NobbyNobbs

oooh, fun. remind me not to make friends with them

i wasn't aware i was 'flaming' at you you posted that you were working with people who i was simply asking how you came to the conclusions you do. i have real issues with small, select groups of people 'speaking' for such a large and varied group as 'disabled people' i dont consider my needs to be the same as someone with a severe learning disability, nor someone wheelchair bound and unable to physically care for themself or even the same as some of the people on this board who i share a diagnosis with. i've no idea how you can encompass everything that everyone needs, and everything that improves life for one group will generally have a negative effect on someone else. your attitude has come across to me (and i may be wrong, i'm finding it hard to follow what you're saying) that since you work with this group you know best and we should all vote the way you feel because thats what is best for disabled people. so i questioned how you have drawn the conclusion.

how do you know what is important to all disabled people? and how do you know you represent them correctly? my view of disability is (from what i've read in posts) somewhat different to yours, so it stands to reason that if you support labour for example, i'm not likely to so so as well. not becausse i dont like you/what you're doing/what you think but because our lives are very different so we have different needs. bearing in mind i've now ruled out both conservatives and labour, it looks like i'll be voting lib-dem... anyone know what UKIP think of gay rights?! (i'd never vote for them, but i'm curious now...)

bear in mind with labour they've been in power for 13 (?) years now... how likely is it they're going to suddenly get off their behinds and follow through on their manifesto now? a lot of the manifestos are null and void anyway for the next couple of years while the economy straightens out. at the moment they're all pretty much bound to a particular path or the economy will collapse again. points to remember - - either benefits will have to be cut or taxes raised. either way people suffer - you can say all you want about a better education system/NHS... theres no money and things generally dont get better by having less money spent on them - for SEN - inclusion works for SOME children, special schools work for SOME children... neither is right or wrong, it all depends on the child and something as big as the education system can't take into account every child in it. - most politicians lie! - being inclusive to the point of patronising is not progress, its still seeing you as different in a negative way. up until last night i was voting conservative, but i have two main issues which are controversial and now i'm not sure which is the bigger part of me and therefore more important. i can't find a party that suits both.

i know this has been asked before but as far as i can see only with reference to larger foot sizes and boys. i need to track down white seamless socks for K in size 6 - 8.5(kids). ive had enough of the endless 'theres a line it it!' tantrums, but really dont want to spend a fortune on socks because she's right on the upper end of the size range. we tried the next size up but that is worse because there theres bulk and movement at the toe and the heel doesn't sit right. she starts school in september so if anyone's come across seamless school tights that would be very helpful too! anyone know any good sites/brands?

sensitive toothpaste is actually a good way to goas theyre generally milder tasting

we live surrounded by fields on 3 sides, the sea on the other, and the mice always come in off the fields and get in our house - no idea how. most older houses wont be mouse proof as holes appear over the years.

the 'old' reports are only a year old because my tribunal was 6 months ago. will spend this afternoon copying and then highlighting all the reports.

do i need to send in all the reports/letters i sent in with my original claim again with my renewal, or will they use all the information from the original one plus anything new i send in with the forms? i have 3 new reports to send in, but there were 4 attached to the original claim that are still relevant and i dont want them forgotten/ignored. thanks

mice in the garden generally wont stay in the garden when winter comes and food gets scarcer. mice in the house is a big problem as food can be contaminated by them and they can also do a hell of a lot of damage eating carpets and furniture. if you dont want to poison them you can get people in to catch them i think. we just had to deal with some that had found the chicken feed in the shed, but most years we get mice coming in off the fields in autumn and trying to take up residence in the kitchen. when you open up a box of cereal and find mouse poo in it they become less appealing

wow, i wasn't withdrawn from classes... i got going before the classes started (2nd day of year 6 if i remember, the classes weren't until the last term of yr 6). another thing to consider if they do being early is to ensure appropriate provisions are made (bins etc) i can remember doing the walk of shame to the disabled toilet which was the only one with a bin. to get there i had to go out the banned door in class, across the playground, through the hall which was also banned dodging any teachers demanding to know what i was doing walking through the hall. talk about humiliating

and yet all the rest of us find it funny (or very clever). noone has every aspect of ASD and i dont quite see the benefit in trying to prove you're 'more' AS by having every trait in the book. having AS doesn't mean you're totally oblivious and by about the third post it was blatantly obvious it was a joke from peoples responses (including a large number of smilies), even if you didn't find the text itself funny.

sounds like you're in a great position to help her. my mother never talked to me... i got the puberty talk the day after i got my first period, that was dead helpful! also bear in mind kids are going into puberty incredibly early these days (9 was waay too early in my day, now it seems far more normal) so even if she's not there yet there will be girls in her class who are and may be making a lot of noise about it. with reference to the 'i want to be a lesbian' announcement... she might've been testing the ground to see how you react, saying it without actually meaning it. then if you screamed and said 'then you'll be thrown out of the house!' she'd know it wasn't a good subject to talk about again irrespective of truth. or she might just feel theres a lot of pressure associated with marriage and babies and like you said she thinks being gay gets you out of that. i'd counter it with informing her that actually, lesbians can and do get married and have kids! i could share some jokes about lesbians and u-hauls but i wont incase someone misunderstands.

right, i'm off my soap box, just had to stick up for them as i'd hate to see K referred to like that (and shes just the kind of kid that will be too ) does he go on 'organised' outings with these friends? ie to the cinema (i have no idea what 17 year old boys do these days, when i was 17 it was all about hanging out under bridges) if not then that might be a good place to start. theres only so much trouble you can get into at a cinema. where did he meet these boys? do they hang out at a particular place/time? if so then you can do your best to stop him attending and hope that that dulls the friendship. does/did he have any other fiends, because along with removing the friends you dont want it needs to be considered that he'll need replacements. if he's holding the 'i'll leave home if i dont get my way' thing over you, but doesn't have a job etc then in reality he will find it very hard to actually live out this threat so i'd be inclined to call him on it and say 'go on then'. the biggest risk would be that he would move in with one of these friends, but i suppose that depends on how much you know about their living arrangements/how much care he needs from you. if it looks like he's going to be living with you for some time yet then your dominance over him (rightly so,it being your home, money, food etc) needs to be asserted or he'll be running riot in no time.

yum! would certainly beat the normal kind. is there also a disorder for people who don't like chocolate?

i'm sure this isn't what you meant but as part of a foster caring family i take offense that you seem to classify children in care as undesirable as friends for your son because they are somehow bad. i'm well aware that teenagers in the care system can be challenging but there are very few children who are put in care because their parents dont want them and even fewer in care because they have chosen to be so. what they tell you about their life-story may well be very different from the reality. its easier at 17 to say you got put in care cos you were BAD than to say you got put in care because your parents have X Y and Z problems. Ks only 4 and if you ask her why shes in care she'll tell you its because she's naughty, when the reality is far from that. even at that age she knows telling the truth is embarassing and setting her up for ridicule. a little understanding goes a long way, so perhaps try to think about what those boys have been through (you wouldn't want someones mother not wanting their kid to be friends with your son because he has AS and therefore probably has some issues, after all) have you got any proof that they are using him? have they stolen anything or damaged any of your property? encouraged your son to break the law? obviously people with criminal records are not ideal friends for anyone, but at 17 he can be friends with whoever he wants and if he's not allowed to bring them to your house he'll just meet up with them somewhere else where you can't keep an eye on things. that said perhaps encourage him to attend other social events so that he can meet other people, or discuss any issues you have with him bringing those people into your house. explaining the results of petty and serious crimes might help him to understand there are some things he doesn't want to/shouldn't join in with.

my mom doesn't really wear makeup, but my older sister seemed to have no trouble learning all about it. i dont wear it because it irritates my skin. i had a hell of a time when i was about 13 and undx'd explaining that i could feel the mascara on my eyelashes all the time. perhaps some of it is also down to confidence in your instincts. with AS comes that subconscious knowledge that something isn't quite working at full capacity but until you get diagnosed you dont know what it is. personally i thought i was destined to become a serial killer because i didn't seem to have the same 'human' nature as other people the only other thing i can think of with the 'it would be easier to be a boy' thing is the possibility that she's questioning her sexuality. i know its a pretty common response to wish that things were the 'right way round' but since who you like seems unchangeable... is easier to wish your body fitted how you feel/who you like. worth keeping at the back of your mind even if it is a low probability.

i think this sounds like an AS girl thing. i was (and still am to a certain extent) the same. puberty is a hell of a lot to deal with for AS kids and although boys do go through changes too its not on the same epic scale of embarassment. the only publicly visible signs for them come a lot older so they're better equipt to deal with them. on top of this is asscosiated pressure for girls. between hair, clothes, makeup and liking/dating boys there are a lot of pressures that often don't come naturally to AS girls on top of the actual physical changes. i was always adamant i wouldn't get married or have children etc. because i couldn't properly understand the social situations surrounding those things and used refusal as a defense for the fact that i knew i wasn't growing up at the same speed as everyone else. a fair few years on and i now regret that someone didn't push me to learn now to do these things, even if it was in a different way as i missed out on a lot purely through fear and confusion. perhaps work on helping her to learn analytical tools to study what the other girls are doing so that if at any time she does want/need to join in with them she can do so. explain that because of the AS she might not have the istinct parts that tell her how/when to do things but that they can be learned in different ways. create a safe environment where she can come to you and you can teach her how to do all those things that girls in general seem to instinctively know what to do (how on earth do girls just 'know' how to put on makeup when they reach the age of 12?!), it might be embarassing at first but if you can openly discuss things like that (and obviously in time the dating issues etc) she might be a bit happier as a girl also you can always remind her that it might be harder to be a girl growing up, but women have a lot of skills that men dont. there are advantages to it beyond looking good to attract men

the primary school i help in in a non-religous standard school and is a registered charity... you can keep arguing demanding more evidence but the fact is majority of schools ARE charities. a lot of things are charities now because it gives them different tax rights and the ability to claim gift aid etc

is he having a growth spurt? it takes a while for your brain to catch up with changing body size/shape which is why teenage boys are always so uncoordinated and awkward. K shot up 4cm recently (!) and spent a good couple of weeks falling over, bumping into things and generally bashing herself on anything she had to go through/around.

my parents didn't think anything was wrong with me. in hindsight they say the obvious first sign was my refusal to feed. i never took more than 4oz, even at 9months old but this was put down to needing emergency surgery on my intestine when i was 10 months old.

thanks!

just popping in to ask - how do i find out what my local NAS does... and if i have one? i mean support groups etc? also for those who already attend them, what is the make-up in terms of male-female?

i dont know whether it applies to PDA but K views herself as entirely seperate from everyone else. we are all here to meet her needs/whims and she is not bound to any social or emotional rule that she places on anyone else. she shows no remorse for her actions apart from feeling sorry for herself when she is punished. if you question why she was punished she will tell you that it is because someone else did something. she wont admit to doing anything wrong herself, its ALWAYS someone elses fault. today she dropped her beaker in the car and started screaming at the wind that it was its fault! if you explain to her she has missed out on something because she behaved badly she says 'ok, i'll do it right next time' and wanders off perfectly happily. of course she doesn't do it right next time and round it goes again. her response to being told off is invariably 'but i wanted to' and thats that. you can't move her off that point no matter how much you explain its upset someone etc, all that matters is that she wanted to do it, so she did. this is very scary when you move it from a 4 year old and imagine her as an adult with that attitude

we no longer suggest K play with anything, since whatever we say we get the answer 'no, i wont do that. i want to do X'. when shes driving us nuts we resort to putting her in the living room with a stair gate on the door and go to the other side of the house so we can't hear her. she'll then either throw a fit and scream until we come back, or happily wander off and play on her own for hours. no clues on predicting which way it'll go each time. we wont be going for a diagnosis at the moment, theres no benefit to it until she starts school apart from for our peace of mind and we already know shes 'challenging' whatever the label. she does fine at nursery because the only thing she actually has to do each day is eat lunch! they can't get her to do anything when they ask either, but since they rarely ask it isn't much of a problem. it seems to be escalating at the moment, but at least the one redeeming thing is it all goes round in a circle and tomorrow she could wake up happy and be angelic. for us the key is in backing right off. if i put her dinner in front of her and say 'eat it or not, i dont care and walk off' she'll munch her way through the whole lot. if i put it in front of her and say 'eat your dinner up' she will refuse to eat it. is just rather annoying having to watch what we say so much, and very frustrating when we slip up and say the wrong thing.