Flora

I wouldn't recommend the going away option, hoping it had all stopped happening in her absence! Tally, you could go round and introduce yourself be friendly. Then if it is still happening in a couple of weeks time, then you can go and ask them if they could please prevent their dogs from cr@pping in your garden (well you could use a different word but YKWIM!). Do it with a smile and follow it up by asking them how they're all settling in after the move etc. That way, nobody can accuse you of not having been friendly. Tell them that you work nights and sleep through the day which is why they may not have seen much of you. You wouldn't be actually 'complaining' so they'd have nothing to hate you for (unless they're are totally unreasonable neighbours from hell and in which case they are going to hate you anyway!), but hopefully if they are reasonable, then they will take the hint. I don't think going away, wearing ear plugs, or ignoring the situation for too long are viable options. Ear plugs are uncomforable, you shouldn't have to wear them. You should decide when you want to take a trip, not your neighbours! Hope it all blows over. Flora

Hiya mel I totally understand that. It's hard enough moving kids around, but to move him when he's already started his GCSE's would be worse, I know I wouldn't want to do it. I also don't blame you one little not wanting to take on our LEA I think you're right in deciding to keep him there, and you'd be best using your energies to galvanise the staff/outreach etc at the unit to come up with something. Actually, I've just had a 'light bulb' moment and will pm you. Flo' X

Mel, You probably really don't want to move Jay again, and that I would understand particularly considering the stage he's reached in his education. However, I'm still thinking that school you have to drive past on the way to his school (the one I told you about earlier this year) is a viable option for Jay. It's a shame thought that there aren't more kids in the unit that he can relate to. Makes you wonder why that is though? Is it because the unit on the other site is so small? Flora <'>

Annea oh wow, that sounds like an ordeal. My hearing lasted for 61/2 for the offical hearing, but nearer 8 if you include the pre-hearing conference. So 8 hours of hearing must have been blinding. I hardly dare say it, but it all sounds so promising. Did you get any inkling of the outcome at all? Sometimes the panel give away a lot through body language (the two 'wing men' kept winking at me!). You never know you might hear earlier; they told me to not expect the decision earlier than one month... but I actually had the decision 5 days after the hearing. Will be Flo'

Hiya, I think there are some members with babies. I know at least one other member who announced recently she is having a baby in February. When is your baby due? Flora

They look like lots of tiny little 'Brians' off the magic roundabout! Flo'

I've been scrambling around looking for this tiny fm radio I got out of a christmas cracker so my dd can listen to the coverage when she's at school. I've kind of not taken any notice of it tbh. I can't see how a few people in a big lab or bunker or wherever it is they are conducting the experiement (see I really do know nothing) can possibly bring about the end of the universe. It just doesn't make sense. I'm guessing there will be a little pop and a fizzle that will only be heard by those in the immediate vicinity, preceeded and followed by hours of waffle and hype. Flora

Mel <'> Reading this was horribly familiar Mel, perhaps you need to get a bit firmer with the staff in the unit. They need to understand that just because Jay isn't giving them any problems it doesn't mean that he is 'fine'. I had this for years with Bill (as you know so won't go into all that now). I think you also need to take Jay to see the GP to see what is available to him from a medical point of view (at least for a referral to CAMHS so you can discuss the options). You must be absolutey frazzled and full of angst. Flora <'>

I quite like taboos...... I have one of a small heart on my left shoulder. Sorry... I'm sure that was a bit crass and way but I couldn't resist. So and I'll just scuttle off back to the silly section. Flo'

Mandy, That's great news about the school, though frustrating about the residential side (although at least it's temporary). Hope everything goes well and that your daughter settles in and enjoys the school. Best wishes. Flora

Gosh Tally... reading that almost shamed me into digging out my old reeboks (which are so old they are probably obsolete). Flora

That's great Clare I'll tell Bill to look out for Connor. Flora

This reaction could actually work to your advantage (as long as he doesn't decide that it's become a useful tool to use when he wants his own way... sorry for putting that in... but it does happen... but hopefully you'll be able to spot the difference). The fact that he was shocked at your reaction can be used to make him realise the enormity of what he was attempting to do. Tbh, in those sort of situations (and I have been there with my own son) I'm all for putting a bit of fear into them about the possible consequences of their actions. I know with my son it became apparent at some point that he hadn't quite grasped the fact that 'final is final'... a successful 'attempt' would not be something anyone could undo. Until we had this conversation I honestly don't think he had quite grasped that. It hasn't stopped him still 'visiting' these ideas when he's in a temper or extremely upset... but I'm hoping with repetition of the same message these incidents will eventually be a thing of the past. It's good that you are talking, communication between you and your son is the key to changing his thought patterns on this scenario on a cogntive level; the results of this might not be immediate when he loses control of his emotions... but will stand him good stead eventually. Flora <'>

A very useful consequence of a dx for adults (those with 'normal' cognitive ability especially) is that it can be used as a sort of map to identify previous misterious areas of difficulty. This is how it helped me. Prior to dx I just quietly assumed that the difficulties I'd experienced all my life were due to the fact that I just simply wasn't able to function as well as other people in some areas. Now I can identify those difficulties and either work out solutions, or (more rarely) just accept that is something I can't do and avoid it like the plague. I don't advertise this to anyone around me, I just quietly work it out and decide what to do. As said I think the key here is cognitive ability and outlook. You have two choices (as an adult).... be a victim to it... or work with it. I chose the latter. Flora

Chris, I'm not sure if they've been mentioned in this thread (I'm still too bleary eyed to read through the whole thread again).... but there are books available for children to help them understand ASD. I can't remember any titles off hand but if you search the NAS website you will find them on there. Flora

Kathryn, I bought some elastice laces online. I haven't used them yet because he had a break through and I didn't want discourage it. I bought white one's, but you can get them in black too, which you'd probably need for football boots. If you were thinking you might like some let me know and I'll pm you where from. Flo' X

I don't believe a mental health nurse is qualified to make those sort of decisions. Perhaps you could go back to your GP and ask for a referral to a paediatric clincial psychologist, or a paediatrician,or the local CAMHS team. An hour or so spent playing with someone who isn't qualified to make a diagnosis is not an assessment. Your GP must be mistaken if he thinks that this is the only cause of action available. If you don't get any joy from your usual GP, is there another GP within the practice you could ask to see instead? Or if not could you switch GP's to another surgery? Flora

oh my... this is funny. The vet should've checked, but I'm guessing he's one of those 'tempermental artistic' types who stands there all gowned up while the nurses bring his subjects to him! I wonder how far he got before he realised the rabbit didn't have the right credentials Flo'

Hi Kathryn, will be that things go well for L today. pampering? Well I've just had the dogs out and am now covered in mud. Soon as I've had my cuppa I'm going to have a shower.... that's about as far as my pampering goes Jsmum. Best of luck with Js visit to the school... I hope he likes it and that they can offer him a place During the weeks/months leading up to the tribunal I was so focussed on the hearing etc that I barely gave the emotional feelings about Bill going to resi a second thought. TBH by the time he did start at the school I was completely numb! I had no feelings at all... I think it was just a reaction to all the trauma. Once that had worn off I did have a few moments of guilt that he wasn't at home during the week, but I was so convinced that the right choice had been made that it was over clouded by rational thoughts IYKWIM. I think when I had the weepy moment last night it was due to a sudden overwhelming flood of emotion encompassing every aspect of it. It's different though, because Bill is a few years older than your J, and that really does make a difference. It's perfectly natural though for any parent to feel like you do, so don't worry that it is a sign or anything... because you are doing the right thing. If you've got any doubts just focus on his future and what your hopes and dreams are for him, that'll get you through it. Flora <'>

Hi thanks all for your replies. <'> All fine this morning, no tears or tantrums.... Bill was fine too Fiorelli... hope your son has a good first day too. Bill also has new teacher, new assistants. They sent photos of them so he could see what they were like and he just sort of said 'oh right' and hardly looked at them! I did try the 'she looks kind', and 'she looks pretty', etc, but he just wasn't in the slightest bit interested bd... if you smooth shirts with your hands when they are still wet, hang them on a hanger to dry, then you shouldn't have to iron them at all! I don't iron anything now... apart from my hair Flozza

I think it depends on the age of the child too. When I told Bill it was quite soon after his dx and he was just turned 9. I didn't do the sitting him down thing. I just waited until the moment felt right and told him. I can't even remember the words I used. A word of caution though: Not sure how many others have experienced this, but after I'd told Bill and he'd absorbed it, he started trying to use it as an excuse... he would yell out a plaintive 'I can't help it... I've got a diseeeeease' Again I can't remember how I dealt with this either (it was a few years ago now), but I did quickly nip it in the bud. Flora

I won't be able to come (now don't cheer too loudly... I do have some feelings you know! )..... BUT anybody who is wavering on this I can't recommend enough a December visit to York. When I lived in Newcastle I went there every December because York, in December, IS what (to me) Christmas is all about. Flo'

Vaseline..... You can make a candle out of vaseline. All you need is a bit of linen, a saucer, a tub of vaseline and a button (NOT a plastic one!). Would be very useful in some situations I think! Flo'

Bill is going back to resi school tomorrow (first day back after the hols). I've been fine about this until this evening when I packed his case and I suddenly became all weepy I'm hiding in here (little office thing where I have my pc) so that he doesn't see me all teary. Flo'

Hiya, I have no idea if it is common or not. however, the advice I would give would be for the teenager to be taken to see their GP. Also this link has a list of mental health resources. Further down the page there is 'Young Minds' which may have some useful information. Flora