KezT

If I give you one of my eight-hour-sleeps, can I have your lottery win? I am lucky in that sleeping is something that I have started being able to expect again but everyone has days where life feels like a slog.... even people with only NT kids! Being on your own means that you don't get the chance to foist the responsibility off on anyone else even if just for a few hours - which is something I find invaluable. is there anyone who can help out, or even better, who you could stay with for a few days, just to help you catch up on some sleep. I wouldn't leave my kids with anyone else, but when I take them to my mum's she gets up with them in the morning & I can get anything up to an extra hour in bed!!!! It's amazing how much that can help. Glad it was only a blip and you are feeling more optimistic again. Remember that the next time you have one of those days:)

I know what you mean - my MiL took DS to see Polar Express at the cinema when he was about your daughter's age - they left after abotu 10 mins cos it was too scary & he was screaming the place down. Dora is lovely - almost educational and there4 are billions of DVD's out there! BTW - he is 9 now and watches all the pixar-type films, and even the occasional Dr Who (we screen them first). So she probably will grow into other stuff eventually.

all I can offer is give lots of warning and explain why you are moving. DS flipped out completely when we even suggested it as an idea - but we took him along to view some houses, explained why we were thinking of it and slowly he became less anxious. in the end, we didn't move, which he was much happier about than I was LOL. But loking at houses and discusiing how we could fit his old stuff into the new room etc helped a bit.

I would think it very much depends on the individual! we don't (yet), but we don't have awful sleeping problems either..... perhaps in your case try putting a Tv that is only connected to a videa/DVD player - so you can put on something soothing, know it will last a limited time and rest assured she is not switching over to "Scariest Ghost Stories" or something equally inappropriate!

What are you finding difficult? Asking girls out on a date, or going on the date & what to do, or knowing which girls to ask in the first place? At the end of the day, the first date thing is pretty awkward for everyone LOl. Ignore all those stupid chat up lines and "experts" etc in books & on TV, and just be open and homest. If you already know girls and are able to talk to them, then just ask one if they would like to come out with just you next Friday. Make sure it is is clear that you want it to be just you & them and see what they say. If they are friends, they will tell you straight out if they think its not a good idea! If you are concerned about what to do on your date, I would suggest doing something that you can discuss together. For example go to a filem, then have a meal/coffee. that way you can talk about the film to start with and maybe it will digress into other subjects if you get on well, but if not, at least you haven't spent an hour stuck together with nothing to say.

not loads at the moment, although he likes cheese on his pasta, and the occasional milk shake or ice cream, so he gets enough. Actually, I have taken a big breath and a step back (and locked DH out of the dining room for a week) and done what I always advise parents of younger children to do, which is keep a food diary. And guess what? he does get a fair range oif nutrition after all In fact, over the week, if you add up the veg in various cooked foods, he probably eats an average amount (although nowhere near 5-a-day). Just no "fruit" or "veg" on their own. MUST REMEMBER - sometimes it is just parental paranoia, and not a real problem at all LOL.

well, wouldn't that just be the perfect solution for the world?

Oh FFS. Not all. SOME. what I am trying to say is that it is a SPECTRUM. what you consider "mild" may only be your perspective of a single circumstance. Or not. Note the word necessarily I think that going to the same pub, and drinking the same drink out of the same glass with the same people at the same time each week would be extremely boring for ME - not for you, or anyone else. I wouldn't stop anyone doing it, or insist they go partying at the local nightclub instead - why should I? I say well done to ASD adults who have managed to find their niche in the wider world without (or indeed with) support. In fact, I say well done to anyone who has found thier niche - plenty don't! However, I also think it is perfectly possible for many ASD adults to be sucessful and good managers, which is where this all started. Not just "mild" ASD adults, because that is patently a undefined term to use Obviously, non-verbal adults are unlikely to manage a team of people in the workplace but "severe" ASD adults could do, in the right environment. Yet by your definition, the fact that they can hold down a job precludes them from being "severe" - I just don't agree.

That is not at all what I said. If you read my post it says "If you have "enough" traits to be dx'd, it is obviously enough to affect your daily life ". I was assuming a medical dx, not a self one. Without disregarding the many difficulties adults on here may have met in their lives, anyone can dx themselves with anything, especially considering, as I said, pretty much everyone has some ASD traits, and some MH traits, and some depression traits, ad infinitum LOL. The internet has much to say for it, but a lot to answer for too. the effect may not necessarily be in the same way for everyone with a diagnosed ASD, but it is difficult to classify as "mild" or severe" in many, if not most cases. However, an ASD adult who has found a specific lifestyle that they can lead within the larger NT community is not necessarily "mild" - just lucky. If you take them out of their tiny world, they may well crumble into a head banging, middle distance staring mute. how do you know? I certainly know of people who work in a specific place doing a specific thing, with a very small number of specific people, who live independantly and pay rent, and even socialise in a rather boring and ordered fashion (my NT perception) - but take them 1/2 mile away from their house in the opposite direction from work/local pub, and they turn into a quivering statue of indecision.

I would like to say, for the record, that in the vast majority of occasions, I treat my AS and NT kids exactly the same when they exhibit the same behaviours. good parenting is good parenting and what works for AS kids will usually work for NT kids - it's just that sometimes the AS kids make you think more about what they are doing & why they are doing it (usually becasue the results are so much more, um, explosive....). Running into the road and refusing to move are both fairly common in all kids - albeit my AS son still does so at 9 years old...... there are some things that my AS child can do which illicits a different response from the same behaviour in my NT kids, but if you think about it, the response is not really "different" just "more". there is more discussion, more information, more lead up etc. Although in many ways the AS child still needs the same parenting at 9 as he did at 5, and I strongly suspect he will need much the same at 15 too. As I said, IMO "mild" is a label put on externally by people that see you as coping with life fairly well. DS is currently "mild" to my mother because she only sees him occasionally, and is really good at selective listening:) He is "fairly severe" to the school because they have to provide 1:1 support the whole time he is there, but believe he can remain in mainstream school with said support. He is "severe" to his gymnastic class, who have refused to have him back even with 1:1 as he is a danger to everyone else there. He varies from "very mild" to "seriously out there" to me depending on how sucessful our day has been LOL. On the whole I optimistically look at him as "mild" because he is in mainstream school, and I am still fully confident he will lead a mostly independant and constructive (working) life as an adult. Obviously, if he did not recieve any support at all, I expect he would rapidly slide into severe autism rather than AS, as he can happily lock himself away inside his head and ignore the rest of the world when he doesn't like it Also, as I am sure many people have been told, most NT people have some ASD traits if you look at the spectrum as a whole. It is the combination of traits that leads to a dx. If you have "enough" traits to be dx'd, it is obviously enough to affect your daily life - rather tlike if your eyesight is bad enough to be officially "blind" it doesn't really matter whether you can see a little, or make out light/dark, or see nothing ata ll - you are blind and it is not the same as someone who is a bit short-sighted! If you have and ASD you have an ASD whether that more one way or another, it is not the same as someone who feels themselves a bit awkward in social situations. You may well be "mild" in some situations (ie: public speaking) and severe in others (ie: eye contact). So on the whole, such labels are just confusing in ASD.

Getting back on topic, managing is a "soft" skill and everyone does it a bit differently. I am not sure that any number of courses can make much difference. As said above, it is much more important that you are professional, able to do your job, available and helpful at work than you remember the names of your colleagues cats and go to the pub every Friday night! As an NT manager, and a very good one if I do say so myself, I had 70 staff to look after so I neither knew nor cared about most of their private lives! Nor do i belive a lot of out of work socialising wih your staff builds the best professional relationship - I made it a policy to never drink if there were work collegues there! Enthusiasm, interest in the job/company ect, willingness to help out ect are all more important and earn respect. Of course there are some things that you do need to remember to be a good manager - things that may have a direct relevance to the employee (ie, if employee X takes some time off to arrange her mother's funeral one week, it is something that needs to bourne in mind when she comes back to work....). As to people asking about your family ect, in many cases they are probably not that interested Just give them a one or two sentance answer ("Oh everything is great, DD loves her new teacher and DS has made friends with the next door neighbour"), and then ask the same question back to them. That is usually what they are interested in - telling you about their kids/pets/health/holiday..... It depends on your own circumstances as to whether you tell your collegues about any ASD dx. In my case, it would have both unecessary and pointless. In general, it is sensible to tell your manager tho. As a side note, any spectrum has a sliding scale, but ASD is a bit different because whereas someone may have "mild" effect in one aspect (ie sensory difficulties) they may have very severe problems in another (ie: social interaction), making the ASD as a whole niether mild nor severe, but just ASD!. My mother likes to tell me that DS is "mild AS" - this is because a) she doesn't really approve that anyone in her family can have anything "wrong" with them LOL, she lives 200 miloes away and doesn't see the daily problems and c) we have generally made a good job of managing many of his behaviours. I think "mild" or "severe" is something that others like to label you with to make excuses for themselves I also tell DS that his AS is the REASON he finds some things so challenging. It is not an EXCUSE not to do them/to do something else. That way, I hope he will still be able to access the support he needs as a child, while learning the coping mechanisms to give him access to the NT world when he grows up.

As I think was said somewhere else, the easiest thing to do in this situation is to make something part of your routine. Ie: call them every Monday at 2pm. In your case, it is probably also worth getting a notebook to jot down stuff they say to you, so you can bring it up again next week. So if you call person A one week & they tell you they are decorating their front room, when you call them the following week, you can start the conversation with, "how's the front room looking now?". makes you appear intereswted and caring.

We've always tried to keep a laid back attitude about food. My mother successfully gave all four of her daughters eating disorders and I am determined not to pass that on!!!! I think i panicked because of his AS - I know that ignoring it is the best policy with NT kids But ignoring it this time seems to have just let him think he doesn't need to bother:( He used to eat cut up apple, juice (but not smoothies) and some veg, but one by one his "tastes have changed" and now he doesn't like anything that has a colour I think LOL. He never approved of dried fruit, youghurts or even fruit pies/crumble! I guess I just have to keep trying and keep calm - and even harder, try to keep DH calm about the whole issue! thanks to everyone.

Ds has always had faddy tastes in food, but mostly we've done a good job of working through them/with them or just convincing him that he was wrong But recently he has just stopped eating ANY fruit or veg. he was always picky, but would eat a fair few things when encouraged. he hasn't eaten anything for a couple of months now, and it is really concerning us as he can not possibly be getting enough nutrition from the non-stop carbs he prefers! He has had cold-like symptoms for a few weeks and I'm pretty certain it is at least partly due to his diet. Does anyone have any ideas how we can get him to start eating fruit & veg again? he is 9 now, so old enough not to be conned into eating things in most instances. I can "hide" some veg in meals like spag bol but I have to cut it into tiny, tiny peices as if it is big enough to pick out he will! I have done the talk about 5 a day, and I know they do that at school too. But like all kids, the concept of long term health issues is totally irrelevant to him. He does have a vitimin tablet each day, but I don't believe they area substitute, nor do i think that is a sloution to the real problem. We always said we would not make mealtimes a battleground, but it has got to the point that DH has started on the "if you don't eat it now you'll get it back for breakfast" thing. I'm sure that won't work, but what will? Any advice?

You should put in a formal complaint tro the practise manager, and if necessary to your Trust. It was after I complained the the practise manager that I was informed that of COURSE I could book in advance and there is some rule that they MUST offer urgent appointments to anyone who needs one (I think they have 48 hours).

Retrospective prosecution is not unknown, although not very common. The terrorist legislation was all written specifically to allow retrospective prosecutions tho. There have been a number of child abuse/secual assault cases that were prosecuted restrospectively (ie: under the new law in force at the time of the prosecution rather than the law in force at the time of the act).

ours say they do it, but when I looked into it, they are either not actually allowed to or at least it is not good practise. When I complianed, I was told that of COURSE I could book non-urgent appointments Sometimes it is easier to do in person if you can get to the surgery - doctors often send people out saying "come back in two weeks" or whatever, so they are more used to doing it at reception. But if you arguie enough you can get an appointment on the phone. I'm waiting for my surgery to allow online appt. booking

I can't give much advice other than high fences and padlocked gates. Fortunately my son is not so observant and often doesn't notice when we forget to padlock it properly Although my son is good in that he always brings himself home if he can find someone to bring him back (he knows his address, and has it in his mind that he must not cross roads without an adult - doesn't always apply when running off, but apparently does when coming back ). We have given him his own mobile phone - it is locked to just me, dad & Mother-in-Law's numbers, but we can call to find out where he is if he disappears. You can also look at getting him "dogtags" or something saying he is autistic and if found please return to......LOL My son has got a lot better about it as he gets older. he still runs sometimes, but usually when upset about something, which means while someone else is there, so we can grab/chase him!

I would suggest youyr support worker to go with you to Kings Cross (Which is absolutely awful even for NT people - so crowded, large & busy), but try and do the main line journey yourself. Take it one step at a time

as an NT person, all I can suggest is keep trying and eventually you will find a number of friends who are able to properly understand what your AS means and act accordingly, and remain friends even if you get "it" wrong sometimes. TBH, NT people have similar issues with friends (well, I do). they come and go, some people obviously consider friendship to be other to what I think it is.... good friends are hard to come by, but when you get them, they will stay for years

that is not solving the big issue though! I would also suggest you wander down to your local CAB. They could help you write the letter if you need it, but they could also log it as a national issue and bring some pressure to bear on the train companies to stop being such idiots!

I take DS to see my sister & nephew in Ireland when I can find the money. the Gameboy is DS's saviour when it comes to flying - he can spend hours on it and will accept waiting in the airport if he has his nose buried in a good game He still doesn't cope well with the takeoff/landing, but the flight inbetween is usually OK. I pity the poor person who has to sit next to us, but c'est la vie! But TBH, family fund will completely cover the cost of a Haven holiday which sounds a better bet to me (we will be applying for that next year hopefully, as this year's grant was used up on other stuff), and centrparcs are supposed to be great too. I don't bother with foreign holidays, even if I could afford them I doubt it would be worth it. there is so much in the UK that is worth doing

definitely sounds like discrimination to me. Companies MUST make "reasonable adjustments" to allow disabled customers to access the same services as non-disabled. therefore, saying that you have to call personally is direct discrimination under the DDA. In your "strongly worded letter" I suggest you give them the opportunity to offer you compensation then suggesting that you may wish to take further proceedings if not satisfied.

I would advise trying to get everything sorted out and in place at your current location - if you move in the future, it is easier to move support than start from scratch in a new place! My sister provides the sort of support you need - she is an OT, working with MH clients who have diverse needs. She works for the NHS, not the ecouncil. I will try to find out how people get on her books, although I know it is very difficult But it is worth starting with adult MH, and your GP/any specific consultants to see if they have any ideas. Adult social services can also provide support workers to help people live independantly, and I think have a duty to assess your needs if you request that. Good luck.