Jannih

Hi Dharma Sorry to hear about the problems you are experiencing at work. Which Department are you with ? It might be worth your while getting a formal diagnosis as that will be proof that you have a disability and your employer would have some legal obligation to take your condition into account. The Civil Service, as you know, is an Equal Opportunities Employer and they should be making your situation more "work friendly." I agree with the others that you should report the bullying and harrassment to your union. Your line manger and colleagues are out of order . No employee should be treated like that. The PCS take a dim view of bullying and have given the subject quite a high profile recently. If you are not in the Union, then I suugest you join it. You can also get advice in regard to employment law from ACAS and Citizen Advice Bureau as there is potential for taking it to an Employment Tribunal. Your Employer has a duty of care to ensure that you are not exposed to stress / bullying etc. that could lead to depression or any other type of illness. Jannih

I'm definitely a girly girl. I love posh frocks , make-up and jewellery. Any given opportunity and I will be wearing them ! I don't know if it has anything to do with coming from a family of all girls and constantly being "bashed up" by boys throughout my childhood. After all who would want to hang out with boys like that, let alone copy their interests, behaviour etc. I can't multi-task and I can read maps etc. I was exceptionally good at reading/spelling, hopeless at maths. My obsessions were Greek mythology, religion and genealogy -one at a time of course. This is the reason why I can't get my head round this extreme male brain theory. I know I have a number of autistic traits but I don't fit the classic desription. For that reason I think there are a number of girls falling through the net. Let's face it, as long as they don't present a problem to the smooth running of a class room, they will be ignored unless they have parents who take a sufficient interest in their development.

I found this interesting article on another website which I think is very interesting. I can certainly relate to it. More than Just Quirky Because they may have different symptoms than boys do, some girls with Asperger's syndrome don't get diagnosed. Liane Willey watched from behind a two-way mirror as doctors at the University of Kansas performed a series of psychological tests on her 5-year-old daughter. From the day the girl was born, Liane had worried about the child's behavior: as an infant, she would not suckle. As a toddler, she bit other children and refused to let anyone hug her. Doctors had continually assured the young mother that her daughter was normal, if a bit quirky. But with each passing year, 'quirky' had become less apt a description. By the age of 5, she had no friends and a profound obsession with monkeys. "If another kid came to school with a toy monkey or something with a monkey picture on it, she would freak out," Liane says. "She would try to take it away from the other kid, because she didn't get that not everything 'monkey' was hers." Liane had been a quirky child herself, and knew the difficult path that lay ahead for her daughter. "Growing up, I tried everything?psychotherapy, group therapy, antidepressants?none of them gave me a better sense of the world or my place in it," she recalls. "For her, I wanted something that would actually work, and I wanted them to put a name to the angst once and for all." Doctors were hoping the psychological tests would yield-up some clues. The "Sally-Anne" test involved a simple skit: 'Sally' put a marble in the basket and then walked away. Once she was gone, 'Anne' took the marble out of the basket and put it in a box. When 'Sally' returned, the doctors asked where she would look for her marble. Anyone over the age of 5 is expected to know that Sally would look in the basket first, because she doesn't know that her marble has been moved. Expecting Sally to look in the box first suggests that the test-taker doesn't understand that other people don't know everything they know, and vice versa. Psychologists refer to this as a "theory of mind," and people who fail the Sally-Anne test are said to lack one, meaning they can't anticipate other people's thoughts and feelings. Liane's daughter failed the Sally-Anne test, along with every other assessment meant to screen for Asperger's syndrome, a high-functioning autism spectrum disorder, which the doctors promptly diagnosed her with. The good news was that they had caught it early. It's not uncommon for girls with Asperger's to go undiagnosed well into adulthood. Like heart disease, this high-functioning autism spectrum disorder is 10 times more prevalent in males, so doctors often don't think to look for it in females. But some experts have begun to suspect that unlike heart disease, Asperger's manifests differently, less obviously in girls, and that factor is also causing them to slip through the diagnostic cracks. This gender gap may have implications for the health and well-being of girls on the spectrum, and some specialists predict that as we diagnose more girls, our profile of the disorder as a whole will change. Anecdotally, they report that girls with Asperger's seem to have less motor impairment, a broader range of obsessive interests, and a stronger desire to connect with others, despite their social impairment. But much more research is needed before those anecdotes can be marshaled into a coherent picture. "Ultimately, we might want to look for different symptoms in girls," says Katherine Loveland, a psychiatry professor and autism researcher at the University of Texas in Houston. "But we have a lot more questions than answers at this point." Answering those questions has proven a tricky proposition: to draw any real conclusions, many more girls will have to be studied. And that means more of them will have to be diagnosed in the first place. Anyone who knows a boy with Asperger's syndrome might tell you that the disorder (characterized by obsessive interests and an inability to connect with others) is impossible to miss. For starters, the things most boys get obsessed with are difficult to shrug off as quirky. Imagine, for example, a 7-year-old boy with encyclopedic knowledge of vacuum cleaners or oscillating fans but almost no friends or playmates. Now, replace oscillating fans with something more conventional - say horses or books - and imagine a girl instead of a boy. A horse obsession, even one of frightening intensity, might fly under the radar. "Girls tend to get obsessed with things that are a little less strange," says Elizabeth Roberts, a psychologist at New York University's Asperger's Institute. "That makes it harder to distinguish normal from abnormal." That observation is consistent with a 2007 study of 700 children on the spectrum, which found that girls' obsessive interests reflected the interests of girls in the general population; the same was not true for boys. In addition to more socially acceptable obsessions, Roberts says, the Aspie girls she sees are more adept at copying the behaviors, mannerisms and dress codes of those around them, than Aspie boys tend to be. "From my personal experience, they seem to have a greater drive to fit in than boys with Asperger's do," she says. "So they spend a lot of time studying other girls and trying to copy them." When social settings change, this can spell disaster. "As you move from high school to college, or from one group of friends to another, you have a whole new set of rules to learn," said one Aspie woman who asked not to be named. "Not only do you lose your own identity, but if you end up surrounded by the wrong people?mimicking their behavior without understanding the motivations behind it can lead to big trouble." Of course, it's not just different symptoms that stymie diagnosis?cultural conditioning may also play a role. What looks like pathological social awkwardness in a little boy can seem like mere bashfulness or just good old-fashioned manners in a little girl. "We tend to notice shyness in boys as 'off,'" says Loveland. "In girls, we can almost see it as a good trait." And while boys are often diagnosed when they begin expressing their frustration as aggression and find themselves in trouble at school, girls ?even Aspie girls?learn to internalize their feelings, not to act out, which can make them more anxious and less noticeable at the same time. But even as they effectively mask Asperger's in girls, social mores might also make the disorder more harrowing for them. As they approach adolescence, girls face greater pressure to be sympathetic and empathetic than boys do. "By the time girls reach junior high, their social networks have become extraordinarily complex, and Aspie girls can't keep up with all the nuances," says Janet Lainhart, a doctor at the University of Utah's Brain Institute. "Boys struggle socially as well, but their peers mature much slower so their inability to empathize is seen as more forgivable." Not everyone is persuaded that the symptoms of Asperger's differ between boys and girls. Ami Klin, director of Yale's autism research group cautions that no Asperger's trait can be defined as gender-specific quite yet. "It's a possibility," he says. "But I don't know anyone who has tested it and I can think of many exceptions to any rule you come up with about what narrow interests or other traits each gender has." What everyone does seem to agree on is that without diagnosis, girls are unlikely to get the support?including special education and behavioral therapy?that has proven so helpful to boys with Asperger's. Even worse, their desperation for human interaction?combined with their inability to gauge the intentions of those around them?can make girls with Asperger's easy prey for sexual predators. "That is a real distinction and my real concern for girls on the spectrum," says Klin. "That they will be more susceptible to rape, abuse and drug addiction because of their social deficiencies and because they aren't getting the right guidance." Despite the urgent need for more research, Klin says that scientists who study ASDs have effectively orphaned this population. Because there are so few of them, girls are often yanked from studies altogether so that they don't muddy up the data. As a result, only a very small body of work addresses the Asperger's gender gap, even though such studies could lead to better diagnosis of both autism and Asperger's. Preliminary genetic analyses suggest that autism may be caused by different genes in each gender; and at least one MRI study has found differences in the brain anatomy of boys and girls on the spectrum. Simon Baron-Cohen, a renowned autism researcher, has shown that high levels of fetal testosterone may also play a role. But that work has yet to be replicated, mainly, say Loveland and others, due to a lack of funding or interest. "A lot of people see Baron-Cohen's work as 'politically incorrect,'" says Loveland. "Any time you start talking about a biological basis of sex differences, you are looking at controversy." Meanwhile, many schools and clinics that work with children on the spectrum have begun forming girls-only clubs in an effort to build better support systems for girls with Asperger's. Lainhart has created a group at her Utah practice. The first things her girls, who range in age from early teens to late 20s, wanted to know: how to plan a dinner party and how to hold a dance. "They really want to understand how to do these very-female things, they just need the guidance to get there," she says. Of course, getting that guidance depends on getting the right diagnosis early on. And it turned out that Liane's daughter wasn't the only one to fail the Sally-Anne test that afternoon. Liane herself had not been able to distinguish between what she knew and what Sally knew. Doctors diagnosed her right alongside her daughter. Liane says that diagnosis changed everything for her. "It was like a light bulb went off," she says. "I was able to seek out the right kind of treatment, and after a lifetime of mimicking others, finally find my own identity." And early diagnosis has helped her daughter (now a healthy teenager) avoid many of the pitfalls that Liane herself fell prey to. "Her experience has been totally different from mine," she says. "She's had special education and behavioral therapy from the time she was a young girl, and if I introduced you to my three daughters today, you wouldn't be able to tell which one has Asperger's." http://www.newsweek.com/id/168868

Congratulations , Warren. Jannih

Have you tried curry and chips . Greatly recommended.

No, you are right it won't work . I still have to take them out of the main packet. If I make a rice pudding I divide it into portions and they go straight in the freezer but half an hour later I will be taking them all out again to eat ! I control my eating habits by buying a little at the time and most meals have to be made up from ingredients. If I buy ready made meals I know they are in fridge begging to be eaten, so I try to avoid them when I am shopping. My main problem is when I go into a supermarket and I feel hungry ; that is when I head for the cakes and biscuits.

Join the club , Lonerangess. I think I might know how you feel. If like me you merged quietly into the background and was withdrawn ; not only would they not recognise you were an aspie but the chances are they didn't even know you were there ! I was so quiet , people did not bother with me because I was no trouble. What about you , what are your experiences ? Jannih

Try the wrong planet website. Not only do they have very interesting discussions but there are invitations to socialise on an informal level. A few months ago a group of people met up one Sunday at The Royal Festival Hall in London for some free concerts /events that usually take place there. There may be some who live in your area who might be up for forming a social group.

I'm a bit of a foodie myself. My problem is that I will sometimes go to the supermarket , often when I am peckish , and buy a packet of luxury triple coated chocolate cookies . I will then go home and feel tempted to have one with a cup of coffee. The trouble is , once I have opened them , I have to finish them , but because I am a bit weight conscious I will then go without a proper meal. I don't know if that would be classed as a bit of OCD. I'm not anorexic or bulimic and weigh 9 st. 7 pound. At this momemt I am tucking into a packet of white belgian chocate & cranberry cookies but I will eat a wholesome meal tonight .

Hi Tally I think you are right, when you say " she knows alright" in regard to knowing and remembering you have an ASD. The problem might be that seeing you , reminds you of her son and the problems that she may be experiencing with him. Everything might just seem to be too close to home and she just can't hack it. It might be a good idea, to give her some space. If you feel that you have finished your work , just ask your line manger what further things needs to be done. After all , by now he knows there is a problem between you and your work colleague and that you have an ASD, which means you sometimes may need guidance in what do do next . He should then be able to point you in the right direction. Just try and be aware of what your work colleague is going through.

Hi Hev That sounds really awful. Who is Steve , is he your son ? I find it difficult to reply as I do not know anything about you , but I do sympathise because no one should be spoken to like that . If he is your nearest and dearest , I think you should tell him that what he said was humiliating and upsetting and to imagine how he would feel if someone spoke to him in that manner in public.

What is the name of this organisation ? I know the Jobcentre have contracted out work to certain organiisations. In our area , it is The Shaw Trust . These advisors get commission on getting disabled people into work . It sounds to me that this adviser is motivated more by money than getting you into a job that suits your abilities and takes into account your social difficulties. Can you take someone with you , on Monday , for moral support such as a support worker ? Don't let them pressurise you. Concerning the other issues. Someone mentioned that their was no job advice in the Jobcentre. If you find a job you like on the Job point machines , you just go over to the phones provided and contact Job Seekker Direct on 0845 6060 234. Even if you find that you don't wish to use the machines , Jobseeker Direct people can do a jobsearch for you over the phone. Also if you go onto jobcentreplus.gov.uk . you will find jobs on there and plenty of job advice. You say you don't get benefits , so have asked whether are eligible or tried to make a claim, because how are you managing to live ?

I'm not familiar with Lemon suet Puddiing . My mum used to make Treacle or Jam pudding and Spotty Dick. Yummy !

Hi Warren Am I to understand that this " work trial" is an official jobcentre work trial where you work for 3 weeks unpaid but receive Jobseekers allowance / ESA / Incapacity / Income support etc with an added top up . If it is then you are within your rights to do the work trial and then decline the job without it affecting your benefits. The work trial is there to encourage people to try out a job and if they like it , to prove themselves and their abilities to the employer. If the employer is impressed with your standard of work they will then take you on as a proper employee. It also works the other way in that if you are unhappy with the job you can pull out during the work trial and your claim still continues to run as you never closed it down in the first place. The benefit will not be stopped. If you are on JSA then you will have a Jobseekers Agreement. This outlines the minimum steps that you have agreed to take to look for work . Have you agreed to do this type of work . If you haven't then you should not be made to go for it especially if you have an ASD . This works looks highly unsuitable and I think you are right to be concerned. What we need to know here , is , is it Jobecentre advisers who are telling you to go to this interview or are they advisers from a private organisation contracted by the jobcentre, to get the disabled into work ? Have you thought about getting help from CAB or an advocacy worker ? Get back to me Warren give me some more info and I might be able to give some more advice. Jannih

You could nip down to the local charity shops and look out for old cookery books. Books by Margaret Patten tend to to have the old recipes. She was big between 1940s and 1960s and was asked by the war time government to make up recipes in order to make food rationing more exciting ! For a real traditional suet pud , go for the beef suet not the vegetarian variety. Jannih

Hi Tally Does the personnel dept , if there is one , know that you have a disability . If they do then it shouldn't be a problem reducing your hours. Just tell them that you are finding it difficult , tiring and too challenging . If no one knows and you want to keep it that way then do what Pearl says and use the "work life balance " excuse. Of course if they don't know about your disability they could say " sorry we don't need part timers ,goodbye" and may feel they have no obligation towards you. Keep quiet about the real reason as people might not understand and cause you more problems. Jannih

I think that is a perfectly reasonable question and as you say everyone is an individual. First let me say that I do not have a diagnosis and I don't self diagnose either but I certainly have autistic traits which have made life difficult for me in some areas. My experience and reactions when my mum died were not entirely " normal." She died after being ill for a month. I didn't express any emotion but I suggested to my sisters that we should " lay my mother out " We got permission from the ward sister but the nurses were shocked when they saw me with the trolley and even more shocked when I said I wanted to do it. I also went into overdrive supporting my dad with the practicalities of registeriing the death and organising the funeral. I went back to work after 4 days even though it was sugggested I could take sick leave but I just wanted to get back to work. It was only 3 months later ,when a regular customer , also recently bereaved , started to ask me about my feelings eg, "did I feel angry, did I feel resentful " etc that I became upset. I don't bare my soul very easily to family let alone a stranger. My younger sister who is autistic, though never professionally diagnosed, was very vocal in her grief. She did have a mother fixation , to the exclusion of all others, and felt very dependant on my mum. I personally feel that she was upset because now mum was gone she was wondering what would happen to her. As it happens she has now widened her circle and made contact with friends from school days . They all have special needs and help each other out , which is not a bad thing.

As an oldie (55years), I remember the Big Freeze of Winter 1962 / 1963 . I was only 8 yrs old at the time but it put me off snow for life. In those days we had no central heating and my mum would put the gas stove on with door open and we dressed for school in the kitchen. The windows were iced up with pretty patterns and I remember hating the cold even then. Now for the tips. I suggest several layers of clothing, including thermals. Also , just lately I have been coming home and leaving my hat and coat on for a few hours until I get warm. Ensure that your home is well insulated ie cavity and loft insulation. My problem at the moment is that I have no insulating underlay and carpet, just floor boards and as it is an old house there is plenty of cold air coming up through the cracks. My number one priority this year is to get the rest of the house double glazed and the ground floor carpeted. Then hopefully it might feel warmer next winter. I also hope that those of you who are eligible are getting your cold weather payments !

I noticed that they had a number of advisers on the credits at then of the film, one of them being Temple Grandin. So the people who made the film must have wanted and an accurate portrayal of someone with autism.

Hi Jaalka I am a bit late with this advice but as your son is on Income Supprt , he could try getting a loan from the Social Fund . There are two types of social fund loans, the Budgeting Loan which has to be paid back over time and the Community Care Grant , which doesn't. He might not be eligible for the Community Care Grant but if you don't ask you will never know. If he has been claiming IS for more than 6 months , he would be eligible for help with a Budgeting loan . Ask at your local Jobcentre for the local Social Fund telephone number .

Being made redundant and experiencing bereavement are justifiable reasons for being upset and tearful. My problem is that the reasons I have , are not. It's good to know that I am not alone though. I suppose it all depends on whether one is a passive person or an aggressive one. You hear of those with ASD /Aspergers acting out their frustrations but there are those who suffer in silence and get totally overlooked because of their passivity but the frustratations are there all the same , though manifested a different manner.

I don't think that we should stop trying to change our behaviour especially if we are unhappy with it , but I get your point , and that's probably one reason why I have considered assessment /diagnosis , because it might give me the excuse to accept things more and not be so hard on myself. Thanks for the tips as well.

Hi Podley Wodley, Good to have you on board

I am 56 years old and for as long as I can remember , which is a long , long time ; I have had difficulty in expressing my feelings . My main problem is that if I am angry or unhappy about a situation and I try to challenge someone about it , I inevitably end up in tears. This sets me in a downward spiral as I hate getting like this because I know I am over reacting and feel pathetic. I am sure people think I am being emotionally manipulative but the truth is I don't appear to have any control over this crying and the last thing I want to be is " manipulative". If I am angry I would much rather show it in the tone of my voice and " be angry" than dissolve in tears ! Is this typical of an autistic symptom and does any one have any advice on how I can deal with it. By the way I have not been assessed and diagnosed. I have managed to mask a lot of my problems over the years but recently I am starting to unravel and my social anxiety seems to be worsening Jannih

Hi Tally Disabled Tax Credits are a type of enhanced working tax credit . As a disabled person in receipt of DLA , if you work more than 16hrs a week you can get a top up. To see if you are eligible go onto HMRC website and do the Tax credits calculation or phone 0845 300 3900. Jannih