Feeling fed up and a failure

[mum22boys]

Need to have a good cry

 

Took M to a birthday party last night and as usual had to persuade and negotiate with him just to get in the car. At the other end he refuses to get out. I had travelled half an hour to get to this party and there was no way in rush hour i was turning back again. i tried everything - lets just take the present in and go, and lets sit at the other end of mc donalds so we are no where near them..... He got out the car screaming and kicking. twenty minutes later I get him into mc donalds but he just lays on the floor screaming that it's too noisy..... I'm sure you all get the picture.

 

I was exhausted and stressed from just dealing with it all. I look around and there are all these other children enjoying themselves with their faces painted and they are laughing and enjoying themselves. me, i've had enough, i have a child who can't bring himself to join in and the other mums are looking at me as if to say whats wrong with him.

 

By now he is in his own world and comminication has gone. Ten minutes before the end I manage to persuade him to at least watch the other kids play.

 

I feel so sad for him and I suppose if i'm honest for me also because i don't get to see him enjoy himself. I'm probably feeling like this because xmas has disrupted his routine and we have had a tantrum every day for the last week.

 

I am getting desperate for some kind of diagnosis but there is another 9 month wait.

 

Ok - feel a bit better now i've said all that.

[Kerre]

Why did you take him if he didn't want to go?

[smiley]

<'> <'> I know exactly how you feel hun <'> <'>

 

Keep your chin up

[mum22boys]

Kerre,

 

combination of things really. I am friends with the birthday boys mum so felt obliged to go also my other son was invited so had to take both. I also even though I know he can't join in am a great believer in perservering - stupid i know but i am finding all this very hard to deal with. I want him to mix so badly I feel i have to keep trying. Sometimes although he doesn't join in he does go to parties and just watch or look at a book so it's not all fights and tears. Also believe it or not he actually says he enjoys parties.....!!!!!!

[Kerre]

Sounds... bad.

[frances-mary]

Oh how familiar this sounds.

My son thinks he wants to do all sorts of things but actualy does nothing. I have given up actualy fighting with him, I am struggling to accept that he cannot join in with anything outside the house and now stays in his room all day. - It breaks my heart seeing him like this.

You arn't a bad mother we just have very special children. I wish I knew how not to compare what my son does with other peoples ....I am trying to accept that that is my problem not his, but it is hard.

 

Take Care

[lindy-lou]

aww <'> its so hard to accept that your child isnt going to do all things others just take for granted,we all expect kids to love parties but to some its just torture,i think a big part of being a parent of an autistic/ASD child is learning to view the world through their eyes and accepting that they dont see it the way we do,difficult and heartbreaking i know but they have to be able to feel comfortable in their surroundings,imagine if we were made to go somewhere we didnt want to be,that was loud and our senses went wild and we felt immensley uncomfortable,but on the other hand we have to try so hard to help them to fit into society and whats expected of them,so were in a tug of war situation,you cant stop your other boy from attending and you need to take your son with you,im finding out that if there is going to be change to indias routine in anyway, like tonight were going to hubbys work do,i have to talk to her about it and prepare her days in advance so she knows exactly what to expect and what we expect of her,doesnt mean it will work out ok but i think it does help her to be prepared for whats going to happen,i hope your feeling a bit better now,it takes it out of you i know,be strong hun x

 

lynda

[Flora]

You are NOT NOT NOT a failure in any way shape or form <'> <'> <'>

 

You are a loving mum trying her best to help her child enjoy life; sometimes our idea of enjoyment isn't the same as theirs that's all. That isn't your fault; it isn't anyone's fault. Basically, without these little 'ways' our kids wouldn't have aproblem but nor would they be who they are. Give yourself a pat on the back for doing your best; have a big sigh and pour yourself something to take the edge off the stress (wine or tea always work for me )

 

Lauren XX

[Paula]

My son hates crowds,never mixes with other children apart from the kids in his special school and only at school ect.

 

I used to feel so sad for him thinking well i enjoy parties and haveing freinds round or going out so why doesnt he and oh god hes missing out.

 

 

Then i realised that that was where i was going wrong putting what made me happy onto him.(if you understand)

 

What made him happy was being on his own,not mixing avoiding people he didnt need and doesnt need other people to feel happy i guess hes content and stuff being on his own or just with me his dad and sister. Id to sort of put muself in his mind set.

 

 

I do look out the window though and watch the other boys his age kicking round a football climbing trees and stuff and wonder what might have been.And i do in my darkest most private moments shed a tear.

[~Jonathan~]

My son thinks he wants to do all sorts of things but actualy does nothing. I have given up actualy fighting with him, I am struggling to accept that he cannot join in with anything outside the house and now stays in his room all day. - It breaks my heart seeing him like this.

 

I'm the same. I'm 32 and practically live my life inside 4 walls. It's not that I dislike going out, it's the fact that being around so many people and having so much external stimuli to deal with, that I am thoroughly wiped out plus when placed in situations where I am expected to talk, is so draining as to be unbelievable. Last night, my extended family arrived here for my birthday and I've slept all day today (getting up at 7pm) because I found it utterly exhausting. I have an allotment plot and tend that but always either very early in the morning or as it's beginning to get dark because I feel blanketed and therefore safe during those times.

[Guest hallyscomet]

You are NOT NOT NOT a failure in any way shape or form   

 

You are a loving mum trying her best to help her child enjoy life; sometimes our idea of enjoyment isn't the same as theirs that's all. That isn't your fault; it isn't anyone's fault. Basically, without these little 'ways' our kids wouldn't have aproblem but nor would they be who they are. Give yourself a pat on the back for doing your best; have a big sigh and pour yourself something to take the edge off the stress (wine or tea always work for me  )

 

 

I will second that, we have all been here so feel a group hug coming your way <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

Take care, you will find creative ways to help you and your child be patient. My son became a recluse for years and worried me, but all of a sudden friends were coming around and inviting him over, it was when I put him on Concerta a slow release form of Ritalin that he was better balanced and able to communicate a lot better, this helped his friendships dramatically. Risperdal has also really helped with his speech. Usually for kids 12 and over I think.

 

Hope this reassures you

 

Regards

Hailey

[lisann]

Hi

Firstly no you are not a failure you are a wonderful supportive mum who wants the very best for her children!!!

We aren't super human and we do try too much sometimes including myself.Somethings are never going to be and choose how much we try they in the end will cause us as parents and our children upset and anger!!

Can toatlly related as most of us can to the not wanting to be in a crowed place generaly most of our children hate it.Char refuses to do something and basicly we don't force him at one stage we did but we now accept this is how he is and we can't change that.

I think if I was you I would probably think I have given it a good go and it upsets them too much to go to parties etc.......

Don't feel like you are letting anyone down because anyone who knows you and your children will understand.You will probaly only end up letting your children down if you force them to go to something which causes great discomfort.

You are a super mum and don't let anyone take that away from you!!!

 

Lisa x