fiorelli

Thank you Cat. That must be such a relief for OCG! Hopefully people will be working WITH her now, and not against her. But what a horrible situation to be in, and one, I thank my lucky stars I have never been in, and pray that I never will be. OCG, once again, if you are reading, keep strong, we are all here for you, thinking of you and praying for you <'>

Bid, this only really came to a head this weekend. (i.e. this was the weekend where Louis was 'I get this at *resi* after my lunch'. 'XXX gave me the money to get that as I didn't have enough, if you want something and it is more than you have, they give you the money', ) so we haven't had a chance to talk to them yet. I am trying to work out what to say to them without sounding judgemental/having a go.

L started his residential placement on 10th September. This coincided with a new class, new teacher, a couple of new children in his class and a new headteacher. (enough to make even my head spin!). I have home-school and resi-home diaries that come home every week, and each week without fail, they say he has been perfect, not a problem, star pupil, Gold certificates for behaviour etc. etc. etc. When he comes in from school on a Friday, and goes back on a Monday morning, we try to keep as near as possible to the routine they have in resi - i.e. breakfast at 8.00am, 40 min activities, snack at 4.00, tea at 5.30, dressed for bed + quiet time at 7.15, supper at 7.45, bed at 8.00pm. However, all we get is tantrum/meltdown after tantrum/meltdown. Refusal to do as he is asked. Refusal to join in games, refusal to leave brothers alone - unless he chooseds to do either. at least 9 out of 10 words out of his mouth is a swearword or demeaning to others. I lost count of the amount of times he told me to 'F*** off, you big fat woman', or the amount of times he called my husband a 'f*****g, w*****r, B*******d, A*****le', and told us to 'get out of my house, I'm the boss of this house, not you!' He is hurting his brothers again. He has begun to expect things that he gets at resi. at home as well - doritoes and dips with milkshake for supper for example. Pudding after lunch, dinner and tea. Seconds, after having a full adult sized meal. treats every day. Sugar on breakfast. We send him in with �5 a week. �2.50 to do an activity (swimming/bowling/soft play etc), and �2.50 pocket money. Yet, he will come home with something that costs more than what we gave him. He even came home with something the week that we didn't send him with the extra pocket money because he had been so badly behaved at home. I am at a loss. This resi. placement seemed like it would help us to help him, but instead it is putting a lot more pressures in place. I know these things can take time, but as each week goes by I am getting more and more concerned that he isn't living how I would like him to, but maybe I should accept that is the way things are going to be as I was the one hat agreed for him to go there. At the moment, I feel like a really sh!t mum, as he is perfect at school, yet a nightmare at home, and I am dreading half term in a couple of weeks Well, my husband phoned resi yesterday at around 6.00pm. He had a long chat with L's keyworker about what had happened at home over the weekend, and the stuff that L has been saying. To clarify a few things. We had agreed that resi are (for the time being) going to give L consequences for his behaviours at home, in resi. e.g. if he refused to go to bed at home, he would go to bed early in resi. (The thinking being that he will eventually feel able to show his behaviours in resi so as they can see how they can best help him, and to take some of the pressures off us as he will not feel the need to act out so much at home. This is purely circumstantial though, and may well turn out to backfire on us big-time.) L knew about this and keeps having it reiterated to him. He has 3 targets to work on at home which he has chosen. He asked about the money, and he said that they didn't disagree or agree, but the subject was quickly changed - this we will keep an eye on. They apparently listed to everything he said (they were on the phone for around an hour). Louis was currently doing something else, so we were told that he would phone us back later after he was ready for bed. (his normal time for phonecalls. 8.00pm came and went (L's bedtime), and we thought that he had chosen not to call us because he knew that we had spoken to his keyworker. 9.30 the phone rang. It was L's keyworker. She apologised for it being so late to call back, but she wanted us to know what had happened. She told us that when Dad was on the phone, L was listening to (her side) of the conversation from around the otherside of the door, so when she came off the phone they spoke about what had happened. Louis apparently became quite upset and admitted he had told KW a lie (he had told them he had a good weekend with no problems). The Head of Resi raised his voice to Louis to show him how unhappy he was. (something that Louis was warned would happen - that S would 'erupt like a volcano' if this happened.) She said it took over an hour to calm him down afterwards , but she spent some time afterwards, putting some sort of closure on the episode, but letting him know that he still has some consequences to come, (going to bed early tonight, and losing 1 privilege both things agreed would happen in this situation). Apparently he went to bed a lot happier, with a smile. KW also said that she was having a meeting with school to go over their emotional literacy, as "the other children here, you can see when they are feeling anxious/upset/happy etc, but Louis shows no emotion. He tends to only show emotions when he knows it is expected of him, but then that is part of his ASD" Hallebloodyleuyah!, she wants to try and implement some stuff in resi to help him, as she feels that may be 'a lot' of the problem (i.e. not being able to show/talk about his emotions) So, we wait to hear from L tonight...

I was just thinking about OnlyCrazyGal, and wondering how she was bearing up. If you are reading this and don't want to post OCG, please know that my thoughts are with you. <'>

Louis has been invited to a friend's house to play tomorrow! He is over the moon! Everytime his brothers go out to play he says how unfair it is that he can't go out to play, and now it's his chance! Fingers crossed it goes well!

If you have a certain version of microsoft Outlook, you do have the option to recall the e-mail. I've heard of a lot of people doing it after sending e-mails meant for other people. Glad you have the ammo you need to get the LEA!

My Son, M is having a joint birthday party with a friend on Saturday, so I made a cake last night for it http://www.flickr.com/photos/9024253@N05/s...57602191337271/ M & B (his friend) haven't seen it and won't until tomorrow at the party. Do you think they will like it? (They are having a pirate theme party) (edited to change the link for the pics)

Louis was also exactly like this. We even resorted to putting a padlock on the pantry door as he would eat everything in there the day it was bought. However, he went to his father's in the Summer holidays, originally for just a week, but I had a phonecall that meant he stayed there for 3 weeks in total, 2 of which were medication free (as he had only taken enough for one week). When he came back home, he wasn't interested in food at all. In fact, he even started saying he was full up and didn't want any pudding, or leaving some food on his plate! He is now back on all his medication - except for Ritalin. He is still no longer saying he is hungry. We have been able to leave the pantry unlocked, and it hasn't been touched. It has been wonderful! Hope you find an answer soon. Fi xx

Hi Hev, Hope today has gone as well as it can, for both you and Steve. I know how you are feeling. We had our meeting today to finalise paperwork ready for Louis going in on Monday. I am not looking forward to that (even though L is!) Take care of yourself, J xx

Louis has come back from his 'father's' thinking he is a human beatbox, and that he is really good at it. Any ideas on how I can dissuade him from doing it as it is so annoying now (plus he got a warning today from his new teacher, on his first day back for doing HB noises) Help!

What do I say? There is absolutely nothing I can say that will bring any comfort to you, not matter how much I try. You are such an admirable person, and what is happening to you and your son is totally wrong. Is there any right of appeal? Can you see a different solicitor to get their views? Can you get another Doctor's opinion? Just to try and add more weight to what your original Dr said. Others have mentioned going to the papers/MP, but I know that childcare proceedings are to be kept 'private' and that there are serious consequences if found not to be. However, you may be wise to try and find out if that is still the case now that the outcome is 'certain' (i,.e. if there is no right of appeal), that way you can find out whether you can talk about the case without getting into any problems yourself. Keep stong. There will be a way through this, and we will be with you every step of the way. Fi xx

Thanks for replying. The holidays may have just got that little bit easier. Louis's 'father' has phoned and asked if he could have them for a week. It just remains to be seen if he picks them up...

(As that is when Louis starts residential school). I am fed up of having fingers pointed at me in the shape of guns, and then the noises to go with it as if he is shooting me. I am fed up of my younger sons getting hit/thumped/kicked/spat at, just because 'I didn't get what I wanted' (louis's words!) I am fed up of my husband having to come home, and the only words being spoken to him by Louis are demeaning swear words. I am fed up of the screaming and shouting and throwing things, all of which are being picked up as 'normal behaviour' by my 1 year old who is starting to copy. I am fed up of going to the fridge/food cupboard and finding no food there as Louis has eaten it all. I am fed up of going into a different room/hall/stairs and finding mess all over the place because Louis has thrown stuff around, just because he can't have things his way I am fed up of being shouted at. I am fed up of being followed everywhere - literally - I can't even go to the toilet without Louis following me and sitting outside the bathroom. I am fed up of having to hide myself in the bathroom for 2hours + just so as Louis will get himself into bed at night. I am fed up of broken doors (anyone know where we can get solid wood cheap doors from that aren't panel doors, that I can paint white?) I can't think of anything else for him to do. I have done baking, watching tv, playing gamecube, going to local kids play centre (lots of climbing/slides/soft play), done park so much he is bored of it, tried to do crafty things, but he has no interest.

Hi Mumble. Good luck for today! I know a little how you feel as I have to go to the dentist myself at 2.30 today. I have cracked a tooth, so have to have something done to sort it out, and that something can go anything from having to have a filling, to having a crown, to having to have the tooth taken out. I'm a little scared, as I don't usually have to have any work done at the dentist, so don't know what to expect. I am going to give myself a treat afterwards. Maybe you can do the same? Then we could come on later and compare how easy/bad it was, and how we can make it better for next time?

Where can I find out about support for siblings? Our local SS are next to useless Thanks.

Hope it all goes well for you! It's a hard road, but he'll get there <'>

My sister came on MSN last week and something I said made her phone me up. While on the phone, She informed me that they were going to come up on Friday, stay until Sunday, and that they were ordering myself and my husband to go out and spend a bit of time on our own having some fun. and they will look after the kids (6 in all including theirs). I said ok, but what do you want for tea on Saturday (when we would be going out), and she told me off! She said I'm not to do them anything, that they are here to help us, and not for us to feed them. So I said ok, I'll let you starve then (well, it broke the tension - I was pretty upset during this phonecall). I try and hide things from my sister, especially because, although we are quite close, she lives in Wales, and we live in England, so I don't want to make her feel guilty for not being able to help us out as much as she would like to. She make a comment that really make me well up though. She asked me why I hadn't asked for help sooner. My answer? Because I didn't want her to have to deal with Louis. She said to me 'But he's my nephew. I take the bad as well as the good. I'm not going to stop loving him because of his behaviours'. My sister really is one in a million, I love her to bits. Sorry to go all soppy, I've had some wine...

Thanks all. Of course you can smiley! (The Skools Out one L is going to isn't SN either). And yes, we must arrange a get-together sometime! (Does M like soft-playhouse type stuff - climbing/big slides/climbing/air guns that shoot soft balls into the nether/climbing - oh, and lots of noise...)

For some reason, I posted the OP twice this morning - strange! It went really well. He seemed to enjoy himself. The ladies all said that he was a superstar, and that if he wanted to he could come again on Friday for the full 2 hours, and that he was more than welcome anytime! He hasn't really spoken much about what he did, other than to tell me the bouncy moved really easily from side to side... I'm so pleased that today worked out ok for him. At least he now knows he has somewhere he can go to get out of the house. (That isn't the park, out the back, or JJ's!) At �4 for a 2 hour session, it isn't too bad, so he'll probably go to both sessions a week (if he feels up to it)

It was quite sad leaving him there. We both asked him if he wanted to stay. "Yes". B asked him what he likes to do, do she told him, but he kept looking at me, and I could see the confusion and apprehension in his eyes, so I had to say "I'm going to go, because the longer I'm here, the longer it is before you can start to have fun", and left. Thank you for the vibes. I'm going to pick him up in a minute (he's been there since 10.15), so I'll let you know soon how he got on.

I have just unexpectedly left Louis at the local 'Skools Out' activity morning. I took along my younger 2 children, one's doing tennis, and the other is going to the skools out morning. While I was dropping them off, a lady I have known for a long time came along, and said would Louis like to try and come. It turns out she is the lady that is a bit like a SENCO, only for the leisure centre. Louis is there for an hour while his younger brother plays tennis. If he gets on ok, then we'll see about him doing some more sessions over the holidays. They only hold them on a Tuesday and a Friday, but anythings got to be better than nothing! He'll be doing art and craft, bouncy castle, sports... I hope he enjoys himself and gets on ok!

As you know, we have had problems with Louis where school say he is a model pupil, and at home he is an absolute nightmare. A couple of weeks ago, Louis had his sports day. Whilst he did really well (came first in the 3-legged race!), he opted out of doing a running race, and all through the other races he was sat on the mat with his legs crossed tapping his knees constantly, then he'd bounce on his bum to another part of the mat and do the same. This was quite conspicuous because no-one else there was doing anything remotely like this. There were fights breaking out at different mats, or children all sat around in groups talking to each other or cheering on the races, and there was louis sat on his own, tapping. No one person asked if he was ok or took notice of him during all of the sports day (other than to call him for a race). Actually, no-one really took any notice of these boys that were fighting during sports day! For the last 6 months, I have been asking his teachers at what level is Louis working? What age class is he in. The answers I have been getting are 'I don't know, we'll get back to you.', and 'he's in the youngest class'. Louis is 8 (Will be 9 in September), and is supposed to be in Year 3 (Year 4 in September). At his parents evening last week, I noticed on his classroom door, a list of class birthdays. I noticed that everyone else in his class was 1 or 2 years YOUNGER than Louis. (This is very noticeable, especially when they do class photos as Louis's classmates only come up to his shoulders! And he's average size for his age group!) I also found out that they are working at year one level. I don't understand the logic. Yes, I know he is supposed to be havign a differentiated curriculum to meet his needs, but does that really mean he is supposed to be segregated from peers his own age and put in with those one or 2 years younger than him? He is supposed to be changing classes in September - Great, they are going to put him in a class with children more his own age - or so I thought, until I found out that, actually, 6 others from his class at the minute are going up with him, and 3 totally new children are joining them (there will be 10 children in the class). He is due to go up to high school in 2 years, but looking at what he is doing now, he is going to be nowhere near ready - both education wise, and peer-wise. I can't talk to his school about it because his head-teacher has left suddenly, and a new one will be starting in September. And his classroom teacher will not answer a direct question, and will just go on about 'how well Louis is doing'. I am worried for September. He is going into a new classroom. There will be a new teacher. There will be new classroom assistants. There will be new classmates. He will start boarding there during the week the second week they go back. He is still in a class where the children are younger than him.

Share your ideas and/or tips on what you are going to be doing with your child/ren both with and without ASD, to keep them from getting bored/anxious during the holidays and in the run-up to the start of the new school term. I am planning on doing lots of gardening while supervising the kids in the garden, come rain or shine - we all have raincoats and wellies, so no excuses. I also plan to make good use of the park 2 minutes up the road, and of the local children's play centre. I will also probably try and get the kids to go to the holiday club run by our local sports centre/high school. (Lots of sports, play, messy stuff) - need to book in advance with Louis - bit worried about sending him though as he has never been before, so don't know how he would act. Lots of baking. (I think we'll all end up fat by the end of the holidays!) I think I'm going to have to make some sort of weekly plan so as we all know what we are doing, and we don't just end up stuck in the house for the next 6 weeks. ummm, not sure what else...

It's Louis's Sports Day today (if they weather stays dry ), we were talking about it, and my husband said to Louis 'Break a leg'. That was it, hell was unleashed, tears were streaming down his face, he was shouting about how he didn't want to break a leg, and that dad wants him to break a leg. He managed to calm down when I finally got through to him that it is just a saying, and another way of saying 'good luck', and explained that it is usually used as a good luck saying for actors before they go on stage. It jsut struck me how literally he took this. I haven't seen it this clearly in such a long time, it shocked me.

I have received a copy of Louis's annual review. I am not happy . First thing to go wrong? They put the wrong house number on the envelope, so some stranger has opened and read Louis's report (although, I can't get too angry with them, as they did end up posting it through the right door) The report starts off listing Louis's: I am annoyed, upset, angry... I have not written the full report here, but basically it is all so one-sided, blaming me for everything, the word 'complain' appears more times than I have ever written it in my life! There is mention of my working in the evenings, but no mention at all of the fact that I gave up work over 2 years ago when Louis was getting exclusions from his school to try and help him, because I was advised to by so many people. I finally gave in and went back to work, in the evening 3 MONTHS AGO, when I know my husband - yes, Louis's step-dad, but the father of my other 2 children, unlike the report tries to make out - can look after the kids. She also say's about Louis's 'Dad' in the report, about how she thinks he should take more involvement. However, I have a situation where SS have now told me to seek legal advice to try and STOP them seeing him! She also says nothing in there about the things I have tried, the help I have tried to get, the courses I put myself on to try and help. I feel like poo. I am crying. I am so close to giving up. On everything.