sue45

Hi Clare, Sorry you and your son are going through this awful time. Katkins suggestion sounded good to me. If you can somehow get over to your son that most things about school are the same as they were, to reassure him - especially any of the bits he enjoys, using pictures and imagery, it may eventually allay some of his anxiety brought on by the changes. It's probably a good idea to try to find a time when he's relaxed to talk to him about it, not when he's already stressed and anxious, and try to come across positively. I know how hard this can be when you're scared of making things even worse and I'm sorry if I sound stupid or that this just isn't relevent to you with your situation with your son. There have been times when I've had real trouble getting my daughter to go to school and many when I've given up the struggle because it's just too stressful for us both to get into such a state. Keep your chin up. Eventually things will calm down again. The attitude of your teacher doesn't sound too helpful. I think if I were you I'd concentrate on dealing with the problem with your son first and then go in all guns blazing when that's a little more stable. For now, you're having to deal with the fallout from the schools lack of understanding - when you're feeling stronger ie; all your energy's not being taken up helping to undo what they've attributed to, try to get back-up from the specialist your son is under. I hope this makes sense, and I really hopes things start to get better soon for you. Take care Sue

I haven't posted for a bit Paula, reading about that poor woman and her son made me want to touch base, so here I am. Sounds like you're having a s**t time - sorry to hear it. Keep your pecker up though, I'm sure there is hope. I'm having a few weeks of relative peace with my daughter and I keep thinking any day now she's going to go off the deep end, but so far so good. It's really odd because just a few weeks ago I posted on here desparate for help and got loads of support and good advice from people like you - and now it's almost as if we haven't got any real problems which is making me feel a fraud for stampiong my feet with the paed and also filling out DLA forms. Never mind. I know it's probably temporary and things'll head down hill again but it's given me hope for my daughter for the future - and for me. I really hope thigns settle down soon for you. Have a good old munch on the old rivitas- not much fun but better than gritting your teeth. And just think about the pounds dropping off... <'> <'> <'> Take care Sue

<'> <'> <'> <'> Good for you Hev, I'm so pleased you went and I hope you start to feel better very soon. Sue xx

Hi Hev, I think you need to tell it to your doctor like it is - as someone else has said. It does sound as though it could be panic attacks you're having, though if you've had asthma, I'm sure your doctor would need to check to make sure it isn't that. Panic attacks are really debilitating and you can feel as if you can't breath - or like there's a heavy brick on your chest. It's really scary. I felt exactly as you do last year when I was having panic attacks, that I had to just get on with things because that was just the way they were. Dealing with my daughter had just really got on to-p of me and I knew everything was down to me and that nothing was going to change that. DON'T BELIEVE IT! You shouldn't be feeling this way and you really do need some support Hev. That horribly desparate sensation you're having that there's no way out because Steve's the way he is and you just have to get on with it is being produced by stress. It's a vicious circle that needs to be broken and you need to get the help to break the perception you have of yourself being trapped in something that's never going to change. This was how I felt, and the way I was seeing things, in a totally desparate aand negative way. And the way i was feeling was actually making matters worse with my daughter because I was so on edge all of the time and jumping down her throat that I was exacerbating her behaviours. I felt if I loosened the strings, or let go a bit, I might unravel altogether and never be the same again. that keyed up feeling over a long period of time is really bad for you. Eventually, I went to my GP, blubbed like a baby because I couldn;'t speak without doing so, and got the help I needed. I can;'t tell you what a relief it was to start feeling like my old self - It's actually only when you start to get yourself back that you realise how low you were and how much that has affected your perception and thinking on just about everything. I'm begging you, Hev, please seek help. You're obviously suffering and the sooner you seek help the sooner you'll start to feel like yourself again. It;'s just taking that first step that's hardest, after that, you may find you start to feel better simply by reaching out in the right direction to ask for the help. Is there someone you trust who you could take along with you to see the GP? It can seem really daunting thinking about what you're gong to say, maybe you could write donw how you feel just to get you started? I really wish you all the best and hope you start to feel better very soon. Take care. <'> <'> <'> <'> Sue xx

JB, I'm not sure, either. After pushing the paed some more she has contacted family therapy and theyve agreed to give us an assessment meeting on 5th april (initially they'd refused saying we weren't a serious enough case- and when I spoke to the decision maker at fT, she told me their resources didn't match up with the amount of refferals they were gettign so it was only the absolute worse cases that were being seen. She kinds of said that as I was obviously a caring mother and they had lots of really disfunctional familys on their books etc, etc, Nothing I said swayed her decision, but thankfully, I did manage to get through to the paed how serious the situation is. I don't think any parent really wants to consider drugs for their child, but if the situation and the child's life has become absolutely intolerable, then it's a choice to consider. I think my own attitude to meds has been tempered by how much they helped me with anxiety and depression. They were a godsend - without them at that time, I'm not sure I would have managed to pull myself out of a very black hole. Our kids are no different - if they're suffering, they're suffering. If the situation got so basd H wasn't able to function, I'd definately consider her taking them. Sorry this is a bit of a confused waffle, I think I'm trying to sort thigns out in my own head about where I stand. Take care Sue xx

Hi Paula, Welcome to the forum. It sounds as though you're having an absolute nightmare. As Phasmid and others have said, dont sign anything until you get your report through and then take it from there. Keep posting, you'll get loads of support here and some very good advice from the likes of Phasmid etc, who seem to know the system inside out! I really wish you luck, and make sure the specialist knows how urgently you require your son's report. <'> <'> <'> Take care sue xx

Viper, your pain is so palpable I could cry. What you're saying reminds me of me last year. I struggled against seeking help thinking I would snap out of it - I ended up in a loo miles from home cracking up down the telephone practically screaming like a lunatic. A break down, nearly. Sometimes being the strong one also makes you weak because you feel you have to keep going and as that's what you've always done, you can't see why it shouldn't carry on. It's actually a strength though, to recognise when you need help, if you see what I mean - and that's exactly what you're doing by speaking to us, you're seeking help. Well done! That menas you've taken the first step. What jo said about not thinking twice about taking medication for something physical is exactly what my GP told me when I was reluctant to turn to drugs for help. She said if you were diabetic, you'd take insulin, if you had a migraine you'd take pain killers etc, What's the difference? And it's true. It sounds as though your husband had a bad experience on anti ds, that doesn't mean yours would be the same. I ws prescribed Serotonin and almost immediately felt more like my old self. The first week i was a bit more tired than usual, but i think that was as much as anything the relief after being so keyed up and feeling trapped inside myself for so long, of finally feeling I was getting back on track. After the first week I had no side effects at all, except I started to feel like my old self again. It really saddened me the way you describe how different you feel now to how you once did with your family - I was the same. I just wanted to run away forever and couldn't imagine feeling good about myself or my daughter ever again. It was such a relief when I started to see the good things about H and myself again. Please see your GP!!! Please, please, please! <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> Take care, you're a strong and capable person who just needs a bit of care and attention herself at the moment and you do deserve it. Sue xx

Hi Hev, Sorry you're feeling so tense. The others have given good advice so i can't add much, except to say, our lives are very stressful and it's pretty constant - so it's bound to take it's toll. I went through something similar last year, I remember talking to a friend who was trying to persuade me to go to see the GP - I kept saying to her, I know what's wrong with me, it's my life, my GP can't sort out my life for me so i've got to battle it out myself. I was in such a state I couldn't see that I needed help. Everything just kept going round and round in my head and I couldn't get any further than thinking, ...this is my life...I've GOT to cope...the GP can't solve my problems or take away the stress of dealing with H. And H was driving me insane. But i thought I'd better knuckle down and just get through it. That attitude nearly led me to a breakdown. I was VERY, VERY, wrong. Once I submitted and went to see the GP I felt better very quickly. Sometimes the first step to feeling better is admitting you're worried that you might not be coping, or you're really worried that at some point soon you might not. You probably ARE coping, and admirably, but it sounds as if the worry is just getting on top of you at the moment. Our bodies and minds have ways of showing us we need support, or help: the shaking you describe is your body letting you know you could do with some help. I hope you feel better soon Hev. Take care and let us know how you're doing. Sue xx <'> <'> <'>

Hi Kinky j, What an upsetting time of it you;ve had. I'm glad you seem to be getting it sorted out and feel you are being listened to by the ss woman. This is a great place to come for advice and support. Take care and I hope all goes well. Sue xx

Thinking of you <'> <'> <'> Sue xx

JenRose, sorry I'm a bit late coming to this post, i have to say I'm flabberghasted! How can they say "autistic traits" and not connect the other issues to these "traits". It's like dissecting an orange and saying the pith isn't part of the orange because the colour of it is wrong ...if you see what I mean...I'm disgusted they are blaming parenting skills when you're the ones who are there saying we need help! I hope the other psch treats you all with the care and respect you deserve. Take care Sue xx

Hi poppy and Jessie, thanks for the encouragement and advice. Hearing about other people's problems helps in that you don't feel alone, but it's also so sad that there are so many struggling. Have some of these <'> <'> <'> Sue xx

Hi mum22boys, I know where you're coming from with the school thing. I've had many mornings strife trying to get my daughter to go to school. Where we differ is that I haven't got someone telling me it's all my fault. I sometimes feel sorry for myself because I'm on my own but I see there is an upside to it - in my imagination, if I had partner it would lighten the load and I'd have support and everything would be that much easier,but of course that's not always the way it works is it? You have my sympathy. I'm sure whe he thinks about it he'll realise what he's saying isn't right. Take care, I hope you get some relief and things calm down a bit soon. Sue xx

Lancelot, I like it... I like it very much, I feel very like a PITBULL at the moment... and yes save it because they're (LEA) next on my hit list....Watch this space... xx

Thanks Curra - it's been an eye-opener. I think you're right, we're seen as cases, figures etc. It's woken me up from my stupor which can only be a good thing. All power to all Pains In Butts!! ...and have some of these yourself... <'> <'> <'> ..we need as much as we can get Sue xx