xevex

Please try and not worry about this with your son, my son D was 5 when he was dry during day night time wasn't until he was around 7 and half, the health centre supplied large nappies for him for night time, not sure if health centres still do that as this was around 11yrs ago. Be patient and good luck, you'll get there, Take care eve x

I loved Boy George when I was in my teens. Enjoy your night eve x

Not been here since so Nov so I've only just read your thread, I am so sorry for your lose, you and your family are in my thoughts <'> Take care of yourselfs eve x

Hiya Everyone.... I've just tonight realised that my last post was in Nov so much has happened since then. D moved into his Residential placement a few days after his last panel meeting. In the early days/weeks of him being there he had a period of being quiet and was behaving really good his usual Asperger behaviours where there but nothing unmanagable. He started school and still to date he is attending 100% The honeymoon period is well and truly over now though,although he has settled in well his behaviour at times has been extremely challenging for the staff. He is suppose to be on Meds but has refused to take them, his key worker is going to chat with him about restarting them as he has major problems with his emotions. On the plus side of things though he has been home, he was allowed home for 1 overnight stay as a trial that went well so he was home again for Christmas for 4 nights then again for 2 at New Year. D is due back home this weekend then after every 2 weeks although home visits depend on his behaviour at the Residential. There was a SS meeting early December which D attended which was to make sure that his needs etc where being met he stressed that he was completely bored at school as the work he was doing was so easy, at the time the school were assessing him to see what level he was at. There is a Education meeting at his school on Wed next week so hopefully it will all be sorted out then and he will be given more challenging work to do. The first few weeks after D moved into his Residential I cried non stop, as I was already on Anti-depressants I went to see my GP as I really didn't want to get ill. He was really understanding, he was also D's GP. Anyway after a long chat with him it was decided that if I still felt as bad in the next few weeks I was to have my meds increased. The day after I saw my GP I decided that a job would do me the power of good ( I gave my last job up due to stress at home and hadn't worked for 18months) Within a week of looking I attended a interview and got the job which I started at the end of Nov. After all that has happened it's really good to be able to look forward now regarding my sons future, he has a long way to go but where he is now he is getting help and professional support that he so much needs. Take Care All eve

The funding has been approved, I am so relieved. D's social worker called this morning, medical reports from my sons Dr and CPN etc have been faxed of to the residential placement . All going well we will be able to visit next week. That's one hurdle over. I spoke to Wilderness this morning D's been quite animated and hyped up but other wise he's doing okay. I sent some marvel magazines and bits and pieces to him this afternoon he'll be pleased about that. I've still to arrange a day to see him this week, I miss him lots. Thanks ever so much for all your kind support. Eve

stressedmumto2 Thank you.... Today has been a good day, I went to see my son Meeting up with him went really well, I thought he'd be extremely resentful towards me but he wasn't at all. He even allowed me to put my arms around him without him going rigid straight away. He was a puzzled as why his sister didn't visit he really doesn't realise that what he did to her was a terrible thing to do, I do hope through time he will realise that you shouldn't hurt the ones that love you and that she can forgive him. It really hits home to me just how badly affected he is with Aspergers Hopefully on Monday there will be some news about his Residential placement. Thanks again for all your support xevex

The outcome from yesterdays multi agency is that they all agree that a Secure Unit is out of the question phew !!! It would scare my son senseless, it was agreed that he will be placed in a specialist residential school that will cater for his needs. Two out of three who decide if they are going to fund it have agreed, we are waiting on the third to make their decision. I spoke to my sons Wilderness key worker and he says that he's alot more settled this week which is a huge relief to me. We are going to set up for me to have contact with him soon, I haven't spoke to him since he left last week although I have written to him. I felt that had I called him he would have become extremely anxious and beg to come home, it must be so hard for him to understand that the reasoning why he is away, he has no insight at all how his actions affect others. I'm feeling a bit more positive as I know that this choice I have made for my son will benefit him in the long run, what I am finding really hard to cope with is this ache in my heart I feel, I do miss him so much. Thank you all so much for your support. xevex

Thank you so much Loulou I'm worried sick here about my sons future, I spoke to his social worker today and she had been in contact with the Childrens Reporter we have a panel meeting on the 12th Nov, she says that D meets the criteria to be put into a secure unit which scares me senseless as it will D. SS says that as D has a disability then the panel members should take this into account and agree that he should be placed in a unit that caters for youths with Aspergers/ADHD. The facility Spark Of Genius which is only about a 2hrs drive from home is ideal. SS have been in touch with them and they have agreed to have D so now I'm just waiting anxiously to find out if the multi agency members, childrens panel give the go ahead for it and that SS will fund it. As I said in my first post I haven't used this forum for quite a long time, I appreciate being able to use this as a means of support. It's so good to discuss matters with people who understand and are/or have been through similiar circumstances. xevex

Thank you so much Annie

Thank you all for your kind support... My son D is 15yrs old he was diagnosed with Aspergers when he was 4yrs, then when he reached 7yrs he was also diagnosed with ADHD. He was prescribed Ritalin the Concerta when he started high school (main stream) I am a single parent with 2 other children a daughter 17yrs and younger son who is 12yrs I had coped with my sons needs until he reached the age of 14yrs then hell broke loose. D started associating with the wrong crowd, he was drinking, using cannabis, refusing to attend school over all his behaviour was appalling. Everytime I tried to carry out consequences to his actions he'd through these horrific tantrums, on numerous occassions he police had to be involved, after about the 6th time of involving the police I ended up having him charged with breech of the peace and vandalism in the home. We ended up attending a childrens panel meeting where my son was put on a supervision order. Around the same time he refused to see his Dr who had wanted to see him to discuss him coming of his ADHD meds and start meds (Risperdal) for his anxiety, eventually he did agree to see his GP who was able to prescribe his new meds. Life at home calmed down considerably much to my relief, D was coping with his anxiety so much better. The usual problems where still there but with the support from the CHAD team and my sons CPN we were plodding along. The drinking and cannabis use started again this year and he was still not attending school full time so the CHAD team and his DR recommended that this past summer he was to take part in the Radical programme he refused point blank. Around 3 months ago home life was just awful again, I had no parental control over him at all. Because of his drinking and cannabis use his DR took him of his Risperdal, within a week his anxiety peaked, he started staying out late, a few occassions he stayed out over night, he behaviour at school was not appropriate. After about 3 weeks of being completely of meds the school he sometimes attended excluded him as he assaulted another pupil in a extremely violent way. The same week he went out with friends and got very drunk and ended up fighting, the police were involved and he was charged with a breech of the peace. After bringing him home that night I asked him to go to bed but no D wanted to go on the internet, I stuck by my guns and as consquence to me doing so my son punched yet another hole in his bedroom door and he assaulted me. The police were called and they took him down to the station, I refused to have him back home that night. Social Services placed him in a childrens home over night the following morning he was taken to Cumbria where he started on the Wilderness Experience programme, he was there for 10 weeks. His Dr then suggested he was to start back on his meds( he was at more of a risk being of them than on them)He refused. During his time away he was allowed home over night to begin with then 2 nights, he came home for good about 3 weeks ago. The Wilderness team were still involved for the first 3 weeks he was home, they provided 24hr support, they actually rented a flat in my home Town it was amazing that that SS funded it. 2 weeks ago the Cannabis use started again, I discussed the dangers of using it as did his social worker and the Wilderness staff. As usual D knows best and ended up using it again this time in his bedroom. A consequence for this was that he wasn't going to be taken to a skate park which was a reward for him attending college 2 days a week on the school plus programme and for good behaviour. The day I told him this along side one of the Wilderness Support team, my son kicked off, shouting and swearing at me, he was very intimidating, If the Wilderness staff member hadn't been here I would have had to have called the police. The following day he asked me if he was going to the skate park the following day I said no and that we had discussed it the previous night. D then started shouting etc and smashing things at home. The police were called but as I didn't want him charged again they said they'd make sure their report was put in to SS first thing in the morn. The Wilderness team worker spent 3 hrs with us then went off to go get something to eat. Within 2 hours my son assaulted his older sister after rowing with her over the TV. The police were called, he assaulted one of the police officers, he was arrested , I refused to have him home so he was taken to stay with the Wilderness staff that were doing the 24hr outreached. He's now back with Wilderness until SS services can decide and if they can fund for D to go to Spark Of Genius which is a residential school/ home for kids with Aspergers/ADHD. There is a multi agency meeting tomorrow morning. Since he left last week I haven't had any contact with him which hurts really bad, I did write him a letter though which I hope he reads. Really at this stage of my sons life I feel that if he doesn't get help with coping with limits, change disappointment and most importantly this aggression he has he will end up in a young offenders unit which basically is crime school. I want my son to have a life a good life. I miss him so much and hurt for him. Sending my son away has to be the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life I pray to god my son doesn't hate me for it. xevex

Any parents out there that have had no alternative but to place their teenage son/daughter in care (due to their aggressive, abusive, violent behaviour)until a suitable residential placement can be arrange for them ? I haven't posted here for such a long time but would be grateful for any input.

Hiya Eva, My son is now 14yrs and was similar to your son at that age, one method I found helpful with inappropriate behaviour was to distract him then wait till he was calmer to discuss such issues, then remind him gently about it. I know through experience that the more fuss I made of my sons behaviour the more stressed he got, resulting in horrid tantrums from him. Be consistent . If my son was confused about different tones and facial expressions I used to explain about them, reassure him your not annoyed angry etc with him its his inappropriate behaviour. To this day I'm still learning about my son and his ways. I do hope this is of some help I know it can be tough. Also you could try camomile in his bath, or if he would drink it some herbal drinks. Take care Eve

I'm here, should be in bed but I'm wide awake.

There are many of us out here just like you. I have three children like you and am perfectly able to show my love to them although as they've got older they are aware that I have huge social problems. I fully identify with what you and Bullet have written except I cope with routine change fairly well unless I am very pressured. I cannot express my feelings or needs and never ask anyone for anything. One to one situations are fine but I cannot do a larger group. My solution is to never attend social events as I am simply a tongue-tied spectator. I am mega organized for work and term time but can barely cope with a shopping trip or an outing during the holidays as I have huge difficulties remembering things I need or the reason for going out in an unstructured way. Spontaeous communication is difficult but I am probably rated as above average in a formal setting. I found outabout AS two years ago and at least know what is most probably the matter. You're brilliant that you have worked at strategies to help you. In my more pressured moments I am rather negative and feel a sense of despair that it won't go away. Best wishes Yoyo I do have bad days where if possible I sit on my own and reassure myself that I can't fix everything and be the person that society thinks I should be(if that makes sense)and that I am no superwoman. My motto just now is tomorrow is another day, I am taking medication for depression, I have done for years. Take care and thank you for your post Eve

Here you go http://www.familyfund.org.uk/ Eve