OddFather

Hi Lorraine, Please don't be sorry you started the thread. I know we have been extremely lucky with our daughter, and just as much so with the mainstream school she is currently in as they have been extremely understanding and supportive. By the end of the first year there had been such a big transformation in her confidence and ego. It could easily have been very different. I guess the point is I don't realy understand the struggles other parents have to go through and so don't fully understand the sensitivity around the subject. In particular I did not want to upset you, or offend you but probably did a good job of both, if so sorry. A lot of people here agree with you so in all probability there is something I am not 'getting'.

I didn't see the interview, but from what is reported to have been said here then all I can say is 'GREAT!' Lorry, I can appreciate what you are saying about your son, but my daughter is bright, regularly goes shopping on her own, has had a good friend for six years, and rarely gets into trouble at school. She has been diagnosed with Aspergers. Should I stop talking about her or reffering to her autism because it does not blight her life as it does your son and the two may be compared by others? And no I am not suggesting this is what you are saying, or that you would even consider saying it. I am saying this to make a point. ie: how many posts are there here and on other autistic boards which complain about general ignorance of autism and its stereotypical image in the minds of others? The amount of frustration of this limited 'interpretation of what it means to be autistic causes? So what if it wasn't an in depth conversation of how the need for routine can be debillitating to an autistic person when that routine is disrupted? It does open up the concept of what autism is about on a much more wider scale then many people think of it. I'm sorry if this offends you, but I think it is a step in the right direction.

Hi Karen, I don't think this is a problem in general. I've just started working recently in school specialising in autism, including Aspergers, and swimming is an important part of the curriculum. I checked with my sister who was a swimming instructer for over fifteen years with a local authority and has taught many autistic children without similar problems. However it may be one of the things he is sensitive too. It may be worth talking to your doctor about.

Hi Pim, My daughter is 12 and we are now discussing with the school about letting her classmates know. Though we've had a good idea of her dx she only got it in September. Though this was at our innitiation (telling her classmates), not the school. As it is a secondary school we don't get to meet the parents so one of the considerations is wether or not to include a not to write to the parents letting them know what has been explained to them. A major issue is how it is handled and the support for afterwards. (obviously this has been secondary to our daughters consent). It won't be the class teacher explaining but the SENCO who has been very good with her and has a good grasp on how it effects our daughter in particular. I will be there, the pastoral leader for her year, and they are hoping to have someone from the clinic where she was diagnosed to answer questions that arise at the time. There will be other classes later on to help with any issues arising or furhter questions by the students. Plus they will be watching things closely to ensure there is no bullying because of it afterwards. The reason we decided is in part because we have had good experiences in the past letting her friends know what is wrong with her. But also because a lot of the students are concerned for her and confused because things 'don't make sense'. She is in the top 1% of her year so by no means 'slow' but panics if someone is sitting in her seat - ie teacher has told her to sit there previously - and while every other seat may be empty she does not know what to do. Another reason is many of them would like to be friends with her but she doesn't know how to cope with this. From past experiences children tend to be a lot better at understanding then many adults. Her friends at home, though few, are very protective towards her and go out of their way to include her. She is aware telling the class could backfire in that one or two may choose to pick on her about it, but the potential benefits she feels are worth the risk. In your situation I would want to know who is going to tell the other children and what they are going to be told. Do give carefuly consideration about writing to parents as this has been offered to you. Young children can get these things very much mixed up and most parents will probably be mixed up. Also as it is a spectrum keep your explanation to how it effects your son in particular. Also as you have had run ins with parents before be prepared to answer some questions. I understand you are a private person, but they can even have them answered by you, or by someone who may not have your sons best interests at heart. Good luck

Hi Carole, BUT and here is where I have lost the plot - the one things that this report does not mention is how all of these agencies and services providers are supposed to know about the Manifesto? I guess I'm losing the plot as well here. Why is it necessary for all these agencies to be aware of the manifesto? The manifesto is a parliamentary commitment for MP's to sign up to and to help focus attention on the needs of those with autism when passing acts of parliament. Yes it would mention all these other things as they meet the commitment expressed in the manifesto as it shows those who have signed up to the manifesto are doing what they have committed themselves too. As far as I can see it is an internal document put into the public arena. Incidently I read it at http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp?d=159&a=7417 so am not sure if I read the whole thing or an edited version. What these agencies and service providers are supposed to know about are the relevant acts of parliament that pertain to them. Meeting the commitment for interagency cooperation would be down to the relevant authorities. After all there is nothing in it for them to act upon, at best it is an indication of the direction where the future is heading, something which should be obvious to most of them by now. Unfortunately a lot of them have little teeth in their own rights like the Highway Code. However if you breach the Highway Code this can be used as evidence for breaking existing laws. For instance the SEN Code of Practice is just that, a code to guide schools and LEA's there is no legal obligation to follow it to the letter, however on appeal they would have to justify their actions according to the code. A lot has been done in two years, it does surprise me with politicians that more has not been made of this by them.

I'm from Southwark. I've only realy had two issues with schools here. The first when my daughter was 6 and I was told if she didn't appologise to the teacher for calling her stupid she would be suspended. Seems the teacher was telling the children everything you eat turns to blood. DD tried to correct her and was told to shut up. When confronted she compounded the mistake by saying she was talking about animals. DD asked if it was true - I don't lie to my daughter. Nor did I make her appologise, I told them I would talk to her about the way she spoke to an adult and it would be her decision and I would back her up. Also I was sure the papers would be interested in knowing why a 6 yo was suspended. The second was when I wrote to the head teacher asking for advice when for when girls could start wearing bra's - was it cup size, age or dependant upon the maturity of her male peers. The teachers response to her being teased because she was wearing a training bra was 'don't wear it to school and you won't be teased!' As for LEAs I would settle for schools who care about their students and what they learn with teachers who have plenty of common sense and you can work with.

Hi Katheryn, Thanks for your kind words. Re: Volunteering Anyone who is interested in doing voluntary work, and would like to make a difference not only for their own children but others I would encourage you to consider becoming a school governor. Either as a parent governor at your own childs school, or approach your LEA governor support team and let them know you would be interested in doing this at another school. It would certainly give a different perspective of the workings of the school, and the LEA. Plus you are in a better position to ask questions and get answers. Also the LEA will run free training courses to equip you with the skills and knowledge you need to function as a governor. As part of this training is to allow school governors to run the school withing current legislation and guidelines you will not be fobbed off with the usual excuses. I will add a note of caution, if you want to become a governor to 'kick ass' then it probably isn't the best thing for you. If you are however genuinely interested in helping your school to meet its obligations and to make a difference then it is for you. I thoroughly enjoyed my time as a school governor, until I became a SEN governor and found out one of the real reasons why the school was in special measures. Becoming tired and frustrated that I was constantly being kept out of the loop and so unable to make a difference and the opportunity to make a difference on the estate I live on was the eventual reason I chose to resign. But it can still be very rewarding.

Thanks for the welcome Nellie, I'm sure there will be plenty to learn here, and hopefully something to contribute from time to time.

Thanks for the welcome Annie 8) I often feel a little out of place in forums for Aspergers and ASD, mainly because we do not seem to have suffered many of the trials other parents seem to have gone through. Yes we knew there was something 'different' about her, and since learning about Aspergers I know my attitude has undergone some fundamental changes. However where discipline is involved I seem to be very much the odd one out. She has a very clever mind, learnt to speak to adults in an intelligent way very early on. But as she got older there seemed to be an odd mixture of maturity with a very 'childlike simplicity' which seemed to contradict each other. This seemed to cause a lot of problems with peers who in the past have viewed her as simple. She does have motor skills issues, but through pure determination and application managed to represent her primary school in the tag rugby team. She was never realy any good and was more a liability for the team. In one game she put her hands up to catch the ball, realised it was heading her way and in one fluid movement her hands came down to cover her head I know we have been very fortunate, and I have little doubt about the diagnosis but quite simply I often feel I'm in the wrong place. What has been interesting is though is when reading many of these problems they seem more related to my own youth, and in some respects how I am now more then they do for my daughter.

Hi, My name is George and I have one daughter who I'm hoping to get a final diagnosis for Aspergers next Wednesday - she's 12. Currently I work nights, 4 on - 4 off which gives me plenty of time to get involved in things. Until recently I was the SEN Governor at a primary school but recently joined our TMO when I discovered they had plans to remove the current facilities for children on our estate without replacing them. I begin an open BSc degree with honors this year with intentions of changing careers in three years time to become a teaching assistant. I guess I enjoy a challenge As for my daughter she wants to be a writer, 'but as they don't usually earn a lot of money I will be a vet as well' At the moment she is more concerned where she will study her A levels then she is about doing GCSE's. The writing thing has only developed the last couple of years, but from around four she wanted to be a vet and has always accepted she will go onto Vetinary College and would not be working till she is about 23. She is on the school's gifted and tallented program and if she continues progressing accademically will sit many of her GCSE's early. It is because she is does well in class and is very polite and well behaved she managed to get so far without coming to anyone's notice. She was bullied a lot and this was blamed for some of her odd behaviour. Eventually she was brought to the schools attention by a substitute teacher. She came into class and her usual chair was taken and while there were plenty of others she did not know what to do and became tearful. This over reaction and a couple of smaller incidents the teacher noted prompted her to speak to the school SENCO. After some observations we were invited in and the possibility of Aspergers was mentioned. This was four months before leaving primary school. Because there was real concerns how she would cope in a secondary school a lot of effort was put in to brief the new school and prepare her for the change. I am the first to admit I was very dissapointed when I learnt what school she got in, it has a bad reputation and the students are a nightmare when out of school. As it turned out it was the best place for her to be. One example she came home very happy one day. I asked her how her day had been and she told me one of the students had thumped her! They didn't find out who it was either. This had followed other similar incidents but the way they had been coped with by the school I realised just how much her confidence and ego had been boosted in a very short time. She still has a lot of social problems and coping with sudden change, she is convinced because they are not laughing at her they must be laughing behind her back. In fact she is very popular and has at least one admirer This summer I bought her a medic alert necklace and she has spent a lot of time going places with her best friend or on her own. A year ago I had serious concerns if she would ever cope with the dynamics of vetinary college, today I have little doubt if her progress continues while she will always find social situations a challenge she wil cope and do well

We are hoping for official diagnosis for our daughter next Wednesday. But she started secondary school last year and the SEN department has been wonderful. One bit of information I did pick up from the SENCO was the government is now lowering the targets for statements and many LEA's including ours have set lower targets for statements in accordance. Our request for statementing was denied, though the panel did send an advisor to discuss the issues with the SENCO who invited me to the meeting. At present we are not appealing the decision. The advisor has asked for certain measures to be put in place which could be coped with at School Action Plus and will be monitoring how she does.