badonkadonk

Hello all Yep, everything is hunky dory. It's a gloriously sunny day in London Town! B x

Hallo It's been quite a long time since I was last around. I thought I might give it a go again. How is everyone doing? B x

Hey everyone! I know I haven't posted in ages but I'm being kept as a slave by my boss I wish I could be more like Neil and skive off at work to get my picture taken by strange women! What am I on about you might ask? Would you employ this man? Neil recently did a sit down chat thing with the Department of Work and Pensions and as a bonus they made him pose for photos and we all know how much Neil likes having his photo taken! Neil is the handsome bloke with dark hair They have predictably changed how Neil describes AS and what not and have insisted on referring to it as something he has, blah blah blah. It's fairly easy to tell what Neil has actually said and what they have re-worded into the usual rubbish. But on a whole it's a good interview I think and a positive representation of AS in the workplace! Hope you all have a good weekend, Emily.

Thanks for all the congratulations and well wishes Wish I could have replied to this thread a bit sooner but I've been non-stop at work. It also explains why I've gone from sometimes around on the board to virtually disappeared, but I wouldn't change things, I finally have a full-time job up here and it's great. I have something else that's great as well and that is my lovely hubby-to-be God that seems so strange to write that, I can't think of Neil as my husband just yet!!! Sorry to disappoint some of you but we've decided on a long engagement, on the basis that we feel (and have felt pretty much from the get go) that we are more to each other than just boyfriend and girlfriend, but we also feel that it's not right to get married any time soon. We've only been together seven months still and while it feels absolutely right to get engaged and make that extra commitment, I wouldn't go shopping for hats for another couple of years if I were you Besides which my big bro only got married at the end of March this year, my dad would kill me if he had to pay money towards another wedding Still we're back off down to Birminghamshire (as Neil insists on calling it) this weekend to visit the fantastic Jewellery Quarter to go shopping for a ring Oooooh I'm so excited! Though I'm dragging my mum with us (dragging, yeah right) so that we two Aspies don't get suckered in and ripped off, given our somewhat gullible nature It's been a pretty interesting year this year. It started out pretty pants what with my previous relationship heading slowly downwards, me dreading doing my reading at my brother's wedding and being fed up about my health and the doctor's not being bothered about me. But 11 months later and I'm totally, utterly, head over in heels in love with the most amazing man I've ever ever met (and never ever expected to meet). I'm living in Herrrrrgate, away from my folks, established in a proper routine for the first time in my entire life. I've sorted out (kinda) my health and while it's not 100% at least the tablets I'm on are allowing me to work full-time and have a life for once. I have a full-time job now and it's only just a rubbish wage as well (thought I would be lucky if someone offered to pay me at all!!!), not bad going for someone who hadn't worked since Feb 06 due to being poorly. And to top it all off the man I love wants to marry me Don't get me wrong, I never considered myself one of the hard done by people in the world. I've have a tendency to have bad luck but it's not all been bad. But for the first time in an awfully long time it seems like the cloud is finally beginning to lift, things are working for me for once and it feels overwhelmingly good. I'm not being a show off, rather I just want to make it clear that no matter what your situation is things can change, things can and will happen and eventually it will get better. I've been fighting for things to get better since I was about 13 so sometimes it might take a while, but eventually it will happen Right off to get changed, we're going out for a meal to celebrate Emily xxx

Mumble, are you thinking of Rich Hall as the dark haired guy? He's American and his humour is really, really dry to the point where it's hard to know whether he's being serious or not. He never laughs at his own jokes and rarely cracks a smile at others. He seems miserable and really sarcastic to begin with but sometimes he is really, really funny. He's been on QI, HIGNFY and 8 out of 10 Cats My dinner guests......yeah right! An Aspie at a dinner party! You're having a f***** laugh!! If the thought of a dinner party didn't make me want to lever my eyes out with a fork, I would probably invite the following people..... 1. Neil. Because he's great. 2. Charlie Brooker. (Just because he reassures me that someone else in the world sees things like I do) 3. Spongebob Squarepants (with Gary, of course) (plus he makes a mean Krabby Patty) 4. Philip Larkin (To b*tch about the world with) 5. Jackie Chan (Though I would refuse to play him at Twister) 6. Fred Astaire (My ideal Grandad) 7. Jack Black (My ideal older brother) 8. Ross Noble (to provide a bizarre but hysterical commentary on the evening) 9. Hiro Nakimura (to stop time if I spill my drink/drop my food down my posh frock like I always do) 10. My mum's mum (she died before I was born) Oh and Wills and Shuff (with their own mini guinea-friendly dining table of course, with green beans for each course) Actually if I had my mum's mum I would have to have my mum's dad as well because he died when I was little and then of course my whole family would have to come because I wouldn't want them to miss out......me thinks I need a bigger imaginary table Emily xxx Oh and the bouncers will have strict instructions not to let in any of the following people: Anthony Worrall Thompson, Andrew Lincoln (brilliant in Teachers, but if I hear him doing the voice over for one more flippin advert!!!), Kate Thornton (and/or Tess Daly), any of the BBC breakfast news team, Max Clifford, Louis Walsh, Denise Van Outen, Jim Davidson, Chrissy Hynde, Gervais, Lawrence Dallagio, the ITV football/Rugby commentary team, Kate Moss and Avril Lavigne to name a few!!

It's my fault, I've finally managed to convince someone to actually give me a job (I started my second week today, yep, still haven't been fired!) and unfortunately the job involves working every alternate Saturday. Having started last week working the Saturday, 1st December falls on a Saturday 'on' week. It's normal hours (well, we do finish half hour earlier on a Saturday) so I'd work 8.00am-3.30pm We'll have to meet up again after Christmas, we could have an anniversary meet-up (plus me and Neil would have just been together a year then so you lot would have an excuse to get drunk!) Anyway stopping rambling for once, Emily xxx

Thanks for all the well wishes you lot! <'> It's really lovely to know that you're happy for us. We were meant to be doing the typical thing that a lot of couples do to celebrate their anniversary....go out for a meal....but we are both a bit under the weather with colds at the minute so we decided we couldn't be bothered with the stress of eating out and instead celebrated Aspie style! Eating Dominos pizza, wearing comfy trackie bottoms (ooo the glamour), watching James Bond on the projector. That's my kind of celebration! Emily xxx

Good afternoon all Just wanted to take this opportunity to give a little public shout-out to my luverly boyfriend. It seems somewhat appropriate to do this on here given that this is where we first met (in a virtual sense anyway) and saying it in front of you guys will show him that I really, really mean it (I hope!) So without further ado.... HAPPY SIX MONTH ANNIVERSARY NEIL! I love you. Very, very much, you make me super duper happy I can't believe how much my life has changed since I met you, I was doing ok before, but now for the first time I feel like I'm actually living my life. The best thing about being with you is that not only are you stupidly handsome, brilliantly funny and a frickin genius but you are also my best friend, my best Aspie friend. The fact that we are both Aspies is, for me, one of the extra special bonuses of our relationship. You understand me, instantly, I love the fact that you hate going out socialising as well, that you too like eating the same food, on the same nights, week in week out. I love the fact that we do the housework on almost the same day each week, and we do it in the same order everytime! I love that you shout at the news in the morning just as much as I do and get frustrated with the idiots in the world! I love how, despite us both disliking hugs off other people and hating eye contact, we are always hugging and looking at each other. And I love how we can't lie to each other, and how once I've gotten past my layers of low self-esteem and lack of confidence I know I can almost believe you when you tell me you love me and that I'm a nice person. Only almost, I'm still working on it Anyway, better stop before I make everyone else vomit! Thanks to everyone on the forum for helping this place to exist, if I hadn't of found this forum and felt welcome enough to start rambling on at people (and on, and on) I would have never have shouted at Neil to stop moaning or started to take the mickey out of him for being a girly Northerner and thus plant the beginnings for what has happened over the last six months Emily xxx

Mumble I think you're going to regret asking for this Please be aware that my version has been composed by someone who is certified insane and not great at rhyming So the original (bar the first few lines that I never remember to sing) went a little something like this... Mama, just killed a man, Put a gun against his head, Pulled my trigger, now he's dead. Mama, life had just begun, But now I've gone and thrown it all away. Mama ooooo, Didn't mean to make you cry, If I'm not back again this time tomorrow, Carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters. Too late, my time has come, Sends shivers down my spine, Body's aching all the time. Goodbye everybody- I've got to go, Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth. Mama ooooo (any way the wind blows), I don't want to die, I sometimes wish Id never been born at all..... I see a little silhouetteo of a man, Scaramouch, Scaramouch will you do the fandango? Thunderbolt and lightning- very very frightening me! Galileo, Galileo, Galileo, Galileo, Galileo Figaro magnifico. But I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me, He's just a poor boy from a poor family, Spare him his life from this monstrosity. Easy come easy go, will you let me go? Bismillah! No, we will not let you go (let him go) Bismillah! We will not let you go (let him go) Bismillah! we will not let you go (let him go) Will not let you go (let me go) Will not let you go (let me go) No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go, Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for meeeeee.... So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye? So you think you can love me and leave me to die? Oh baby, cant do this to me baby, Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here. Nothing really matters, Anyone can see, Nothing really matters, nothing really matters to me. And my version goes (oh dear)..... Mama, just killed a ram, Put a gun against its head, Pulled my trigger now it's dead. Mama, it's life had just begun, But now I've gone and thrown it all away. Mama ooooooo, I just wanted Shepherd's Pie, But now I'm going to become Vegetarian, You carry on, carry on, my appetite's in tatters. Too late, it's nearly done, Lay the table, pour the wine, Pretend it's chicken, you'll be fine. Oh no, b*st*rd b*ll*x, I've got no Oxo! Go buy some before your father hits the roof! Mama ooooo (what if the shop's shut now?) I don't want to die, I wish that ram had never been born at all.... I see a little silhoutto of the ram, Holy Sh*t, holy Sh*t I'm having flashbacks oh, Lunch is not inviting ? it's very very frightening me! No Tesco! Oh No Tesco! No Tesco! No Tesco! No Tescos already closed. I'm just a poor boy I was just hungry, He's just a poor boy he wanted Shepherd's Pie for tea, Spare him his life from this monstrosity! Sorry dad, shop was shut, I've got no Oxo. Bismillah! No, we must have some Oxo (Some Oxo!) Bismillah! We must have some Oxo (Some Oxo!) Bismillah! We must have some Oxo (Some Oxo!) Must have some Oxo (Some Oxo!) Must have some Oxo (Some Oxo!) No, no, no, no, no, no, no Mama mia, mama mia, mama mia no Oxo! Our stupid son has ruined Shepherd's pie for me, for me for meeeee! So you think you come between me and my pie? Because there is no Oxo you'll leave me to die? Oh daddy, cant do this to me daddy, You've just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here... Nothing really matters, Anyone can see, Without my Shepherd's pie, nothing really matters to meeeeee! Yes well a masterpiece it ain't but I've amused myself on many occassions honing my tribute to Shepherd's Pie I think it's time I was leaving Emily xxx

I lurrve music and have to listen to it really loud to be in my element I like all types of music, mainstream mainly but I listen to music from all kinds of decades and genres. If I had to pick one in particular it would probably be classic rock groups/music. None of that Rolling Stone/The Beatles type business, more like Free, Bad Company, Black Crowes, Incubus, Led Zeppelin, The Strokes...that kind of thing. But then I can go from listening to that to listening to dance music, cheesy pop, hip hop etc etc. As long as I like it I'll listen to it. Neil listens to a lot of film scores, soundtracks, TV themes that kind of thing. He also likes cheesy Euro pop, dance music and a bit of the ol'Sinatra but he definitely has a lot weirder taste in music than me. We can both listen to the same song on repeat for ages and ages and tend to go through cycles of listening to the same batch of songs (though this tends to be me more than Neil). Even though I've got like 1761 songs on Itunes I only really listen to the songs on my Current Faves playlist day to day which has a tiny 62 songs on it in comparison. I don't think I'm a bad dancer, it's something I used to do when I was younger though and I was pretty good at it too so I shouldn't be too rubbish at it. Neil on the other hand, it's not that he's a bad dancer he's just the funniest dancer I know His arms and legs seem to move of their own accord whereas his head just bobs up and down to the music. He can imaginary tap dance (Donald O'Connor stylee) like nobody else I know and I've been known to almost die of laughter when he does it. The only way I can describe it is to imagine that he's being operated by four different puppeteers when he dances (That or he's on drugs/having a fit) Music has a far greater effect on my emotions though than a lot of people I know. I get more affected by certain pieces of music than I do by hearing about people's current situations. Tell me someone has died and (unless it's an immediate member of my family) I'm fairly non-plussed. Play me Map of the Problematique by Muse and it really stirs up my emotions. I don't feel particularly sad or happy just really affected by it. I also have a thing about making up absurd lyrics to existing songs or coming up with little ditties about what is happening day to day, I have quite a talent for it actually though my brain seems to be permanently wired to childish humour and the need to reference people's backsides, toilet activities and other naughty adult things as much as possible. I think all my remixes would have to have parental advisory stickers on them I personally blame my dad, ever since I heard him change the lyrics to Bohemian Rhapsody from 'Spare him his life from this monstrosity' to 'Spare him his life from his burnt sausages' I just can't help myself. Over the years Bohemian Rhapsody has stayed with me to the point that now my version is all about Shepherd's Pie! It's really quite frightening that I'm actually allowed out by myself when you consider I changed the opening lyric to 'Mama, just killed a ram...' Anyway just really wanted to let you know that the strange dancing isn't for kids only which is great as because Neil's dancing makes me laugh so much, I've filmed some of it on my mobile and now whenever I'm feeling particularly evil I can threaten to put it on YouTube Hehehehehehehe! Emily xxx

Hopefully it will get sorted out soon Emily xxx Jeez Louise I think that is the shortest post I've ever done!!

Hehehehehe liked the link, ta very much like Tally The only thing I'm worrying about now is most people think I'm an idiot anyway so apart from bashing people to death with my Aspie brick am I also inadvertently killing others in other ways I think there is only one answer for this, I must not be allowed to work! TADA! Somehow I think Neil isn't going to fall for that one! Emily xxx

Flora, I'm really sorry that's how you feel. I wish you would name names though, I know I'm weird, but like for example Baddad has a problem with what Neil put and he said so, so I know not to get worried about that (I think?) because he would have quoted me if I had said something that really offended (I hope?) or maybe I'll be dealt with later when he has more time I'm just worried now that you think I'm emotionally blackmailing people. I only think this because I'm someone else who is AS who is posting on this thread. I don't want you to think I'm having a go I'm not, I'm not upset and this post isn't as much about how I feel more my worries about how I might be making you feel....if that makes any sense whatsoever I might just be being paranoid or I might be the name you didn't want to name, and I'm not expecting you to post back who you are upset by, I just worry that I've done something wrong or have been misinterpreted and I can't put it right because I don't know for sure that I've done anything. Again I hope that makes sense. I really don't understand how it's gone from a discussion about sub folders to people getting really upset, I feel like I've missed a few posts here and there. What Neil said about the patting on the head wasn't very nice, I can't apologise for him or make him even, all I can try and say is he's not a bad bloke really (You see now I'm worrying about whether this is emotional blackmail or not me saying Neil isn't really a monster?) I wasn't upset with anyone either time I posted and when I gave my possible reasons for having a sub-folder I didn't mean it to come across as if I was attacking people, I said that in my first post. Ever get that feeling that when you first write something it makes sense, you hit post and then you see people's replies and wonder if your post has somehow been turned into another language and back again and the translation was wrong? This happens to me everytime I post Emily xxx Lisa just read your post and that's what I'm trying to say I just can't seem to say it! It's what I was trying to say initially, that I was frightened of what effect the sub-folder malarky might have while at the same time understanding that there might be things that adults on the spectrum want to say but feel a bit frightened to incase they cause world war 3....but as per usual I turned it into a big long ramble where all my meanings were lost and jumbled

Flora, Neil never said that just because he's an Aspie he is impolite and he can't help it. He wasn't being impolite. He was saying that sometimes we say things direct and to the point, which is true, and that sometimes this can offend others who are used to people not being so straightforward. Neil knows full well how to be polite, I know how to be polite, in fact it's a bit ironic because Neil is one of the politest people you could ever meet. I understand that your opinion is that you and your son should never use your diagnosis as an excuse for being honest to the point of being hurtful and I guess in a way if I ever did unintentionally hurt someone's feelings by being honest I would apologise wholeheartedly and not say 'oh well I'm AS so there.' But, I do believe that one of my traits is that I can be, at times, too honest for other people to handle. I don't think there is anything bad with being honest in most situations. If someone had a terrible haircut I probably wouldn't say anything but if she asked me what I thought I might find it difficult to hide in my body language how I felt. People often say to me that they can read me 'like an open book' and despite my best efforts to lie it's something I find really difficult. The same goes for Neil, he apologised to Lya in case he upset her. It's not that I set out to be brutally honest to people, that isn't in my nature, but sometimes I give the honest answer rather than what people want to hear and it can upset people but it is always unintentional. There is a difference I think between meaning to and not meaning to and I believe that sometimes, because of my personality (which is Aspie shaped) I can be honest, to the point of being hurtful, but I don't mean to. I think this is what Neil was trying to say. He wasn't saying I'm Aspie, deal with it. He was saying 'sorry if I upset you, I sometimes stick my foot in it.' If you don't think this is an Aspie trait that's fair enough but I thought it was and I'm certain it has been discussed on this board many a times with people laughing at how blunt and straightforward their ASD kids can be. A good example of how I am honest (and thus sometimes hurtful without meaning to be) is the story that my mum tells everyone. That once when I was younger she was on a diet and I couldn't grasp what this meant. When my mum said 'I'm going on a diet' I literally thought she was going somewhere. I wanted to go there too, I wanted to be on a diet. For peace and to regain some sanity after days of badgering my mum told me that people started to diet if they needed to lose weight. Fair enough, I could grasp that concept. The next day we went to the supermarket and happened to be walking behind a woman who was of the larger build. I said to my mum 'mummy that lady needs to go on a diet doesn't she.' Well of course the woman whipped her head round and gave my mum and me a look that could kill and my poor old mum was mortified. It's not that I meant to hurt her feelings, just that I didn't make the link between her feelings and her needing to lose weight. While I'm a lot more worldly now (thanks to retrieving my foot out of my mouth on many, many more occasions) I still sometimes find that I am honest without realising that it could be hurtful. It's something I stress about a lot and the reason why most of my posts are peppered with me saying 'sorry if I offend anyone' etc. So I think you're right that if you are purposely being mean and hurtful through blunt honesty and passing it off as ok because you are Autistic then that's wrong. But that isn't what Neil was doing. Or I. I don't quite know which one of us you were on about it but either way. It's a bit unfair to levey that criticism at either of us because from other posts you would be able to see that we are both two people who strongly believe in making the best of a different situation, accepting the fact that we are different, accepting the fact that not everyone will be ok with this and getting out there, on with life, making of it what you will and not hiding behind our diagnosis or using it as an excuse for not doing anything. And I know you didn't say that your last comments were directed at me or Neil (or your first comments) but just to clarify my take on the situation I'm against having a separate section for adults on the spectrum. I made this very clear in my post. I personally only used the words segregation because others who had posted previous to me were using those words and I was responding to what they had said. I too don't understand why having a separate section would instantly mean one posts here and the other posts there, but my worry is that it would happen regardless. Similarly I also sympathised with Bid and Tally because, having thought through it all, I didn't know how to solve the problem of them wanting to say things but couldn't feel like they could. Moving away from that others have said (since I last posted) that this discussion had become an us vs them thread and that this was a bad thing. I kind of agree but wasn't it inevitable? I mean the very topic deals with ASD and Non-ASD plus you have people responding to the thread who are NT and those who aren't. Emily xxx

Hullo You mentioned in another thread (in off topic I think) about when you first went back to uni after sending the email about disclosure and how the one person who you would actually call a friend was a bit off with you. This wonky board thing could be a way to solve both problems in one go. Or it could just be another of my rubbish ideas How about asking your friend, cos he's a bloke and all so he might own drills and measuring sticks and what not (to be completely sexist for a mo), if he could come and straighten up the board thing and explain how, after it has taken so long to get them to come do it in the first place you don't want to appear ungrateful (because it's brilliant that it has finally been done) and how you don't want it to take another 6 months to do and in that case could he come and sort it out as you don't own any drills and what not yourself (if you do, lie, or sell them and you won't have to lie ). You could then use this as a prime opportunity to have a chat about your email and his reactions. You could start talking to him while he's busy with the board and that way it's less formal and he might feel better talking to you while doing something, especially if he has any questions which he feels uncomfortable about asking. Like I said, probably a rubbish idea but it popped in my head so I thought I would share it. Hope you get it sorted soon, either way. That or learn to tilt your head to one side permanently so it looks straight (I realise that is unhelpful, I do deserve a punch!) Emily xxx

Interesting thread this one, it's certainly sent my brain a whirring anyhoo. Before I get on to the segregation issue I'd really like to reinforce what I thought was the best point about Tally's post that seems to have gone unacknowledged. I think the kids section is a great idea and do agree, in this instance, that there should be a separate place for NT/ASD/AS kids to chat if they want. By all means let them have access to the rest of the board (if the mods agree that is in the best interests of the board) but I think it's a really positive provision that the board could do with. I like others have looked around on the net, when trying to help others on here, looking for kid friendly forums and there just isn't really anything out there that isn't super scary. I do remember another board member setting up a site for kiddies so maybe if the option isn't available to do a sub-folder on here then we should big up the links to that site more? I understand that there are child protection issues with setting up a forum for children and I am just as concerned as others about people joining in, in those forums, with ulterior motives. I've been trying to think of a way around it and the only thing I can come up with is that the kids must get there parents to contact a mod or something if they want to join and then the mod set up their account/parent sets them up so that all those in charge here have a definitive list of all the kiddies on board. I don't know, I don't have the answers on this one, just thought it was a good idea seen as though a general theme running through this forum seems to be that people's kids are computer-holics. I suppose one concern is that parents won't feel like they can have those 'I just want to scream' posts anymore, for fear of their kids reading them and getting offended so maybe a kid only section is a better idea? I don't know if it is even possible to restrict access to the rest of the board. Hmmmm as I'm writing I'm addressing both sides of the argument in my head and getting in a bit of a muddle Regardless of my loony ramblings I do think it's an issue that could be considered. In terms of the segregation thing I'm about a 80:20 split in favour of non-separation. I understand the issues raised by both sides but if anybody has read any of my other posts you will have seen that one thing I'm a big believer in is that I'm Emily first, AS second, as cheesy as that sounds. So I think by having a sub-folder that's just for adults on the spectrum then you run the risk of parents feeling excluded, reinforcing just the differences between us (I know these need to be acknowledged to understand us but there are lots of things that we all have in common and I fear that, over time, we could begin to be seen as the adult aliens by NT parents or those with an interest in ASDs). Similarly I would hate someone who is not on the spectrum to have something to say about what we put in that sub-folder and feel like they are not allowed to say it because they are NT. I also wouldn't want to feel unwelcome to post in other folders in case people thought I should just be posting in the AS/ASD adult folder. So I think, on a whole, I would personally prefer it if things stayed the same. However, as responses from Tally and Bid show, there does seem to be things that they want to say/discuss that they don't feel they can do at present in the current situation. I don't know what these things are and I don't know how to change it to make a difference. And I'm not suggesting for one minute that there concerns about the board are the same as mine. (This is the part where I'm probably going to offend everyone and everything, I'm not setting out to I'm just aware that I usually end up doing so. Apologies in advance) If I had any concerns or issues with the board then they would focus on two things. Before I say what they are though I just want to reiterate that these things don't overly bother me day to day, it's just that I'm aware of them sometimes. It's not something that upsets me greatly and I don't want people to think I'm attacking anyone who isn't Autistic, and parents in particular....it really isn't a big deal, just something I've noticed. So, the things I've noticed are that when parents do have the 'I just want to scream' rant thread, for the most part, I don't see any of us on the spectrum flooding the threads saying 'bad person, boo boo' and what not. I, personally, accept that everyone has bad days and that sometimes kids are just little s*its, AS/ASD or not. I do understand that parents don't necessarily feel how they feel when they write those threads 24/7 and and can totally understand, the majority of the time, exactly where they are coming from (despite not being a parent myself). I do sometimes get upset at some of the comments, especially when I think that it is unfair how the parent views/treats their kid but (and please correct me if I'm wrong) the majority of the time I accept that they are just having a bad day and don't go after them all guns blazing shoving my opinion down their necks. If I think I can help or if it is genuinely something that really upsets me then I do sometimes comment but I think that a lot of the times (to lump us together in this instance) us Aspies steer clear of those threads and leave it to the other parents to offer the hugs and positive support. The other side to this that I've noticed is that sometimes there have been posts from Aspies (where they are critical of NTs, commenting on parents views that have been in the media and what not..generally having issues with NTs and or parents) that they have been absolutely jumped on (mostly by parents, as there aren't a lot of people on here that are just NTs who have an interest) and we get lambasted fo criticising the parent, told that we don't understand because the majority of us aren't parents ourselves and get it thrown back in our faces that we can't possibly know how this or that ASD person feels because not everyone on the spectrum is the same. We get the deeply offended replies from the people who seem to take things really, really personally and they start shouting at us that they are doing the best they can as a parent and they will do what they think is best for their child and they are trying so how can we criticise them and yada yada yada. I think this is the only reason I would ever consider a separate AS/ASD folder so that we can too have a good old rant and rave occasionally without fear of p*ssing off hundreds of parents who are already in defence mode most of the time thanks to dealing with incompetent people who are supposed to be helping their kids (schools, LEAs, doctors, social services etc etc). I know I'm as guilty as anyone for leaping into defence mode at times, and I have made mistakes in the past where people new to the forum have posted and I have written one of my novels in reply giving my spiel about what I think Autism/Aspergers is. I know this and I am sorry for those people who have had to deal with me. I'm not expecting anyone to have noticed or anything but I have been trying to stop doing this lately and give anybody new to the forum a break. And maybe if I do reply just deal with one issue and not all of them. I remember my thoughts about AS just after I was diagnosed and it's a whole different ballgame to what I think now. Anyway what I'm trying to say is that I get the feeling that 'us' adults on the spectrum can also sometimes feel like there are things we can't say for fear of causing a riot. I know parents say this sometimes but I think it's a rare instance as like I said the majority of times we seem to leave those kind of ranty posts well alone. The only times I think I have seen people really uneasy about posting is when the whole cure thing is mentioned and it's completely understandable, it's a really emotive issue and one which people are bound to have strong opinions about and I think an issue where people will always clash. Anyway I've probably gone and offended every parent and NT on the board and have come across as a parent basher and I'm not, in the slightest. I've said time and time again in the past that I would never 100% think ill of anyone on here because at the end of the day people are at least on here, asking questions and being exposed to different viewpoints. For the record I don't know how we solve the problem. How Tally and Bid can say what they want to say (whatever that may be) and how I, personally, can feel ok about posting a rant or rave about things I've come across, particularly relating to parents, without fear of p*ssing off the majority here. I'm not smart enough to figure that out. The only other thing I'd like to say, and again it's probably going to upset people, is another reason why I wouldn't want segregation. Now this is just my own take on the situation and not aimed at anyone in particular so please don't anyone think I'm aiming my comments at just them, but since me and Neil have gotten together we have both said how we have felt a shift in people's reactions to us and when we comment on things. It's like that now when we post on the same thread it can feel, at times from the responses given, that others feel like they are being ganged up on by us just because they know we are dating and are both Aspies. I mean we are going to have similar opinions on things, we wouldn't like each other else, and given that we met on the forum are both going to post here so at times we are going to post on the same topic. But in the short time we have been together we have both mentioned to each other (on different occasions) how sometimes there can be the atmosphere of us vs everyone else on the board because people know we are together. I mean for the most part it's fine and I can understand how people could feel like that. It's not like that in reality because we don't sit side by side egging each other on to respond to each other's posts and what not. The majority of the time we post when Neil is at work anyway so I have no idea what he is going to put and vice versa. Obviously we live together so at times we chat about things but not once have we texted each other and said 'stick up for me' or 'post on this thread and back me up'. Honest. Anyway, it's not really an issue, we wouldn't be posting here still if it was just something we have casually mentioned to one another at times. What worries me is that me and Neil are self-segregated in a way because we are together and both Aspies. My fear is that if you multiply the segregation to include all Aspies then the fleeting moments where me and Neil have felt excluded or as if others feel we are ganging up on them would quadruple and soon whenever more than one Aspie ventured out of the AS/ASD subfolder to comment on things then parents/NTs would feel more and more ganged up on (and vice versa if a NT/Parent came into the AS/ASD subfolder and commented on the threads in there)....that make any sense? I hope it does and I hope it doesn't just sound like I'm complaining about me and Neil, I'm not, it's not the real issue, it is just an example of how I can see things turning really bad if the sub-folder/segregation existed for all adults on the spectrum. Gonna leave it now because I've probably said more than enough and offended the cr*p out of everyone. I'm sorry if I have. And I'm sorry, as per usual, for the length of the response Emily xxx

I wake up every morning feeling like I'm on drugs or like someone has detuned the world until I put my specs on. I can't see a flippin thing without me specs glued to my face! There are however benefits to this... I can't see Neil's ugly mug I can't see my own even uglier mug I can't see Neil looking at my ugly mug and reeling in horror I can't see the time and therefore can make up the time to be whatever I want it to be so I don't have to get up Despite all this though you lot are doomed regardless as you forget, compared to me, you are all really really really really old. Much older than me than you think you are of each other (wow does that even make sense?) Being just 24. That's T-W-E-N-T-Y F-O-U-R for those who can't read small print anymore, even you Mumble I'm afraid are much older than me and therefore ancient and staring death in the face. Hope you all have a wonderful afternoon Emily xxx Who is 24 That's right 2 and 4 Young Not old Not in the least bit Nurr Nurr

Hehehehe yes well colloquial language and text speak are two different things....even I don't understand text speak!! I have seen Meggzie's posts and I must admit I struggle sometimes The ironic thing is that I write a text how I write on here so they end up being 3 pages long and whatnot, but my mum has the text lingo down to a fine art. Only trouble is, she shorthands so much that I often have no flippin idea what the hell she's on about! We met my mum and dad at Meadowhall Shopping Centre on Sunday and my mum sent a text to tell us how to get to the carpark they were parked on (big place, lots of carparks) and me and Neil were stumped as to what it all meant If we had followed her instructions we would have ended up in a different country I'm sure! And yes Neil I'm on about Colin Briggs....though my head seems to have had a slight malfunction when thinking of the main news presenters names. I said Dominic when I was really talking about Bill Turnball and it really isn't Dominic at all, it's Dermot Oh dear, I think my one remaining brain cell is on the blink Emily xxx ps love you lots hehehehe

Ah pants, can't believe we missed this one! We usually watch Look North religiously every morning (mostly because Neil is actually in love with the bloke who presents it....don't get me wrong, he's alright, better than Dominic Sadsacks and Sian the walking fashion disaster anyhoo...but Neil's obsession with him scares me sometimes hehehehe) I found the article really funny to read and I'm pretty sure I've seen his video on YouTube. It seems I have finally found someone else who is Autistic who has the same over-colloquial, informal language use that I do I thought it was just me! I'm much better than I was at writing more formally but at his age that is exactly how I used to write Can't believe he was in Harrogate and we didn't know, gaaaaahhhhhh! Emily xxx

Canopus I really don't understand why you have quoted me above, your comments have nothing to do with what you have quoted. Regardless you are picking at what I have said and saying that you don't need an A Level in Science to do a Computing course at university as if that is what I implied. I didn't. I said that, from the courses I had looked at, it seemed to be asked for more (alot of the time) than a qualification in ICT. Asked for and required are not the same thing. For example....York University explaining why they require specific qualifications Nottingham University requirements They make clear at the bottom of the list that if Computer Science isn't present then it is advisable for another Science subject to be. This was the point I was making, I never said you must have both Maths and Science, I said those were the two subjects that were asked for more (from what I've seen only) rather than a qualification in Computing or ICT. Like I said above, asked for and required are two different things. I wasn't actually debating the ins and outs of the entry requirements for a Computing degree, I have little to no interest in the flipping things. I was merely trying to help Bagpuss and her son by providing extra information to them so that they can choose the best GCSE options for him. Sorry Baggy, don't mean to hijack the thread, gonna leave it well alone now as I don't really have any more advice. I hope that at least you understand what I was trying to say in my last post? Emily xxx

Hehehehe Baggy, leave him alone he's only little! We are both here if any of you lot (kids and guinea pigs included) ever need an ear to bend, though being a couple of weirdos you might end up worse off than where you started Don't know anything about computing GCSEs and all that malarky but can only reiterate what Neil said for the job requirements bit. Having done a fair amount of job searching on Neil's behalf it's true that a degree and the Microsoft certificates are sought after. Where jobs aren't advertising for a junior role (i.e. straight out of university) they are usually asking for at least 2 years experience so it's not a huge requirement but it's worth not ignoring also. My non-computer related advice would be to say first and foremost pick the subjects you enjoy, even if they aren't your best subjects (as someone else said above). A Level choices are more important (but not make or break) so I would aim to achieve a nice balance between subjects that would be useful in the future and those which you enjoy doing. Again, having looked at university courses (musing going into computers to realise my true Aspie potential myself....only to remember I'm utterly useless at Maths/understanding technical things) A Level Maths and an A Level Science (though not Biology obv) did seem to be asked for more than A Level ICT/Computing. If this whole Maths/Science thing is making your kiddo think, hang on a mo, I didn't want to be doing any of that rubbish! I just want to work with computers! Then I would suggest instead that he goes for a Business Studies/ICT route. In this instance getting as many of the more accessible computing qualifications seems to be a good idea along with getting decent A Levels and a degree. I've only looked briefly into this area so I don't really know what I'm talking about/how to spell things but qualifications like the European Computer Driving Licence (ECDL), CLAIT/CLAIT Plus are a possibility as well as the Microsoft Desktop qualifications which do deal more with installing software and providing user support. At this stage though not worrying too much and picking a good balance of subjects are more important than defining your career path down to the minute details. Keep options open and try to focus on getting a C grade in Maths & English GCSE. It's not the end of the world if these can't be achieved but they do seem to be an absolute must for an awful lot of employers. Emily xxx

Flora, I totally agree. Canopus, you are talking a load of pap and dressing your own opinion up as fact. It's a load of tosh to say that Rugby is only played at public schools, absolute nonsense. Years ago, maybe, but certainly not nowadays. For instance, I am 24. When I was 7 we had Rugby lessons at our school because a new initiative was launched called Tap Rugby, a more kid friendly version of the game where you don't have to tackle someone and get a face full of mud. It opened the game up to girls as well. This led to our family getting very involved in Rugby and we haven't looked back since. I can categorically state that in at least three counties Rugby is played at some Primary and High Schools. Obviously I can't say it's played at all because I don't know that for sure and my brother isn't Superman but I do know it's played at some. This is because my brother is a High School PE Teacher and a specialist Rugby coach who spends most weekends travelling up and down the country visiting these three counties coaching children who already play for the school teams. He coaches lots of different people but mainly coaches the county teams. He also teaches Rugby as part of the National Curriculum to the kids at his school. His wife, also a PE teacher, also teaches Rugby at her school. My mum, a Primary school teacher also teaches Rugby at her school. None of these schools are fee paying, private schools. None of these schools are situated in priviledged areas (in fact my brother's high school is in an awful area) but they all still teach Rugby. The school where I did my teaching practice, in a rough inner city area of Birmingham, also had Rugby teams. Both boys and girls! Imagine that! They also had a Football team, Hockey, Tennis, Cricket, Trampolining, Dance, Netball and Basketball team. Oh and a swimming team. Looking around schools in Harrogate, York, Leeds and Bradford trying to find work up here I have found the majority of the High Schools have both a Rugby and Football team. Schools have changed, especially since England won the World Cup last time. Yes the game is played at private schools, yes a lot of these schools produce top level Rugby players because they can invest the money into the training and have the right contacts. But it doesn't just exist at this level. When I go to see Leicester play it isn't full of toffs in tweed jackets smoking pipes. It's full of normal people, standing together shouting at some blokes in short shorts! When you look at the England team at the minute, yes, many of them went to public schools. But some of them didn't. Some of them even had the disadvantage of growing up in Wolverhampton and Dudley I was born in Wolverhampton. It ain't pretty Anyway, sorry for saying you're talking rubbish and all but, well, you kinda are Emily xxx

Curing Autism article from This Morning website Think I might be emailing this addy shortly thismorning@itv.com This Son-Rise programme is the thing that my cousin has been raising money for, for the last few years, so she can ship her kid off to get cured I know some people on here are big fans of Son-Rise and I'm sorry that I don't agree, I'm not trying to start an argument, I really don't want to debate on the issue because we will just butt heads over and over again. *puts blanket over head and shuts world out* Oops curse my ability to take ages to post....soz Mumble, I could only see your second post when I started writing

I'm sure people can guess what my response to this is so I'll save you the novel It explains some aspects of Autism/Aspergers ok, in fact I think I've come across the supermarket section before (obviously as part of a different body of text) and have actually used that to help me to tell those around me what kind of hell on earth supermarkets can be for me. But some parts are just...well...gobsmacking. One of my mum's cousins has a little boy who is Autistic. He is virtually non-verbal at the moment and his development is really, really slow, partly because he isn't being allowed to ever live because his mum is non-stop campaigning to raise money to get him cured by packing him off to America to learn how to become a robot who mimics NT behaviours. What depresses me about this piece of writing is that she has probably read something like this, it would certainly explain her attitude towards Autism. We haven't told her I'm Aspergers. Well, my mum hasn't anyway, I literally haven't seen her since my diagnosis and I'm not sure what I would say when I do see her. I have asked my mum to tell her, in the hopes that she will see that there are others in our family and that her child is not 'the damaged one' (not kidding). But I'm not sure if it would achieve anything anymore. It makes me sad that these kind of attitudes exist so close to me, my grand parents for example ask from time to time if there isn't some kind of pill I can take It makes me feel such a hypocrite for coming on here and banging on to people about how we should be the ones who are changing people's attitudes on a one-to-one basis, slowly debunking silly myths and misunderstandings. What right have I actually got to say that, even just stating it as my opinion, when I haven't managed to change my grandparents minds? I will keep going of course but sometimes it gets me down that despite my best efforts my grandparents and other family members are living, breathing versions of all the horrid bits of this text. Anyway, I promised I wouldn't write a novel so...To me, I will never be disabled by anything but other people's opinions of me. I am different, I really am just different and I'm not glossing over things by saying this or pretending for the sake of pretending. Cure me and you cure me of myself. You rob me of my personality, take away my quirky approaches to things and alternative patterns of thought. You take away my ability to use sarcasm easily and readily, but never ever understand it when it is used back and you strip me of my intelligence and ability to see the bigger picture in the world. All these aspects of my personality are shaped by the fact that I am Aspergers. Knowledge is power, understanding is key to cure others of their attempts to disable me with their ignorance. Emily xxx

I think this is what Neil was trying to say though Canopus (certainly what I was saying anyway) that how is it possible to identify what positions are likely to be attractive to people who are AS based on their skills and interests? No two human beings are the same, Aspie or not, so in order to cater for all Aspies priority would have to be given for all jobs, just in case one Aspie came along and decided that they actually quite enjoyed customer service (for the record, I didn't hate it, I just hated the people I worked with....the customers, so long as you smiled and were efficient, were fine). Do I think that if we somehow managed to survey every Aspie over the age of 16 in the country, would the findings show a preference to the more solitary jobs, less customer facing (whether it be internal or external customers) and jobs that require a particular skill set? I don't know, I can't say for sure, I would imagine there would be a lean towards these types of job roles but it certainly wouldn't be 100%. I think the current stereotype exists because more men than women get diagnosed as being Aspergers and more men than women tend to seek/find employment in the high technology industries. But that doesn't mean that, that should be used as the yardstick to identify what type of jobs to give those who are AS priority too. I want to work as a teaching assistant, I know Mumble was a teacher (is that right or have I just made that up?) and Bid works in an environment where you support others (sorry Bid, can't remember whether it was a residential home, school or whatnot, I know it's something like that though? I hope!) and KMC works in a management position and they rank pretty flipping highly by all accounts. All of these jobs require day to day continual face to face communication with others. Skills which you might identify as being 'NT people skills'. So how do you identify the jobs that Aspies might be interested in given that we are all different and likely to pursue any number of interests? It would be unfair to give us priority in all jobs, it would be unfair to give us priority in any job in my opinion as what about if we are given a job just because we are Aspies over a non-Aspie who is genuinely more qualified and able to do the job? Is that fair? If the public found out this was happening would it paint those who are Aspergers in a positive light? No, and I wouldn't want to be associated with such a thing just because I too happened to be Aspergers. I understand, kind of, your concerns about jobs being given not purely on whether they are the best candidate for the role or not but it really isn't how it always works and there is always going to be inequality in job selection. What about the candidates who get the job and then you find out they know so and so? It's life, it happens, and if you want to get ahead in life, get a job and earn money you have to accept the fact that sometimes life isn't fair and that sometimes it just plain sucks, for everyone, not just for Aspies. You can either choose not to get involved in it, and if that is what someone chooses that's fair enough, or you can try your best, go for the jobs you know you want to do, sell yourself at the interview and eventually something will come along. Nobody is completely themselves during an interview and to some degrees everyone pretends to be that little bit more chatty, that little bit more vibrant and confident. As Aspies it comes less natural to us to do this but it can be done, for interviews sake, you don't have to keep it up once you get the job...I don't suppose many people do act, day to day in their role at work, like they do in an interview. It's not about pretending to be NT for the sake of getting a job, it's about selling who you are to the employer. It doesn't have to be done verbally, your body language, the way you present your CV, the people you choose as references etc etc can all count towards making that 'good impression' and if you don't wish, even for the sake of the interview, to pretend and do small talk then find ways to keep the interview on track and make sure you remain vigilent in bringing the conversation back around to talking about your positive skills and how you would succeed in the role. I do understand where you are coming from Canopus and I do understand that Aspies could face more discrimination than most during the interview process but the answer, as ever in my opinion, isn't about giving us priority for certain jobs. It isn't about identifying us as a minority, a niche set of employees that need to be taken into account. Like I said before, I don't belong to any group. Labelling us firstly by being Aspergers leads to us becoming largely anonymous individuals and just gives society even more of an excuse to shove us in a group and push us out into the minority. The answer lies in raising awareness about Aspergers, and at the same time making sure that the information given is truly a fair reflection of what Aspergers is all about rather than re-delivering tired stereotypes that do more damage than good. Emily xxx