Gold MD

One site that trolls people is expertlaw.com and that is because when somebody goes there to get legal support, rather than do that, the self-righteous users that frequent the message boards usually mock the situation the OP has explained and they do this a lot for driving offenders, or those affected by online harassment. I think these sort of sites should be closed down, but anybody can just decide to become a "webmaster" these days and nobody can get anything done about it, thus it's a joke!

Sadly, from what a guy on sleep over was telling me last night, Sara could get moved to another team supporting other folk now, as people know I've been mentioning how seeing her around at times is upsetting me. They know I'll most likely never get to work with her again. I'm distraught as I felt I should have got another chance. Unfortunately, I think they've all totally gathered I'm obsessed with her in particular, as well as Joanna, so they won't let it happen. It's so hurtful.

It's just that she acts really uncomfortable when I see her around and I doubt she really forgives me either. She doesn't smile any more. Although the way I've behaved over the situation hasn't been great, I've felt majorly frustrated. Now the staff are offering to do a better job to keep me posted about things, which is merely because they want to smooth things out in case I accuse them of doing the same poop again. Bit late now for Joanna and Sara, though. As for social groups...I was on a Meetup group for horror film fans before and I'd like to get into that again. Birds of a feather block together and all that malarkey.

Since I lost my key worker, life has been highly depressive and all I think about is her. I last saw her yesterday in Number 6 and outside the office where I live, and also when I was on a bus, I saw her walking home. I'll never get to work with her again. I just know it. I've been told many times already that I won't work with her again. I joined some dating sites. Maybe I'm just not attractive at all, but no woman responds to me, unless I have a go at them for being fussy, but only then do they respond. I had women blocking me on Plenty of Fish just for contacting them being nice. People are way too fussy these days with looks and whatnot.

I was bullied in school too. I got excluded from 'Helpy' a lot. It's a game where when you catch someone, they help you and you know they're one of the chasers because they roll their sleeves up. Well, if I had an argument that day, the person organizing this game would exclude me when he was getting people to stand on or next to a bench. What losers. In high school, I had no mates. It was so lonely. I'm lonely to this very day. I'm not a virgin however and I did have a "girlfriend" once, then another one for a week.

I've had funny habits for years, including digging things under my nails, eating my eyelashes, picking at the edge of my front tooth and compulsively rubbing my hands, body and face, but if I do that, tons of black muck comes off because my skin is dirty. Granted, I've not been motivated to shower and it's hot and I sweat a lot, so I must start doing it. For some reason, I threw a lot of my best clothes out at the end of April, believing my life was "over" because of what has been going wrong in it. Some of the sweaters I chucked out were expensive ones and they were bought on eBay. They were to do with songs. I had one of Amy Winehouse and Mick Jones from The Clash. I think I just let things get to me too much.

I believe in spirits or ghosts, but I'm still afraid of death since there is usually pain before you die. Right?

Christmas was good this year, but my mother said she hurt her leg. Not funny.

Well, we went up a hill several days ago and I'm not keen on the sight of being high up, as I don't like heights. So I removed my glasses, so I could not see clearly. Then she got concerned I'd be unable to see and fall, so she said if I didn't put them back on, she was going away. There are like these steps that go up onto the hill and you cannot fall off it but you can fall over, I guess. It looks more like a large piece of ground when you're up there. I also sent her many text messages being nice but she never responded. She acts a bit moody sometimes now. It's probably because she wants to motivate me to 'get a life' now that doesn't involve relying on support workers 24/7 and I think that's a good way to move forward and in fact, it's realistically the only positive way. She says that when I act like I can't do something, I'm making an excuse not to bother making an effort. Maybe I am making an excuse about things being too hard, but it's not easy to be a social person and meet strangers when you have anxiety. But of course you must try to overcome that problem anyway. Or then you are going to be one sorry and messed up individual. Eh?

Once Sara leaves the job, I won't want female helpers assisting me anymore. I generally prefer women to men, but if it's a young woman or at least one roughly the same age as myself, you can see how it can obviously be quite tempting not to develop feelings for her / them, if that's even the right term to describe my situation. It's so easy to get attached to women you frequently see if there is no other women to be social with. But there are rules about latching onto her if she's a care worker.

Hello. Please try to be serious here. I know you are always helpful, but I'm just saying that I prefer good responses. Anyway, I've been crushing on my support worker. She's this lovely Spanish woman. However, that's all she'll most likely ever be in my lifetime. If she were to date me, you see, then she'd lose her job. We only have a working relationship. That's it. We don't hang out as friends. She has a friendly nature, yes. However, we are not really friends as we cannot do social things together unless it's something we do during an allocated support shift, but even then you have to be careful not to make it appear as if you are in love with the people assigned to help you. She does care about me, but you can see I want more. I've seen loads of people come and go during my time gaining support from Number 6 in Edinburgh. There aren't any service users that I believe fancy me and I cannot really approach other people to get a conversation going without feeling anxious about what I'm doing. There's no policy about dating other service users. It's just that you cannot have any romantic relationships with your charges. As in, you cannot express an interest in the staff for dating. But there's no reason why you cannot go out with women or guys who use the same facility that are users and not staff. While I respect that this is the job my key worker chose for her career ambitions, it is hard to keep being around her knowing that I have feelings for her. And there was a day where she was talking about maybe going to America one day, as she felt winter in Scotland was cold and she didn't say this was definitely what she was going to do. Just the thought of losing her scares me, but I got one woman removed from my support team already over attachment issues and going against the boundaries. I'm sure you may recall I posted about that stuff before. Like I said already, I've seen many people come and go. When you get used to being around certain folk, they just eventually leave and it sucks a lot. It's unfortunate that I don't have a big social circle. It's just hard for me to mingle with people that you would call ordinary. Most of the people I am mates with have some type of disability themselves, like autism or a learning problem. When I do try to interact with normal people, I struggle badly to engage with them. Well, my friend / neighbour Scott is like myself. We both are single and we both find it hard to get involved in group discussions, although it's clear we'd like to try. We have gone to these Meetup dating events, but I think the bars they use are too busy and there's loud music, crowds and booze on the premises too. To me, it's just that everyone will steadily get more in the zone but then begin some nonsensical chit-chat as well. Nobody seems to be on the same page let alone in the same library. It's a figure of speech, by the way. And yeah, the noise is quite bad. Therefore, I was thinking that we should just try joining standard interest groups. Although the thing is, they aren't for dating as such. You may then meet nice ladies but then find out they are not single. So obviously it makes more sense to be in a singles group if dating is what you aim to try. However, I just dislike the way they run them. There is also speed dating events that cost money and there are of course lots of free dating websites. In my opinion, they are a huge waste of time because they have trolls, fake profiles and can come with a scam catch. So suddenly, I feel lost in the world. I'm amazed that there are actually such major complications involved in being a human being with a mental disadvantage.

If this were happening to my child, I'd have him or her kept out of school until I was assured this wouldn't be happening anymore. I'm sorry that your kid has had to put up with this abusive treatment. You definitely should not have to put up with this as a caring parent.

Well, that's okay. I do miss working with her, however.

So what about the woman they took off my team? Were they a bit harsh there?

Well, I'm not chuffed that a certain female support worker was removed from my team. This was due to me 'asking her out' months ago when I already knew the answer would be no. They only gave me one evening shift with her in August as a 'trial' and we went to the Summer party at Number 6 (which is a drop-in centre clients use for support and recreational reasons). Now her bosses won't give me support shifts with her anymore. This was really my own fault for losing my cool after being stressed. Now I don't work with her and that's too bad. It was actually more so to do with me posting her photo on Facebook with a small rant and my neighbour Vivian reported me. The German grass that she is. Maybe she works with a new incarnation of the Gestapo. Either way, I loathe sticky beaks. The support team is now so large that they don't even have to allocate specific people to help you, when there are other suited replacements. Most of the people I used to like working with either left the job or got moved into those other teams they drew up. There's 4 teams now, due to the fact the organization has so many clients and it makes sense to manage things that way, I suppose. The disadvantage of this is that now I just work with certain people and they rarely do a sleep over here, as it's only the staff on my street that are meant to do the sleep over duties. If you see them around the office when they are working, usually the conversation has to be brief as they are working, after all. Yesterday, I had to go to the GUM clinic for treatment. They recommended a blood test for tests for things like HIV, but I hate needles and so I gave them a urine sample which showed no signs of elevated sugar levels. Although actually, injections aren't that bad once it's over and done with. I had a blood test last year to see if I was diabetic. It's just common to fear nasty things and needles are kind of nasty. Shame on all you dirty drug injectors in this world. But, yeah. Now I'm so sick of being branded as Peter the loser, because I cannot get a girlfriend or gain confidence. Now I want to be Peter the winner, or Peter the success story. Being a loser with no bird to love me and pump every night sucks. I just need to grow a set and attempt to move on from Laura, and the other poop from before. It is not worth dwelling over.

Part of me knows what I want. The shell I call my body just needs cracked.

Clothes are still a bit important. You have to take pride in how you look. As for anything else, I'm as dense as dense can get when it comes to being social.

I realize I grumble a lot. In fact, it happens on lots of forums and in real life, so I can see why people get annoyed that I seem to be moaning a lot and repeating the pattern. A lot of people think I dwell on things too much, so all the negative thoughts build up inside my head. Then I doubt if I can do this and that, when I do more talking than action. The not being allowed to date support workers thing is pretty logical, though, because that's a rule that applies to anybody in my situation. It's not like that rule was thought up on the fly to belittle me or something. One of my common problems is I want things to go right, but would rather not do all the hard work anymore. Everything seems like a long shot, so I lost my desire along the way and now I feel like I'm reduced to talking about what once was or wasn't. I just really think I hate being at the bottom of the food chain.

Well, I know what I need to do to get into a better routine. It's just a matter of getting the confidence to talk to women and other guys. I think people have been inclined to use me a lot because I'm too much of a sap, so putting my foot down would benefit me, because if you are a soft touch, that gets people thinking you are a mug. I do think buying new clothes would be a good start. At my age, I shouldn't go about wearing joggers, as it makes me into a "tramp" and I get majorly slagged off. I think that and my hygiene needs to improve. Also, I need to brush my teeth and ideally, get contact lenses. For at least then, I wouldn't look like a four-eyes. But putting them in is not easy. I was unable to do it before during the lessons.

CBT. I kind of hate that word, if only because somebody said I needed that one time I was out of line on a Meetup page. I'm sure it's helpful.

Yeah. Work can be like that. I used to work in a shop where all I did was stand in front of a till. It's hard to concentrate if you don't do other things in between. I was also working in a charity shop where the till had buttons for different items.

I've got a snooker tournament later on. I didn't enter my name into it in time for the draw, but typically what occurs is someone has their name down and doesn't go, so I should still be lucky to get a space. I don't expect to win the cup, though. I'm not as good as snooker as I am at pool. I got creamed yesterday 6-0 by my mate, who won that cup 3 times previously.

I'll probably just have to suck up the fact Joanna ain't on my support team anymore. This was due to my outburst on Facebook several days ago, in which my neighbour grassed on me. Yeah, Peter. This what you get for blabbing all your business to nefarious people again. Well, okay. Nefarious is quite harsh. Snooty would be a better term to use. I'm to a point now where I cannot be bothered. Of course I seem quite negative, but I just know it'll be too great a task to meet people. Edinburgh kind of sucks now. Anyway. What the hell are those people to me anyway? We've already established they're not potential lovers. I screwed up big time by asking her out. That's a huge no no in a working environment. I should have just been content to be nice to her when she supported me, but now it's too late. Well, I'm going around in circles again. I almost felt like just going to cancel my support altogether. I've had one bad year and would rather it was over. And I cannot treat my STI until I get a referral letter, which takes time. But anyway, that's a bit personal, so hush here. Ha!

Good thing she's not on your Facebook then. But according to something I was reading about, Facebook is taking away some of its best privacy features. Now you'll feel like Big Brother's watching you. One's privacy is important.

I take it she's not on the spectrum. Sounds like another "dippy" (original word was censored on here) you try to be polite to and it's all taken for granted. For every 50 people you have in one room, I can bet 1 or 2 are arses and the rest are alright people. That's what I hate about some people. They just 'don't like you' for some reason. Usually it's nothing you've done and it's just their own stupid reasons. Like I've conversed with people online and in person who seemed okay in the beginning, but ended up revealing themselves to be another wolf in sheep's clothing. That woman sounds like she's the exact same; a sh*t stirrer. But it's people like that we should blank if possible. If you are at work, you could follow a complaints procedure to get her sorted. She had no right to accuse you and then not say sorry afterwards when she figures out she was incorrect.