Eustace

Hello again everyone, I have also joined the BitWise train, my username is Eustace (surprise surprise). I would love to join you for a few chats! Eustace.

Yes, I think on these forums, not many people wish to do chat on Skype, nevertheless, the forum remains a great place to type to one another. There is another forum called Asperclick where they have organised group Skype chats every Saturday. For those of you who wish to do this, I would suggest talking to the members from that forum. Thank you all again anyway, Eustace.

So, I guess the Skype idea died?

I'll try and keep this one short. When I write, there is pen and paper a certain distance from my face, but I go almost entirely internal. What I create... I see, three-quarters of what I see in my head is comparable to real-life experience; I visualise, smell, taste, feel, and hear each moment, and that leads to the next portion of the story. This is why I love writing; in my head, it's real, for instance, if I think about the novel I'm working on at the moment, I can picture and sense the environment in the opening paragraph, right through to where I left off ... it's exactly the same as it would be if I revisited my walk through the park towards the beach and back ... for instance. I have caught myself though, throughout my life, phasing out into this interior world of mine. I find it hard to concentrate on most things that require attention - especially things that activate abstract thought, - mainly because if I'm reading something for instance, and something leads me to ponder, my sight will go blurry and I will go a vast distance away into my head, contemplating (visually) each possibility and path spreading away from the original something. I wonder if people have an acuity for this visualisation, the same as I do. Obviously I cannot express in a way that will exactly detail how this works in my head, but I hope I have provided an adequate explanation. I think it's normal for people to be able to ... picture things mentally, but I feel my ability to do so is perhaps more ... advanced? Is this related to my Aspergers, or Aspergers in general? And do any others of you joy in this ability, but also, do any of you catch yourselves a million miles away, in a landscape of possibility? Thanks for reading, Eustace. (See Mihaela, I don't always forget with the text)

Hello, I suppose what I should have said, is you can communicate with voice too, just through the microphone, as well as text. It's quite nifty actually. Eustace.

Hello there, I kind of jumped headlong into Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep (also: Blade Runner) by Philip K. Dick. I read all if it minus two chapters in one portion of the day, and actually ended up missing my stop on the bus, ending up all the way at the bus station. I love his works, Counter-Clock World is intense also. Eustace.

Hello Waterboatman, I sorted the camera issue ... it was just a little thing I forgot to check. I believe you can just "call" contacts without clicking the webcam on, I mean, you can talk on Skype just like you might a mobile phone ... but then I suppose modern phones display faces ... but nonetheless, yes, you can call others without using the webcam. All the best, Eustace.

Hello again, As an added idea, - correlating with the Skype idea - perhaps we should create a separate thread wherein we can all organise a time to Skype, which could further develop into perhaps a weekly session, or more ... I don't know. Just an idea. Eustace.

I too shall reply to this thread! I have joined this Skype resolution, and I believe I must thank matzoball for the idea! My Skype is also linked on my profile page, but I shall place it here too: Eustace1992. I hope this can happen, I know I really need people like myself to talk to, and I think it would be good for us all. Eustace.

Hello, I know a bit about Skype, I used it while abroad a year or so ago now. But apparently it's changed somewhat. Eustace.

Brilliant Waterboatman, or soggyboatman now. I will attempt to add you as a contact, my picture is the same as it is on this website. And yes, I totally agree with leaving it off until something is arranged. Hopefully that is soon, Eustace.

Waterboatman, Ah I see, so should I just upload my Skype thing onto there, which should appear on my profile? How do you think we should begin arranging Skype accounts? Ah right, I guess I shall have to thank matzoball when the time comes. Thank you, Eustace.

Hello Waterboatman, Ah yes, that's really none to far. I really need to work on my coping methods, but I believe I shall have to start small. Indeed that is a great idea about waiting until the days extend in length, but I do also truly like the idea of Skype sessions, I even believe that you can ... multicall ... I suppose it would be called now. Yes, I must admit I did not take various levels of mobility into account, and this shall definitely have to factor into the equation if this were to happen. But indeed, I really like the idea of the Skype calls, I mean, what's not to like; communicating from the comfort of my own home, perhaps not having to reveal identities if one doesn't wish to, no actual physical conformities to attend to... all reasonable things to take into account. Perhaps this will be a good starting point ... that is, organised Skype calls, talks, be it between two individuals, or shared between many. I believe that you can even do it without the need for webcams, so for those like myself, who would much prefer to begin with just talking through a microphone, this should make things a little easer. Plus, with Skype, there is no need for travel. Sounds fantastic Waterboatman, brilliant idea. Thank you for the reply. Perhaps now we shall try and organise Skype calls between forum members? Eustace.

Greetings fellow atypicals, I recently decided to push myself and went to a local group wherein individuals on the spectrum all meet up once a week. Upon entry to the room, I had a minor panic attack and went into shutdown mode, but stayed the whole time. Luckily, the volunteers running the session allowed my mother to stay with me, and us two just played cards the whole time (communication with other members seemed far too ... impossible I suppose). The room was terribly noisy and smelly, and with the members all moving around the room, I felt highly paranoid about anybody touching me. Overall, I'm ... glad I went, but me and my mother both feel the same way about the benefits I could obtain from going; at this stage, group sessions might still be a bit too advanced for me. Nevertheless, I tried. So, on to the reason I write this topic. I noticed the other sticky thread about "Aspie Meetups" and contemplating the idea, I really like it. For me, I'm an individual whom deplores mass-socialisation, thus, would like - if possible - to be able to attend meet ups wherein only a few other individuals attend. I live on the south coast, between Poole and Bournemouth, and was wondering if any other individuals perhaps lived near that vicinity, whom also like the idea of little meet ups. I feel as though I need to talk to others, but don't have the confidence to do it en masse, nor do I have anybody ... of my ... kind ... I suppose, whom I can share with comfortably. I'm not sure how this kind of thing works, so if an admin reads this and doesn't like it, just tell me what to do, and I'll do it. I'm not sure if people who like the idea should reply here, or by personal message. I think a good place to start, is just to gauge whether people are interested in small groups, and then to formulate the logistics of the meetups, thus, perhaps if people could just reply to this topic to say whether they are in fact interested, we could move on from there. Thank you for the read, As always, a pleasure, Eustace. P.S. Upon posting the topic, I realised the dreadful topic title; five words and two of them are the same, horrendous. I do apologise.

Greetings all of you whom have replied. Thank you very much for your replies, and I have read through all of them carefully. I am wholly opposed to taking any medication at all, so that is not even slightly an option. However, recently I have taken up collecting certain cards, of which I can organise in a variety of different ways that in doing so can help me take my mind off of certain things. Thank you again, Eustace.

Greetings Verbeia, If you would like to talk about birds, I am prepared to discuss - at length - any topic you detail. Thank you, Eustace.

Greetings again. So much noise all of the time: constant whirring tones, sudden clunks, penetrating crashes, incessant barking and coughing, inconsiderate motorists, heavy handed obsessive mothers, four-wheeled travelling youth music blasters, screaming double-decker buses, whining children, fireworks, helicopters, planes ... all, of, the, time. I don't want to live with ear plugs in or headphones on any more, at least I don't want to have to survive by doing things this way any more. The world cannot change for me, I have to change for it considering I am but one of many, and rationality dictates this is the only possible option. As soon as ear plugs come out, there are a host of sounds that build up my anxiety level, distress level ... anger level, so, what I ask firstly, is advice as to how to manage my outbursts that result from exposure to sound. The two types of sound I encounter are as follows: Startling Sounds and Background Sounds. The former happen in a snap-second; sounds that shock me and cause me to instantly react, normally in the form of anger and hitting something to rid myself of the horrible sensation of stress in me. The latter build up and up until I either explode like I do for the startling sounds, or I shut down and go into a zone impervious to the external world. The second question I would like to pose is a double question: Are these reactions normal for someone with ASD, and also - to revisit my first question, - is there any way to manage these reactions to help both me and people I have to deal with, chiefly my parents. Thank you for your time, Eustace.

Greetings Mihaela, I completely understand, and am honoured you feel you will be able to reply to such a standard. You post reminded me about the size of the font and the font itself, so I shall update this. Have a great day, Eustace. *Seems I have waited too long to update the font on the first post. I do apologise.

Greetings fellow neuroatypicals, [For those who wish to skip the extended description and skip to the posed questions, I summarize these plainly in the final paragraph] Me and mother had a good talk recently, but I fear the path we were treading led us away from one another in our ability to understand, so too were their roadworks along the way. You see, my mother is plagued by her own demon, one implanted in her by her parents from a young age. She was always told - 'from the age of five' she says - that whatever she did was wrong, and that she always disappointed her mother. This respectively led to a mentality arising that has stayed latched onto her like some horrific cognitive wart. From what she has told me and from what I have understood myself, still to this day does she see everything that happens as a criticism. However, this becomes more prominent for me after six pm when the first - of many - wine bottles has been uncorked. Here, to note, since my childhood I expressed my deplore towards her drinking, but, having gone through the stages of: anger towards the enemy, ignoring the enemy, learning to rationally understand the enemy, fraternizing with the enemy, and finally, distancing myself from the enemy having understood what he truly consists of, ... having gone through these stages, I see as clear as Orion in a clear night sky why the drinking exists. That no longer is a problem for me, that is, her drinking, but what is the problem is her sensitivity to ... or relapse into her demon - criticism and sense of wrongdoing. I love my mother; as much as I understand what it means to love, there is no other feeling comparable to that I feel towards my mother - if there is to be one thing that makes me cry, I'm certain 'twould be my mother. I am an ethical individual, and wish no ill-will towards any other species that has a means of cognition or physical permanence, yet, it is when my mother explodes - perhaps 'melts down' is a more fitting verb - in a fit of anger that she expresses how I constantly criticize, express my opinion on everything, suggest ridiculous ideas and delusions and am emphatic upon all of the listed latter. I feel I am an element of my mother's frequent meltdowns, but never intend to criticise her or exhort my opinion towards her. I wish these things upon nobody, especially not my mother. I understand that I do do these things on occasion, but only do I occasionally realize this upon my nightly rumination of the day. The latter is obviously the Asperger's, I see that now - after twenty two years -, but how am I to understand when I do these things? How am I to consciously interpret how I am coming across to others? I understand this is a focal issue of the Asperger's community, but I feel I need to understand this. If none have any answers for me, I shall study things in my own way - from writing an essay, but I shall give this some time. I prize three aspects of human ability above all else, of which are, rationality, reason, and logic. Why these three highly-synonymous aspects? Not all can feel emotion, not all are intelligent, not all hold the ability to grasp advanced knowledge, yet, with even the most basic means of justifying one's method of understanding, with even the most basic means to comprehend, and with even the most basic means to solve an issue, one needs not emotion, intelligence, or knowledge, for one then can formulate their own justified means to be and indefinite goal, leading them to a route of autonomy and self-sufficiency. The reason I type the latter, is because I wish to express my greatest means to go about solving this issue of mine. When my mother melts down, I am able - with help of my CBT 'mindfulness' sessions - to remain calm, collected, and in control of my three highly-prized aspects. During my mother's meltdowns, I question all that she asks in order to gain as much information as I can, for the majority - if not all - of what she says seem either, absurd, trivial, or things I simply cannot understand; for the latter I'll use the example of her anger towards my inability to understand why people give presents and an apparent opinion I share a few days prior. I use a controlled pitch and level-voice when talking with her, and consciously try to rationalize all she says, linking together that she says with whatever logical explanation or answer I can decipher. She generally begins a meltdown with a pre-meltdown tone of voice, which extends all 'yes's' in a raised pitch, so too do her shoulders rise. Then something such as me stating 'I have done the washing up' will result in a back-handed comment, which I then will understand as the starting point. If I stay around - that is, if I feel I can deal with one of her meltdowns - it quickly explodes into her listing things that she is angry at... which can be into the twenties. During the mid-phase of her meltdown, she remains angry but begins to use circular reasoning, which I find tremendously hard to deal with. I generally get around this by posing questions answerable with either 'yes' or 'no'. Then towards the end, she / we, reach an impasse, wherein we end the talk - by this time, she is no longer angry, but she has spoken. Now, I understand that humans build up stress and it - if not dealt with delicately day by day - explodes out, and most people feel better after talking ... me not one of these people. My mother is a neurotypical, but is plagued by a stress deeply embedded in her childhood development. She has not learned an adequate means of decompression as it were, thus, her drinking results in a lack of inhibition; a revealing or outburst of emotions. That is the problem; I do not understand emotion, and neither does my father ... mine a result of my condition, my dad out of general apathy and morose laziness. I shall summarise that I write this for in the final paragraph below. To summarise then, the problem is not directly me nor my mother per se, the problem resolves around me and my mother, but more specifically, our ability to accurately identify with one another's needs and individualities. The focal issue I wish to revise here, is how to deal with my mother's 'meltdowns' as it were; her release of stress and emotion. When it happens, I can deal with it, but seemingly, I do not have the ability to understand what it is she releases, or what she expresses - her emotions. To questionize[? word?] the latter, are there any effective means to go about understanding emotions in others, or at least - if this is not possible for one with my condition ... which I fear it is not in my experience - is there some pseudo-understand that I can express to perhaps mask an understanding? The second issue of import resolves wholly around me. My mother states I constantly criticize things, state my opinion, and allow no other alternatives when I do so. At the times I apparently do these things, I am not consciously aware I am doing so. To questionize[?again], is the latter connected to my Asperger's, and also, is there a way I can become aware of when I am doing so? The latter question explores the realm of 'Is there a means for the individual with Asperger's to comprehend the mind, feeling, and emotion of another', which I understand to be a focal problem of the condition, thus, I expect no extended exposition on the question, but I hope at least one will take the time to read this, and perhaps either give me some advice, or share their own experiences. I wish no harm to anyone, and just wish to avoid hurting anyone unconsciously. Thank you for your time, Eustace.

Hello everyone, I thought I might just update this post. Having stumbled across some information related with what's being discussed here, I thought I might detail the info here. Two days ago I could not sleep, but this only because I became hooked on certain videos, and did not wish to sleep. The videos and information I found a fascination towards were that by A man named David Icke; a man with some interesting ideas of this world. At around three am in the morning I came across this video - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_yCbcu1OkO4. In this video, during the TED talks with Jill Bolte, I learned about areas of the brain closing down, and the effects of this upon one's perception. You will see during the talk what I'm talking about, but in regards to the topic I brought up - about my "expanding infinitely when falling to sleep", I find it both interesting how these precise words are spoken by Jill and by the correlation between her description and what I feel. I think it's important to add that I don't claim to have a brain haemorrhage when this sensation occurs, I shall explain what I intend beneath. Perhaps I was incorrect in saying that I know the sensation is wholly not related to stages of sleep, perhaps the feeling arises not as a stereotypical acclimatising of sleep but as a premature physical shutting down of my left hemisphere, that happens before my consciousness has itself entered a state of repose. If this is the case and my left hemisphere does in fact begin shutting down early yet I remain conscious, this would indeed affect my spacial reasoning, even in a completely dark room, which could actually exacerbate the effects. It could make me feel both infinitely long and short simultaneously, affect my ability to picture and recall images at the size I would like, alter my ability to understand information on a whole, and change my understanding of my current situation and of time. The correlation between Jill's words and that which I experienced are remarkable, and just thought I'd share my take and also to share the video which I find is very fascinating in and of itself. Thank you, Eustace.

Hello Mihaela, Can I enquire why "alas" is not to be used? I would personally debate about you theory on having no choice in accepting truth. Although I am one who cannot progress a topic or subject unless I know - at that time - what's being discussed is entirely infallible, people that I encounter wherein absolute truth is apparent sometimes decide to ignore the truth for reasons I can never understand. Using my father as an example, I consistently debate with him about how he can determine the weather. I'll come down to make some food and he will tell me it is going to rain all day tomorrow, so I ask how he knows, to which he replies 'they said it on the news', at which I will reply how do they know it is going to rain? ... 'they just do' is the reply. So I question him, and pose the directed question, 'How do you know it is going to rain tomorrow?' ... 'I just know it' is the reply. Isn't it funny how he is usually wrong? Although I understand the background information on this vague truth as it were is arrived at, my father is the prime example of; if you cannot explicate your reasoning behind a belief, then get angry and stick by what you believe is true without proof and aggressively defend it without the means to. You take your cat on trains? I wish I was able to firstly go on trains, and secondly, how I would love to bring my cats! My Welsh one would probably die of fright and my half stray half domesticated one would probably get lost exploring. But yes, it is a shame that people no longer notice the majority of their existence, however I see that as a safety measure to ensure my own advancement. Yes, the death of the polymath, it seems inevitable, but I do cling to the idea of a ... sect is the wrong word, perhaps literati, whom share knowledge with one another for the sake of knowledge itself. I wish to be an author one day, simply to produce books, for the love of what's in my head and language. My absolute ideal is to have the means to survive, to have the time to write, and to live a solitary life in a tiny flat or something with only the slightest of money to simply live and to live simply. Yes, your recommendation upon where to find a pasture upon which foundations can be built is precisely where I am at the moment. I have been aimlessly wandering since my conception, but now I feel, connected; planted on the land I wander. I feel ready both intellectually and physically to advance to the next stage, that is, to begin constructing my knowledge. I know I hold and understand my philosophy otherwise I would not have written all the theoretical essays I have up to this point, I now just need to build my ... home as it were. Indeed, my true interests will never leave me, I know that, I just need this reformation to secure my interest. Where do you see Treecreepers!? I really would adore seeing one! Do you go abroad? All the best, Eustace.

Hello Mihaela, I love most games that require a certain level of logic, most recently I've become quite inclined towards Sudoku. With chess, I'm fighting with myself really, because I know an average amount about moves and strategies, but you see, me being the way I am, when I am fascinated by something, I study it in detail. This eventually leads to my complete understanding on the subject and the resulting thought of 'well, I've mastered this now, so what's next?' My love for chess is so strong, I really want to study it in its entirety, but fear in doing so I will lose the fun aspect of playing the game and longer enjoy it, playing it purely as a means to win. Ah the famed IQ test(s). I've told myself I'd never do one, for I'm quite content in who I am and how my intelligence manifests itself. By AQ do you mean Aspergers Quotient? And I wholeheartedly understand about the distractions and their inspiring qualities on occasion, yet most of the time, they cause me such distress. Thank you, Eustace.