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Jonathan, I think your quite right for wanting to avoid this guy if he makes you feel rotten. Life can be difficult enough but it sounds like theres no give and take with him and you. I made the decision not long ago to distance myself from those people who put me down. No regrets. You sound like a warm, friendly person and BTW saying good morning or hello to strangers and smiling at them is quite the social norm where I live and its not a tiny village either.

Thankyou for replying, I was kinda thinking along these lines. If they ask me outright I'll tell em and it may be that they will as I'll have lots of info about my boy together with some of the strategies being used in school just now (including a visual diary) Again thanks for that, I think its really great being able to post here about little things like this. Am such a worrier but shouldnt sweat the small stuff eh.

OT's are just like all the other professionals in that it comes down to their specific area. In fact OT covers a HUGE field but most OT's would probably agree that their "bread and butter " skills are in enabling individuals to carry out their activities of daily living at optimum independence. All OT's MUST be state registered with COT and the HPC. Speaking as a qualified but as yet unregistered OT I can say the degree just skims over ASD's and any relevant standardised ax's. So agree with sIt101 and Phasmid, you really need to ask if they have specifis training and/or experience in ASD.

Hello, just a quick question, does anyone think it matters whether I say that I think my son might have aspergers. The appt is on Thursday and am preparing a list of behaviours I'ver noticed about my son. Dont know if my laypersons diagnosis would go down well or not. My instinct says no but would appreciate any views for or against.

Thankyou zemanski for that, was reading through some of the sen scotland stuff, its not as scary as I thought it'd be. In fact have already started making bullet points and notes to go with the draft educational bill in case I need to start hitting them with the law. Ta much. helen...yes you're right. One of my biggest problems (personal) is that I hate confrontation,actually came out in a nervous rash last week and with that get really nervous asking questions. But am so glad I asked some at least. It will not be a problem for me to go through the IEP minutes with a fine toothcomb and ask in writing for clarification on ANYTHING i'm not sure about. If they're dragging their heels on the statementing business or to give it its updated term here in Scotland Co-ordinated Support Plan then I'll wait and see what happens with these latest strategies. I am preparing to take it all the way if I have to but of course hoping it doesnt come to that. Would still really appreciate anyones opinion about keeping school and home rewards/consequences separate?? Its a difficult one for me. Today "w" my wee boy had a great day (for a Monday)

Hello everyone, Just to update first, I joined recently desperate about lack of support from my sons school plus the other matter of the HT's lack of professionalism. I recieved excellent advice and was in the process of drawing up letters calling for a full review. I'd found the right person to include from the lEA (someone I'd been told was receptive to requests for statementing etc.) ANYWAY, got a couple of frantic calls from my sons teacher, who is also the deputy head who in my opinion was making all the noises I've been doing about him re his behaviour. She had scheduled an emergency meeting which took place last thursday. Only difference to the review I'd had in mind was the absence of the HT and the member of LEA but a positive was that they'd brought in the senco in our school. Sorry to ramble but heres the thing...My son has always had some sort of star chart to record his daily and weekly targets. These are marked for completing his work, good behaviour etc. As far as I'm concerned its up to the school to motivate him to achieve these, as at home I am usually able to manage his behaviour pretty well. The ed psych has always wanted to keep the two seperate ie school targets acvhieved = getting to take part in the activities he enjoys. But a bad day at school shouldnt have consequences at home like missing out in treats. This approach should work but last time the resources were not in place to make this work at school.....hence worse bahaviour and this ended up with the HT sticking his oar in and coming up with his own system....a school passport....same as the star chart really only bigger carrots and sticks. This was meant to tie in with home rewards...if he achieved an average of 3 stars out of 4 per day he would get BIG rewards......well this I think has been the main reasoon my son was having major meltdowns as he felt he was failing all the time and this was impacting at home too. It was a cycle of failure for the poor thing. WELL, the good news is that we all agreed to scrap the passport but what I'd like to know from you folks is youre views on whether to reward his achievements in school or to keep it entirely seperate. I dont wanna confuse my son, but feeling confused myself. I always feel that if I feel he's tried his best then I should reward that but maybe with an extra treat but still keep his mainstays of a little time on the computer(his favourite!!) and some TV. Sorry this is long winded I have problems being concise so please bear with me. At the meeting the ed psych and teacher outlined new strategies which all sounded great theoretically..........and I said I was encouraged by this but I asked what the actual resources would be to make sure THIS TIME they would be able to support my son. I said that by starting the statementing process we could ensure that extra funding could be provided as looking back we had been in this place before but without the resources, manpower etc...it all fell apart and the HT then got involved and ended up with the awful passport system. Well the ed psych said that in North Ayrshire they dont do statementing, she came out with all this other stuff which to be honest did the job of bamboozling me. But she DID say that where there was a need then there would be the resources. On reflection this is where I should probably have asked just who it was who determined this level of need. ANYWAY....seeing as she said this could I now use the IEP minutes (when I get them) to try and ask them to clarify the level of support with regards to amount of 1 to 1 time with the senco plus time with ed psych for my son. They said these will be provided just not the hours. What do you all think?? Am pretty sure the ed psych was talking b******s about the statementing. But at the same time I wanna work with them on this, am hoping that past failures will mean they get moving on this. Am still prepared to call for a full review with LEA and HT involved if I dont feel these new approaches theyve spoke about are being fully implemented. Oh, just to add if anyones still reading after this rant that I asked the ed psych if she could do anything to speed along my sons referral to the behavioural psych as I've already went back to my GP who sent a 2nd letter. She said no , the NHS are a law unto themselves. But funnily enough I recieved a call from the behvioural team just the other day saying theyd got a call from "someone" and luckily theyd had a cancellation and could fit my son in this Thursday. <'> MMMMM Will probably never know it was from her but wonder why she wouldnt just say so at the meeting begods!! My sons had problems since nursery, he's now 7 and being threatened with exclusion. I think my son has Aspergers. Its a steep learning curve innit but just want to say that now I've found this site I KNOW I'll be better able to ensure everyones doing their bit.

Hi Curra, I completed my degree in Occupational Therapy last year but what an almighty struggle i found it, was working as well at the time, thought I could ride it out and the problems would work out. In my final year whilst on my placement in hospital I was working 40 hours along with my assignments and had a bit of a breakdown with all the stress which had slowly built up over 3 years. I took a year out before completing my degree but at the moment am not working and am happy in this. I'm lucky that my husband has a reasonable salary and I have that luxury of staying at home for the kids. I feel more in control being able to prepare for any meetings regarding my son.....the way things are just now I doubt I'd be capable of doing the whole Uni thing. Dunno if I'll ever become state registered, but its nice knowing I managed to complete the course. At the mo am about to start doing a spot of admin from home on a new website we,ve set up..........so not feeling totally useless on the paid work front.

We all love school hols in our family, no rushing about in the mornings , no post hometime fallout, and way less stress all round. Roll on Easter....2 weeks of ALMOST normality!! Just what is the definition of normal anyway?

I've been getting depression and anxiety since having my first son who is now 7 yrs old . This comes and goes but recently over the past 3 months I've had quite a few panic attacks when I've been out with my 1 yr old. I panic about crosssing roads, supermarkets and was really bad on the train one day thought it was gonna crash. This has improved lately as I've started to make some me time (almost impossible in my house)and practice some self help techniques like deep breathing, and being more aware of my negative thoughts before they spiral out of control. Anyways glad to say it has improved as dont wanna go down the route of meds again....yes they do help but always feel kinda numb to everything on them.

Thankyou so much for this post Darky.....was having YET ANOTHER crisis of confidence about getting my son on the road to be statemented, I always come back to what you said, noone knows him as well as me. This is a wonderful post and you're an inspiration. feeling blubby meself.

Hi darky, sounds like this has been an almighty struggle for you and yours so good for you sticking in there through it all. I hope this can be the catalyst to start getting the support you need. <'>

Hello there and welcome to the forum, What a crappy situation!! I'm pretty new here too but from what I've saw in the wee while I've been here Phasmid really knows his stuff. You'd be doing well to take on board his pointers. Keep posting and let us know how you get on.

Hi suze, your only acting in your sons best interests and are not responsible for the head or anyone else taking it personally. Stick to your guns, sounds like you're going about this as constructively as you possibly can. I'm just at the start of this whole process with my own son and have realised that I cannot afford to take on board other people's adverse reactions, in, particular the HT. Good luck with this.

Hello everyone. I am currently awaiting an ax by behavioural psychologist for my 7 yr old son. After joining this site very recently and spending the past week doing a LOT of reading I'm pretty certain my son has aspergers syndrome. Whether it be mild or not I'll leave for the proffessionals to decide. Things have gotten so bad at school lately, my son aint coping at all. Thing is now he's reverted back to all the hyperactive behaviour that I thought we'd seen the back of. Crawling around under desks, running about and jumping. Now I'm thinkinig that he's maybe got ADHD too. Is this common to have both? Could these symptoms just be a way of coping at school just now. Whats even mopre worrying is that this is just as bad at home too now, which had been pretty much under control for a while. Am feeling my son is on overload, he's always saying how much better off everyone would be if he were dead. Obviously this is very upsetting as a parent but been carrying on as normal with him as much as possible but its getting harder each day. A possible dx could be ages away yet. Am wondering if meds are an option at the moment to help him cope.....and us I suppose. Oh god I never wanted to feel this way but if anything makes him feel and cope better I'm up for it. Do you need a dx from a behavioural psych or can a GP intervene here??? Anybody with any ideas please help here. Am trying to see if I can prioritise my son in getting assessed by behavioural psych with the full backing from his teachers.

Arghhh!! Missed it today Meemo, totally forgot. How was it? Did you go with your friend to the final? I dont suppose it will be repeated now. Oh well I hope you enjoyed it. Meant to ask if you'd had any further surgery since the 1st program. Take care, Lottie

Hello all, I thought I'd update you all on my situation. Am going to go with the advice posted here and call a review. This will include a member of the directorate in the education authority, educational psychologist, teachers, headmaster and parents. I will put this in writing and give a copy to educational psychologist and the head. I understand they have to get back to me within 21 days. Phasmid, I am also going to notify the appropriate person about the head giving me these letters. I have copies made, was wondering whether to forward these on to the big cheese involved or just tell them I recieved them. I think the whole issue with the head should be kept seperate from any review about my sons progress.......what do you think? Thanks again everyone for all your support. Without this I would have probably spent all my energy worrying and not actually doing anything. Cheers.

Hi carrie You story sounds so like my own its not real! My son has also been labelled a bully which he most definitly is not. However I do understand other parents concern its just the way they've went about dealing with this is counterproductive. I've been running about today like a headless chicken tryinibg to get things done. I called the LEA and asked to speak to someone regarding parent partnership..........they were hopeless, didnt even seem to know what |I was on about. Got cut off during the call then when I called back got cut off again,,,,,grrrrr. Asked at local better neighbourhood office about who could advise me about my sons rights in education and they gave me a number for the local childrens panel???? Anyway have just remembered that the same lady who warned me about my sons headmaster told me to get in touch anytime as she has some helpful contacts. Said she was given the runaround for ages before getting any support so am gonna see her tonight hopefully...hope she hasnt moved. It was this person who is a registered childminder I went to see about watching my son when I was at uni. She said she saw many of the symptoms her own boy had who was diagnosed ADHD. I'm not so sure about this but think there is an underlying behavioural issue with him. Unfortunately she couldnt take my son on as she said he would need more one to one than she was able to provide. But she told me at the time she was in the process of writing a book about her experiences with the local education system who she says let her son down badly. I'm hoping that if I'm able to start things moving and start holding all parties to account it will help my son. I'm also going to try and establish better communication with the other parents as their complaints are not being dealt with professionally by the head.

Hello everyone and thankyou all for taking time to get back to me about this. I've decided to take action as I dont foresee any satisfaction from the head of my sons school. First stop my local better neighbourhood scheme. Was thinking that they do advocacy and can put me in contact with the right people. I think its really important to set up some sort of meeting with the other parents as I think the lack of communication coupled with lack of action being taken in the classroom has made it all too easy for them to scapegoat my son. And this is gonna sound paranoid but I'm sure the head has consciously allowed this to happen. When I think back to last year there was an incident when my son kicked another boy several times and I was told by his teacher at the time that the head had taken photos of the bruises. I went straight to his office and demanded access to my sons record............whilst he didnt refuse he did keep me there so long I gave in in the end and left without having saw it. I must have waited about 1 1/2 hours and it was excrutiating yet he didnt shpw me it. Next day it arrived at my house recorded delivery, heavily edited with loads tippexed out. Alarm bells did ring but to be honest things got slightly better so thought there was no point in worrying too much. The whole thing with the anonymous letter was that it wasnt addressed to me at all. It was supposedly left on the heads table for his eyes. But he forwarded it to me with his added footnote "above is what the situation has now come to. As per my last correspondence one more such incident will be enough to necessitate more serious action". I could go on and on about this guy, his letters are usually filled with highly emotive wording and like you all say not at all professional or objective. Feeeling better today having vented and having found a little support from one other parent and of course from here so thankyou again. Any views on my next step.

Sorry for being so uninformed, its why I'm here now though, but what or who is my parent partnership. I'm in Scotland BTW.

He'll be 8 in a month

Hello and thankyou for your helpfull replies, I believe my son has quite afew triggers which set him off, but inj my opinion the one causing the most problems just now(i.e. ultraviolence towards other pupils) is his very strong sense of justice. For example the other day another pupil was calling him names, so as I'd advised him (maybe not the best advice ) he did the same and namecalled back because he was feeling hurt and bless him he at least remembered he had other options than fighting. The other boy then jumped over and kicked my sons desk which slightly hit his leg.....now at this point the teacher should have jumped in to stop it as we have discussed my sons triggers, but for some reason she couldnt and then thats when my son karate kicked this other boy. This is happening a lot in class. My sons behaviour used to be the same at home but I have found ways of managing this. I know its harder at school but I'm thinking that he's not got a chance just now because there is a LOT of disruption in this class. There is a hardcore of about 6 lads who run riot. I used to think it was just my son but the onoe parent I actually talk to has said her daughter told her that the boys were always running about. I know that this is the worst with one particular teacher, who is young and I think inexperienced. My sons problems are compounded by the fact he has to deal with a variety of teachers all week. He needs structure and routine and this doesnt help. I've noticed a pattern in his behaviour chart when he gets this particular teacher. At the last meeting it was agreed he should sit by himself but I found out they've changed this without consulting me. Anyway am rambling now....went to see the head today about my sons seating arrangements, also to raise the point that there is a particular lack of control when this teacher takes the class. Now I was really careful about how I put it across. I only suggested that she may need extra support. But he went on the defensive immediately and went into his speil about the structure of the school and how it works. I'm not trying to pass the buck, my sons behaviour is not acceptable but think there is no flexibility here. My quetion is, does my son need some sort of diagnosis so that the school can get extra support? Or that I can make them make changes as currently I'm dreading what'll happen next. Also have to add that when I was at the heads he informed me about an incident ehich happened last week on the way home from school. My sone pushed a boy into a hedge and huirt his face. The boys mum reported it and I only heard about it today as my son had been off. Am glad to say I went to see this lady after school and she was really good about it. She was supportive as her boys not an angel either but she did not want the head to pass on this info and was surprised that he did as it happened last week. I am beginning to seriously distrust the head now............had already been warned about him from someone who says her son who has ADHD was let down badly by him and the system. I dont want to go down the path of paranoia and being reactionary. I'm thinking about taking matters further and calling a meeting with EVERYONE.

Hi, this is my first post here as I've just joined today. It seems to be an excellent site and I have new found hope. My sons had problems for a while and we're trying to address these with regular meetings with ed psychologist and teachers. He has now been referred to a behavioural psychologist but this could take months to come through. At the moment he is becoming very violent with other pupils and had injkured quite a few of them. Now the other parents are up in arms and have been droppin in anonymous letters to the head which he has passed on to me. this is not helping matters obviously but I dont know whether to set up a meeting with them to explain that everything possibles being done or to just leave it and let the school deal with it. Theres obviously a lack of communication going on. My fear is that these parents will only use what I say against me and my son. From the wording in the letters it is clear that they would love to see him leave. I voiced my concerns to the head who didnt think it a good idea to contact these parents as it might give them "ammo",....his words. I think I'll have to do this as I'm starting to get paranoid with the whispering campaign which is going on. Any advice anyone?