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darkshine

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Everything posted by darkshine

  1. How would you react if I say "no comment"?
  2. My favourite responses to "cheer up it might never happen" are: 1. It already has 2. It just did Both of these require either a deadpan response, a manic laugh, a strong hint of sarcasm or a rude glare
  3. No, "4 whatever" aint the same as 3 cuz as time progresses and tiredness increases and then the worrying about getting to sleep grows too because rest is good, but then there's snoring or whatever - and as 5 approaches it can be truly panic worthy at times unless you hit a zen like moment of calm and accept getting no sleep. I think there's a word for this kinda stuff - but it escapes me for some reason
  4. Obviously.... I just live for seeing 3 o'clock
  5. Sa Skimrande, I am glad you have your results, and I understand that you are angry but once you have worked through your anger it is best not to mourn lost years, I know I am younger than you but I have wasted so much time mourning lost years for one reason or another, and yes a big part of that is because if I was given the help I so desperately needed when I was a kid, or at the very least by age 19 when I had a breakdown, then there is the possibility that things could have been very different - but I can mourn them no longer, I still have some element of regret and anger, but it doesn't rule me now. I feel the same about food, but I don't think its hormonal in my instance (I don't know that for sure) but I too seem to have to get to the point of feeling ill before I have an appetite, and this was the case for a long time - unless I stopped smoking, got drunk, smoked cannabis, or took speed - but recently I find that sometimes I get hungry after a long walk without having to deplete everything - although I get it wrong sometimes as illustrated by what I said the other day here. Hopefully if you get the hormones more balanced it could help many areas of your life, just remember that depression, whatever the cause, can breed a lot of bad habits that are hard to break, especially the self-preservation ones. Best Darkshine
  6. I find it difficult to recognise people I've only met once or twice, and when people change their appearance I find it hard to compute who a person is and whether I know them, especially out in the street or something. Also I find it difficult to describe people, I see them as key features like "big nose" "moustache" "glasses" and possibly if they have hair that is particularly noticeable then I might remember that. I worry sometimes because I can't see my families faces in my mind and I sometimes wish I could see their faces in my mind so I could remember them in a visual way but I can't do it. I look at photos of people because it helps me familiarise myself with them because I can stare at a photo for as long as I want - and it helps in remembering someone new so I feel more familiar with them - but if I was in a room like at a pub or a wake or something, or in a town centre I panic a bit because I struggle to find people. And you can't always take photos of everyone you meet can you? I can locate and recognise people who I have known a long time - I still struggle to locate them but once I do I know who they are.... most of the time I try to remember what a person is wearing and I find them that way instead. I have had difficulties with eye contact for a long time, and though its a bit better now cuz I've been making an effort since last year at it - I did wonder if this was part of why I struggle to find people - although it has nothing to do with not remembering members of my families' faces in my mind. I also struggle to place people when they are in a different context, a woman waved at me the other week and I ignored her cuz I didn't recognise her, later I was in the place she worked and she moaned at me and it all clicked into place in my mind. I don't know if I have face-blindness or not, but its the closest thing I can think of for a topic title and I wondered if anyone else has similar issues. And I'm interested what people think of my idea of looking at photos to become more familiar to say friends or colleagues or acquaintances to assist in recognising them in different contexts/places that the norm.
  7. Glad to have indirectly assisted - my mind does that when I'm working on a problem, suddenly something completely unrelated gives me the inspiration I was looking for - its like the cogs in my mind line up and take me to another place, What does your name mean? It reminds me of Swedish or Norwegian words...
  8. Yeah Smiley, like a car - you have to put the petrol in to make it go - if you don't put the petrol in it loses power and stutters to a stop, which isn't good if you want to take it on the motorway or up a hill. A bit like certain you or me doing different exercises and stuff. I personally think its the most likely thing to cause your symptoms, although you are well within your rights to get a health check if you feel it would put your mind at ease. Sa Skimrande, I reckon your experience of quitting smoking is pretty interesting as the difference in your life was big, when I quit for a few weeks I didn't notice that big a difference, but I did have the same issues with stress and stuff. I can understand why you prep in such ways, it makes sense to have alternative ways to cook if the electricity should go off again. The annoying thing for me is I can afford more types of food but I can't eat it - tonight I've been to hell and back for the last few hours because I couldn't eat tea and I just lost the plot - and I childishly want to "wish" the problem away but I can't, its going to take work and I think that applies to all 3 of us who have replied here - we need to work on the food stuff in different ways I think, but some of the reasons for doing so are the same, for energy and health and stuff like that.
  9. A big part of learning something new is by experiencing new things - its hard to start off with yes, very - but it gets better as time goes on, Sa Skimrande's idea is a good one in compromising, and it doesn't require pure logic because even awareness is something we can learn, but its easier to learn by doing and engaging in the process. What I find is that I struggle, I stress, I worry, I feel stupid, I want to give up, I want to continue, I want to learn and carry on - but you know what? We can learn, it might take longer, and it might be harder for some of us, but one day you will look at yourself and realise that all that effort and difficulty and striving will get you somewhere, one day you look back and you see that there's been a shift, a change, and you can't always put your finger on it, but then it things become clearer - until you realise there's other stuff to work on lol. And the funny (in a nice way) thing is as much as you are finding this hard, you are showing awareness lupuscandenti - are really are - or you wouldn't even be talking about this stuff - if you had no awareness you'd have quit the course and given up - but you haven't done that have you? You are trying to work it through and understand. Keep going - if this is person centred counselling is what you really want to do, things won't change overnight - but you know what? If this stuff was easy it wouldn't be worth doing would it? And the rewards later will be worth it and because of how hard it is now, you will really appreciate the rewards later, I know it. If anything, by the time you qualify you could well find you are more aware than most because of the effort you will put in to build your awareness over time. Best Darkshine
  10. I have been tired too.... I suppose that its about balance, of yourself as an individual against the society in which we live. Society might stamp on talent and have a harmful kind of thinking, but in such circumstances I can't help but think that we have to be true to ourselves first before we can make a real contribution to society - and then society can basically take it or leave it. The mould is not right for me Sa Skimrande, so what do I do? What do you do? Or anyone else for that matter? For if we do not fit the mould without pain and depression, and if we break the mould we get hammered, and if society does not "allow" people to thrive.... then I guess we have to find a new way, find our inner strength and not get hammered for if we are true to ourselves and find inner strength and understanding then it matters not what everyone else thinks. If we understand why the majority cannot break the mould then maybe that understanding can provide us with tools in which to work - you say you work with metal? I saw some of the photo's you put up showing some of the things you have made. Are people not like metal? Don't some metals bend easily while others are rigid and brittle? The heating temperatures are different, the colour, the finish, some polish up wonderfully while others hold beauty in their subtlety. I think one of the things that made me feel a bit better is the second line of my signature that appears below every post I make, there are people of value out there, people who can truly inspire us, but they are not the majority, they are not everywhere and we have to seek them out with open eyes and open hearts, and they are worth finding I know it. For if we don't not look we do not see, and sometimes I reckon people can be like a nugget of precious metal buried in the earth, they can show themselves like the sun rises in the morning, or maybe as something very undeveloped that we have to seek out and discover, that when worked with can become intricately wonderful, or strong and steady - who knows? But if we do not look we do not find out. I struggle with acceptance, but I find myself becoming more accepting and it makes it easier within myself, I don't feel so much turmoil. I think that you are right, in searching out every last detail the original question can be lost track of... But by the same gesture I did have acceptance in my depression and that acceptance was not a true acceptance, it was a negative reaction to the world around me and the people in it and my opinions and feelings based on certain events from my life. It's easy to lose faith, hope, belief and become battered and weak, and I believe that the answer lies within ourselves because in constant looking inwards or outwards we do not see the whole picture.... Sometimes maybe we are like clay, we can be moulded by others and fired and we can become fixed as something in their minds and in our own, as something we are not, maybe in returning to ourselves we can rework ourselves and make our own mould, our own design and find inner peace in doing so.
  11. darkshine

    Time

    When I used to wear a watch I used to check it all the time, when I stopped wearing it, which was years and years ago now, I found that I can tell the time of day quite accurately from the sun - not much use at night, and also not much use for timekeeping as I could be half an hour out in my estimates (which was accurate enough for myself - but not for getting to an appointment lol). When I was a teenager my dad gave me his old watch, it self wound from movement (I'm not sure if the mechanism was the same as your Seiko) but it was really handy and I liked the fact that I never had to mess around with batteries. Yeah I've had it round my neck, arm, wrist, hand, pocket, head, back round my neck again and my housemate who gave it me is thoroughly regretting that decision, it took him 2 minutes 16 seconds to chop a carrot, 25 seconds to get the milk from the fridge, it took approx 5 seconds for him to get up off the sofa and advance towards me to remove the stopwatch from my hand (I say approx cuz I was moving away lol) at which point I stopped timing him doing things as it was peeing him off and he threatened to take it off me, although I admit that loitering around timing someone could get annoying pretty quick, especially when I can't help informing him of the timings - but its easier to time someone else isn't it? It took me 4.53 seconds to walk the length of the house, 22 minutes to reply to an email, and then of course I had to see if I could stop it at an exact point several times (hit and miss) and I will probably kill the battery within a week, and yep, I've forgotten a few times already that I was timing something. Anyway... play time is over (not completely but I'll tone it down), I actually want to know how I'm using my time and how I can use it better and stuff. When I was a kid I had a digital watch and I ended up timing everything, I think now I'm an adult I can attempt to refrain from going OTT with the things I time.I'll try anyway
  12. You have to have the luxury of being picky because otherwise you lack self respect and that would potentially attract the wrong kind of person.
  13. To really investigate self perception I'd have to say that it should be adolescents responding to these questions too seeing as it is their self perception in question, it really should be them talking about it. I do agree with some of the people here who say their parents wouldn't have a clue - and that my own parents wouldn't have had a clue - but I have to say Justine makes a fair point that some parents do know their children and do communicate and listen to them. So as much as I do think it should be the adolescents responding, I think asking parents is a feasible solution/way around a number of issues that young people may have (communication, self awareness, responding to strangers) and also I imagine that parents who don't have a clue about their kids may possibly avoid such research anyway. And in fairness with regard the whole ethical minefield of working with children for such projects - the logical solution really is to ask parents, especially considering the limited time frame. I'm sure there'll be some good points here for ideas for further research though Just a few thoughts Darkshine
  14. Hi Sally, it seems ages ago now that you first mentioned starting this process, you've been waiting a long time! I'm glad that something has come of it, and I do hope that they can help your son with his anxieties and OCD, I think that the one night a week respite could do you the world of good too. How's he getting on with the germ/dirt stuff? Is it still as big a problem for him/you?
  15. It says on the left of the screen under a persons profile picture , yours says 103, and mine says way too many
  16. darkshine

    Time

    I've avoided time for quite some er.... time. Does anyone else? But I've been given a stopwatch this evening and now I have this overpowering urge to time everything and I mean EVERYTHING. Although that isn't possible because I can't physically time everything all at once, but the urge is there nevertheless. So I guess I have a desire to time certain tasks and stuff... the possibilities are both interesting and potentially annoying. Has anyone done that either?
  17. The mental imagery of that is pretty damn funny it'd be chaos cuz we might all have different systems I think I should have used the word "rate" instead of "rank" - from what I gather it was about saying who was a good or respected forum member or something like that - I guess if it is true and this did used to happen it could get pretty unfair. Yeah I can think of one or two people who'd top that list some weeks I see Mannify is trying to keep her 666 still - is there another reason why she's achieved and then stuck with that number for the day?!? Should we be worried I for one might be more comfortable when she hits 703
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