fiorelli

Thanks. Well, we went along. Louis had fun, got rather sweaty and omplained that some "big boy in a white t-shirt slapped me". Me, I felt like nobby no mates. everyone else was in their groups talking at other tables (we were one of the first ones there and everyone else who arrived all sat at different tables). Ah well, might go again sometime, but won't break my neck over it.

It's a good skill to have! Good to speak to you finally!

Hi Julie, DAMP is Deficit of Attention, Motor Control and Perception. Have a look at this thread http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.ph...834&hl=damp if should give you a bit more info on it. Hope it helps. Fi xx

Thanks Smiley! Just PM'd you back. I really wasn't sure anyone woud work out my garbled message! Fi xx

Hoping I'm not breaking any rules... And I'm also hoping beyond hope that there is someone here that can answer this... Does anyone here go to JJ in B********ke on the last friday of the month? I've been trying to get hold of Paula to find out more, but no response to e-mails. Thanks, Fi xx

Had a phonecall from L's resi head careworker. Basically, he had recieved an e-mail from the LEA regarding my e-mail about our unhappiness about the annual review (I posted on here the other day about this). He asked if we had any problems with resi (no, we don't they seem to be doing what they can to help. We have a few niggles, but we live with them as they are little things (like giving him doritos for supper). I said that our main concerns are with the school, and although we believe that it is a good school, we don't believe it's right for L yadda, yadda, yadda. Then said about how we were concerned that L hadn't progressed in 4 years. He said that he had raised concerns about this himself with the headteacher earlier on this week. He also asked what we thought of the IEP, as he had issues with them which he also brought to HTs attention (e.g. they are not attainable, there is nowhere on them to note how the child is to be helped to achieve target, there is nowhere to note that the target had been achieved etc). Resi head has said that he is going to be on the case when they go back as he is concerned about it, adn that it isn't right. So, I was right! I was also right, I believe (at the minute) to give it another 6 months (at least then I can say that we gave them chance to prove they were helping him) Oh, and we have just found out that he is going to be in a class with children his own age and older! (so a class of yr 5,6 and 1 yr 7 pupils) And only 1 of which was in his class this year. We have been wanting this for so long as he has been in classes where everyone else is younger than him and almost half the size. (we believe this may be why his behaviour has been so 'exemplary' - he's been seen as the oldest, the biggest, the funniest, the most clever....) Maybe they will start to see a slight change in him? (why, oh why do we wish for the bad stuff sometimes?)

well, I know I have a shadow - but I have gained another one... L broke up for his holidays today. I go to the kitchen, he follows me. I go to the toilet, he follows me (but goes to his bedroom) I come on the computer, he sits next to me. I get a drink, he follows me I go and sit in the lounge, he follows me Now, I could cope with that normally, but the change in routine (i.e. him coming home from resi in the middle of the week) has meant that he is on a constant 'high', and as such, I'm constantly trying to calm him down, and stop him shouting at/annoying his brothers. I suggest stuff to do, he tells me 'I don't want to'. He says 'I'm bored!', I give him something to do, he yells 'I don't want to do that'. By God, I need a break already! Anyone got any suggestions to help him calm down?

But then if you 'question' the parents around your suspicions, then you may be letting on to a potential abuser that you are 'on to' them. This in turn could cause more problems for the child. The guidelines around these situations are very clear and are there for very good reasons. I have given my views on them on my post above, so won't reiterate them again.

I will start this by saying that I have absolutely no clue about the case in the OP. However, a few things have been brought up within the thread that I would like to give my opinion on. Unqualified Social Workers. Yes, there is such a thing. However, they are usually people who are trained to at least a level 4 (First year undergraduate degree, or NVQ4 managerial level), but do not have a 'social work degree'. My local authority is currenty advertising for what they are labelling 'Unqualified Care Managers'. These people will have to Training for all teachers/social workers gp's in ASD etc. Whilst, in principal, it would be brilliant to have everybody trained in the disability that my son has, what about all the others? I would also like to say that if that is impossible, then I would like 1 or 2 people to be fully trained in them. But then, if that is impossible, then how about the ability for people to contact those that DO know about these disabilities, the experts in these fields. But then you come down to the bare crutch of the matter. This is possible, but it's people's attitudes that are the problem. And not just for ASDs. If you go on any forum for any disability, I bet they are all saying the same/similar things. "I wish there was more information.", "I wish there was more help", "I wish more people knew about this disability", "They don't understand", "I feel alone", "Why isn't there more training"....I could go on and on and on, but I think you get the picture. I very much take the stance that not everyone knows everything about everything. I have been on the receiving end of abuse reports against L. I have fully supported the school in referring on their concerns to the relevant people. I have fully supported social services and the police in acting on the reports that they were given. Because, I know that I have done nothing wrong, but more than that, I know that they have the best interests of my child - any child at heart. If for every 20 people wrongly accused, there is 1 child that is protected in some way, then I feel that well outweighs they feelings of those other 20 people. As heartbreaking as it is to be wrongly accused, I would much rather know that SS/police/schools/GPs/neighbours etc are all looking out for all children. Yes, I understand that there are a few that are wrongly accused, and the case has gone 'all the way', but thankfully that is very rare, and only goes to prove how effective our system can be. Maybe I am blinkered in that Social Services were key in stopping something really bad when I was a kid, and when I was a teenager, I was put into emergency foster care for 2 weeks after I done something really stupid. Both times, they were looking out for me (and my siblings), and not looking after the welfare of the adults around me. But I do really feel that SS/teachers/gps/police all get a really rough ride when it comes to care of children. They are doing a very good job with the resources and understaffing that they have. Fi xx

Thanks for replying all. Smiley, I think you're right. It is the black and white that does it. However, it useually takes me to read something a few times, put it down for a while and read it again - or as in this case - have to write a report all out myself - to actually 'see' what the problems are. I think I might have started something that I'm not sure where it is going to end up. That paragraph above was preceeded by this one... "This meant that our list of questions were met with 'I don't really know... He seems to be doing ok.', or 'he is on track to get a level 4 by the time he comes to leave us', 'we would be looking at integrating into a mainstream school in year 6'. All of which left us with great concerns, as although we would love this to be the case, we simply cannot see how Louis can achieve this in less than 2 years and be ready to reintegrate into mainstream schooling." We also wrote this bit... "We would also like to take this chance to ask to have a 24 hour curriculum added to Louis's Statement of Special Educational Needs. For the last school year, Louis has had a placement within the L at *** School. We feel that this has been beneficial for Louis as it has given him opportunities to learn how to interact more appropriately with people both his age, and older. It also gives him good opportunities to learn how to live with other people. It has been a way of improving his personal goals as well as his educational ones. In Louis's Annual Medical Review, conducted by Dr ***** on 21.06.07, she says that ?There is a plan of trying to accommodate him in School L*** (Resi) and I feel that this might be very helpful in providing the kind of environment which will help Louis to feel less anxious in.? (we have attached a copy of this report). Due to the above, we believe that *** Special School is no longer the best placement for Louis. We are therefore looking to you to both add the need for a 24 hour curriculum to his statement, and to ask you for a change in placement." I am also in the process of trying to sort out a private SALT assessment. (I have him on the waiting list for NHS)

I had to write that letter to the LA about L's Annual Review over the weekend. At one point, I wrote about his NC levels. What an eye opener. I have never really looked at them all together before. In a couple of places, it very much looks as if he has gone backwards! Looking back at Louis's N.C. Levels for Reading, Writing and Maths, (as recorded in his reports, and Annual Review Reports) we see that in Year 1, Louis achieved levels; Reading 1B Writing P6 Maths 1A Year 2, Louis achieved levels; Reading 1 Writing 1 Maths number 1c shape and space 1b handling data W Year 3, Louis achieved levels; Reading 1b Writing 1c Maths number 1c shape and space 1b handling data 1 Year 4, Louis achieved levels; Reading 1a Writing 1b Maths number 1b shape and space 1a handling data 2 Year 3, Reading age 6.7 Number age 6.4 Year 4, Reading age 6.7 Number age 6.4

The money would get adjusted to when the child is at home. The weekly amounts get divided by 7. Each day or part day at home counts as 1 day. they then pay for each individual day at home. If home for more than a month, they pay an extra months before starting the deductions again. As for Carers Allowance, as long as you are still caring for someone for more than 35 hours a week, it doesn't matter if that is over the course of 48 hours, or 7 days. I don't know about anything else though unfortunately.

That lady was getting income support, which I believe you can get a disability premium for (hence why the benefits bod also said that the meeting should prove beneficial for her, as they were unaware of her disabled son). Also, with Child Tax Credit, there are also 2 elements of disability premium. You can get a lower premium for a child/you in receipt of DLA, and a higher premium if you/your child is in reciept of higher level of DLA. I believe they can backdate around 3 months. I'm not sure of the actual �'s, but they certainly add up. hth.

Short story... Beginning of February we had a letter informing us that L's Annual Review was being held on 14th February. 14th February, we went along to the meeting, armed with a list of questions/things we wanted to bring up. In the meeting, we found out that neither the class teacher or the head teacher were able to be present. Bang goes our list of questions. The deputy head then proceeds to read word for word what was written in their report. The couple of questions we did ask were met with 'I don't really know', 'he's on track to get a level 4 when he leaves' (with a full explanation with chart written on white board of how levels are structured - with 3 children in school I think I know that anyway) (what gets me is how he thinks L would be 'on track for a level 4' when he has only gone up 1 third of a grade in the 2 years he has been there! and as he only has 2 years left...) His Resi keyworker then said 'lets go over to *house* to discuss our report, and then we'll give you a copy. We went over there, but we are still waiting for the dicussion - and the report! 5 months later, and many "Have you sent us the report? Have you sent LEA the report?" later, I finally ring the LEA. Not only to find that L has moved 'teams' so has a new "principal special needs officer", but also that the LEA have yet to recieve anything from the school with regards to the Review. I explained to the lady I spoke to (in the right team) about the above, and how I have lost confidence in the school, not least because of this and the 2 incidents lately (foot-hospital saga, / underwater/lifeguard) where they didn't inform me of them until I contacted them. She mentioned Parent Partnership. I said that yes, I had heard of them, but that the lady that I was dealing with was very biased towards the schools etc rather than being there for the parents and the child, because, I felt, she was an ex-headteacher. I told her that I had used them for around a year at the beginning of the statementing process, and had gained my views during that year, rather than just from 1 meeting. She accepted that and left the subject. She then spoke to her boss, and the outcome is that they are going to chase the school for their report, and that we can e-mail in our views. This is where I need a bit of help from you lot. What should I write? How should I write it? Thanks!

Flora, don't get me wrong, I do strongly believe that he has to miss something in order to learn from it (IYKWIM), it is just the level of the meltdown that will be the problem, and you may well find me on here ranting about it in a couple of weeks. But no. He has to learn. We have to stick to our guns. This is going to be the 'thing' that we work on. I have a brilliant social story that someone has sent me that I can tweak a little to our personal situation, and that used with the reward thing... I WILL do this. I WILL NOT give in. I WILL NOT let his other behaviours sway my decision on this one. THIS is the behaviour that I want to tackle. ONLY this behaviour gets the stickers - or not. ONLY getting the required stickers will get the cinema trip. I WILL STAND FIRM

Thanks for replying all. I still find it strange that so many people on here have/are going through the same sort of stuff that we are... Bard, unfortunately, L can take or leave money, so that is a non-starter, and his playstation/DVD player are being held up as rewards for going to bed properly, he's not bothered with sticker charts, jars with stuff in that you put in/take out are also a no-go... actually, along with a social story (Thank you, you know who you are!), I think I AM going to do some sort of reward. He loves going to the cinema, He really wants to go and see Speed Racer (anyone seen it? Is it suitable? Gonna have to do some research on it before I suggest this to L), so I think I'll do some sort of visual thing, aim for 1 sticker an hour - he is up from say 6.00am till (Supposed to be 8.00pm...) but more like 11.00pm so that is....17 hours ...so he needs to aim for...7 stickers? on a saturday and sunday, (4 for a Friday night?) for the weekend, next saturday he comes home, he gets to go to watch Speed Racer at cinema. He gets the stickers for not baring himself for the hour. (would love to say baring himself AND breaking wind, but think that may be asking too much!) Sorry, type-thinking then! But what do you think of it, do you think it would be do-able? (My only downside to this, would be if he doesn't get the required amount of stickers, then he will still want to go to the cinema, and will have major meltdown when told no as he hasn't earned all his stickers...)

L has this new 'thing'. (well, I say new, but it has been happening for around 4 weeks now, but we have been trying to ignore it) He pulls his trousers and pants down to 'bare' himself. Sometimes it is for no apparent reason, others it is to get a reaction as he knows that we don't like it (bad move from us in beginning where we used to tell him off for it, we now largly ignore it and carry on as normal in an attempt to take the attention away from him doing it iykwim), other times he just 'does' it and laughs. We have tried talking to him in moments of calm that it isn't acceptable... That people could be offended... that he could get into trouble if the police catch him... that his bits are private... that no-one really wants to see his bits... We mentioned to resi (actually saying that, I'm sure I've mentioned it on here before...) about it, who told us that it may be in response to another child in resi who is going through some 'changes' and often walks around in the mornings standing proud (but doesn't know how to deal with it). How can I get it through to him that it isn't acceptable to be baring yourself to everyone? The other, which really is a 'new' thing, is that he will deliberatly bend over and break wind, or he will lie on the floor bring his knees to his ears (he is hypermobile) and break wind, or while we are at the dinner table... (I think you get the picture)... all are followed by the phrase "Cor, that sounds like a wet one! <snigger>"

Was thinking about you pingu. Hope you're bearing up in what is a very difficult situation. Please let us know how you all are if you get to read this. Fi xx

We don't get to see L's homework, or reading book, or find out what spellings he has, or find out what he's doing in class, or find out what he's done well in, or find out what spelling test results were, or find out what he's found difficulty with, despite asking for a quick note in his home/resi/school diaries. Apparently 'Another perfect day', 'another day in paradise', 'great week again', 'he's cooperated well with staff and peers' are all we - his parents - need to know... We don't even get the courtesy of a phone call when he's hurt his ankle and been taken to hospital to have it looked at, or be told that he went under the water at swimming and had a life-guard pull him out - I get these bits in an 'Oh, by the way...Before L tells you...' when I phone to speak to him of an evening while he is in resi... (sorry, bit of a rant there) Anyway, yes, it is becoming abundantly clear how behind L is compared to his brothers. L is 10 in September. Will be going into year 5. He is being taught his 2, 5 and 10 times tables (by rote I might add, apparently, he doesn't need to know that 2x5=10, or 2x10=20 - 2,4,6,8,10....is all he needs to learn to be marked as 'knowing' his tables....sorry, off I went again). His 8 year old brother (P) is in year 3. He knows all his number bond stories inside and out, he knows his 2,5,10 times tables inside and out, and knows his 3's by rote, and is working on learning them out of sequence. His spelling isn't great, but it is age appropriate, and is much more advanced than L's. His 6 year old brother (M) is in year 1. He knows all his number bond stories inside and out, and is getting tested on them today/tomorrow with a view to going onto his times tables next week. His spelling is really good. - L can't spell most of M's spellings. There is definately a clear distinction now between L's learning and his brothers'. As the weeks go past, the gap is gradually getting larger, and L is starting to realise himself, causing all sorts of self-esteem issues. Why is nothing ever easy?

I hesitate to go to all family events, but then I remind myself that L is included in this family. We agree to go, but remind the host that we may have to do something, whether that be taking L for a walk somewhere, having use of a quiet room, or even, at last resort leave early, but ask the host not to be offended. (They never have been) I suppose we are lucky in that the people who we do socialise with have seen L in 'action' so know what he can be like. They also listen and trust our judgement (mostly - I think you'll always get at least 1 person who thinks they know better than you). I think the fact that ASDs are so prevalent in our family amongst my siblings and cousins helps. (although I really do wish that we lived closer to my family sometimes, just for the daily/weekly support rather than just the few-times-a-year-outings/dos)

Well, I'm back. (school is 2 minutes down the road, and meeting was at 8.15am, school starts at 8.40) It was a good meeting. (P was sat in the school library sharpening pencils for the SATS happening this week) I hadn't realised, but his teacher was in the meeting as well. I had to explain everything again to the SENCO, and she asked if there was anything they could help with in school - and suggested lots of positive praise, in a bid to try and up his self esteem. Teacher told SENCO about how P's moods have changed within school since the beginning of the (school) year. About how he always used to come in telling about his weekend, but now won't. About how he is quite withdrawn whereas he was quite forward at beginning of the year. She also said about how P says that bruises and scratches L gives P are from 'play fighting'. SENCO also said that yes, they can help. There is a choice of 3 avenues. 1. ELSA (Emotional learning support assistant), who is trained by the Educational psychologist to help children with emotional problems. She did however, stress that the ELSA was not a counsellor. She also said we would need to think about whether we wanted to really bring P's problems directly into school. (especially as P is at pains to try and keep it away from school) 2. Counsellor. There is a retired teacher from the school who is a trained counsellor. She has worked for Relate and Relateen. This teacher has offered private counselling to children within this school on a voluntary basis (meaning that we wouldn't have to pay for the counselling). It would be arranged with the counsellor where the counselling would be help, at home, at school, elsewhere. 3. CAMHS. We would have to go through the School Nurse (who is brilliant, gets things done and fairly quickly, have had experience of her in the past) for a referral to CAMHS. This would be for emotional support for P. Downside to this is that there is a long waiting list, so wouldn't be able to access until at least the new school year. (Would get process in motion now if we wanted this). I am thinking 2 and 3. 2 to get some immediate support for P, while 3 is getting sorted out. (1 and 2 are not possible because of conflict of interest between the 2). I felt a bit bad actually at the end of the meeting, as I looked at his teacher and her eyes were all puffy, red and weepy, as if she was going to cry. (I had already started but stopped myself before tears a couple of times - I am dreadful for crying!) SENCO asked if she could pass what we had just talked about onto P's new teacher for next year. Yes. and also told me to use her as a 'constant'. I have actually come away quite happy that the SENCO hasn't just poo-pooed everything, and washed their hands of P saying there isn't anything they can do.

P. You may remember my post of the other day about my problems with L's younger brother P. Well, I had a meeting with the class teacher who seemed to be slightly shocked at some of the things I was saying to her (mostly regarding the levels of P's mood swings) - However - she did say that he has them in class, and that they have noticed a change in him from the beginning of the year to now. We have an appointment with the SENCO this morning to discuss this. Am hoping that she'll be able to open up a few doors for us. Will let you know how I get on later. fixx

Thanks for replying, Zosmum, that is a good idea, and I am looking at some things that P can do at the minute. He has several things that he has asked to do, but as we live in a tiny town, the waiting lists are quite long for children's activities, adn the cost means that it isn't always feasible. I has the meeting with his teacher today, she agrees that his moodswings are a concern, as is the change in his ability to want to do things in school. She is going to speak with the SENCO and see what avenues there are for support for P. She is going to let me know on Monday.

Thank you all for replying (sorry I'm late to come back to this). (for clarification, L is 18 months older than P) Baddad, I think you may be right. He probably is resenting his role in the family, and to be fair, I don't blame him. I can understand where he is coming from, but that doesn't mean that he can or should get away with some of his behaviour as it stands at the minute. We try and keep discipline the same through all 4 of our children. We have our rules that are there for all of them, they have by and large been successful for us and the children. We try and keep constant with our rules and chastisements, and my husband and I present a united front so as the boys know that they cannot play one off against the other (believe me, they have tried!) We also make sure that we reward all the good behaviour, so it truly is a 2-way street. We are not perfect. I know that. We may stray from our 'rules' depending on the situation. We had the closure meeting yesterday with P's mentor's manager. We discussed P, and as a result, the manager is going to look at whether it is possible to extend his mentoring for a few months to deal specifically with P's feelings at the minute. The manager thinks that some of P's behaviour may be due to the fact that the mentoring is coming to a close after 9 months (the scheme has not been given the funding to continue it's work in our area), and that the closure may not have been carried out as well as it could have been. Kazzen, I asked at the school reception when the school nurse would be coming in, and they gave me her phone number. As yet, I've been unable to get hold of her. Mummy, you are right, we do need some outside help. But it is a case of where on earth do I start to find that? But I do have an action plan... I am seeing his class teacher tomorrow after school I am trying to to contact the school nurse to get her thoughts and advice (she was pivotal in helping us get L assessed when he was in yr R/yr 1) I will be speaking to L's CAMHS psychiatrist in August and picking her brains I am looking at finding ways to do things specifically with P so as he gets some 'special' time. I am continuing to reassure P, and tell him I love him, and here for him to talk to. I am trying to spend some time every day focussed on just P. (I am actually trying to do this now with all 4 of my boys) Several people now have asked me whether P has 'some of what L has got' or 'how old is P now? You do know that at the age of around 9, Aspergers is usually diagnosed?' (P's mentor's manager!). I'm beginning to wonder whether to push for an assessment just to rule it out...

I have a problem with my 8 year old. I am not sure whether it is; a) 'normal' 8 year old behaviour, b ) 'normal' boy behaviour c) attention seeking behaviour d) copycat behaviour e) behaviour due to the things he's had to deal with for the last 8 years. f) a combination of some/all of the above. g) hormones My 8 year old 'P' has always 'suffered' at the hands of L, when L is in a meltdown, P is the one who knows about it first. P is the one that has the scratches on his face, the bite marks, the pushing, the swearing - I think you get the picture. (There is 18 mths age difference between L and P.) Usually, this all flies over P's head and he picks himself up and carries on. He has a wicked sense of humour, is very funny, kind, thoughful, cuddly, loving, but lately, his attitude is changing. He has terrible moodswings, one minute he is the above, next minute he is shouting, swearing, refusing to do as we ask, next he is in tears saying he wishes he was dead, he has deliberatly banged his head against walls in front of me. He used to go to bed really well at night, but now will stay up until around 10pm making noise and aggravating his 2 younger brothers, keeping them awake. He also knows which buttons to press to get L to fly off the handle, so does that often (which in a wierd way is good for L as he is learning how to walk away and ignore P) He says he has no friends in school, but on talking to his class teacher, she said that his friend network is good, that there isn't a problem with behaviour in class, other than he could work a bit quicker! He has also been invited to a couple of birthday parties and invited round to a friend's house. Talking to him is no use. He either clams up and doesn't say anything or shouts at us that there's nothing wrong. I try to give him extra time, make sure I give him lots of hugs and tell him I love him, I also make sure that I tell him that I am here for him to talk to should he need to, or if he can't talk to me, then to talk to someone in school (there is a good set-up in their school where they have a group of 'listeners' - some year 6 pupils and teachers, and have 'worry boxes' where they can write a note, and put it in there and then their 'worry' will be addressed by the appropriate person). We have an appointment for L in August with CAMHS, so I am thinking of picking their brains while we are there and seeing if they have any ideas.