Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Eva Report post Posted July 1, 2006 Thankyou for your suggestions Oracle - I'm going to put them into practise today! I've forgotten about the use of visual cards but it's something I need to reintroduce. What I find very difficult is trying to get Joe to understand that when he does something bad, such as bash his brother over the head with a rake, that he's in trouble for doing THAT. This is what happened yesterday yet Joe was the one who ended up in tears, not understanding that it was his actions that caused me to tell him off. Mind you, when I tell him off I have to use a calm and 'friendly' tone of voice because that's all he's listening too. I wonder if a social story could help, something along the lines of 'if I hurt other people, they get sad...' Has anyone ever used one in this sort of situation, teaching about not hitting, etc? Another issue which is driving me crazy is how Joe speaks to us. He's so demanding and bellows out commands all day. I pull him up on it and prompt him with 'can I have...' . His general behaviour has really deteriorated this week, thank god it's kinder again on Monday . It's good to hear that someone else is going through this Brooke! Let me know if you discover a switch! Wish me luck today, we have one of our dreaded family lunches where my brother's perfect twins will be entertaining everyone with their general cuteness and brilliance . Eva Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oracle Report post Posted July 2, 2006 Matt's speech therapist actually managed to make 'me' understand that when Matt hit us either himself, but more usually with something large and heavy, he had no idea that he was hurting us because it was not hurting him. Sounds a bit daft until you think about it. Yes he knows what it's like when he is hurt but if it's not hurting him where is the problem? Matt is still demanding, or at least tries to be, and still belows comands, but then so does my eldest who is 19. He usually follows one of his 'commands' with if that sounded nasty to you then I apologise I am not trying to sound nasty but sometimes you think it sounds that way Maybe his voice is barking commands but his ear don't make that connection? This makes me very because he knows that to me it sounds nasty but to him it sounds like he's asking me something. Carole Good luck with the twins Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Eva Report post Posted July 4, 2006 Things have been a bit better over the past couple of days - seems like a friendly poltergeist has taken over Joe. He's suddenly stopped demanding things in a horrible voice and is being polite. Hmm, wonder what's going on now?! We've been telling Joe what to do next much more and this is really helping, so thanks for the advice Oracle. I can understand how J doesn't get the idea that if he hits someone he can hurt them. I know it depends on the individual child, but how long does that sort of understanding often take with an ASD child? NT kids usually are about 8 when they start getting the idea of cause and effect and about being responsible for their actions. (Some people never, I suppose!). Eva Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
