Place to live

[star]

Would you think that a child with mild ASD traits would find life easier in a village environment or a larger town?

 

We're moving soon and I can't decide whether a bigger place is better - more likely to find friends with similar interests etc

 

or if a smaller environment would feel more secure. However, I'd worry that he may not be as accepted in a village where his behavior may stand out more and where everyone knows eveyone etc.

 

Cheers!

[jb1964]

Oh Star, that is so difficult.

 

We live in I suppose a small town probably 2000 people although everyone knows everyone kind of thing. My daughter has ASD but doesn't go out anywhere (very rare) or have any friends so I can't really comment on that side.

 

Having said that she has always preferred smaller groups everywhere - be it from in the house, shopping, school, holidays etc, and when there are too many people, too much noise and distractions etc she doesn't cope very well at all - so therefore I suppose a village school would be more suitable for my daughter if it had small classes - but again having said that each child is different and you say mild ASD traits - how does he cope with noise/people etc normally.

 

Take care,

Jb

[TheNeil]

Tough call. Living in a small town/village can be useful in terms of knowing everybody and everybody being aware of 'problems' but living somewhere larger would expose him/her to more things, have a greater chance of having services, support groups etc.

 

You could always try for a compromise and see if you can move to a reasonably sized town (instead of a city or sprawling metropolis). At the end of the day though only you know what he/she is likely to handle - not a great answer but...

[aro]

OK, this is only our experience! We moved to a small village (mum had moved there few years before) when dd was 10 months, well before any dx, all her "friends" have grown up with her and she is just the way she is, they all love her! We seem to get better services (though not enough still) than a friend who lives in the city we had move from!

However, shops in larger towns are more buggy/wheelchair friendly, automatic doors etc and there are more facilities such as tumble tots, swimming pools etc, if your child copes with these.

 

Our village school only has 2/3 classes so numbers can vary, think about 20/25 in class when dd due to start, so don't assume classes will be small, but certainly more of a community feel, HT will know every child (prob teaching them!)

 

I think age of child might be relevant,

 

but like I said, it's only my experience,

A x

[Lynden]

I agree with Aro - we moved back to my home village (around 1000 people) when Logan was 12 months so just when we were realising he had problems. All my daughters friends etc, and village people just tend to accept him as is.

 

We dont have the facilities that therey would be in a town though, although we have access to plenty in nearby towns.

 

Lynne

[Karen A]

We have never lived anywhere else other than London since having children.Ben has Asperger traits.I think there are pluses to being in a busy city.The services are ok in our part of London-I know others will disagree if they live in other areas.All the specialists are local-CAHMS is 10mins walk,good parks,leasure centre.If our child is a bit outrageous when out then we don't have to face people again-I can't imagine living in a village where everyone would know us It was still difficult to decide on a school but we did have several options.Yes it is more difficult coping with sensory issues in a busy place but Ben will have oppurtunities to learn, I grew up in a town and when I moved to the city it was a shock at first.We have so many oppurtunities to try things that might help Ben that we wouldn't have in a small village.I think it is an individual thing-some people here will probably think I am a bit Karen

[Canopus]

I think it really depends on the individual and what services and facilities they require. Comparing a big city with a rural hamlet is comparing two extremes and when finding a place to live you should take all possibilities into account. Areas that I don't recommend for kids with AS are:

 

1. Larger council estates dominated by blocks of flats. They can be very unfriendly places with lots of people who are hostile towards kids with AS. Other problems include noise, crime, violence, and a police presence.

 

2. Suburban sprawl. What I mean by this are large residential areas that aren't really part of another town or city. These areas have no community spirit and your kid will probably have difficulty ever making friends.

[Bagpuss]

We've lived in lots of different places due to dh and I having jobs which involved lots of moving. We've lived in quiet little towns and big cities. I think there are pro's and con's for both. In the city we found we were anonymous....I quite liked that, and found it easier to chat to other parents at school etc , because they too were in the same boat. I could keep myself to myself and chat to neighbours as and when it suited me. The kiddies had lots of friends, but only via school, and saw them if they stayed/went for tea or sleepovers etc. At the mo we are living in a town and have found that everyone knows everyone. All the parents I've met all went to school together and it can sometimes feel alittle isolating. However, here my kiddies (eldest two anyway) can play out. All the local neighbours know them by name, they have friends who live nearby, not just via school, and we've been invited to BBQ's and parties by our neighbours. Although if I'm honest sometimes I find this abit difficult. In terms of services provided, I've not found much difference, except I have to travel a little bit further and although i tended to use the bus when in the city, I would struggle here to get to all our dd's appt's via a bus and rely heavily on a car. I do miss not having everything on my doorstep aswell. I think it comes down to what sort of people you are and if being part of a community is important to you or if you prefer to stay anonymous. Also consider the transport issue.....do you drive or would you have to rely on the bus service. Hope this has helped and good luck whatever you decide...keep us posted

[Tally]

It really depends on the person. Some poeple like the quiet and isolation or rural life. Other people find it too cut off.

 

I live in a large town. I don't live right in the town centre, so we don't get noise late at night from drunk people or anything, but I am close enough to walk into town and get things I need.

[cmuir]

Hi

 

My take on this is that it's very much dependent upon the traits that a child has. My son can be very aggressive, hostile, violent, etc. Although he tries to socialise (sounds terrible, but in some ways I wish he wasn't sociable!), it usually ends in disaster. That sounds negative, but I really wish that we could just confine ourselves to the house and not venture out sometimes because it's easier! I live in a cul-de-sac where there's a mixture of old dearies as well as couples with young kids. I find it a nightmare. The neighbours just don't understand. Their kids are a bunch of nasty, bullying, little thugs who seem to spot a weakness, or at the very least, know the right buttons to press with Robert to set him off. My husband and I have been looking for a house for just over 6 months and having no luck. Put offers in for 2 ideal houses (offered over ?95k mor than the offers over price!) and didn't get them. They were both situated on a wide street, not directly overlooked and had large secluded and secure gardens. Just want someone where we can have privacy when we want it and also have company again when we want it. That's my ideal!

 

Best of luck.

 

Caroline.

[Flora]

I've lived in big towns and cities most of my life, until the last three years when I moved into a rural village.... not much in it for the kids to be honest! But from my point of view I feel much less isolated as it's a small community I've got to know loads of people and made some really good friends.

 

Flora