peaches

I think Sainsbury's have started selling Science Museum toys too. Be careful with the marble run if you give that a go. My AS daughter, now 22, had a go with her brothers when she was about 4 or 5. She mouthed the marble, inhaled it and turned blue ... one panicking mummy! I held her upside down and shook her and it came out. But I had let her play with it because at 4/5 I thought she was over mouthing toys as I didnt know she was Asperger's then. Now Im paranoid about marbles with little ones. Ive also noticed that DGS (nearly 6) still puts things in his mouth so we have to watch what we give him. Mind you, she wont fit a metal detector in her mouth will she!

You'd have thought so Enid, so did I ... Then I started looking into the tax for nannies and NI nightmare as they are employees. I have found someone who will do the school run alone, but need to sort the practicalities if I go ahead. But Ive so much to think of, DD is talking about leaving the waste of space and coming back home again.

Well we are back from center parcs and my moment of clarity was Employ a nanny quick! I have returned more exhausted than when I went. The best sort of holiday for me is really just lying on a beach. The kids did enjoy it though, but two of them slept really badly and the youngest started throwing up after swimming and it went on all night. How typical is that? I had two moments of serenity though ... reflexology and flower arranging. Must start doing one or the other regularly.

Youve just reminded me about the no competitive games ... must mention it at school or anywhere else. At Center Parcs this week DGS went to a Pirates and Princesses party with his sister. They said they had problems with him because he didnt win a prize. FGS! dont they know how to rig these things so everyone gets a prize? His sister came out with 3 prizes.

Im a bit worried as the youngest has always been a bit loud, and will squeal more often than the average kid, but she has been really screechy lately. There have been other little things, she often resists cuddling and pushes me away (but will allow it sometimes). If you pick her up she often raises her arms so she slips your grip. She is starting to say the odd word though. Some days she seems to have a really screechy day and we thought it was when she was teething/off colour at first, then I started to think it was about wanting attention, now I really dont know. We have just been on a short break. In the car she is by far the loudest and impatient of the lot. She has been known to scream and scream and then be sick. Her sister, 3 was never as bad, in fact she usually dozed in the car. She is also generally very active, and likes to push and shove her sister, grab toys etc. She is a good sleeper at night though. I am paranoid I know, but Im starting to see lots of similarities between her and her brother. They are too alike somehow. Obviously Im starting to think she might be on the spectrum, but I know if I ask anyone about her I will get nowhere. I had been trying to tell health visitors and nursery teachers that there was something different about R since he was 2-3 but they didnt really take much notice. What should I do? I dont think any of the symptoms are clear cut enough really.

I went to center parcs this week and bought some fiddly toys from their gift shop. Number one is a small pen shaped fibre optic light - he loves that and had to buy little sis one. I got a rubik cube on a keyring and he broke that. YES it was a real rubik cube, not cheap, and he broke it. I also got him a jelly teddy on a keyring for him to squash, but he pulled the keyring off. Jelly teddy is still OK though. I also got some stretchy bendy men. I didnt find a koosh though. (I love these too). On the journey down, a piece of blutak kept him going for a while.

Thank you, the links are great. Im going to look in gift shops whilst we are away for things like koosh balls, tangle toys, stretchy things on keyrings etc, if not, I know Baker Ross sells stuff like that. I have tried to explain to the school at the last meeting why things like this are necessary but in the middle of a meeting I suddenly became inarticulate. The Ed Psych knew what I meant but the other staff didnt.

We have problems with this too, I wish he would have the clippers but he wont, he is terrified. He has one barber haircut it took 2 barbers, that was 6 months ago and we have let it grow (fortunately its fashionable again). In the past I have had goes at it with proper hairdressing scissors. They seem to make the job quicker. It doesnt look that professional I know. I could do with one of those combs with the razor fitted in, but I havent seen those for ages.

I need to persuade school that the use of fiddle toys/sensory toys would be good for R. In class, if he is not touching and annoying others, he chews his clothes and makes a patch of eczema on his face whilst doing so. He is one of those kids who really likes to mouth things. When I have sent toys into school they have been sent back as he has been "messing about with them/throwing them about", or they have been confiscated. I dont think the teacher, the head or the SENCO understand the idea behind giving a sensory toy or soft toy and when and how to use it. I wonder if someone could point me in the direction of some research or something written by someone clinical or otherwise qualified, to print off and send into school. Also, tell me and show me your own strategies or props that you use for your child. I have had some useful tips from another forummer already. Thanks again!

R has decided that he wont bother with cutlery any more, but he did used to use it. For his main meal (usually supernoodles, sometimes chips and popcorn chicken) he has decided he will use his fingers. I know you have to choose your battles, so I dont go on about this. I just supply the cutlery, ask him to use it, and he uses his hands. He is quite capable of using a spoon and a fork, he did use them in the past. He seems to like to touch the food and shove it into his mouth with his fingers, I have seen him with his finger in his mouth even when he has food in there. Does anyone else have this? Do you leave it or have you a strategy?

This story has a sequel. Yesterday our 3 year old was poorly and couldnt go up on the school run so I had someone sit in with her. I thought, I know, I will still take the buggy board and then Raph can have a go on it. He will like that. Got to school, told him he could go on buggy board, so he got on it. Went 2 yards and said, I will be jumping off at the gate (another 5 yards!). He jumped off unpredictably just before the gate, and didnt show any further inclination to use it, but ran off with one of his class mates and I couldnt retrieve him. Isnt that absolutely typical? On the up side, I have got a number of someone who does breakfast club and youth work, she may be willing to do the school run for me. THANKS EVERYONE FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT, DONT KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO WITHOUT THIS FORUM!

Thought this might be the case. Will keep at 'em.

When I turn up for school pickup I sometimes get a chance to squint in through the classroom window. Today all the children were sitting on the carpet whilst their teacher was talking to them, and showing them some letters or something they had to take home. As usual R was sat right in front of the teacher (yes I know why). He was finding it difficult to sit still (we knew about that too). But what he was doing whilst he was sitting there was a bit of an eye opener. He was rocking back and forth whilst covering his head in his hands (almost foetal when you bear in mind his legs were crossed). This upset me because he obviously looked different to the rest of the children, although I admit there were other kids doing kid things like pulling each other's hair and generally wriggling, looking bored etc. It made me want to observe him in class. Especially given that I have had to write my reasons for his statutory assessment, i.e. this is what school are doing and its not enough for him. Although Ive done the letter with school's support I dont know if I really know the full picture of what school life is like for R. I know he finds it stressful and I wonder if there is anything that can be done to alleviate some of the stress, perhaps before his dx?

No, there isnt a walking bus. Its not that far away, its just that the road is incredibly busy, the crossing lady is always off sick, and with 2 little ones in a buggy plus an unpredictable 6 year old ... well you know the rest.

We dont know she has. She is still young, and although she has had the implant, we need to know where she is and what she is doing in 3 years time!

If you are interested I can PM you the message printed on the NAS cards. But they dont cost much, I think I got either 50 or 100 for �2.50 from the NAS website. I havent actually given one out though I dont like the t shirts either. I dont know why, but I dont feel the need to advertise Asperger's most of the time, plus most of the ones Ive seen, the message somehow doesnt read right to me (I know that's not good grammar, but you get the gist).

I couldnt cope with R in a supermarket on a saturday IF we were doing a full shop, but could cope with a quick in quick out and so could he. But you must do what suits you and your boy. I am also disabled. My husband does our big shop on his own. Can your husband do this for you? My husband has been doing this for a number of years and is now better than me at it. If he couldnt do this I would shop online. I have had several of those everyone staring disapprovingly experiences in and out of the supermarket. I bought some of those cards from NAS, but havent used them. I could have done today, but I was too busy bursting into tears!

Sorry about the capitals, didnt mean to shout. Having a bad day. Feel very strongly that the council wont give us support and frowns on the fact that I would hire a nanny to help. I have written to my solicitor today to instruct him as follows: I want to come forward for care of the fourth child. I am aware we have a lot on, I am prepared to hire an OFSTED registered nanny and fund it from the tax credits, so the nanny can work along side me at home. I am aware that the Social Workers look upon the hiring of someone as "second best", but both myself and my husband feel very strongly that the family should be kept together. The social workers proposed to do an assessment at the worst possible times of day to test me, and I wont be taking part in this assessment. The social workers know enough about me to know if I can cope or not, I have had my grandson since he was 19 months, my granddaughter no 1 since birth and my granddaughter no 2 for 3 months. Social services have assessed me for the care of my grandson, and each of my grandchildren as they came to live with me. I have therefore taken part in many assessments. I feel no more are necessary. So we will see where that gets me.

When I got the first two kids, they hadnt started with Special Guardianship orders. However, the court guardian told me about them. My solicitor is looking into it for me to see if its possible to change the orders for the other two plus get the new one(s) on special guardianship. BUT THE SOCIAL WORKER HAS ALREADY SAID, WHAT SUPPORT? THERE IS NO SUPPORT. There is the family visiting service which is time limited and intended as an emergency stop gap.

I used to lug a double buggy to and from the car to help me complete the school run (3 yo and 16 month old). I bought a buggy board this weekend. Used it for the second time today for picking up from school. Raph began crying then went off on one because he couldnt go on the buggy board. It got worse all the way up the school path , through the grounds, until he was kicking and punching the buggy shouting stupid buggy and generally kicking out at anything including the car. As I have had a difficult few weeks, a hectic day I just couldnt take any more and burst into tears. People very kindly walked past and pretended not to notice or laughed at his antics. People are nice arent they? Im sick of doing all this on my own, asking for help, getting none and then having people just look at you .... One of them was a woman who always used to say hello too and chat to me, but I wonder if she was just chatting to me to find out about our circumstances. Ive found people do this a lot, they find out what they want to know and then presumably tell everyone but dont bother chatting with you any more.

The most difficult thing I did was give up work (I used to be a primary school teacher). We lost our home, our marriage broke down for a while, but we both agree that in the long run it has been worth it. We now rent a nice house and feel no worse off, but the pressure is less because Im not working. Money wise, it was difficult at first. But then lots of things happened and now we are really not any worse off. Have you thought about reducing your hours? Look into how tax credits could help if you did.

Sorry, no. My daughter didnt even acknowledge her first period, I had to point it out to her. She did wear pads eventually, but would never wear one when she was due on "just in case" and would never change it at school, only when she got home. She never entertained tampons, when I bought her some for a holiday she said you'd better do it because I dont know what to do. Of course I couldnt, so they never got used. She often forgot to use a pad too and we always had messy pants, and often messy bedsheets. She did get better as she got older though. I think it was a case of getting used to it. I just used to buy " always " as they were the ones she favoured and drop a packet in her room every month. She wouldnt ask for more if she ran out, but I always kept a check and made sure she had ample. She refused to carry spares to school in a make up bag too. I dont know if she is any better at that now. There was a "nurse" at my daughter's school, do they have anything similar?

Just to put the spanner in the works, my daughter, recently diagnosed as Asperger's was really good at languages, but found the oral exams too much. She was really good at French in written format, and had a lovely accent when she did speak it, but she didnt like her (male) French teacher, so refused to do the oral part of the GCSE. She did Spanish too, but because she liked her (female) Spanish teacher she turned up for the oral, despite cancelling once. She got her Spanish GCSE. She has also picked up a bit of German and Japanese, and has lots of knowledge about the origins of words in English. I must admit, French was one of my best subjects at school, even though I hated it. However my son, NT, had loads of difficulty with French. I speak a little French and tutored him at home, we went on holiday to France for about 6 years and he was fine if you sent him to the shop or the bar. But it was his oral that let him down and he just missed getting a C according to his teacher because of this. According to mother in law, my husband was exactly the same, and he was allowed to drop French, but things were different then I know. I came to the conclusion that secondary schools are remarkably inflexible about options. This used to cause me so much headache with my son, but funnily enough my daughter never complained. Sorry if Ive rambled on, it doesnt really help you does it? Except to say that some Asperger's children can be good at languages and some NT ones not so good.

I occasionally take any one of the following Kalms night Boots Homeopathic Sleep remedy Nytol I try to avoid it, but its terrible when you get to bed and you cant sleep, but you are desperate to sleep because you know that your sleep is going to be interrupted at some point by either one of 3 little people. Every morning I feel hung over! I also have a relaxation CD which is a self hypnosis thing which tells you you are going to get a good nights sleep. Sometimes works. Unless a little person comes in half way through it. I also learnt self hypnosis from a clinical hypnotist, which is really deep relaxation. I find the trouble with sleep remedies (medication that is) is they make me feel depressed the next day. Which isnt good. The Boots Homeopathic one has the least depressing effect.

I think its a good thing too. I havent had a special assistance dog, but our daughter had very long lasting commitments to our dog and cats when she was growing up. Now they have passed on, she feels that there is a void in her life without a pet, but she isnt able to care for herself fully let alone an animal. In other words, it would be OK if she lived with me so I could make sure the dog was looked after.