mummy

Hi all. My Asperger's son is 17. He completed high school and left with 9 GCSEs he has now been at college a year and is doing A-Levels. He chose his college because all his friends from school went there. He is now complaing he never has any money. his 14 yr old brother has a paper round and is quite independant, but AS son isn't. He likes to be at home. He won't even go to the city to meet friends because he is too scared a to catch a bus by himself. He knows he is isolating himself but refuses any offers of help to be more independant because I think he is not ready yet. He is on facebook all the time though! As for work, he doesn't know what to do. He has been to work with me a couple of times to do work experience (at a complex needs school) but won't go anywhere alone to even look for work as he is convinced he wouldn't be able to cope with going to work at a place he doesn't know or with people he doesn't know anyway. He just wants to be alone at home when he is not at college. He won't ask for help, won't admit to us he has a problem, but says he's not lazy and he can't help it. He is also very unhappy. He cries whenever my husband and I argue, he cries if either of us shout at his brother. Is this because he is feeling insecure and is scared of growing up. I don't know. I just feel so sad for him. He is only happy when he is playing tennis at the club behind our house with the old ladies. I am aware of the existence of 'access to work' but I dare not contact them behind his back but he does not want to make the effort. I am worried he will become a recluse when he leaves college Is this familiar to anyone else? How on earth do we help him if he appears not to want to be helped?

I agree with what has already been said. definitely try for a statement again. I'm surprised that he doesn't have one if he has 'severe dyslexia' as well as the other things you mentioned. How does he manage academically if he cannot read or write to the standard required? surely he must be entitled to some help for this if nothing else?

I was shocked when I read this post. The teacher giving away house to points to others kids for ignoring him? I think that's outrageous! Yes by all means a gentle reminder to them but how about supporting your son so he doesn't get into tht kind of state in the first place. Why has his quiet area been discontinued? In my opinion a time out card or a 'kit-kat' (have a break) table are vital. And I sincerely hope that the teacher starts rewarding your son for his good behaviour. What she is doing is humiliating him by drawing attention to his 'bad' behaviour. Is this not discrimination?. It is certainly very poor professional practise! You must spend some time with the teacher and your son together to find a way you can all best help him Find out what his triggers are and how these can be avoided, instead of trampling him when he is down. Good luck Mummy x

Willow I just want to say how sorry I am top hear how you have treated. Especially as they told you what to do i.e. get a doctors letter, and then when you did this it wasn't good enough. I hope your solicitor is a good one as your school are discriminating. I also hope that when they let you back to school they will take you aside on the very first day to fill you in with all the info you have now missed out on. I am thinking of you, let us know when it is sported out. Mummy x

Is there anyone else here with an aspie partner? If so how often do they change their obsessions? My hubby changes his about once a year and they have definitely been getting worse of late. He's had a family tree obsession, a having to be down the pub at a certain time obsession, but his latest thing is Star Trek! He is driving me nuts with it! Not only does he HAVE to watch it EVERY weekday night (either from 7 til 8, 8 til 9 on another channel, or both) but he HAS to watch it in the dark! lights off and curtains shut! I keep telling him it won't do his already poor eyesight any good but to no avail - he says he cannot bear reflections on the screen. It's really winding me up because his whole evening revolves around it. whatever we are doing HAS to stop when it comes on and he won't even respond to our children when he is watching it let alone me! No-one else then can use the front room, so I can't play the piano either. I have to answer the phone and sound a totasl twit when I say sorry he can't come to the phone he's watching star trek! If he tapes it he still has to watch it so he doesn't gain anything, and woe-betide all of us if I dare suggest he misses it. I am finding it really tough at the moment tho but he just can't see why I am so upset by it. I thought we were a family but this obsession seems to have taken over. I feel as if we both work all day but I still have to be there for the kids as he is unavailable so I'm tired too as he won't share responsibilities. anyone relate?

every child and every school is different. Our son didn't cope with nursery or playgroup at all, he cried every morning for the first three years of first school. we then changed to a different primary, a small one, where he made one special friend, he struggled with the change to high school and was unhappy for a couple of years because he didn't feel as 'safe' as he had in primary. but then he began to make friends, became involved in running the Christian Union and in year 11 became a 'buddy' to a year 7 class. He has Asperger syndrome, is quite bright, and doesn't have a statement. yes he struggled emotionally at times, but by the time he left this year he had lots of friends and now spends much of his time on MSN or facebook (he doesn't actually meet up with any of them but I'm not worried as he is happy) He is awaiting his GCSE results which are expected to be mainly C's with a view to going to college for A levels in Sept which he's not looking forward to. Mainstream was definitely right for him

whoops repeated post

Hi there. I'm from Norfolk too, just South of Norwich. Doin't know whether Asperger East Anglia may be able to help?

He did rubbish. an E !

My son (Aspergers aminstream and not statemented) is 15 (16 in July) He is in top sets for most things apart from Science where he is in set 2. He will be leaving school in 2 weeks and then just going in for exams. He has brought home some practise science papers but is completely unable to do them. It appears he is ok in the classroom where they are doing things all together but when it comes to doing his homework he is completely unable to apply the knowledge he has, to what is in front of him. He knows his formulas but doesn't seem to know when to use them and he also doesn't click that the same formula can be used for different calculations. I am having to take through each question step by step by breaking the questions down into small steps and then reminding him of which formulas/processes to use for each step. these are things he knows and can usually tell me but he just isn't able to know independantly when to apply them. i have spoken to his teachers and they say 'He's fine, he'll get a B or C - everyone freaks out when the exams are this close' they jusdon't seem to realise that he cannot do it at home, because he can do it in the class. Has anyone else experienced this Mummy x

We are just sitting down with our (AS but mainstream) son to fill in his college application. he is 15 and a half and will be just 16 when he goes. We have reached a question which askes about any LDs and specifically mentions 'Autistic Spectrum Disorder including AS' He skimmed over this question only ticking the 'I don't need any support' box. (He has got by at school with none and he is in top sets but we do input quite a lot at home .) He has never acknowledged that he has AS. He doesn't realise how different he is to other kids his age. he says everyone needs help with their homework and he has friends. Although he does freely admit that his friends think he's 'weird' After much persuasion we got him to tick the AS box as I feel that they ought to know just in case he comes up against any difficulties. I just wondered if any of you have any experience of how this information will be recorded in the college? and if any of you have children who are in denial? Mummy x

My eldest's wardrobe has shelves full of toys that well meaning friends and relatives have bought him over the years. He has NEVER played with toys. He is 15 now and people just give him money - that's what he wants. We have always played safe and ask him what he would like, that way we know he's gonna use it. Mummy

ADHD is a MEDICAL condition, that responds well to drug treatment like any other medical condition.If the child doesn't have ADHD then the treatment won't work. I don't think there is any danger of it being over diagnosed in this country - there are thousands of children and adults that are going undiagnosed and suffering with a poor quality of life as a result. by the way children with ADHD are not all naughty - this is a mis-conception.

Good grief you have well described my hubby there! We realised that he was on the spectrum though when our son was diagnosed, and hubby is quite happy that he probably has it too, it gives him a greater understanding of how our son thinks! We haven'y gone for a Dx though. he has a good job and is happy and I have learnt to live with his behaviour (most of the time) and make allowances. If you really want a Dx though there isn't a lot you can do unless he admits it and wants one sorry.

Have just checked and for some reason it went to your email address I have just resent it as a PM Mummy x