Starlight

Hi Chell, The autobiographies that I have read and found helpful are: Look me in the eye - John Elder Robinson is quite good but I found the two autobiographies below much more insightful for myself -could relate to them more. Liane Holliday Willey-Pretending to be Normal, Nobody Nowhere - Donna Williams, Jean Millar - Women from another Planet - this is not an autobiography but a collection of personal stories, poems etc, it's good and very interesting. Martian in the Playground - Clare Sainsbury is excellent, again this is a collection of quotes and different peoples experiences of school, highly recommended. Hope that helps, Starlight

Hi Lisa I have a son who was diagnosed last October, I didn't think he would get the official diagnosis as he is mild and it is not always apparent to others. A paediatrician had meet my son and said there was nothing wrong with him, he couldn't see anything, though he did refer him on for a full assessment (so he clearly did see something!). Anyway my point is that I got diagnosed earlier in the year as I thought it would provide extra evidence that ASD is in the family and I do feel this influenced the decision to assess my son fully and possibly lead to his diagnosis. From reading your description of your traits I would recognise quite a lot of myself in there (eating noises, food, communication, friendship difficulties), I think you would be able to get a diagnosis. However I think you need to have difficulties in your own life before they will diagnosis- mental health problems etc not sure on that one. I went private -£500. I don't know if CAHMS would take the time to read your list but they would have to acknowledge a diagnosis. So maybe that would help your daughter, it is really important that she can understand who she is and the cause of her difficulties and it would allow for support to be put in place.

Thank you Lynda. I am the exact same, I usually think everything is good and have built a successful relationship and something happens, big or small, and I realise that it was never the kind of bond that other people have and it's back to the beginning with the relationship. Quite often due to how much I change between situations and they just don't understand why (despite diagnosis) and take it personally. There are a few people I am close with who never seem to mind what way I am - which is great. If you have that kind of reaction then it is clearly still affecting you, that sounds like a good friend who understood and got you out of there. I don't know what the best thing is to do in order to overcome it- maybe your counselling will help with that. I have spent my life avoiding breaks and lunchtimes, couldn't do it in school and still can't, no intention of ever getting into a situation that I can't get out of easily. I also dread certain events that involve meeting certain people, I just avoid them now, too hard, too tired!!

That is unusual to have matching experiences and never have talked about it before. When I was diagnosed with Aspergers the psychologist felt that I had C-PTSD from my experiences of school. Basically due to my subsequent avoidance of any situation that would trap me again and a sense of being completely separate to other people with no expectation of having the normal things in life, such as a job, that others took for granted. I never looked for an answer to my differences and the isolation that I would find myself in over and over again as I really felt there was something so wrong with me that it was to be expected. This fragmentation of the ‘self’ and a lack of identity as a human being with the same rights as everyone else is central to C-PTSD. I severely disassociated with myself too when in situations that I could not deal with which is C_PSTD. This kind of helped me cope over the years but now has taken over somewhat of its own accord which can be very frightening. Emotional and psychological abuse is so invisible to others, everything can appear normal when underneath a lot of damage is being done. I know from my perspective that I do not show my emotions like others so no one ever really picks up when something is wrong, meaning that help is not offered, even when desperately needed. I haven’t had any experiences of Church Abuse, though I grew up in a very religious and authoritarian household. Hope your counselling helps you deal with these issues.

No reason, it doesn't matter either way - just for something to talk about -as I don't know what to say either. Hi anyway.

Hi, I have aspergers too! Just diagnosed or just know you are aspergers? Only if you want to something to say!! Makes no difference either way.

Hi Jamie, Some of your son's behaviours sound a lot like mine -interrupting, hates groups, certain clothes, rituals for eating and nappies until he was 4. The doctor said he was fine also, but he had only met him twice and didn't see how my son changes according to the situation he is in and people around him. This is a child that had not particularly spoken to another child in the first three years of school, never mind make friends. Apparently he was fine as he talked to the doctor and hugged me. I really had to argue with the doctor until I think he just relented and sent J for assessment. Before he went for the assessment I made up the most detailed list they have probably ever had describing all his behaviours and giving examples. So it would probably help to keep a record and have other independent people contribute also. A video, as Trekster suggested, would be very convincing. My son is diagnosed now and I just can't wait to go back to the Paediatrician with that piece of paper - ASD confirmed!

Amsterdam is beautiful!!!

Hi, I had the Rainman stereotype as well, i had considered ASD for myself before my son was born but it is very hard to relate to text books that are so 'black and white' about a condition. Your son is a child, an individual with desires and needs like anyone else- just probably a little more specific on what they are! It took an outsider to help me to realise that I was ASD and then clearly my son who is 7, he has also just been diagnosed. Hope you come to understand ASD and how it affects your son, a diagnosis is the first step. It is just who he is, not wrong, just different. Starlight

Great idea Merry- I'll try that myself-I think he would be impressed. Cute baby photo too!

Hi Shinypanda, My son is the same- a model student- but that is because he is very self-conscious and doesn't want to draw any attention to himself. He was diagnosed this week and I am also wondering how to explain it to him. It is definitely very important that your son understands as secondary school can be very difficult for a child with ASD. If he at least gets an official diagnosis then he will be able to view events as they are - misunderstandings, saying the wrong thing, friendship difficulties etc. and develop strategies to deal with them Hopefully that will prevent him from developing self-image problems which is even more vital at his age. If I find out a good book or way of telling my son I will let you know. Starlight

Hi, It only took 16 months for J to get diagnosed which is quick I think compared to others I know- but I went through the doctor and straight to paediatrics -Children's Development Dept.( the Educational Psychologist advised this as it would be quicker than through the education board). I'm delighted that he is diagnosed now, some people seem to think it is a negative to give him that label when it is a milder form but I disagree very strongly. I think can be even more difficult or dangerous when it isn't clear to everyone that there are underlying differences. It is much more easy for behaviours to be misinterpreted. Also my son is becoming more aware and seems to be realising that he can't do some of the things his brother can and maybe that he is different. He is too young to really know what is in his head. At least a diagnosis offers a degree of protection and he will now be getting support which will hopefully make his journey through school and life easier- which is all I want. I can only go from my own experiences and I feel my life would have been very different if I had understood myself and why things happened. A lot of self-esteem and confidence issues could have been avoided with a diagnosis and career planning would have benefitted from this knowledge too- of course this wasn't possible as Aspergers didn't exist in the 80's! Starlight

Hi, I am a mum to a 7 year old only diagnosed yesterday with ASD. I also specialise in teaching children with needs that are special. So if there is any particular issue regarding teaching I will try and help you out. Starlight

I took a while deciding whether to get diagnosed, now I wish I hadn't waited so long. Your right it doesn't change who you are but it does help others understand - that is, those who want to understand- who you are, why things have to be done just so and of course is a much more positive explanation for the social problems. One downside has been that indivduals that I thought might understand me better when given the label have not really taken it on board and just think it's nothing - i.e. I'm still not what they want me to be-but that's a universal thing rather than a specific ASD problem. I am still figuring out how to approach life post-diagnosis but I know it is helping me accept myself more and it has given me ambition to try and help NT's understand ASD more- projects are in progress- rather than sitting thinking about what I am or not. I know who I am and I'm taking that diagnosis on board 100%. At some point I hope to be quite open about it to acquaintances and perhaps be viewed differently-or ignored- not sure about that one. But apart from all that you would also be eligible for DLA benefit and you should get whatever support you need if diagnosed through the NHS-I am getting CBT at the minute

Hi, what your describing is pretty similiar to myself, it takes a while to piece the past together and put it in perspective -still trying to do it 2 years after realising what was the cause of all the social difficulties etc. At least the present can be understood better and decisions can be made with a full understanding of who you are and where your strengths and weaknesses lie - rather than just a blur of something being wrong. I think it's pretty cool to be ASD- but hard!! Starlight