Paula

Well me first port of call is the behaviour unit where i live and the child physcologist person to discuss the situation ill be able to take it from there............ These kids thrive on routine and getting there own way but real family life just doesnt work like that and then all hell kics of. I love me son ,at times i hate aspergers syndrome.

Zaman When i was a teenager i developed an eating disorder myself............i would starve myself for days on end then id binge eat.......some days all id eat would be an apple.............as i got older andleft home at 18 and was working id still have major problems surrounding my eating i was that weak that id actually collapse at work through lack of food and still refused to eat.At the time i couldnt see how thin i was how terrible i looked i was blind to it.My parents were worried,my boyfreind who went on to be my husband would beg me to eat and stop being daft but i wouldnt listen to them. Peple often wrongly think its about being thin and slim ect .............for me it wasnt it was all about controlling the one thing in my life i could when id no controll over anything else.I went on to be diagnosed much later on in life with bi polar disorder and i often think my eating problems were a way of controlling my bodies appearance when i had no controll over my mind. There is a lady a dr who appears on tv called Dr Dea dawson who runs a specialist place dealing with teenage girls and much younger boys too because it effects them also and people forget that she runs some sort of clinic i dont know the details but shes realy realy brilliant. The place is called Rhodes Farm............they have a web site ..........its worth a look and to see if you could be refered there.

Trekster.............what are benzoates............ If its soemthing thats found in fizzy drinks then he doesnt drink fizzy pop...........hes always had dairy products like yogurts and milk he doesn like cheese .This behaviour is a recent thing the last 6 months or so.Hes always had tantrums but theyd blow themselves out with say ten minutes and were never violent ............this behaviour is in a different league and i do think its wrapped up in his age and hormones and frustration at becomeing more adult and yet realiseing hes got limitations.........hopefully the physcologist getting involved will start to get to the route of it a bit.........Thanks.

Thanks Ive been in touch with the school and told all.............ive got an appointment on wednesday with a child physcologist who deals with behaviour problems.............its classed as an emergency coz of the self harming ............then after ive discussed the whole sorry story they say theyll arrange for someone to visit him in his own home hopefully next week.Im going alone to the initial appointment they wanted him to come but in all honesty thats a no go coz hell kick of and make it impossible to speak................ Ill keep you posted i just hope hes in a better mood tonight................

Had an horendous weekend.............to cut a long story short our son flew into a rage both on friday evening when he didnt get his own wa and ended up hitting himself over the head with a plastic bottle hed crushed up then he stabbed his leg with a key.............he went crazy when id forgotten to cook him meat pie and gave him bacon and beans instead....very very upsetting.............he was reasonably calm on saturday................then sunday he went crazy when we asked to put the tv on and said he could play his xbox on another set which his dad was beginning to set up for him.......... he ran upstaires,we ignored him hopeing hed come round........then i went upstaires to see he was ok he fronted up to me towering above me hes over six foot,threatend to hit me raised his fist i was terrified but stood there not wanting him to see..........he then opened the window and said he was off i said dont be silly and walked away.............next thing hed gone outside the house and had a bag on his back i went and said come inside please but he was off...........my husband insisted we didnt go after him that hed come home after hed let of steam............after 15 minutes he hadnt i was distraught me husband went out for him and saw him getting on a bus.We knew where the bus went to and assumed he was of to were his sister was working that day in a local shopping centre i phoned her and said if he turns up let me know ect ect.............he didnt turn up there...............i had to call the coppers..............we then headed out to find him.We found him but i was so upset.He of course was still ranting and screaming ahd abusive. All settled down and we ignored him knowing anything we said however small such as do you want a drink just set of a rant anyway he started raveing againe because his sister dared to put a cup on his table at the side of the sofa............he said he was leaving ,he didnt he went upstaires an eventually fell alsleep. THis morning hes threatened to not come home he travles on the school bus and attends a special school. I need help for the first time ever i dont know how to handle his behaviour. His sister is terrified when he kicks of and im powerelss all i can do is shout or try to make him see reason...........but me husband insists we dont need help that its his age and itll pass............ For the first time ever i wish to god he was liveing somewhere else..........but im torn..................part of me thinks god it would be great if i didnt have this ###### day in day out but im his mum i feel guilty ............ I know youll all understand.

My son used to chew a lot when he was younger.................i got something called chewee tubes of the internet for him there designed to provide stimulation whilst chewing..............there easy to locate just run a search for chewee tubes.

Hairymike..............ive private messaged you regarding this .................

Only parents of asperger kids would undertand how much it means for them to say love you...........bless

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if youve never bought gifts for the kids i wouldnt bother.............but then im a tight wad...............

Hey i wasnt haveing a go at anyone i just meant all i wanted was a good old moan and to know i wasnt alone and it kinda turned into a big indepth debate and im not realy into that type of thing.Of course everyone has there own ideas of dealing with stuff and every child is different and no one way or the other is correct or wrong.I wasnt upset by anyones comments no one offended me. Thanks all and take care..............

OH heck cant be arsed getting into any of this. Thanks for letting me have a moan .

I am of the thinking that you cant treat to soem extents an austistic like you would an NT it just doesnt work. I do feal my daughter has a lot to answer for she knows exactly what buttons to push to set her brother of and brings up subjects such as his sexuality by name calling him knowing full well hell go of on one.Ive played hell with her many a time saying youre almost 18 youre meant to be the one whos "normal" for better want of a word for gods sake leave him alone. My son does show that he understands other peoples emotions and he has empathy............a few weeks ago i was fealing unwell and i said oh i feel dizzy and hot ............he said ill get you a cold drink mum make you better......to me that shows he cares about people. He was fine last night and we had a pleasent evening all round..............surprise surprise his sister wasnt here because she was at her boyfreinds............ Im not saying we should all just give in and be ruled by whatever our autistic kids want......but i cant see the point of makeing life diffiuclt for everyone by insisting they behave and respond like NTs its never going to happen......allowances have to be made...........lets face it if they behaved and responded like NTs then we wouldnt be here on this web site. Thankyou for youre help and support .........it helps to know im not alone.........

Not to be pessimistick but i found speech and language a utter waste of time where my son was concerend..............at one stage they said my sons speech was impaired because i spoke with a strong yorkshire acent there fore how did i expect him to learn to speak..............i chucked her out the house.............we had home visits coz at the time me son wouldnt leave the house...............she never came back againe and i never went to another speach and language appointment. My sons conversational skills improved all of there own accord in time without any intervention.

With hinds sight it all could have been handle so much better...............isnt that always the case................. Thing is i depseratly try not to let my inner fealings show when dealing with him what ever hes up to however difficult he is.........to be brutaly honest i fear if i let the lid slip of the pot even a tiny bit id loose controll and all the pent up emotions and upset ive bottled up over the years all the frustration would come out and id never get that lid back on againe. I dont let him see im scared and it is hard..............sometimes rarely i must admit hell front up to me get right up into my face and its hard to stand there and not quake in youre shoes......... I do most of the care surrounding me son.........i deal with everything...............i am a stay home mum after all..............his dad goes to work................i know all me sons ins and outs what makes him tick...what sets him of ........how best to handle situations so they dont boil over....so even if it does ruffle a few feathers his dad doesnt understand certaine aspects of being aspergers he just doesnt get it................ I try to say look were dealing with a teenage boy,were dealing with hormones............were dealing with confusion on the sexual front........and then to top it of with a great big cherry hes got blasted aspergers................its a difficult time.Up untill 12 months ago things were a lot calmer and settled so i do think hormones are playing a part in all this. Cnsequences for his behaviour...........well iver never struck him ever...........oh ive fealt like it at times ...........but never have done..............when he gets all too much and we cant take no more we just say get to youre room now and dont show youre face unless youre comeing down to apologise.........eventually he does and we say thanks and move on. Things are never simple there never that clear cut................its never as easy as lets all stay calm and chat about it......lets go and get some outside help..........no begger wants to know..............i was once told my son dint qualify for any help because he wasnt disabled.............i cant get any respite not even something called family link coz his grandparents are close by and fit and well and young and theres more deserving and needy cases.........

Baddad.........Oxygirl......... very very valid points both of you i take all you say on boards. Beleive you me when i say theres no point mentioning it this morning doesnt mean i dont mentioning it later on in the day maybe when he comes home from school.Its just to mention it before he goes to school on the bus may mean he kicks of againe and then all hell may kick of and he wouldnt be able to go.But i do mention incidents like this and say to him look its not nice to behave like that............it upsets people............ect ect................You cant reason with my son when hes in the middloe of a meltdown ,tantrum ,outburst...............theres no point it fuels it...............he normally takes himself to his room and kicks the wall or bangs a round i leave him to it and he regaines his composure.............my husbands approach is to try and sort it has its happening and it makes it all worse coz you get no where........... Yes at times im guilty of anything for a quiete life and i dont confront him.................why........well hes six foot 2 weighs 12 stone and towers above me...............am i scared of him...............sometimes i fear id not be able to stop him if he set about me so rightly or wrongly i dont stop him when hes of on one for fear hell utterly loose it and set about me. He is on the whole a decent young man who is very calm............his sister does know what buttons to push to provoke a reaction shes no inicent...............shes 17 and a paine her self at times.............. Can i also point out and i have mentioned it before that i myself have a diagnosis of BI Polar disorder and cant deal with stress very well.............ive to avoide it at all cost....................lol............fat chance.else it sets of all sorts of issues with in myself.......... Life hey Int it great....................

Thanks all Im a stay home mum have been since the kids were born so thats a hell of a long time.In answer to youre questions.no we dont have social services involved or any help out side the home...........he attends a special school...........he leaves school next year and im hopeing hell either go into a pt job at asda where he did work experiance recently and loved it or hell do an e2e course............. My son has other problems surrounding his sexual identity............ i dont realy want to go into the ins and outs of it all too complicated but im wondering if hes in turmoil over this..............ive tried tlaking to him but he shouts me down and is in denial....its not easy..............ive told him we love him no matter what but youre dealing with aspergers and confusion and teenage hormones ..............im at a loss what to do.............its alien ground................. Sometimes life just throws everything at you............... Im going out tommorrow with me mum and sister shopping and dinner...............big big gooey chocalte cake and frothy coffee will be on the menu...............and a new paire of utterly impractical high healed glam shoes............i need it......... One day ill laugh about all this................

had an horrendous evening..............started of with 17 year old daughter NT casueing trouble and deliberatly winding up her brother so he was ranting and carrying on..............any way it all ended up with AS son and his dad shouting at each other my son kicking his dad on and on it went............i told me husband to just walk away but it was like he was possesed and wasnt going to back down and of course AS son would never see sence and back down it just fueled his temper tantrum.............i ended up in tears shouting shut up ......and the just thought you know what i just wish it would all go away im that fed up with everything.A couple of weeks ago i had an horrendous panic attack in public which saw me paralised with fear and undable to move it was horrendous all rought on by stress. Yes deep inside i know my son is almost 16 hormones are reageing,hes aspergers and a difficult customer but some days you just want to scream. bad day all round i guess.............im getting my son up for school and not mentioning any of it ...............whats the point.

I want to speak up for dads too who as the poster suggested often get forgotten about as all the focus goes onto the mum. Yes im the main carer for my son,im the one who deals with the school all the drs all the appointments all the hospitals,baths ,dresses him deals with the tantrums ect ect ect................ Thing is im able to do all this because im a stay at home mother who since my son was born................he was born with bi lateral choanal atresia and needed round the clock care and had numerous unsucessfull operations then we realised hed aspergers...............hasnt done a single days paide work.........i can do all this because my husband works bloomeing hard and is the sole earner........ all that responsabilitys on his shoulders...............he was the one who would still be woken in the middle of the night..........night after night...........even if it was ultimatley me who would get out of bed to deal with things.............and still hed get up sometimes at 4 am to go to work and work a 12 hour shift utterly wrecked whilst i could in some peoples eyes take it easier at home . Mums may do at times the bulk of the daily care and school stuff...............but its a hell of a lot easier to do this with the support of a good man and excellent father.............evreryones role is important. I also thought the asperger lad featured in the programme had feautures of tourettes.

Haveing to fight for the nappies was disgusting................but hey theyd given her 6 a day now.................big wow ..............its utterly dispicable..........what happens if he uses 7 or more does he have to lie in a soiled one..............i was gobsmacked that this thing is going on .............. I thought david cameran made a valid point when he said parents should have a kinda pass thingy that meant they woulodnt have to keep answering the same old questions over and over againe to get whats due to them whilst careing for a child that once theyd been assessed once that was it.................makes you wonder if he gained power weather hed put some of his ideas based on his own experiances into practice.........the realy cynical bit of me thinks he wouldnt........but i hope id be wrong. I think the programme went out too late and should have gone out earlier and been more publised i doubt many people watched it unless theyd an interest due to being in the same situation and therefore kinda knew how rotton it can all be and the fight we have to get help..............we realy need people who havent a clue to have watched it..............

Ask at youre local connexsions place the place that deals with young folks up to the age of 19 i think they should know about e2e............or entry to employment.................it isnt something thats just local its a national thing........they dont get paide a wage or anything but if they do it they get the ema if they qualify for it............... And nice one JP................

Well im going to make a point of phoneing the asda store my son has been at these past two weeks and speak to the person involved with him............im going to ask what there policy is on takeing on special needs folks...............ive seen a few around the store so i know they employ them.............im then going to ask how old hes to be ............i think its 16 and take things from there............. Would jay be interested in doing a e2e thing its a bit like the old fashioned youth training scheme.................thats another option for my son and they have a place near where i live......they kinda do some time in a college enviroment but its much smaller with fewer a lot fewer folks in the class our one only has 6 folks attending and they get them out on placement in a job a couple of times a week............

Ive just watched the programme this morning....................so so very brave of these mothers to be so utterly honest about things i for one have often fealt but wouldnt dare speak of for fear of judgement.I no longer feal alone in thinking these things at my lowest moments. I fealt in the case of the asperger lad that he was getting upset over the fact he wanted to be the "cute loveable nice baby /toddler " he was once thought of by his parents which was kinda enforced by them as he watched old videos of himself.My son now 15 is become more self aware that hes different and embareeses his sister something she constantly tells him ............... i tell her of but shes 17 and a paine.............a few days ago my son out of the blue said to his sister you should try being in my shoes its not easy..............and then went back to playing xbox..........a small insight into his inner mind and one that made me a little upset. I thought david cameron spoke brilianlty over his son ivan and you could realy see he was genuinly emotional and it came from the heart................and i thought it was good that he made a point of saying he realised he was lucky to have money and the resources to get in help ect and others didnt. I cried a heck of a lot my heart went out to the parents,the siblings and the kids............and i realised that ive not got it too bad theres people in a worse position than me. <'> <'>

Ive set the sky plussed it and will watch it tommorrow........................thanks for the reminder.

Hes been acheing in the shoulders and kneck area..................hes six foot 3 so i dont think all the stooping over the lower shelves and stuff has helped but hes soildered on.Its his last day Thursday due to him haveing a mock examination at school on friday..............he attends a special school................im going to make sure i phone the store speak to the lady involved in his work experiance there and ask what there policy is on recruiting special needs folks ect......strike whilst the irons hot after all before i know it hell be either hunting for a job or going to college. I think hed be better employed if possible rather than going to college............our local tech no longer offers extra support to special needs kids so they can do "normal" courses...........i know this because one of my freinds sons had to drop out when support was withdrawn..............lack of cash ect typical............all thats on offer is foundation course for kids with learning difficulties and to be blunt my son is too intelegent for that as its aimed at kids who cant read or write and he can .Also ive another friend whoes son had attended a special school all his school life as my son has who then entered college and found it hell due to class size and an enviroment that he wasnt used to he ended up dropping out asap and then took up a pt job and is much happier.Ill guess ill just have to watch the space.Put it like this im his mum and ill fight and fuss and push and get him to where he wants to be................its what we do ........... isnt it.