Mihaela

Interesting. I've been virtually vegan for decades now, I never touch animal milk, and only rarely eat cheese and eggs. I have regular blood tests and I have no B12 deficiency, although a while ago I had a folic acid deficiency, but that was my own fault. I feared that fresh vegetables were too expensive. I was put on folic acid tablets, and now I'm eating a lot more fresh vegetables. I'm physically very fit (apart from occasional chronic back pain that I've had since my teens) and do a lot of walking. I eat a muffin or piece of toast with yeast extract every day which gives me all the B12 I need.

If you want to go full laptop - lenovo thinkpads are absolutely the way to go. They aren't very pretty - but their functionality is off the charts and they are extremely reliable. I have one of these installed with Ubuntu (a Linux OS) which was brilliant. I took it to the computer repair shop for a minor damage repair, and when I got it back it was completely dead. I really miss playing with it. It had a pen to use on the screen, fingerprint ID recognition and a screen that could twizzle round! If I could afford it I'd get it working again. By the way, I avoid IE and Chrome like the plague. Firefox for me!

Welcome Superior Felines! We have a lot in common, not least three cats. I love coming back home to be greeted by my cats! I too find face to face communicating draining - after about an hour, but that only applies to neurotypicals. I can spend hours with some of my aspie friends and be myself and have fun. I too suffer from anxiety and depression - entirely due to the NT world's effects upon me. I'm also seriously considering getting rid of my phone, but I can't do without the internet. (I believe it's possible to use a computer without a landline connection, but I wouldn't know where to begin). I love animals, and their company isnt tiring. Same here. Animals of all kinds have always been a big part of my life. I must have rescued 100s of animals from danger. I have an aspie friend who rescues hundreds of frogs and toads every spring, and I'll be helping her in the New Year! My cats are all rescued (and well-travelled) and I work as a volunteer at a cat rescue centre. There are other aspies who work there too, and I find it very therapeutic. I hope you'll be able to stay around

I've been thinking about all my positive points which I suspect are due to my AS, and weighing them up against my difficulties. These are all either much stronger than they would be in the average neurotypical, or highly unusual generally. These are what I see as my good points: 1. High cognitive empathy, including for animals (can verge on synaesthesia). 2. Strong sense of justice. 3. Strong ethical sense. 4. Balance of logical and intuitive personality traits. 5. 'Non-linear' and very deep thinking style. 6. Good memory for detail. 7. Strong aesthetic sense. 8. Philomathic - a passion for soaking up knowledge of all kinds. 9. Polymathic - a few highly specialised and unconnected interests 10. Very many special interests. 11. Extremely non-worldly, non-materialistic (prone to mysticism, lucid dreams, etc.). I see much of the NT world and its thinking as deluded and dangerous. 12. Emotionally 'immature', naive, 'innocent'. (Yes, I see this as positive!) 13. Loyal to friends and very reliable. The negatives mainly relate to executive dysfunction, my many sensory issues and weaknesses in social situations - as well as their effects upon me. These have caused all the suffering and confusion in my life. 1. Mild but complex dyspraxia. 2. Dyscalculia (less mild). 3. Easily distracted, absent-minded. 4. Sensory overload, panic attacks. 5. Assorted phobias. 6. Prone to depression and anxiety. Meltdowns. 7. Haunted by a sense of loss and pathos. Ever seeking what can't be found. 8. Unusual sense of time and the passing of time (chronoception). 9. Socially 'uncomfortable' with most people. Feel I can't be myself. 10. Not 'good' at social etiquette: outspoken, honest, can't flirt, don't swear, boast, etc. 11. No interest in most of the things that NT society sees as enjoyable or important. 12. Easily upset, stressed. (Vulnerable to bullying and exploitation). I've learnt to live happily with most of these, apart from depression, anxiety, panic attacks and vulnerability - which all result from how I react to the NT world. Given the chance of sacrificing my AS traits in return for a neurotypical life, I'd have turned down the offer at any time of my life. I've not only consistently seen the NT world as being out of step, but also as being plain wrong in so many ways. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. We must use and develop our strengths, but we must accept that we may need support over those lifelong weaknesses that we can't change. NT society, must accept our brain-wired weaknesses if we are to live free of the stress and suffering caused by lack of understanding.

Latest update. CS have confirmed that they've received my referral form, and will be seeing me in the New Year. I'm trying not to build up my hopes, but she sounds a very caring and easy-going kind of person - the only type I can deal with. Yesterday was ruined by a morning phone-call from my advocate just to say that the solicitors hadn't bothered replying to his email. He scared me by saying I might be taken to court for not paying council tax and 'lose my assets'. Court doesn't bother me, for I know I'm in the right, but losing my things does, for that's what the bailiffs letter threatened. (If anything, it's me who should be taking the solicitors and council to court!) He doesn't seem to understand that: 1. I've no idea how much I owe, and am still awaiting news from the housing advice people on this; 2. I can no longer deal with the council directly - even just thinking about how they treated me makes me panicky; 3. Besides I've no idea how to pay them, and fear doing something wrong and getting punished; 4. I'd get confused unless it was made very easy for me; 5. It's the council's legal duty under the Autism Act to provide any necessary support (in my case with executive dysfunction). The solicitors and council are entirely to blame for this mess, and they owe me an apology. I said at the beginning that I'd happily pay whatever I legally owe - and this does not include so-called 'court fees', for I'm not responsible for the solicitor's mistakes. I neither know how much that is nor how to do it. I'm determined that my health suffers no further from the effects of official incompetence of any kind. I've suffered all my life, and it's time I had a break from it. It's time my vulnerabilities (and strengths) were properly recognised and accepted. I'd forgotten about all this trouble until he rang, and was quite happily in my own little world preparing for Christmas. I had a lot to do and now I'm a day behind, for I could do nothing yesterday and felt very depressed. I may have to 'celebrate' Christmas a day late. For those who'd read the previous post, and may wonder how I can make fun of my own difficulties, if I didn't do that from time to time, I'd lose my sanity and my life wouldn't be worth living. I need the company of other aspies (such as my 'friend'/friend) to enjoy life to the full. By the way, it was a Mormon church - which added to the surreality of the evening. It was all so surprisingly ordinary and un-threatening, even the carols were familiar - and it was my first genuine awareness of Christmas this year.

Welcome, Simon, I'd recommend a small, light-weight laptop (the type I generally use). They are just as good as the larger ones but so much easier to carry about. It uses a touch-pad rather than a mouse, which I find much easier, an having a proper keyboard is big advantage too. As for software I only use the basics and find them more than adequate for all my writing, and video/image viewing. Dictionaries are useful too. I have Excel but I rarely use it. There may be software specifically aimed at schoolwork, but I'm ignorant in that area.

Remote viewing - through the window (Did someone say this 'one-word' rule had gone completely out of the window? I make up my own rules as I go along - a technique learnt from corrupt solicitors and council lackeys. If they can get away with it why can't the rest of us? By the way, did you know that the German for television is fernsehen, meaning 'far-seeing' (a calque of the French télévision), and their word for radio is funk, meaning 'spark'? The Germans seem to dislike foreign word borrowings. Imagine if we called our televisions far-seers. We wouldn't be watching the TV - we'd be 'far-seeing'! In fact, Iranians far-see in Farsi.

Illuminated manuscript

What a proud man he must have been. I've heard so many stories like this where the bullied child is seen as the problem. This especially happens when the victim is 'different' and the bully is 'normal' and 'popular'. It shows up so many school anti-bullying policies as mere empty words that simply look good. Canopus said: "Remember that posh fee paying schools were the prototype on which mainstream schools are based". They certainly were, and the schools of the English-speaking world still harbour many of the class-ridden traditions - prefects, 'houses', religious assemblies, uniform, mottoes, crests, deference, 'Sir' & 'Miss', single-sex schools, sex-segregated sports (we owe school sports entirely to the 'public' schools), 'faith' schools, etc. Corporal punishment still even exists in many commonwealth countries. (It only ended after a long struggle here thanks to EU legislation). England has the most ridiculously complex system of schools in the world.

Yes. Of course they felt uncomfortable, but I only sent some measly text messages being inappropriate (at least in the very beginning). That was unacceptable, sure, but I hardly saw it as being very sinful to show a caregiver some affection, but I should have taken a step back before I made a fool of myself. There are important rules for a reason. And it hardly helps knowing I am quite infamous for being reckless. I agree - not all that sinful. You need help over your impulsivity, and they should be providing it. No amount of punishment will help at all. All I wanted was redemption. Then I got cross when nobody listened or even treated me with any fairness. They took them away from me and told me lies. Lies that I saw through. Understandable. The system is inherently faceless and cruel. Human feelings are never taken into account, and should always come before blind adherence to 'procedure'. The system will always use lies to protect itself, yet condemns other for lying for exactly the same reason. They should behave as role models at all times, rather than hypocrites. Much jealousy would ensue. It would just get me worked up. Therefore, I got highly frustrated. There were other options here. This happens all the time. It's happened with my own dealings with a faceless inhumane system. They rarely bother exploring common-sense options, even though they know perfectly well how their attitude can affect vulnerable people. They talk about caring, but don't practice what they preach. So they are 'just support workers' to other people and will never be anything other than that it seems, but to me - I thought they were special and I naturally only ever wanted to correct all my flaws. It's common for aspies to become more easily emotionally attached to people than for NT's. We're not good at readineg emotions, trust 'too much' and put too much faith in people - only to be betrayed and abandoned. They should treat cases like this with great sensitivity - and so should the legal system. More and more is being done to help judges and magistrates understand the unique difficulties of dealing with people on the spectrum - but it's not being done fast enough or well enough. (This is an area I'm studying closely). I found out in court yesterday, I cannot reside at the supported flat again. My stuff is still there, but I want to fight it. The court also deferred my case until in March. That caused me to blow up today, because I have really had enough. My mother called the police after I got mad and broke a cup. Who wouldn't blow up?! I know I would. I detest rough justice, and all rough justice is true injustice. You must insist on gaining your property back as soon as possible. Have you got a good advocate who who can speak for you? Breaking a cup is hardly serious - it just shows how frustrated you are. I think your mother is a bit too quick at calling the police. She needs to try and understand you more and understand how to handle meltdowns. Show her this post. Now if the court really has booted me out of my flat and it really is goodbye, that will break my spirit. The system often works to break our spirit, and many of employed by it certainly get an unhealthy enjoyment out of seeing others suffer. They're in the wrong job, but such work attracts these types. Don't let them win. Don't let them break your spirit, for that would make them happy. I've seen this happen so many times. None of the seniors bothered coming to court either because they assumed I only required them there to play a blame game. But to me, it just feels as if they lost interest and ditched me because I chose to cancel my support. Because it is all in the hands of the law now, they do not have to do a thing any more because they are not being paid to once one chooses to end their support with them. They probably see you as 'refusing to engage' but don't want to look too closely at the reason why. Even so you're still legally entitled to support. have you got a good solicitor whose passionate about minority/disability rights? I did not want this to happen. They even admitted the situation could have been handled better, so why not handle it now? Why come out with that excuse after all this time? Have you got this in writing? It can be used against them. And I believe they could find a way to resolve this matter regardless of all these restraining orders being in place and whatnot. That way, the court would finally see we are making some progress, instead of carrying on locking me up or deferring the outcome over all this garbage to a future date that is just under 3 long months away. Otherwise, I can see this destroying my life more and more, with me getting absolutely nowhere. This has been reflected back to the director of the agency in an email. Good! The court need to be told that the procedures they've been following are damaging your already fragile mental health. We don't live in dark ages any more. You need help; not punishment! You are a vulnerable person! So you cannot blame me for throwing more temper tantrums and harassing people. No I can't and as a fellow aspie, I find your post well-reasoned and sensible. Keep in touch.

Latest update on CS. I eventually got a letter from them with a form enclosed . The letter said that the referral form they'd received from CAB wasn't the right type, so they'd sent another for me to fill in. I don't like forms at the best of times, and that's part of what I need help with anyway. The form wasn't really meant for clients and included a great long list of risk factors. It took ages to perfect, and I still wasn't happy with it. One the cats left a muddy pawprint on it and I'd ticked a whole line of risk factors as low instead of leaving them blank, for I hadn't properly read the instructions. Sometimes I got confused about whether they wanted to know whether I was a risk to others (no), or others were a risk to me (yes). I'd got a friend to help over filling it in, but I still wasn't fully happy with it. So I rang their office and was given another number to contact - a number not on their website, and with a local code. They'd said in the letter that they'd enclosed an SAE, but they hadn't. This caused more problems. I thought I'd have to find a stamp and envelope. I've not posted a letter with a stamp for many years, and found a few old steamed-off stamps. I picked a 19p one which seemed vaguely familiar and about right for a 2nd class stamp. I couldn't believe it when a friend told me they were now 53p - that's over 10/6 in real money! That's how of touch I am! I still convert money to the old amounts automatically. It comes without thinking, and it's always accurate to the nearest halfpenny, yet I'm useless at checking my change or adding up properly). I don't mind ringing them for, unlike the council, they're always friendly with me, so i rang that number and she said not to worry about the form as it didn't have to be perfect, which was a relief. Then I mentioned the local number and asked where they were so I could hand over the form the next day. It just so happened that me and my 'friend' (haha!) would be passing the place the following evening, so I took the form there and gave it to some random person working late in an office. They have a big house down a driveway with flats (for some of their clients I suppose) - a lovely place, very clean and well-decorated. I'd been given directions, but I'm not that good at remembering the details so we just went to the nearest entrance. I hadn't even noticed the signs pointing to the other entrance - where we should have gone. Even though well lit, darkness and bright lights mess up my brain. When we got in I was too busy looking at Christmas decorations and ornaments in a cabinet in this strange new building and my friend sort of led me to the office, and when he asked my name, she had to answer for me. I just couldn't think straight - so embarrassing! He said he'd pass on the form to the right person. It was only when we left that I saw the signs. This is typical of what I experience in day-to-day life. New experiences and places can can cause sensory overload and I'm easily distracted by things around me. We were heading for a church (for free food!) - a five-mile walk in the dark and rain - and this place just happened to be on the route. The church was another new experience for me with lots of distractions. My friend had been there the Christmas before and knew her way around, and had met some of the people, but it was all new for me. We ended up decorating little cakes, and I got so absorbed in it that when the name question came up again, I automatically looked towards my friend for the answer! I really don't know why. We tease each other a lot and got the giggles. I think the others there took pity on us. I take pity on my friend for she's worse than me in many ways. It must be so obvious that we don't fit in and aren't 'normal'. We both enjoyed it though. I'm only saying all this to show how nothing is straightforward in my life. At least it's never dull.

Quill Myself I really know very little except for the important things, which is mostly were to find what I need to know. I know too much - except for the unimportant things such as how to manage money, forms, cope with the NT world, etc. :D PS - Yes, it's from the Latin. Romanian is the nearest living language to Latin. It evolved from the Latin spoken by the occupying Romans, and has since acquired many words derived fro other languages - especially Slavic words.

A special interest of yours? Actually I've read it more than once, and feel an urge to re-read coming on.

Scris ('writing' in Romanian)

I have an Aspie friend who lives near me and works in Skipton.

Hello Jools, I'm not sure whether it's normal, but I do know that it certainly applies to me under great stress, starting at around 13 then on and off throughout my life. I've never really mixed with my peers. My friends have always been much younger than me (or much older when I was a child). I'd regress to the level of a little child sometimes, and my voice would sound like one, even the way I put words together. I really don't know how common this is in aspies, and I must try and find out more. I'd also stay at home day after day, preferring to pursue my special interests rather than socialising. If I'm not careful I can still easily fall into that habit, even when not under stress. I'm sorry I can't help you more.

"Don't step on the mome raths" I heed your wise advice, but I'm no fool. I wouldn't want to provoke their ire, wrath and general discomfort - especially if they were outgrabing in the Wabe at the time. My stress levels would shoot to the roof at the discordant, chaotick sound of their raucous howls and plaintive wailing. I could drone on and on about this frightful scenario, but alas! will now restrain myself, for I have less important things to do. Welcome back, Unusual One.

I wouldn't say 'Alas!', Eustace. I find that knowing the truth - about anything - is a great relief. We can never escape from the truth, and so we have no choice but to accept it. It's so satisfying when all the pieces of the jigsaw are at last put together. I am curious about myself just as much as I am about the world around me. An AS diagnosis explains why we are who we are; why we are 'different'. We should consider ourselves fortunate, for we could believe we may have been wrongly diagnosed (and this could be true), or correctly diagnosed with a PD or psychosis, for example. Imagine what that must feel like! We have many talents and need to celebrate and cultivate them to the full. " Nearly everyone I know uses mobiles almost incessantly," When I was travelling on the train yesterday, all eight people in the carriage were using mobiles simultaneously, while I was stroking the cat on my knee - and we were both watching the passing countryside. I doubt any of them noticed the snow-covered hills. Your writing also sounds interesting, after I finish all the books I'm working through at the moment, I'd love to buy or read some of your works. I don't write to make money; I just write for writing's sake - either on a specialised subject, or essays on just about anything. (In that sense I'm an essayist - a dying breed, as too are true polymaths - a word that's increasingly misused to refer to dabblers). Although I have a fascination towards Philosophy and other motivations, I have not yet found a means by which I can achieve my desired method of study. A good start is to identify, question and refine your own philosophy of life, ethics, meanings, etc. Question everything, and all the rest just follows. What I intend to suggest is that I struggle to remain transfixed on on topic for longer than a day or two. So do I - often. My interest may fitfully sleep for a while, but sooner or later, it inevitably returns as strong as ever, or even stronger. If it truly matters to you, it won't go away. And the ending quote, fantastic. Haha! Thanks. Like the eponymous Murphy, I enjoy laying down his law! Wallcreepers, yes, I would love to see one too. Their form is so amazing, especially their wings when spread. I believed that they never (or hardly ever) visit the UK. The first I knew of them was on Christmas Day 1964, when I saw an illustration of one in P A D Hollom's Handbook of British Birds. I often see treecreepers ...and netcreepers too. The latter (Trollius reticulata - no relation to globeflowers) are tediously frequent on the net and tend to be crepuscular, hiding in the readbeds only to aggressively pounce as soon as they spot their prey. Voice: repeated raucous tweeting.

Inspired by that poetic masterpiece Jabberwocky and other serious works, here's some more quality poetry I've just penned with my sharp quill: Ode to a Nematode 'Twas brazen in the winter light, And the heat was hot to behold. All fervid were the nematodes, And my own type turned bold. So too did the mome raths, - At least, so I'm told. Yet my memory doth not hold, So I must be growing old... "Like Father Quilliam", the young Alice said, "And your nose has become very red, Like the famed Dong's in the night. Do you think, at your age, it is right?"

I suppose out of all games, chess would be healthy? I love chess ever so much. Scrabble too! I find all intellectual challenges games of a kind. Unravelling the truth, often very deeply hidden, is a truly enjoyable game for me. A game with a serious intention and result. I also make up my own games using words, patterns and numbers. Talking of chess, have you studied the knight's tour? I spent many absorbing hours playing with these, with the intention of breaking a cipher which is far from trivial. https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=knight%27s+tour&biw=1024&bih=489&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=6c-LVJLRLM-Uaq_CgKgD&ved=0CCwQsAQ Paradoxes of all kinds can be fun too! How do you measure how ... absorbent your brain is at soaking up knowledge? I'd very much like to judge my own. I suppose IQ tests effectively measure this up to a point, but as far as I know there's no specific absorbancy test. I wonder what my AQ would be! I'm okay with money actually, very cautious and my management is generally very good, Due to my ED, I'm frugal by default, so in turn by default, my management must be 'good', but I can't play an active role in that management. The very thought makes me panicky. I really struggle with my routine, but this is due to many factors. I have published one thing on the UK foreign commonwealth office, which is also on many other websites, which is pretty nice. Interesting. One of my special interests is the British 'establishment', which includes the FCO, MI6, royalty, legal system, etc. I've read widely in this field, and have even been consulted by several well-known researchers on the intelligence services, but I still consider myself something of an amateur. Although my routine is crucial for my security, it still allows quite enough flexibility for me, so I don't feel enslaved by it in any way. ...although I can see the obvious benefits and means to go about achieving what it is mindfulness attempts to achieve, I find it tremendously difficult to do so. So would I. Most of the time, my mind is just too active. Distractions can lead me in very interesing directions. That's how I learn and it encourages those all-important flashes of insight. Good luck!

As new members appear over the next few months, things may change. Time will tell.

Now reading Riddley Walker ! (which I'd never heard of before) http://riddley-walker.narod.ru/Book/RussellHoban-RiddleyWalker.html

I'm still finding it difficult talking about that awful, pointless meeting. Even just thinking about it is affecting my health. Just in case others reading this thread might feel I'm ignoring Laddo's last post, I've already spoken to him about the meeting at some length. Thanks again for all your help, Laddo All I feel able to say for now is that the head solicitor behaved appallingly, and made quite a fool of himself. He reminded me of a smooth-talking used-car salesman - and was even dressed for the part. He bullied, charmed and blustered, wouldn't address the crucial points and was self-congratulatory. He began by showing a veneer of 'care' using emotional manipulation. He tried his best to twist the facts, but I could see right through his tactics. He began to realise that I wasn't as gullible as he had hoped, and this showed every time he inadvertently dropped his 'caring' facade. I'm stronger than morally-challenged people like him imagine. They're not accustomed to dealing with people as complex as me, and are way out of their depth - but this doesn't stop them using the same dishonest tricks that use on more impressionable people. I may well be vulnerable and emotionally naive, but I'm intellectually astute, morally strong and far from gullible. I stick to my principles, while his proved to be superficial or even non-existent - nor do I suffer fools gladly. After all, I've had much experience. However, the stress of dealing with the dishonest, selfish and unscrupulous NT world takes its toll on me. I'll give further details when I feel able. The good news, apart from the kind offer of help made my Laddo's mother, is that CS have at last found my second referral and hope to be visiting me before Christmas!

Incredible! ...and his hearing is even measured as normal. In honesty, I cannot say in reality I have ever advanced my being into that of another, and bypassing all sexual puns, not even during intercourse did I ever feel anything synonymous; that is only carnal desire that arises a couple times a months. I don't miss it. As I never once enjoyed my few sexual experiences, I don't feel I've missed out at all by steering well clear of anything like that for decades. Instead, I've gained. Usually the being makes up for the lacking sense by improving the ability of all other, or certain senses that are remaining. We go to great lengths (often subconsciously) in redressing loss - hopefully re-achieving an equilibrium of sorts. Some of us succeed better than others in this, I've heard this "opposites attract" statement also, I suppose we shall see in good time? They do and they don't; it depends on other factors too.