bettyhen

Most schools only have attached TAs for core subjects. We had a brilliant TA in the English Department and she was very skilled at getting children to contribute rather than just doing the work for them because she understood why the children were being asked to do things and didn't muddle output with achievement (English is a very process-driven subject). If we got a substitute TA it was often better to send the TA away (especially if she was a 'shouter') rather than have someone mess up the delicate relationships that had been set up in the classroom. I imagine a good maths TA is similarly experienced but I don't know. I suppose what I'm saying is that 11 TAs are clearly wrong BUT one or two lousy TAs could be worse because they could make your child feel wholly inadequate and if you have a couple of good TAs it would be best to keep them whilst shelving the others. You need to make sure that whoever is with your child has the skills to be able to work with someone with ASD. A one day course run but the SENCo would, in my opinion, be insufficient. Is your child able to convey to you what these TAs are like? Could you score them on kindness, ability to explain things etc and then go in with an idea of who you want to be the main TAs?

Thanks for your reply. I think he is anxious and that manifests itself negatively. He was certainly worried last night as he was up from 1.30 til 5.30 for a variety of reasons - all really associated with going back to school today I think. At least he had the reassurance of knowing he could tell everyone he was in his Dr Who magazine - a photo of him and his snow dalek - which gives him something to talk about!

Thanks for your advice. I will ask for an ed psych referral perhaps that will be forthcoming from CAMHss my son's behaviour after Christmas has been dreadful: intense anger and physical aggression. He's been hitting, biting and kicking and we are all feeling anxious and fraught because of it. . We did go to see the movement and learning centre and are going to give that a go as it should speed up work with the motor skills. We have got a referral to OT but it's apparently a TWO year wait so we feel we need to do something. My son loved the therapist so that's a positive.

Thanks for your swift reply. It is much appreciated. We only moved to Scotland in August and my son was assessed as ASD in England. We have been referred to CAMHS in Stirling but our first appointment is in January. I don't know how they will react to my questioning about dyspraxia. I hadn't heard of dysgraphia but perhaps that is a more likely diagnosis than dyspraxia. Was it through CAMHs that you got the diagnosis of dysgraphia? I had thought of looking at this organisation - http://www.mlcscotland.com -but know nothing of them other than their claims that they can help!

My 7 year old son is (in my opinion) very bright and his reading age is way above his real age. However, he can't write properly and hates school because of this. I have asked to be referred to an OT to see if he's dyspraxic or whether he just doesn't want to write. There is a massive waiting list though. I am trying to find a private OT in Scotland but to no avail. Does anyone know of one?

[Thanks - I will push but don't know how long it will take. It's such a nightmare when your child is permanently angry!

My son moves out of the Aspergers category and into more severe autism when he has gluten.

We moved to Scotland in August and my 7 year old son started a new school. I much prefer it to the old one and although my son says he doesn't like it because they make him write, he goes in without the separation anxiety he had before. His behaviour is very good and though there have been social issues, school have helped immediately and htey try to ensure he has people to play with. He has asked to go to discos and after school clubs! At home, however, he is vile. He is very angry going from 0 to 60 in seconds flat. He is violent towards us - hitting and biting - and no sanctions or rewards seem to work even though we are consistent. His behaviour is making the whole family unhappy and I shrink away whenever he runs toward me because I'm expecting to be hit. Our Camhs referral has not come through but I think we need to do something ASAP and wondered if anyone had any suggestions of good counsellors/play therapists. We are an hour from Glasgow and 40 minutes from Stirling. I am very wary of just picking someone off a list as I think he needs careful handling. He would like to talk to someone, I think. Alternatively, any practical suggestions would be useful. I'm quite desperate to be honest.

Try your local Barnardos as they may know someone useful. My son is taken swimming as part of their ASD scheme by a chap whose day job is working with adults with learning difficulties. He is absolutely brilliant with F. I imagine they have similar schemes across the country and so they may know of people who have the appropriate skills set to deal with you as well as children.

My six year old AS son loves puns and often makes them himself. He also likes slapstick (which I hate). I'm not sure though that he understands when you laugh out loud and when you don't - he seems to be exploring it at the moment, explaining to me the other day that something was funny but not the sort of thing you'd laugh out loud to.

My own son has normal traits too but then something happens and I realise that he really is on the spectrum. For instance, when they changed the lining up system at school, he couldn't cope at all. As far as having an official diagnosis is concerned, I think it's vital. I used to work in Exclusions for a Local Authority and a diagnosis means that an exclusion is less likely in the future because the school has to take the diagnosis into account. This doesn't mean your child can't be excluded but it is helpful. It will move up to School Action Plus and will mean that they have to have an IEP. Also, as some other posters have said, it explains why your child reacts so differently from others. My son's school still persists in believing that it's a maturity issue and that he'll settle in the end and be able to cope better but they can't take that approach because of his diagnosis. Also, you will have access to the ASD support team. The one from our LA came in and observed my son and gave the teacher tips and made it clear that planning for his ASD will eradicate many problems. Good luck.

In Scotland they have a two tier system but go up to secondary school a year later, which would be good! Unfortunately it's in a very isolated area and there is only one school nearby - about 5 miles away. It sounds like it's good but I realise the limitations to inspections! We would have lots of benefits in terms of moving there - the potential for tree houses, ponies and sailling but we'd have rubbish weather and midges too!

Thanks for both your replies which have given me a lot to think about. It's hard to know whether a school is the right place until he's been there - I'm a teacher and know all too well the double-speak that exists. Some so-called GOOD schools are awful places! He has got a good friend at school (another geeky kid) but he tends to rely on him overmuch and is fed up when his friend plays with other kids and plays games that he doesn't like. Interestingly, he gets on really well with the reception girls as they comfort him when he cries (mixed-age class, he's Y1). So, I don't know whether it's unfair to get him to leave this situation or not. I called the school today (very rural) and they have places so that isn't an issue. I imagine the classes are pretty small too. Also, in Scotland they can't have more than 25 in a mixed-age class; he's one of 30 at the moment. Let's hope time to reflect over Easter (in Scotland) will help. Thanks once again for all your useful advice.

We're considering moving to Scotland for all sorts of reasons - employment being the main one. My son, who is mildly ASD, was a nightmare when he started at his primary school but is pretty settled now with a few blips. I don't think the school get him, or plan for his deeds but he says he likes school apart from some breaks when he has no-one to play with (partly his fault - he won't play tig; partly the school's fault - they promised but have yet to set up a social skills group). We know the house we'd moved to very well and he likes it there but I worry that the change will all be too much for him and he'll regress and start hitting etc when he starts at the new school. Does any one have any views/experiences re this? We don't HAVE to move but I feel it would be better to move now when he's in Y1 than later on. If it weren't for his needs, I'd be eager to move.

"I presume they have symbols for all the different sounds. How do they use symbols to teach the words that you cannot sound out phonetically?" They have symbols for all of the different sounds including things like st and dr. The first lessons are learning all of the different sounds with games etc and then it goes onto text with symbols used for all of the sounds. For instance we had oxygen the other day which he read easily and Dutchman which he found harder (I'm not sure he knows what it means). "How long did it take before you began to notice an improvement in your sons reading and spelling?" I think it took 3 months. We finished the course yesterday and after 9 months he is reading fairly well including reading in his head at times. He's ORT level 7 at school but they never move them on quickly so he may be better. How much do the lessons cost and how long do they last. It is very expensive. £370 if you pay in advance (lots more if you stage it) but that is 200+ lessons and you are registered for a year. I think you can get a refund if you are unhappy. I think it might be worth seeing if the school/LA will fund it as part of the support for your son. There is a section for teachers and it is a lot cheaper than getting in a dyslexic specialist for a year. It might be worth talking to the director - he will phone you back. We did it because my son's teacher is useless at teaching kids to read let alone my son who needs to do anything daily or he won't do it. F loved the daily nature of the lessons though we still struggled with motivation sometimes. He has now become obsessed by 'David' the director of the company whose voice you hear and he wants to meet up with him! He loved the spy toys too.

Off topic really but we have used easyread (which we paid for ourselves to teach my son to read - v. expensive but you can cancel it and get your money back). I don't think he uses phonics there is much more whole word recognition but this includes phonics and icons. Schools can pay for it. There is a free trial. I don't know if it works but F can read now. How much is maturity, how much is the course and how much is my input, I don't know. http://www.easyreadsystem.com/index/index.html

Also, average children might move up two sub-levels a year but those who struggle don't and the very bright ones move up faster. The data is only valid in terms of statistics and in terms of a large cohort. Schools use that data incorrectly as a way of monitoring teaching and learning.

I teach in a secondary school and we have a small group of children who would have been in special schools in the past. They cope quite well but are not wholly within mainstream classes. We also have a lot of Aspergers children who are integrated and who receive quite a lot of support, particularly at lunch and break times. Your son would be entitled to go to the local secondary school if that was what you thought was best for him. I would be careful though - there are some schools I would not consider having seen them from the teaching side. You need to get a proper insight. Turning up at lunchtime is often a revelation.

They left a message at after school club to say that he'd done really well with queuing today so I'm hoping it will be the same tomorrow when I do it! However, he was absolutely vile at bed time! You do pay for it in the end.

School are theoretically happy to work with us but I think they don't understand F's ASD, thinking it's more about the need to be firm than the need to approach things differently. Only one professional ever understood him - she could get him to do all sorts of tasks by involving him in some kind of roleplay (he loves pretending despite the ASD). It's interesting that he can queue better now because he's practised. I need to talk to them about a trip to the high school on Wednesday that might need similar preparation. He goes to breakfast club on a Monday so it will be interesting to see how things go without either parent there.

I'd like to echo what Sally says - schools and others tend to imply that you are neurotic all the time, sometimes subtly, sometimes overtly. There has been a lot said about how my son does well when they are 'firm' with him, implying that I'm not. They also tell him to be good for his mummy (in front of me) suggesting that he's acting up only for me. Interestingly though, they aren't as 'firm' as they suggest offering rewards more than simply being 'firm'! Apparently they have told another mother with a more severely autistic child that she isn't firm enough with him!

My son still finds change difficult BUT he is getting better about regular changes, eg, bedtime etc. It means we have to keep to quite a rigid routine but it works and sometimes we find we can move out of the routine as long as we explain it carefully. We too have tantrums but at least when they occur at home you can deal with them in the way that best works for your child - others won't. Re the nappies. My son is still wearing pull ups in bed at 6. I've not even tried to do without them because they are always soaking. The thud as the nappy hits the floor in the morning is tremendous. In the scheme of things, I've pushed this to the back of my priorities because getting him to cope well day to day feels more important to me. Good luck. It's really hard and I agree with Sally about going down the SEN route - we've got a diagnosis meaning my son is on School Action Plus and this is vital if you want them to look after your son's needs.

Thursday morning was a nightmare. He was hysterical refusing to join the queue and I was nearly in tears and absolutely furious. I said I was angry and upset and his class teacher and the TA came out and I said he couldn't cope with it as part of his ASD. They said he was partly 'trying it on' as he was fine once he was in the class (of course he was - the problem had ended) and I explained (again) that part of the issue was not knowing the names of the otehr children. Well, after me making a fuss they organised for him to have a list of who is in the house - which he loves - plus he now has a specific person in front and behind and he went in well today (but with my husband not me). I find it really frustrating though that they didn't take his needs into account in the first place. I think what shocked them was the other parents' reactions - everyone was rushing around me trying to offer support and I think they realised how the school was portraying itself. I will now write a letter saying thank you and will suggest that the same approach is used for any change. They've got a trip to the secondary school on Wednesday to do sport so that seems fraught with difficulties too! Thanks everyone for your messages - I think the school may have a one size etc. mentality but they will have to change. There is a child with autism in YR as well (YR and Y1 are a mixed age class) - his mother was complaining to me about unnecessary changes etc so I think they'll have quite a bit of pressure. Mumble, did they never consider that you might have ASD at school or where you just defined as 'difficult'? I'm a teacher in secondary and one of the reasons I wanted F diagnosed was to protect him from being excluded etc without a reasonable level of care being taken to provide for his needs. I imagine it doesn't get any easier as you get older either.

Thanks everybody for your supportive messages. The houses are children from each year and I think he finds it even more confusing because there are two line snot just one so nothing is clear enough to him. I will see what happens today but I am very unhappy as no-one seems to be taking on the responsibility of making sure he is alright but just assuming that he will get it in time. It took 6 weeks when he started for him to go in without screaming, crying and hitting but because he got it in time I suppose they're assuming it will happen again. I don't think it helps that he's very bright and while socially immature is intellectually very able (not at writing though!) - they assume he can understand what's happening and is perhaps choosing not to cope. I think they do need to put strategies in place and I will ask about it later today if nothing has been done. His IEP mentions nothing specific - it has no SMART targets so perhaps I should look at that too. He is only mildly ASD so I think they aren't taking it as seriously as they might do. With regard to the losing, I too had issues with that and saw it as being much more important than it was. I had no perspective on it and couldn't cope with being exceptionally poor at games. I solved that by truanting all my PE once I reached 14! My son isn't dreadful but he isn't in anyway good at PE so will fail and will resent losing. I don't think it's silliness, I think it's something that he needs help with but I know that I won't be able to get his teacher to see that. Mumble, did you ever get any useful help with it? Your comments on anxiety are interesting as I do feel he is genuinely anxious. The SENCO had wanted the class teacher to give him a card once he'd had permission to do something so that he'd stop asking if it were ok but the teacher wouldn't do this as she saw it as a retrograde step which would make him look different. I don't think she wants to alter her practice to take account of his needs. Oh well, time to get him up. I'm dreading this morning but if it's pouring with rain he'll go straight into class which will be a (temporary) relief!

My son who is 6 and in Y1 was badly shaken at the end of the last half term because they changed the lines for coming into school to houses instead of year groups. He had to be dragged in twice and would not get into the correct line even though the other children were being kind and beckoning him etc. He was sick at the beginning of term but worried about the queues and saying he was 'confused'. We went back today and he couldn't cope. His teacher was there because she was sending the children in but she couldn't get him to join the correct group and she got a Y6 boy to lead him in which my son didn't like. He kept crying angrily and calling for his mummy. I stopped to talk to the teacher at the end of the day and she wasn't very helpful saying he'd been silly today and it was clear that he needed to be back at school (implying something - I don't know what!). It turns out that his being silly was him crying at not winning in a PE activity - he finds losing very hard and it's very annoying but is just the way he is - he can't understand what's wrong with being upset! Apparently the reception children were comforting him. He was also very uncertain and questioning all the time about whether he was doing the right thing - this has always been an issue and I'm sure it's exacerbated by having been on holiday. I imagine going in will be a nightmare tomorrow and I don't think they have planned for his ASD with regard to the queueing change. However, if I'm not careful I'll be the one demanding everything to be sorted out just for my child. (They are going in in houses so that the cloakroom isn't a nightmare). Comments and advice would be very much appreciated. I'm really upset about this and frustrated.