frogslegs

Good for him! I reckon 4am!

Hi Karen, How does one get hold of such stories? That would be a great help as this is a big issue at the moment for us. Many thanks, Mel

Baddad, I ended up going to school this morning and asking them to be more severe with my son. Believe me I am a tough cookie and strict with him. BUT my son, cannot accept responsability for his actions. Being nice, polite, sociable means in many ways to be hypocritical and, in my little experience, this is something that Asperger children can't do. He is not rude to teachers but I can see that day coming DESPITE the strict upbringing (God knows what he would be like if we were not strict). I constantly offer to work with the school and I really long for the day when my son sees the light, before he goes to secondary would be nice because I worry that eventually someone is going to turn round and thump him.

In my son's case to say that he does it intentionally is true and not true. He just speaks his mind all the time. He cannot see why he can't do it. He does not seem to understand the consequences. He has managed to alienate the whole class. Yesterday he was in front of his sister in the queue to lunch and she was giggling with a friend. He just turned round and started yelling at her and asking her what she was doing with such a stupid girl. Stupid is a favourite word at the moment. If he thinks someone is 'thick' (another favourite word) he cannot leave that person alone to get on with their business, he has to go in their face and tell them how thick they are because they NEED to know!!!!! He is incredibly angry that the others have rejected him and his only way to deal with it is to be verbally agressive. He desperately wants other children to like and include him but he cannot change his personality to make this happen so as I said yesterday, he is on a vendetta.

Sorry ! Did not mean to be offensive.

I am in a fairly similar position. If my son decides that he does not like someone (so far it has been children) then he is very very rude. He gets into verbal arguments all the time with people at school to the extend that he is pretty much in isolation in the playground at the moment. He seems on a permanent vendetta, it is tiresome. I don't know what your son is like but mine seems to only have a couple of 'modes'. Either he is very nice or he is really horrid, nothing in-between and the older he gets, the worse it gets. It is as if he feels 'entitled' to say his anger, annoyance.... I think the school is too tolerant and that my son needs someone who is extremely clear as to where the boundaries are because so far the nice messages have been very ineffective. I think it is a very asperger behaviour. No feeling for others and being very blunt. If you look in books that trait really comes through. I have no solution though, so ideas welcome!

A lot of people seem to think they know best what is good for us. I think we all need to do what is best for our children and ourselves, not to please others. And would he really approve if his wonderful wedding was troubled by a screaming child? I don't think so...You'd probably get blamed for that too. Just stick to what you know is right even if it is tough. <'> <'>

<'> <'> <'>

Glad you got there.

I don't have an answer but it looks like you need a lot of these <'> <'> <'> <'> . Mel

szxmum no problem. I am so so frustrated. I want to find a solution for DS BEFORE we get to this sort of situation that results in mental health issues. I cannot resign myself to put my son in a school that will not look after him properly because he deserves better! 'The Government's aim is for every child, whatever their background or their circumstances, to have the support they need to:be healthy, stay safe, enjoy and achieve, make a positive contribution and achieve economic well-being'. I don't think children like ours are able to achieve fully. I am sorry if my post gave the impression

I wish that having an earlier diagnosis could help but just like you all I am having a constant battle with the education system because, and that is KEY, we do not have a statement. My son's needs are not preventing him so far from learning but they are preventing him from emotionally coping and I find those emotional needs are totally dismissed. I am getting extremely bitter. Yesterday I went to visit a local state secondary school which prides itself on its achievements. My child is bright but when I explained his needs I was basically told no statement no support. The 'every child matters' is absolute rubbish. Small schools have gradually been amalgamated into huge factory type learning centres. These places do not suit our children. Their needs are such that they need to attend a specialist units but they are square pegs for these factory type learning centres. When I read your statements I can foresee what our life is going to be like for the next 6 years and it feels like we are on a complete slippery slope. The needs of severely affected children seem to be more or less addressed but if you are an in-between then there is a huge loophole and our options are incredibly limited. It is true that having an earlier diagnosis gives us awareness but it does not give us solutions.

My son has been doing movement or 'brain gym' at school for three years. Has it helped ? Difficult to say. He likes it but then he likes being active. They do the movements on ABBA music so it is not quiet like yoga. For stress we have started paying for massage, only half an hour because DS has trouble sleeping at the moment. That works wonders, when he comes out he is floating on a little cloud.

<'> <'> <'> I know it is a tough time for you. Be kind to yourself. Mel

blue

You are not at all demanding are you?

I have been reading this thread with great interest as my son is currently in year 5 so we are visiting the local secondary schools and I am in despair. They are all massive schools (between 1400 and 1700 students) and I cannot see my son coping there when he is currently not coping emotionally with the primary which has 250 students. I am looking at every options possible which includes home education and another one is to go and live somewhere where schools are smaller. I worry about him having to walk from school on his own, he finds the noise in the classroom and disruptive children impossible to cope with. He feels that everyone is talking about him. Whether this is true or whether it is in his head I am not sure. He comes out of school emotionally spent every day currently. Home education scares me, and moving elsewhere is a massive hassle. My husband and myself seem to have the same conversations again and again without any valid option. It is seriously scary.

What is the list of your 'must have'?

Mumble <'> <'> <'> I know the feeling. My son is told he has no social skills but the ones who do come and harass us all the time, throwing eggs and putting hatred letters through our letter box. The world is upside down. As for your doc, I hate docs. Over the past 10 years I have had to go on several strikes, i.e. I refuse to leave your room until my son is referred. That was the ONLY WAY saddly enough. Good luck. Mel

When my son was diagnosed I wondered whether to tell him or not and decided that he had the right to know as it is his problem. There are some very good books for children (I bought one from Winslow publisher) and we discussed it honestly. I told him not only the minus points of having asperger but also the pluses (being excellent with details, super knowledge...) and I also told him that I loved him the way he was and did not wish for a better son. I also said that we would be helping each other whenever possible and that he needed to tell me how he feels. I have just called him and read your post and he said, 'definitely tell him, it is better to know you have a disability and that it has a name rather than just think it is all your fault and that you are odd'. Good luck, Mel

My son loves science, geography, maths. He likes English when he can be creative but is rubbish at spelling. He loves drawing machines, tools...

I used to work in the City, high flyer banking environment with a very good income. I had my son who straight away had special needs (he was born with a hare lip) and I just could not go back to work, somehow the issues that I used to be dealing with at work seemed completely trivial compared with what was going on at home. When DS was 14 months I went back to work, temping locally, and he went to nursery which he loved so that worked well. I would stop if if was sick or whatever so minimum stress. Then I had my daughter and at that point I decided to stay at home to look after them. My son speech was seriously impaired so he needed a lot of support which I could give him. Nowadays I tutor at the local college in the evening, teach GCSE students after school and things like that so that I have something to put on my CV and because I enjoy having my own money so that I don't have to ask my husband for money to buy his birthday present! I also like the interaction with students and adults. It is important to be able to speak about something else other than cleaning, cooking... Since my son started school he has had to go to a childminder occasionally and I can't say that it has been successful. He did not get on with the other children and he was spending hours on the WIFI or playstation and would come home completely hyper. As for holiday clubs, don't even go there! My daughter loved them and would come home telling me how she had made 6 friends that day and how her brother had been curled up in a corner all afternoon.

Enjoy!

I am not English first language so at times I can get confused. When I got married, I wanted to buy an engagement present for my husband to be. So I went to a jeweller and asked for ....... handcuffs I meant cufflinks!!!! The look on the jeweller's face!!! He announced calmly that they were not that sort of shop but I insisted and showed him what I wanted. It's only later when I told my husband what had happened that he told me what the problem was......OOPS

When I was at uni, I once went to see a play presented by the drama group. In the hall I met by chance a girl from my course that I did not know all that well and we decided to sit next to each other. There I was reading the programme which included the list of actors. I said that the one who had the lead was horrible and gave loads of details as to why he was horrible (physically and other) and then she calmly announced that he was her fiance. Oops!