jools Report post Posted August 25, 2006 we have tried explaining asd to her but she just won't have it. there is nothing wrong with him in her eyes that a good telling off won't solve. shes forever argueing with him hubbie and me are going away next friday night (to see Robbie in concert....yeyyyyy!!) and she is coming to look after the kids. i'm dreading it because i just know i'll be returning to chaos and a stressed out son. my eldest daughter was going to sleep out but i'm going to have to ask her to stay at home in the hopes she can keep him calm. shes only 11 so its quite unfair but she is quite understanding. she knows how they both clash. and she is very good with him. we also told her today that he is now on medication and she immediately went into a rant about how we shouldn't be doing this to him with 'those tablets that will supress him!' i did keep my mouth shut but i'm really annoyed that she wouldn't even listen to why we had made the decision. if his own grandmother has that attitude what chance has he got with other people i do feel guilty about going but this is only the 3rd time in 11yrs we have had a night away without the kids so i'm not asking too much i don't think. i can't even ask my mum to have him because she is on holiday. might have to travel straight back after the concert so at least i'll be back for brekkie Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bullet Report post Posted August 25, 2006 Sometimes people need to spend time with your children to see how autism/aspergers affects them. My FIL thought for ages that all Tom had up with him was a speech delay. In vain we'd try and explain all the other factors and how it was communication (nonverbal as well) and interaction rather than the number of words he could say , plus various other issues that had led to him getting assessed and then diagnosed. After a bit FIL went to accepting Tom did have difficulties but stated it was just down to him not speaking to us. Then he started commenting on other things. Last week he noticed how Tom didn't come to see us when he was off playing but was happy to be on his own. The thing is, is that when you live with your child day in and day out you see how their asd affects them. Someone who does not see your child as often as you can often come to the wrong conclusions. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bagpuss Report post Posted August 25, 2006 Jools, it must be so hard for you to go and relax You need a break though and your MIL wants to help....albeit in her own way. We are faced with really tough choices like this and there are no easy solutions. I hope you do go and have a lovely time and maybe your MIL may learn more about your son while your away If you do feel very uncomfortable leaving him have you considered the possiblity of going with a friend instead? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oracle Report post Posted August 25, 2006 Jools take a deep breath walk out the door and then enjoy yourself. You can pick up the pieces if necessary when you come home. And you never know it may go better than you think. No matter what she may be like she is a Mum herself and your kids will be safe with her. She may not understand fully and your daughter may have to help but she wont fail you totally. She wants to do this you need the break - and hell woman you are going to see Robbie Oracle Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mbrown Report post Posted August 26, 2006 Hi Jools, It is a pain when our close family members just don't 'get it'. I think you and Hubby have to take the firmest of stances with your mil, and lay down the law. What the two of you say goes. This is even more important as your boy is now on medication, she will be required to administer it. Maybe too late for next week but does your boy really need to stay with her? Are there any more accomodating relatives nearby like an aunt? How about a staying in babysitter/carer? It is sometimes possible to get Direct Payments from Social Services which can be used to pay for carers. Maybe something to think about for the future. Enjoy the concert you lucky people!! Mike Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jools Report post Posted August 26, 2006 thanks for the replies. hubbie is going to see her this week and have a word with her (again!) we are going to leave a list of do's and don'ts and hope she takes note of some of them. i know its hard for her, i just wish she'd listen sometimes. we don't have anyone else we can leave him with and i do know he will be safe so we will be taking caroles advise and taking a deep breath, walking out the door and enjoying ourselves......cos its robbie!!! but we will be returning first thing saturday morning i can pick up the pieces when we get back. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
noogsy Report post Posted August 26, 2006 hi jools go enjoy robbie.and try not to worry.your wee boy will hopefully put granny in her place if he really needs to.if he does go into a tantrum SHE will be sorry.i do think this is a comon problem that grandparents dont understand asd.maybe a booklet or information sheet just for the oldies in language they understand might be the answer.... love noogsy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
