Flora

That's interesting. Another good herbal remedy is bacchs rescue remedy (or recovery remedy, depending which brand you buy). Flo'

Really chuffed. Just had a call from Bill's school (head of education) to ask how his summer is going and how he is feeling about going back to school. She also said to 'send him her love and to say they are all really looking forward to seeing him again' . She told me that he will be in a class of 4 other kids and that they won't expand his class at all, and that in addition to the teacher and TA which all the classes have, they have employed an extra TA just for him to help him integrate. They are sending out packages to all the kids with their IEP, timetable, photographs of all the teachers/TA's they will have and photos of all their class mates. I was starting to get pangs of angst about him going back and that call came just at the right time! I've passed the message on and he said 'yes, yes, all very nice, but I really don't want to think about school until I have to' ...He has such charm, I don't know where he gets it from!! Also got Ben starting secondary next week... and feel really about that. Anybody else starting to get the jitters about the looming of the new term and particularly those with transitions? Flo'

bid, I think you should definitely apply. Getting lower rate care for your two with allergies would be perfectly reasonable and would cover some/all the costs and reflect the amount of time, planning etc that goes into catering for them. I've seen the lengths you have to go to and I think you should apply. One of my friends has a 9yo with severe food allergies (every kind of nut, eggs and something else recently added but can't remember what) and I'm forever telling her to apply. It's different when they are babies and toddlers because everyone is going out of their way then to cook special food anyway, but yours are getting older now. It's a medical condition and people do get DLA for severe asthma, epilepsy, diabetes etc... it shouldn't be different for the life threatening multiple food allergies your littlies have. Flora

I know exactly how you feel <'> My 16 yo daughter is exactly like this so I know where you're coming from. I'm quite finickety about things and she's the opposite. She has a laundry bin in her room but all her clothes are scattered from when end to the other. She has art projects, course work, makeup, cd's, apple cores, banan skins, sweet wrappers all over her floor. Every so often I blow a gasket and make her tidy it... but she's hopeless at tidying it so I nearly always end up doing it for her (I know I shouldn't). You can actually follow her trail with the apple cores and I find them in the most unlikely places. Teenagers!!!! I can't really complain though... in every other respect she's lovely and has reached the age of 16 without us having any rows. Flora

Hope you have a lovely time Sallya. I love the IOW.... I was supposed to go there today but have had to cancel because I've got appointments that cropped up this week Flo'

The best one's that I'm aware of (having taken advice from a couple of computer whiz kids) is the one that you can only buy online (not available on the high street) and rhymes with BELL (a D instead of a B ).... for performance, reliablility but particularly value for money....... you can't beat 'em (apparently) Flo'

Kathryn, so glad to hear you had a good time. I lived in Scotland for 3 years and my youngest son was born there, so I have an affection for it! This doesn't surprise me at all... there is something about the city that does that... can't put my finger on what exactly, maybe the castle overlooking it all or something... Well done for the fringe... will you go back next year?? Flo'

One of my cats loves poppadoms! Also sweet mince pies, maltesers and rice crispies! Flo'

oooh what you said about CAMHS really struck a cord here. My son used to do ask me to stab him... has done on many occasions. He used to say 'I'm too scared to do it myself, you stab me, just stab me', usually in the middle of the night when there really was no one to rely on but myself... it was absolutely horrible and like you CAMHS didn't take it seriously. We had one consultant who rightly pointed out that it was blatantly obvious that the stress of school was bubbling over into stress at home etc and eventually with their support we got a statement. However, at some point that consultant got 'nobbled' by the LA because what she was advising was going to cost too much money and the LEA's solicitor (in preparation for the tribunal) managed to get her to say I was putting words in my son's mouth, which was absolute twoddle. It's not a nice feeling when you know they are wrong; it's equally horrible when you are relying on some of their evidence to help your case, but don't like some of the other 'evidence' they come out with; it feels like cherry picking when in fact they are responding to pressure from else where and you're just collateral damage in that process! I am still dithering over whether to make an official complaint about my son's ex consultant, but don't know if I can be bothered. My solicitor and barrister said they had enough information to throw the book at her but I really don't think I've got the stomach for any more battles just now. Hope you can get some help and that they do actually listen... I gave up on CAMHS long ago. It really is a post code lottery as to how effective they are. Our first consultant at CAMHS before we relocated was marvelous; he really was on our side and spent quite some time helping me come to terms with things.... I didn't realise how lucky I was until we moved! Good luck with the appointment. Flora <'>

That's ok SG, some things really are hard for some people to overcome easily. There are many books out there on interview technique, also some colleges run short courses on practicing interview techniques. I went on one about 17 years ago and found it hugely helpful (it was a one day course). I used to shake my way through interviews (literally shake and tremble like a leaf) and babble incessantly. Somehow I have learned to curb the shaking, although I still tremble inside and babble a bit but going on this course for 'interview technique' was one of the best things I ever did. Flora

Absolutely it is important, and you shouldn't be slated bid because what you have said is reasonable, makes sense, is logical etc etc. People need to understand that being an adult with AS doesn't mean that you're disabled or can't live a relatively fulfilling life. I think it's particularly important for parents to get that message, it gives them hope for their children. I am not suggesting giving people false hope or unrealistic expectations or painting a rosy picture. Some aspects of my life I find hellishly hard and some of them I've just had to learn to accept... I find them hard... end of story (ditto with Bill); but there are things we can do to help ourselves, and particularly things we can do to help our kids to make negotiating at least the predictable problems relatively straight forward. Flo'

Lisa, you said: as if I had said this, but I never said this. What you have described is not collusion anyway, but just to be clear the type of collusion I refer to is when two parties agree to a certain strategy although they don't actually have to overtly agree to that strategy, it just happens naturally.... So no planned deception just a 'tacit collusion' to handle something a particular way. What you have described isn't collusion, however if a person is stubbornly not learning the skills, or avoiding negotiating obstacles and someone else is supporting them in this, then that is collusion. I don't know where you got that impression from, but certainly not from me! I do not expect my son to be perfect, nor do I profess to perfect either. I totally agree with the 'condescending' bit, but somehow suspect we aren't thinking of the same posts! I believe that my opinion as an adult with AS is as valid as anyone's, but somehow don't think it will be viewed quite that way by some of the posters in this thread C'est la vie! Flora I have taken the unusal step of moderating my own post to remove a sentence that could be interepreted as a personal ciriticism although I must add it wasn't meant as such.

Lisa, In some respects I agree with this: Early intervention, guidance, therapies (OT, SALT etc) can make a big difference to addressing some of the difficulties. However, we still don't know how early dx of AS will benefit children into adulthood because of the relatively recent use of AS as a diagnositic label; there simply aren't enough adults who fit the criteria of 'adults who were dx as children'. After a child is dx it's a natural reaction for some parents to stop 'challenging' that child's limitations. I regularly see parents excusing nearly all their child's limitations and behaviours as 'because of their AS'. I'm not saying that the understanding shouldn't be there, but some parents take it a step further and extend 'understanding' to 'collusion' and rather than saying 'right, my child is struggling with this because he/she has AS, I must find a way of enabling them and empowering them to work through this'... instead of that they are saying' right, my child is struggling with this because he/she has AS, I must find a way of protecting them from this and making sure they don't have to deal with it'. As yet, we still don't know how those children whose parents are excusing them all the time are going to turn out! I don't think this thread has veered off topic at all; I think it's very much on topic in most respects. Mumble brought to our attention a difficulty she had during some sort of interview; apart from getting a little heated it's stayed very much on topic. I posted earlier quite strongly because I think it's important that parents understand that the basic problems of social communication can be addressed and it's not as difficult as months of SALT or anything, it's just a case of discussing different scenarios that they may encounter (relevent to their age) and giving them ideas and 'tools' for dealing with them;unlike people like me with a late dx and having to learn from all my own excruciating mistakes which eventually erode your self esteem etc. As and adult with a dx the relief for me was being able to accept that I wasn't dysfunctional or inadequate (or rather there was a good explanation for me being so), and with that I was able to 'know' myself better and be better prepared for things 'out there'. I found having my dx empowering and enabling but only because I was determined not to use it as a reason for all my difficulties but instead use it as a map for finding solutions. Flora

I didn't say that it was a good idea, I said it was a common requirement and most people know this. I also said it was fine to say no, but surely it's not a great deal to ask to provide a reason why? It's perfectly reasonable to explain that all the questions have been answered during the interview. Like I said, this has happened to me and it didn't stop me getting the job! If you refuse to conform to basic rules of politeness or etiquette then you can't blame the interviewer if you don't get the job!!! AS is not a free ticket to be rude or impolite! Flora

No I don't see what all the fuss is about. I never said that it doesn't affect me. I only pointed out that there is a simple solution; meaning that it is a basic part of the interview procedure and with the application of pre-thought and basic politeness it can be relatively easily negotiated. And I certainly never said this: or this: I didn't say it wasn't an issue for me, I said it is something that people can learn to negotiate and deal with, and if they have enough cognitive ability and past experience, then this should be fairly straight forward to learn once the awareness of the need for it is in place. By 'us' I suppose you mean people with AS? If so then I am in a pretty good position to understand from not only my own perspective but also that of my 14 year old son (who has also learned to explain that he no longer needs to ask his questions because they've already been answered), however I don't pretend to be the definitive voice on AS, but neither is anyone else. You see, that's where we differ, because I don't see this as an entirely NT/AS situation. I might not always see the point of 'social etiquettes' but the ability or lack of ability to understand these things isn't the perogative of ASD. Even when I don't see the point in it, I have learned recognise that it is something that is required and without which you're not going to get very far, and because of that I have been very careful to learn ways of dealing with it and also trying to teach my son to recognise and deal with it. Answering 'no' when someone asks 'any questions?', at the end of the interview, without an explanatory follow up of why you have no questions is a very basic social communication error and I suppose I was a bit puzzled as to why mumble didn't already know the importance of this, having gone through the interview process for teaching. Sometimes you don't have to understand why, nor even agree with the need for it, to be able to put it into practice; you just need an awareness that it is needed and some careful thought and planning. Hope that clarifies things Flora

I was trying to reassure parents who might read this thread that it is possible to learn to recognise and negotiate these things. I can never think of questions when put on the spot, so I think of some before hand, then if they've answered those questions during the interview I say so. I don't just say 'no', I explain that I did have questions but they have now answered them. It's very straight forward. I have yet to find an interviewer who has taken exception to this and as I've only ever been turned down for a job once (and on that occasion I did ask questions) I don't think it's gone against me at all. I wasn't saying you were helpless mumble, you've been a teacher so I know you're not, but with that in mind I was just puzzled as to how you can get through the rigorous interview process for teaching and then be puzzled by something like this. I didn't mean to upset you. Flora

Goodness don't know here what all the fuss is about! Sorry, but I have AS too and I really don't see the problem. If they've already answered your questions, then you explain so. It's quite simple; and I've found that quite often they are happy with their own performance as a result because it means that they've done their job properly. Mumble, I'm sorry to ask this, but surely there was a time when you had an interview for your teaching job; I happen to know from friends who are teachers that the interview process for a job in the school is very robust and as such surely you've had practice in this? Sorry to sound harsh, but I would hate for parents here to think that their children are going to grow up as helpless, and I would like to assure them that they don't need to; I have AS and I reckon I exceed the criteria for diagnosis, and I am well able to negotiate these things. Flora

I think the word here is 'Stoic'...some people are and some people aren't, regardless of gender. However, Tally wasn't talking about stoicism or the difference between 'man 'flu' and a cold. I think Tally was highlighting that her dad has not responded in the 'normal' way to conditions that would usually cause a person to be debilitated by extreme pain unless their perception of that pain was skewed, as is very common in ASD and not (as far as I'm aware) gender specific. It's also common for a person's perception to be skewed that they feel more pain than would 'normally' be expected. Both of these scenarios have a 'normal range', but I do think that the series of conditions that Tally listed would put her dad beyond the 'normal range' as far as pain perception goes. Flora

I usually say, 'no, you've answered all my questions during the interview/informative discussion'... that sort of thing. Flora

Most definitely. My kids aren't of that age yet, but as soon as they have finished their education if they are still living with me they will be paying board! I remember leaving 6th form against my mum's advice and got a job in a hairdressers when I was 16. I earned �110 a month (about the same amount as people were getting on the dole in those days) and had to pay �40 of it to my mum. I only lasted about 6 months in the job and ended up going to college full time, at which point I was allowed to stop paying board but my pocket money wasn't re-instated so I had to do a series of weekend jobs for buying clothes etc. Flora

In my experience the opposite is true! When men have colds, they have ''flu'; when men twist their ankle, they've 'sprained' it; when men sprain their ankle, they've 'broken' it.... and so on. When I did my nurse training there was a section of the course which explored the differences between nursing men and women and the generalisation is (barring the usual 'exception to the rule'): Women when very ill are generally brave and patient, but on recovery they can tend to 'drag it on a bit' and take some time to recognise (in some cases admit) that they are feeling better; Men when very ill are generally absolutely pathetic but once they are recovering they put it behind them and embrace the fact that they are recovering. Everybody does have different pain thresholds but the pain experienced with acute appendicitis, a heart attack, a broken bone etc is such that if a person doesn't register it as 'pain beyond the norm' there is something seriously amiss about their perception of pain. Flora

This all is very familiar. Bill is very reluctant to move his body and he eats an extremely limited diet. The difficulities in these areas are going to be tackled via OT and an SEN dietician at school. However, mean time there are a few things that I've done to help things a long. - Talk to him regularly about the effect of diet on his whole functioning. Mentioning the effect it can have on your brain power really seemed to get through to Bill but other kids may have different motivators. - Buy one of those big squashy work out balls to sit on when he's at the computer instead of a chair. He has to move constantly to balance himself and the effect is that his balance is improving but also he is constantly moving (even from a sitting position this can help). - Cut out all sweets, crips, chocolate and biscuits. Even though his diet is restricted he isn't constantly filling up on cr*p. - Limit 'fast foods' (ie burgers, pizzas) to once a week. - hide grated vegetables in food (bill loves mexican chili in fajitta wraps... when I make the chilli I grate carrots and broccoli in... he knows it's there but he can't see it because of the sauce and so is happy to eat it). They are very small changes, but they do make a difference. Bill's diet hasn't improved but he isn't overweight and his teeth are remarkably healthy (given that he avoids cleaning his teeth as much as possible). Hope these ideas are helpful. Flora

I've just remembered one, and I'm not sure if you can still buy it or not. Dried milk! Can't remember the name of it. It was something that people had when shops used to shut at 5pm and all day Sunday in case you ran out of milk, you could add it straight to coffee or mix it with water to make 'milk'. I used to love it and would eat it dry off a spoon. Flo'

All of my kids have always been fine with the dentist... amazingly. However, Bill hates cleaning his teeth and only does so when specifically TOLD to. You'd think his teeth would've suffered but they haven't because he doesn't eat sweets... he only ever had one filling and that was when he was 4... a tiny filling in a baby tooth. Which was an ordeal for very different reasons (probably the most embarrasing Bill related story in all the 14 1/2 years he's been on the planet I on the other hand have to take sedation before any treatement! Flo'

hev, the name is 'placebo'. However, not sure if it is placebo in this case. I am currently gradually reducing the doseage of my anti-d's so that I can stop taking them all together. I've been reducing the doseage for over two months and anticipate that I'll be completely off them by Christmas. The withdrawal from these things if you go 'cold turkey' is horrendous. So no you're not going mad (or madder ), when you miss a couple of doses the withdrawal effects kick in really quickly and then quickly subside as soon as you get the next dose in your system! Floz <'>