Enid

perhaps the OP was on work experience this week? its the kind of thing a teen would say, not that I am condoning it in anyway. The best thing to do if someone is staring at you and trying to wind you up is totaly ingore them, dont look at them and try not to react, they will soon get bored.

J`s mum and Jeanne so glad to hear your news about your boys, and well done J`smum, you always pick yourself up, dust yourself down and start all over again All is calm here for the last few days, but we are having a rocky patch both at home and at school at the mo. Enjoy your Hotel visit, be like a mini holiday!!

Have to agree with BD here ( have you picked yourself off the floor BD ) Its your son and every teen in the world, autistic or not, they know fine well they are doing wrong, I have had a nightmare with DS 2, same as yours really, even down to russian flipping beauties, he is on his final warning. You need a password for the computor, very easy to set up. I am now his "friend" on facebook, and know his password, so I can block the 100`s of unsuitable people who send him friend requests, both men and woman, even though his picture quite clearly shows him as a young teen. I hate facebook now, I have to waste time every evening checking he is not doing/saying anything wrong. my 12 year old NT daughter is the only child in her class (allegedly ) to not have a FB account but I wont give in. So anyway, goodluck, and let us know how you get on

Thats fantastic, so pleased, will he be able to come home for weekend visits?

The police? and social services? why.

Hi, yes having re read the forms, I see he is supposed to fill it out himself, Hope they dont let him have the money, it would be impossible, its the only control I have over him,his spending money depends on behaviour during the week, so much for each day, with a bonus if all 7 days acheived, so much for getting on the school bus, taking meds etc, it works for me, I can give him a consequence, that matters to him. will keep you posted on this.

Hi, My son is 16 next birthday and have just received the renewal forms for DLA, there is no mention of paying the money to him, as I was expecting, so will just fill in the forms and send them back and hope for the best, would be a nightmare if he got his hands on the money!!!

My son has been on it for 3 years, I wish he wasnt, but without it life is impossible, sometimes its impossibe with it!! but with it at least he and us can cope most of the time, so I would say give it a try for def.

Hello, also havnt posted much at all till just recently, and then it was negative!!! so really pleased to hear its all going so well. Hope he reponds well to the ritalin, keep us posted on that. Enid

Hi, there are many supported living hostels around, stand firm, They will not turn him out on the streets, You can go the local housing and declare him homeless and they WILL find a hostel place for him. really feel for you. Perhaps its time for him to live apart from you now and they you can rebuild your relationship. sending loads of support your way. take care.

A special school, only 6 to each class, even so he is usually taught alone.

Well I met with CAHMS, same old same old really, they are going to "do some work" with him re fire safety, and get him with the fire scheme etc, I dont think they thought it was as serious as I did. Tonight on the way to collect him from school we had to pull over for a poice car, we jokingly said, "whats he done now" well it was for him, he had "kicked off" at school, head butted a teacher, had to be restained by 6 members of staff, then absconded through the fire doors, he was found as we arrived, and was spoken to by the police, by that time he had calmed down and looked both horrifed and terrified, I could see the police were wondering what all the fuss was about! The school have said he is upping the ante this term, have to agree, but have so many sanctions in place there is not much else I can do, also, there is only me at home, I hant got 6 people to hold him down so have to make sure we dont get to that situation, which I do usually mange by keeping everyting calm, being firm and very consistant with the boundaries. heigh ho.

Oh soo know how you feel, this year for first time ever have 3 all at diiferent schools!!!! as DD now moved to secondary school, DS3 still at primary, and DS2 at special school. nightmare. not only the money but the school run!!! and parents night, the school fete and on and on and on and on............

Thanks Jsmum, as usual very informative info. I have my appointment tomorrow and will talk it through but will def ring my local fire dept and ask if they do that course and for an assessment. He has been fine since but if I hadnt popped back ,the caravan would have gone up. Yesterday I smelt smoke and flew into a panic racing round the house, it was a bonfire outside, but it has really made me very nervous. These J`s of ours dont half put us through it!!!! Hope all is well with you.

am also in 2 minds about this, I didnt apply for it until DS2, who causes me all the problems,was 13. Then I listed all the many professionals involved with him and someone who knows him but not a family member as required, they never checked any of it, so how do they know I wasnt just making it up?? so that would be how easy it would be, I could apply for it now for my youngest as he has been recently diagnosed but havnt yet, What has surprised me is that as DS2 gets DLA we get into many places at a reduced rate, have only recently found this out! and also get free bus passes, although I havnt applied for this as we never really use them but mainly because if he had a buspass I would never find him when he "goes off on one"!!!! So its a very lucrative thing to have, BUT it does need policing its really open to abuse.

not sure if it is too late, we only got home last night and the incident happened wednesday. If we had been at home I think I would have involved the police, but the thought of him being locked up! if he was, away from home and all the complications that would involve were all too much at the time. I have actually told him that if if happens again he would no longer be able to live at home, he looked stricken, and so he should, because wether he could help it or not, and I think he could, the fear factor would make life impossible..... I will wait to see what CAHMS have to say on Tuesday, I have emailed them a full account, it will be taken very seriously I think I just hope it isnt taken out of my hands if they think the younger two are at risk.

re gardening! Yes, we have a huge garden, and greenhouse, all my children have plots, and an area of the greenhouse, we also have chickens, which are free range, and always trashing things but I cant bare to fence them in! we have 2 dogs 2 cats and 2 tortoises also. all my 3 younger kids are in the garden playing together at the moment, I am always amazed, and pleased at how quickly the younger two get over the things J does, I am sure it must affect them at some leval, but they seem very accepting/understanding of the dramas that unfold. re fire. Have told J that if he is not prepared to discuss the incident fully at Cahms on Tuesday that all privelidges will be withdrawn, I have talked the whole incident through with him today for the first time, when I asked for his assurance it wouldnt happen again he replied "I didnt know I was going to do it the first time so am scared it will happen again", Now THAT answer does worry me, it wasnt said in a cheeky/clever way either.

Hi, on this occassion I dont believe it was "an episode" as I call his wierd and strange behaviour, I believe it was, as you say, a control thing, which is why I am so worried, especially over so minor an incident. I immediately removed his laptop, for the forseeable future, he is not interested in games etc, and loves gardening,! I have also told him his spending money for the next few weeks/months will go towards the repairs, I have also emailed his consultant at CAHMS. who has made a appointment to see us next tuesday, so all thats in hand, but unusually, for me! I do feel very concerned that I am not taking this seriously enough, I also feel very nervous that it could happen agsin if I dont "get it right" this time.

Hi, thanks for the replies, he did intend to burn it down ,as he went out, but had lit a piece of paper and put it down the back of the sofa between two cushions, also I dont think he was expecting me to come back as we have had a pretty uneventful few years, I often leave him unsupervised for short periods when he dosnt want to come places with us, especially when we are at the caravan. I would like to think he was doing it for effect but think I would be fooling myself. I phoned security on the caravan site for help as could smell burning, but couldnt see anything. then went out to look for J, the security man told me it would have gone up in flames if he hadnt been there, as it was, the sofa and cushions are burnt. re car, we didnt leave the caravan, which is ours, till the following day which was always the plan. I agree re jumping out of the car, used to do that in the bad old days and I did just ignore it and kept driving, even tuning radio up. now, consequences; this was my reason for posting really, for advice, ideas, etc etc I dont think this can go by without a serious consequenc, but am worried that once I tell anyone in authority, it may be taken out of my hands. I am devasted by this, but hoping am not showing it to the children.

Hi Kathryn, wish I knew, it came from nowhere. but not sure if I should have called the police? have told him I am thinking about the consequence, but it could have been really serious.

hi, its a long time since I needed help on this forum, used to log on every night in despair! so for those who dont know. my son is nearly 16, has a diagnosis of ASD/MLD/ADHD. He takes 4 mg of resperidone and 100mg of stattera every day, prior to this life was impossible and very dangerous, for me, him and the littles and anyone else who got in the way.... long story short, we were staying in our caravan for a few days, he wanted to do something, we didnt, he sulked, we went, he set the caravan on fire!!!!!!!! Luckily I came back afte 5 mins and stood outside listening to see what he was doing, and the alarm went off, even so it has done some damage. I know I shouldnt have gone, am usually more on the ball, but this has knocked me sideways. on the way home, I told him I would not keep it quiet and would be discussing it with CAHMS, he tried to jump out of car on the motorway, its years since he did this.

oh JeanneA, so feel for you, I would say a definate YES to the hormonal changes in our children causing problems, mine is nearly 16 now and life is not quite as terrible as it was was from 12 onwards, when it was a complete nightmare from the minute he opened his eyes everyday, thats when I found this forum, thank god, cos it saved my sanity logging on in the early hours every night! I am hoping that things settle down, well soon actually.... its been a looooooooog 4 years. so will be interested in replies from parents with older kids.young adults.

oh yes, am soooo worried about this, your J may fare better as a care leaver now, I dont know, but my J, like yours, wants to marry his girlfriend and have babies at 18, dear god!!!! They both go to the same special school, and whilst he has not been as bad lately, hence we lowered his meds, he is still on 3 mg of resperidone, that is the reduced rate, when we tried to lower it further, well it was just to scary, the strange/violent/odd behaviours all returned, so what if he is living independantly and dosnt take his meds????? will he be a risk to others??? it IS a worry, a real one. thats probably not what you wanted to hear!!! hope things are a bit better your end, much love to you both. xxx

God its hard, so feel for you, sending loads of love and support. let us know how you both go on