car2

It's a disgrace isn't it???!!!!!!!! <'> My Dan's DLA was turned down also due to a very inaccurate school report. We are about 3 weeks into Dan's re-consideration at the moment and basically what I did was go through the whole school report and dispute everything they had said with valid reasons. Also I got Dan's class teacher to write a letter for me outlining the area's that Daniel needs support etc........so fingers crossed!! I wish you all the best of luck with the appeal, have you had a date through yet? caroline x

Hi Di!! Can't offer any advice but thought i'd tell you that I received all the paper work form CASBAT (communication and social behaviour assessment team), it took me hours to complete!!! Have you filled in that paperwork yet i.e tick boxes, parental report etc?? My Daniel was refered in late january07, I don't know how long we will be waiting for all the assessments to be done. love caroline x

My son always runs around the shoe shop and cant sit still!! Dan often makes growling/snarling noises or the kind of noise a snake makes when it's going to attack (if that makes sense??!) It normally happens when someone says something he doesn't like!!! I thought Dan might be the only one who made animal noises, but now im happy to know that he isn't!!! caroline

Once again I have failed to see things from Dan's point of view. You are all totally right. Even verbal prompts Daniel interpretates as help and he says his teaching assistants have helped with his shoes and when things are back to front- so he is right from his point of view. During p.e he doesn't need to struggle with the task of putting pants and socks on so that makes a big difference to his ability to do it. Whay can't I understand what he is saying to me?? Im so happy I have people like you to help me out! caroline

oh lou lou <'> <'> <'> It's completely natural to feel this way and completely natural to feel guilty about it. My "normal" 3 year old daughter is bad enough without her brother to contend with, I honestly feel like walking out and leaving them somedays which is a horrid way to think, but I wouldn't swap them for the world. You are doing a marvellous job and you need to remember that it's not easy at the best of times and you are entitled to feel this way. All the best love caroline

Hi guys, as you have probably read in my previous posts, I am battling the dwp in regards of my son being turned down for Dla. They said that the school report didn't indicate that he required extra support. Daniels school teacher is really nice and helpful and I spoke to her this morning about outlining in more detail about the help he requires of which she was more than happy to help with-great But not great because for one thing she will be talking to the headmistress about it (she filled in the original report and not very well at that). Also as Iv'e written myself, Dan cant/wont dress himself. I asked him if he receives any help with dressing after p.e and he said his teacher helps him evrytime-he promised me (Dan cant lie for toffee!!) But his teacher said that she has never helped Daniel to dress or anyone else in his class. As you can imagine I was lost for words. I feel absolutely gutted and I feel like a failure I truly believe that Dan has problems with dressing and he genuenly struggles with it. Or is he just trying it on? I don't know if im more upset about the fact that he lied to me or the fact that he will dress himself at school! Now im left feeling confused about why he lied and he NEVER EVER lies and the fact that he'll do it at school and not at home. I know his teacher isn't lying because she recognises Dan's problems and will help out in anyway she can. I just feel numb now-nothing makes sense anymore. caroline

Thankyou so much for all your advice, it is invaluable to me. Unfortunately, Daniel cant be statemented until he has a diagnosis-well this is what I am led to beleive anyway. I will ask his teacher if he has a individual pupil education plan. I know Dan has seen the educational psychologist several times and she is happy with the progress he is making-it's a shame she never visits him on his bad days!!!grrrrrrr caroline

Just received the school report from the dla people and it's not too bad. It says about Dan's anger problems but doesn't go into detail about the support he gets when he has a major blow out. It also confirms that he has poor motor skills and finds handwriting difficult, but doesnt mention the extra support he gets with it. Also said that Daniel is aware of danger??!!-yeh right!!! and he does not need assistance with dressing. Now, my son NEVER lies, he is in capable of lying and he tells me that his teacher helps him dress everytime he has p.e. So....... I will ask his teacher to confirm the following in writing: Every support group Daniel goes to and why. The fact that Daniel does need help with dressing the fact that Daniel does need extra support when he is anxious, frustrated and angry. The fact that he does need more support than other children of his age. Hopefully, they will take this on board and give my wonderful son the benefits that he deserves. Anyone think this is the right way to go? caroline

Hi all, daniel is almost 6 and is becoming extremely violent and aggressive to the point that I fear for my three year olds safety. Daniel and olivia fight like cat and dog which in my view is normal as brother and sister, however the other day Daniel tried to stab Olivia with a fork three times for no reason. When Daniel gets into a rage or has a paddy, (normally over the tiniest things) it's like a bomb explosion. He is like a tornado- trying to destruct anything in his path. He will throw things, hit, punch, bite, headbutt, pull hair and if he had a knife in his hand during these times I know he would use it. I just don't know how to cope with this behaviour- he just can't stop himself. Im so worried for when he gets older and stronger and what he might be capable of. I know many of you must experience this behaviour-how do you cope? love to you all. caroline

Thank you so much! x

Thanks for your advice and support!! This is Dans first claim for Dla, i didn't make myself clear on the melatonin thing-it was the dla who commented on the medication not the school- but i'd like to know how they suddenly became experts on the subject!!! My son is also very vunerable-he also lays down in the road, tries to strangle and stab his sister, shouts at members of the public etc and I included this all in the Dla form. My family and friends will be writing to them in regards to the extra help dan needs and I will go directly to Dans teacher who is really nice to confirm he needs more attention than the others rather than his headmistress who likes the phrase "if he was my child........". I have also written to my MP and he is going to argue my case too. The only problem is that Dan has only seen the paed once, but I will send in her report saying that he has been refered to casbat. I will tell the dla that the paed told me that melatonin only works if the child is in a relaxed state and I will tell them to contact her for conformation of this. I will also include information on Asperger syndrome as they obviously haven't got a clue about the difficulties our children face! I hope this will be enough info to keep them busy and make the right descision this time!!! caroline

As some of you know, my son has been turned down for Dla because the school said he has no problems-no suprise there and also because they said that the melatonin should settle him at night!! I don't quite know how to prove that it doesn't always work and Dan still has nightmares and anxieties at night. It's true that his sleep pattern is much better but it's certainly along way from perfect. I'd be soo so so grateful for any advice about gathering exra evidence and how I should go about it. Many thanks caroline

I really feel for you, I know it must be so so difficult. My son is only 5 and he often cries and gets in a right state at the thought of getting older-he doesn't want to be a grown up and often talks and gets distressed about dying- so I'm dreading the puberty stage. Keep your chin up, sorry I cant give you any good advice caroline

GGGRRRRRRR!!!! My son's Dla was turned down due to the fact he takes melatonin, they think it's a magical cure to all of my sons problems-not!!! We all know that melatonin only works if the child is relaxed when they take it, even Dans paed told me this herself, now as evidence I really need to find something in writing to confirm this as part of evidence for re-consideration. While i admit that melatonin really helps my son, he still has problems at night, does anyone know of anywhere on the net that I can get some information on proving this?? I know it's a long shot but it's worth a try! Many thanks for any help caroline

Just received an email from my MP saying that he will be taking up the matter with the chief executive of job centre plus!! Good news hey!!

Unfortunately, my son's Dla claim has been turned down for pathetic reasons!! I have asked them to reconsider the descision and emailed my local MP and asked for his help in this matter. Has anyone else done this and still been turned down?? I'd be grateful to hear from anyone who is going through or been through the reconsideration process. Many thanks in advance!!!! caroline

Daniel is such a great name isn't it!! I like yourself am hounding the dla dept everyday-i should have the number on speed dial I think!!! It's horrible checking the post everyday and I know when the letter arrives il be too scared to open it! I think I will try emailing them- because if they hear my voice again they are likely to put the phone down on me lol!! Isn't it terrible that our children who need more support are denied it? They need us to be around everyday but the dla just don't realise how hard it is for us- do you work full-time and watch your child struggle to cope or do you stay at home and worry about how you're going to buy next weeks shopping?? I think the decision makers are robots, no feelings and no hearts, i'm sure im not the only person that feels this way......

Hello Di, this must be an horrendous time for you!! I too am waiting for my sons DLA decision and it feels like iv'e been waiting forever!!! its only been 7 weeks. My son is nearly 6 and hasn't been formally diagnosed with AS as of yet- we are hoping he will before the end of this year. Iv'e had to reduce my shifts from 35 hours per week to just 13 because Daniel just couldn't cope with it. Now im in a catch 22 situation. Whilst it's wonderful that I am spending more time with Dan the bad thing is that we have absolutely no spare money for anything!! I trully don't know how we have managed over the last 3 months- it's been horrendous for us all. I just wish that the Dla people would put me out of my misery- if my claim for Dan has to be reconsidered I don't think il be able to get him any birthday presents, so i'm praying for a positive outcome. I'l be keeping my fingers crossed for you Di- all the best, im sure you'll get a positive result! caroline x

It's been almost 6 weks and no decision made yet....ggrrr I know i'l have to wait ages for a decision but it's so hard! I'm only working 13 hours per week because Dan can't cope with me working anymore than that and we are totally and utterly skint!!! This Dla would really change our lives, it means that we will be able to live a little and not simply survive like we have been doing! Don't these people realise that we need this money in order for us to have the opportunity to spend more time with our babies which they really do need!! I wish I could make them go faster Sorry for the moan- i'm just so frustrated!!!! caroline

Thats priceless........ I also HATE the phrase 'He's had a wonderful day today' ..........yes of course he has because you have let him do excactly what he wants and not made him conform with proper school routine in order to stop him having a major bluey!!!!!!!!

Thank you brook, i just read your link and you hit the nail on the head perfectly- I hate it when people do that- makes me want to rip off theirs heads and drop kick um!!

Just had a long conversation with Dan's headmistress and while she has been really helpful, she really p**d me off today!!!! In an earlier post i spoke about Dan not dressing himself and asked the school what he was like after p.e. Daniel has already told me that he hates p.e because he has to get dressed after and is normally always last to finish...................... She said.............he doesn't appear to have any problems........we don't mind so much if he gets things on the wrong way.....at least he is trying.... So he has no problems with dressing at school.....is that why he always has his trousers on back to front and his top on inside out and his shoes on the wrong feet????!!!!! Thats not a problem that a 6 year old constantly gets his clothes on the wrong way, bearing in mind that my 3 year old can dress herself perfectly?? She then went on to suggest that he was trying it on at home..........!!!!! Does she think im stupid or something!!!!!! We have a communication book as evidence of Dan's behaviour at home and at school, and she said she read it and couldn't believe that his behaviour is like this out of school!!! Iv'e ben trying to tell them this for 3 years!!! and it was school who noticed that Dan was different in the first place!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So she hinted that she thought I may be blowing everything out of proportion I'd love them to see what Dan can be like and how difficult it is to have a child on the spectrum, I think i'm going to start recording videos, then they might understand. Sorry for the rant-but it gets me really down Further more, we have just applied for Dan's DLA and now im worried that the school have said the opposite to everything I have said................if Dan doesn't get DLA it will be heartbreaking because i will have to work every hour god sends inorder to make ends meet-and from past experience i know that Dan's behaviour will be horrendous if that happens, he only just copes with me working twice a week. I need to be with him as much as possible, to help him and stick to his routine- it's an essential requirement inorder for Dan to make progress. Hope I don't sound selfish going on about money etc, but everything is getting on top of me and im just about coping at the moment. I love him so much and I want to give him as much time and support as i can, otherwise i'l always feel that i could have done more to help him and i'd never forgive myself. As you all know trying to look after kids, keep the house ship shape, work, pay bills etc is bloomin hard going and I take my hat off to all you natural copers out there- I just go into meltdown almost every day!!! thanks for being there to read my thesis!! carolinex

I certainly hope they do! Introducing 'the full aspies' lol

Daniel says exactly the same thing!! He says he is too slow!! He has also started to suck the collar of his school polo shirt....