peaches

Thank you for bringing conduct disorder to my attention. I am continuing to monitor his behaviour, a lot of it baffles me. Some actions are clear cut, others its difficult to tell when he has injured someone if its a deliberate act or just clumsiness or over exuberance.

My daughter was diagnosed with Asperger's at the age of 22 after her son was diagnosed. Myself and several other family members immediately thought of my husband (now age 52) and we think its likely he has Asperger's, also his uncle and grandfather. However, he gets through life reasonably well, he has had problems in the past with depression and feeling at a loss with his career, and possibly then would have been the time to look into it. At the moment though we dont feel anything could be gained through him going through this. I do admire you ridvan for going through with it, though, and hope you feel its been worthwhile.

Do you have an ignore button, for instance if you dont want to see posts by a particular person, or a way to block people from contacting you or adding to a thread you started?

I think you are splitting hairs baddad. The impulsivity, just not thinking before you act is what is often behind other people being injured. Sometimes it can simply be a matter of uncordinated movements. I cant find my mention of the word aggression, perhaps you can direct me to it. The fact that your son displayed no aggression is neither here nor there. I am aware of DSM IV and my grandson does fit the criteria, which is why he has a separate diagnosis of ADHD given by a very well respected consultant. Our new consultant agreed with the diagnosis after spending time in his company, listening to his history and taking information from school. I am also happy to report that school have noticed a real difference in him already. His teacher met me at home time to tell me. Other interventions are continuing, and next week the occupational therapist will be bringing in some resources to help him stay in his seat.

We have been given Equasym as he has a separate dx for ADHD to try first. He is obviously having interventions for his behaviour at school and someone is coming to see us from Kites to help with behaviour problems and deliver triple P for both me and my husband. We have also been given a contact for his other inappropriate behaviour. I dont intend the medication to be a permanent thing, but maybe it will help. At least he took the tablet which surprised me no end. He wont take any medicine of any kind usually, but he swallowed the tablet. I asked him why, and he said because it didnt taste of anything.

This gives details of your rights, which may help with the situation at work: http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Employment/Employees/Timeoffandholidays/DG_10026555

I sympathise with your problems with your employer, my husband has encountered them too. I am disabled and I have 4 young grandchildren to bring up one of whom has the diagnosis. He has had to ask for special unpaid leave or take days off if I have become ill or when I had surgery earlier this year. He is fairly new to his job, but his previous employer wasnt very family friendly although they claimed to have "family friendly" policies. The way he solved it with this employer, who is more enlightened, was to get a trade union in on the scene, and he arranged meetings between my husband, his departmental manager, the union and personnel department. He explained about our circumstances, provided proof of them (letter from GP/school) and at first nothing much happened. Then I rang them again, went through our problems and shamed them to look at it again. It was passed to another manager, who took over the case and allowed my husband to change his hours and days of work to better fit with the family. The union rep managed to get hold of the E.U. legislation fregarding people with caring responsibilities/young children and their employment rights. Many of them are discretionary, but just putting these on the negotiating table along with the trade union rep made the management change their mind. Now if he has to take time off to look after any of us, he has to take unpaid leave, but he doesnt get into bother at work as they are aware of his circumstances. What it hasnt solved are the remarks by certain colleagues about him being allowed better hours etc than others, but fortunately he is quite thick skinned, and if he has had a particularly sleepless night because of the children will give them a monologue about how many months ago it was since he had a night out/a complete nights sleep/time to watch a film or football. Im sorry if my post is a bit long, but I guess the bottom line is get well informed as to rights and entitlements, get a union rep if possible, call a meeting and make sure work are properly informed about your circumstances and how this can cause absences. On the education side, you maybe need to have a multidisciplinery meeting at school explaining how you dont think things are going so well for your daughter, how you feel school could do more, how you need support, and how your job is suffering. But Sally has also made valid points. Good luck, PM me if you want.

Autastic, your reply was very useful, but also what I imagined was happening, this fits exactly with his behaviour. He wants attention when the younger ones are getting it. It also needs to be borne in mind that R has ADHD too as a separate diagnosis. So there is an impulsive element to his behaviour. He has admitted that he cant stop himself doing things sometimes. The sanctions I use are generally being withdrawn to his own room - but as he often refuses to go up there my husband has to get him up there, I cant he is too big now and I have a bad back. I usually withdraw his computer and/or other electronic gaming equipment for the rest of the day or two days depending on the severity. This is hard on all of us though as without the computer or his gaming, he is bouncing off the walls, and off his siblings too! Thanks all of you for your advice. I think its just the exhaustion that makes me feel at a loss what to do about this.

Thanks for both of these replies, I had previously only seen the first one. I had forgotten about this post, but it has been useful for me as at the moment I am taking stock of what has happened over the past few months.

Just found a post I made at the time of diagnosis, but its pretty much as above. http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/Index.php?/topic/18692-we-saw-the-psychiatrist-on-friday/

My daughter was diagnosed as an adult aged 22. I talked to my GP about her problems and she agreed that it was likely she had Asperger's. She referred her to a psychiatrist but we were told that this was only the first part of the diagnostic process, and she would probably have to be referred on to the Asperger's service by the consultant psychiatrist. However, it turned out to be a lot easier than we thought. We went for the first appointment, the consultant talked to my daughter and I think she did a few basic tests but I got the impression it was mainly talking. Then she called me in and took some early history from me, I had already completed a developmental questionnaire. The consultant was in no doubt that my daughter had Asperger's but had to confer with an Asperger's specialist at the Sheffield Asperger Services to confirm the diagnosis. This she did within a fortnight of our appointment, and then telephoned us and wrote to us. The consultant referred my daughter to the Asperger's Service but they only accept a certain number of referrals from their own area apparently!!! So she never got to see them. She was referred for counselling with them, but again, budgetary measures have meant that this hasnt happened. She occasionally sees an occupational therapist, but doesnt really engage with them. But the diagnostic process, from GP referral to getting the result only took a few months and she only actually needed to see one consultant. She would have found it awfully difficult to see more than one.

I am glad that Js mum read my first post and actually answered the question. Is there anyone out there that can give me first hand experience on the use of medication so I can make my choices?

Im sure its not just R who does these things to his younger sisters. They arent normally left unsupervised but any odd few seconds that Im attending to one of the little ones needs and DH is distracted R injures one of them. Its sometimes accidental, but the last 2 incidents, a rather unpleasant deliberate kicking, and tangling her hair in a whisk, leave me thinking what is he going to do next. I'd be interested to hear from anyone else with an ASD child and siblings, who has this sort of problems, and if they have found a solution. I hope this actually makes sense, if not Im sorry, Im really tired!

Thanks thats a really helpful reply. He has no medication at all so Im wanting to hear from everyone about all sorts of meds. Raph wont normally take medication, but I am hoping to conceal some in a drink. I cant guarantee this will work but I feel I am at the end of my tether so I have got to do something. Ive just had enough. I saw a very nice lady today from the autism communication team who I had contacted as she was helpful in the meetings at school. She got me an appointment this week at CAMHS to discuss medication with one of the consultants, I couldnt have asked for more. I also contacted social services to request respite, and a helpful lady from the local NAS branch helpline talked me through types of respite available locally and the chances of getting them. Not easy but worth a try. It all went downhill once again at the babies bedtime, when Raph stuck a battery operated Nesquik whisk in his sisters hair. She was screaming and I had to cut it out of her hair as it was all tangled up. This makes the safeplaces you posted about make sense, but I cant see being able to get enough money to fund one. I had specifically told my husband not to leave the two of them alone, he was taking the second youngest upstairs to put to bed and going to send me back down and it happened in the time it took for him to get upstairs and into the back bedroom. Sometimes I dont think DH is on board, or listening to me, or thinks Im talking ######. Or just being a man. Raph is normally occupied on the computer at this time, but he seems to take him by surprise. I feel sorry for him though as he is also very unhappy at the moment because DH loses his temper with him every time he does something crazy, which makes him anxious, and its just a vicious cycle I suppose. Anyway, gotta go now, Im very tired and starting to ramble. Thanks for posting.

Hi Js mum, keep on with the respite, we all have rights and you deserve a break. We are having a tough time too and I keep blaming myself for not being able to handle him. Dont be so tough on yourself. Its easy saying that but I am the same.

I have got to the point where I am seriously considering getting medication for R as we have and a tough couple of months with him, he is starting to injure other people again. I am pursuing getting seen again at CAMHS which is a bit of a battle, but I want to be really clued up about medication when I finally get an appointment with them again. He has beein sleeping really badly this summer, but has been able to sleep better since he went back to school. His diagnosis is High Functioning Autism, ADHD, developmental co-ordination disorder. He is currently seeing an OT at school and she has just completed an assessment. She is going to try a weighted jacket and one or two other things. He has had a weighted blanket at home for a couple of years now. He has 3 little sisters and is constantly injuring them either deliberately or accidentally as his movements are impulsive and uncoordinated. Yesterday he was angry with his next age sibling and whilst I was putting the two younger ones to bed he asked her to get down and he kicked her between her legs. I had to take her to the walk in centre today for a check up, fortunately its just bruising making urination painful. Im so upset about this, his sisters shouldnt have to put up with this, they should be able to grow up without being assaulted all the time, they have been through enough already. Last night I slipped some piriton (antihistamine prescribed for his sister) into his lemonade and it made him quieter, I did it again tonight, and we have had no further trouble. I realise this is just a weekend stop gap and I cant do it regular though. I dont like the thought of medication, but I am at a loss at what else to do. Please tell me your experiences with it to help me make a decision. Thanks Alyson

Thanks, yes its changed hasnt it. I got the message, Im brain dead tonight, just so exhausted, I will read it again tomorrow and reply, thank you.

Raph was diagnosed when he was in year 1 at school in Sheffield by CAMHS team specialists: ADHD, High Functioning Autism, Developmental co-ordination disorder, attachment problems. We then moved house to another area. His new school have been great and he has settled well, but outside school, we feel as if we have been hung out to dry. CAMHS in Sheffield referred us to CAMHS in new area, I saw a nurse practitioner and she said more or less that all they could offer us was medication. I declined that and I was discharged. I asked for more help and was referred to a STEPS team but havent heard yet, Im chasing that. In desperation I have asked to be reconsidered for medication, not because I want it, but I want to be back in the loop. Im sure there must be some more help that can be had for us to help us raise Raph. At the moment he is very loud, lively and disruptive. Every day we have problems with him injuring his sisters or refusing to do things. We have been through all the star charts and 123 strategies, time out etc. He simply doesnt take any notice of me any more, so I have to ask my husband to intervene, he loses his temper and it all gets out of hand. I have 3 other children to care for and Im just exhausted. I have absolutely no idea what to ask for in terms of help, just for Gods sake can I have some?? This results in me getting nothing because I cant ask specifically for what I want. No respite by the way, I did ask for that, no chance. School were on about referring us to this KITE project which is a parenting thing as far as I can tell, and in the last week of term I was supposed to go in early and see the learning mentor about this. But the last week of term was just a nightmare and I didnt get in so I cant do anything there. Husband was also against it, saying he didnt want anybody coming in and telling him what to do unless they have been through it all themselves. I am at the sharp end and Im so fed up. I could honestly sometimes just run away. If youve read this far sorry for the rant, but I dont know where we are going and what we should be asking for next. This is KITES http://www.kitesfamilysupport.com/ To top it all I think B Child number 3 is showing signs of ASD. They certainly are all on the hyperactive side, not one of them reliably sleeps through, I havent had a complete nights sleep for years.

I am seriously concerned about my husband losing his temper. We have 4 young children to care for, they are our grandchildren, and our grandson has ASD, ADHD amongst other things. Yes he is infuriating, and sometimes I lose my temper too, but not quite so often and with such force as my husband. I rely on him a lot for support as I have fibromyalgia and a bad back and so need a lot of help with the children. When he is home at evenings and weekends, he seems to continually shout at our grandson and has no patience. He was supposed to take him to swimming lessons yesterday but lost his temper at Rs delaying tactics (the very same ones I put up with every morning when he goes to school) and he refused to take him swimming so I took him. He wont discuss it, when I mention it he just says something like "As if you dont lose yours!" I have the kids a lot more than him and lose my temper a lot less than he does. What can I do?

This is absolutely correct for some people with IBS. I have had IBS for many years, been to hospital, seen dietician etc As well as medication such as mebeverine/colofac, I have found avoiding all diary products helpful. A little cream on the top of a cake doesnt seem to do much damage, but a milkshake or cheese sandwich is just instant diarrhoea doubled up with stomach pain dashing to the loo etc. Oats for brieakfast are good, but weetabix or shreddies, forget it! After almost 30 years of IBS (They called it Spastic colon when I was first diagnosed and recommended weetabix), I have found that you just find the things that make you worse by trial and error, its not always the same as the next IBS sufferer. Emotions, stress etc also play a part. As far as the cleaning of the loo is concerned, I sympathise. Altough he is too young to clean the loo, my 7 year old makes a fearful mess when he uses the toilet for a poo. Much more messy than his little sisters. I dont know why, but it doesnt bother him, he doesnt have the same sense of disgust that we do. He also hates going to the doctors too, as does my 23 year old.

Well we did the meeting today and it went differently to what I expected, she surprised me. In the car on the way there I am pleased to say that she admitted she was getting fed up of B/F but not sure what to do. She has seen him for what he is and admits that he treats her like a cross betweeen his mum and a cash machine. This being the case, I didnt launch into my speech. At the meeting she disclosed to the therapist about her dissatisfaction with B/F, was happy to go ahead with counselling, and actually said she would attend an asperger's group. She also agreed to explore courses/employment by going to see Remploy with the therapist. So it all went very well. Thank goodness. I am starting to think that ignoring her for the past few weeks has actually helped. When she has been here for a couple of days though she will get fed up of being around me, her dad and the kids and suddenly the B/F will seem attractive again.

Thank you again. I am hoping this will work.

We thought our daughter's diagnosis had to be by a tertiary level service (Sheffield) but there was a way round it. Our GP referred her to a consultant psychiatrist, the psychiatrist took a full history etc and told me we were quite right, our daughter fulfilled the criteria for diagnosis, which she went through with me. The consultant then went on to the Asperger's Service (the tertiary service) with our daughter's file, spoke to the person who made the diagnosis and they conferred. This way the Asperger specialist agreed the diagnosis. The consultant did this with more than one case as far as Im aware. This meant it didnt take quite so long, and it was fairly clear cut getting DLA and things like that. But it may have a down side. There isnt an awful lot of help out there, and I did wonder if she had actually waited and seen someone at the Asperger Service herself (there wasnt enough funding in the budget during the year she went there) she might have got a better quality of support.

This is very sound advice. I have been a victim of workplace bullying and I dont have AS. I just left the job as it was ruining my life. I realise this isnt the best thing to do but it saved my sanity. The alternative would have taken too long. If you want to stick this job out, then make notes as detailed above and see the citizens advice. They know wht to do about workplace bullying.

This is what a lot of people have suggested and she is very emphatic that she is not depressed. Also two psychologists and a psychiatrist both failed to find any evidence of depression. I have suffered depression myself including PND and she doesnt strike me as being depressed, but I know it can take many forms I realise. One psychologist did think she may have a bit of social phobia brought about by her difficulty relating to others, but this wasnt the consultant who diagnosed her asperger's, it was one that assessed her for a psychological report for court. I think I am going to say in front of the occupational therapist and my daughter next week that I feel I have done all I can for her, tell them how much under pressure I feel just caring for the kids and dont feel I can do any more. Point out it doesnt mean she isnt welcome or that I dont love her, I just physically dont have the resources to help her. I would never turn her away in an emergency, but I think I need to let her get on with things herself and realise that she does need help. She needs to come to this conclusion herself. What she basically wants is to live independently in her own flats, on benefits etc but if anything needs sorting out, like DLA, ESA or housing benefit, she wants ME to do it for her not an outside agency. I have to let her realise that its not a rejection: I just simply cant do it any more.