MurphySG

Single parent. I'd say that my son's aspergers had a part to play - things were and still are pretty challenging at times. TBH though I would put it mainly down to completely different approaches to parenting and life. My ex needs complete structure and cleanliness (when he is stressed he cleans obsessively and you aren't allowed to do anything unless it is done exactly to his spec and rules... you might say that is quite ASD I couldn't comment!) I am completely the other way - we do have boundaries in my house but they are flexible and built on negotiation. I'm also one of the untidiest people you ever met! As the kids got to late primary/ early secondary, my ex's discipline was sometimes so extreme and irrational I couldn't support him and there was no united front (for example saying that the kids couldn't do any clubs or have any friends to play because 'we' had no time. When at home they were to sit in front of the telly because then they wouldn't mess up the house) By the time we separated, his behaviour had got downright dangerous and I was a nervous wreck. We're much better off apart and the children are much happier. Interestingly, 5 yrs later the 3 girls (non ASD) have ended up choosing to spend most of their time at my house and my 14 yr old son (Aspergers) finally buried the hatchet with his father last October and now spends almost all his time at his house (where his needs are placed over the girls). He says he likes the calm and the structure.

Education (Special Educational Needs) (England) (Consolidation) Regulations 2001 http://www.opsi.gov.uk/si/si2001/20013455.htm#12 & SEN Code of conduct chapter 7 http://www.teachernet.gov.uk/_doc/3724/SENCodeOfPractice.pdf LA must make decision as to whether statement needed within 10 weeks and notify parents within 2 weeks of making decision. There are some exceptions including where the consultation period includes school holidays of over 4 weeks, where after receiving advice, further advice is indicated and where the child & parent do not attend assessments.

With Tribunal 4 weeks away, our LA rang me today to say they agree to name the specialist school we have been fighting for on my son's statement. It's not over yet - I have a meeting with them next week to negotiate over the amendments to parts 2 & 3 we want, but the major battle is over - their position (confirmed in writing) is that they do not accept DS needs residential but they cannot provide for his needs in-Borough. No argument from me there. I've been saying that for a couple of years. They want to place him as soon as possible. We already had a residential assessment booked at the beginning of next month and as long as that goes well and the school shuffle the beds he could start as soon as possible after that. He's over the moon and so am I - he's had about 2 terms of secondary school since year 7 & he's now Year 9. Not a lot of time left, but enough to make a massive difference. It's up to him now. Champagne is on ice as I type and I don't intend to be very sober at all tonight

Peaches - I have just seen it is you that posted. You may well really want to buy, but I think I am correct that you are looking at an SGO for a grandchild. If so, before you buy and commit to mortgage you should talk to your solicitor about getting the LA to give you and your husband an assured tenancy within the proceedings. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't - but worth exploring especially in view of a possible need to stay within a LA for schooling and continuity.

If you move into a different LA, responsibility for maintaining a statement moves to the new LA. The relevant procedure is at 8.113 - 8.115 of the SEN Code of Practice. The code of practice can be found here : http://www.teachernet.gov.uk/_doc/3724/SENCodeOfPractice.pdf In short, if not practicable (eg distance) to maintain the child even for an interim period at the existing school, then the new LA may place the child at another school - I wouldn;t have thought that was relevant if you are only talking 15 miles. Otherwise, they cannot move the child or otherwise amend the statement without formally reviewing it under the rules we all know and love and issuing a new amended statement. From memory, if you move during an appeal period, then the new LA is substituted for the old LA as respondent authority. (I haven;t looked this up so don;t treat this as cast in stone) I would have thought that if you move during a stat assessment period (when a statement has not yet been made) then logically your old LA cannot issue a statement of special educational needs because they are not the relevant authority - the process would have to transfer to the new LA. If you are thinking that a statement will be issued before you move which names one school and then when you move you will want another school then I really don;t know. I think that if you make a request for a change within one year of the statement being made then the LA do not have to agree. Although a new LA has discretion (as above) to review the statement, which would include part 4 (named school) As to the scenario of no statement & eg School Action Plus then a change of school would be a straightforward school admission issue. If the new school had no available places you would have to appeal to get R in and make your case to an independent school admissions panel. The continuing SEN provision would be determined at school level if you got R in. I don't know how old R is but you should consider whether infant class size provisions would apply - if they do it would be very difficult if not impossible to succeed at appeal.

Hi I saw you are in Hampshire This may well be the school you saw. If not have you seen St Dominics? http://www.stdominicsschool.org.uk/index.php?sid=home It was on a list I looked at last year. Not suitable for my son but when I spoke to them they were very SALT aware. They went as far as to say that this why most kids went there.

Hi - I am on the facebook site - have said before, I am also in East London - might be useful to swop information on which boroughs we are in - my son is yr 9. Have a look at the wall - message me if you want.

That sounds awful - I've been there too and it is such a stressful and distressing time. I don;t know how old your son is - I'm guessing primary. TBH it was only exclusion and placememnt in a (very gentle) Pupil Referral Unit that helped my son redress his behaviour - he got the assistance and environment he needed although the academic stuff went by the way. A year later in yr 6 he was successfully re-integrated into a very inclusive primary. The exclusion helped with a statement too. Have you talked to the school about threatening permanent exclusion unles the LA statement? From what you say they have grounds just on today's incident.

MENCAP 'This is me' exhibition http://www.mencap.org.uk/news.asp?id=6820&detail=2

Hi - look at the SEN code of practice para 5.50 onward http://www.teachernet.gov.uk/_doc/3724/SENCodeOfPractice.pdf and SEN toolkit section 5 esp para 32 & 35 on http://www.teachernet.gov.uk/_doc/4610/Too...%205%20Text.pdf In short - a working document, parents views should be sought as part of the process, at least twice a year and maybe termly or even more frequently. My experience is of a (pretty flaky) meeting at the end of which we all (child included) sign a document which may or may not be meaningful and may or may not be adhered to.

Not sure about the button thing but I took my son to John Lewis for school trousers - they have lots of different styles & fabrics in their school uniform department. He walked around rubbing the trousers & then pronounced which ones worked for him. Works for him, it works for me as far as I'm concerned

Hi J's mum - I am currently looking for this type of school - they seem few and far between!!! do you have any recommendations???

Maybe you're a different borough to me - it's been (and still is) a battle. My son now has a brilliant psychologist but that's it really. Ho hum.

I hope it all turns out well for you. If you have the guardian's support that will be a big thing. I can't imagine the court will want to split the kids up. With a Special Guardianship Order social services have to produce a report which should include the services they are going to offer. The court must refuse to make the order until it is satisfied with the package. Keep on at it and look after yourself. ps - bet you're glad your daughter's stopped now!!! lol

Peaches - you say you get a residence order allowance. Does this mean there was a residence order rather than a special guardianship order? I'm sure that you must have a lawyer if you have already been through this 3 times. Talk to your lawyer about a special guardianship oder & a possible support package - if you would prefer to keep the 4 kids together it's worth thinking about it before you bow out. Whatever you decide, I know you'll do it for all the right reasons. Your daughter & grandkids are lucky.