Bard

We meet in public, as a large group. We are adults, so if something does upset or bother us, we are confident enough to walk away, and knowledgeable enough to deal with unwanted attention. We've only shared information we are comfortable about, so few of us know each others surnames or actual addresses. It's not really any different to going to a conference that you've booked, not knowing anyone, and I do that on a fairly regular basis. Or a pop concert, which I haven't done for a coupe of decades! That's what I told my daughter.

You're coming to Greenwich? *innocent smile*

Just don't mention w*llp*per to Bid.

That's what I call a vegetarian diet when I'm in France. And chocolate pancakes of course.

What about me? Bid has made me relive the trauma I thought I'd buried for over a decade and a half. Did I mention that the lounge in question was 28' long? Wallpaper *shudders* Wallpaper paste takes a long time to get out of your hair you know, if you've been swaddled by possessed paper. Remembers It was like an enactment of Frodo in Shelob's lair.

<'> It's the way that you stick the top bit on, then smooth it down to the bottom, and then the top section peels off and smothers you. And when you try and extract yourself, it rips like ...wet paper. And you remember how expensive it is per roll. I still have nightmares about wallpapering our lounge when we lived Up North, The bubbles. The Horror!. Apparently Mr P is good at that sort of thing...maybe pearl would loan him out for a weekend? I'd lend you mine, but the work, although exquisite and flawless, would be finished in a decade or two. Which is why I know just how evil wallpaper can be.

So they weren't just being rude about your weight gain then? Neither of mine ever had a doll's house. They had a castle, designed and built by OH to precise specifications. It started with me buying some little people for G, king, queen, jester, princess, witch, you know the sort of thing, They were beautifully made and about 10cm tall. So OH made a bespoke castle with all the trimmings. Including a Minstrels' Gallery. It's lovely, and I even made tapestries and a garden to go with it.

You knew that this was going to be very tricky, and you were absolutely right to let Steve make his own decision to contact his dad. You need to stay calm and cool, and not yell or swear about your ex where Steve can see how angry you are. <'> Yes, he's a manipulative, selfish, egotistical b*st*rd, but if you go off on one, Steve may feel that you are against him, and get angry with you. He's unlikely to see it as you protecting him, and he's going to be confused enough as it is. So play it cool and calm, stock up on tissues and chocolate biscuits, be reasonable. Be Steve's comfort blanket. Be the constant support to him that you always have been. Hide how you really feel, so Steve can relax with you and know that he can rely on you. Regard it as a foretaste of the first time Steve falls in love with a girl who doesn't love him. Then, I'll send you my DIY Voodoo kit. All you need is a wax candle and a bit of your ex's hair...

That's interesting, because I put B through a number of hearing tests when he was 6/7 because I was worried that he wasn't able to hear me, or other sounds and noises, and that his ability fluctuated and I didn't know why. He passed all the tests with flying colours, scoring well above the norm in some of them. The conclusion was that he had selective hearing, like many men! I didn't start thinking about AS until he was 8.

The school would have had the right to respond in the press too, so let's wait and see shall we? As it stands, it seems as if the teacher has been moved out of that class, so the management obviously feel that there is a situation that needs to be addressed. Perhaps Cat can keep us posted as to what further action is taken, or if there is a coherent explanation for what happened. Or if it is just how the States plan to cleanse their society, one at a time until they are living in Stepford. And no, Baddad, I didn't think that you were supporting her actions, just looking for the reason and logic in what had been reported. remember, I get a double whammy. Not only could that have easily been B, I also have all the upset and angry parents who dislike teachers and the educational establishment with all of their hearts shouting "SEE!' and planning to shoot on sight. So the article annoyed and outraged me on several different levels.

Coming at it from a different angle, because it's about choice. My B always got in trouble at playtimes in Primary, so he was given the option. He had a 'safe place' by the school office that he could go to. If he felt that he was losing it n the playground, he could leave and go straight to his special place. If he was sent off the playground, he had to be outside the Head's office. He used his choice a lot, and if he'd been getting stressed in class, he went straight there. Otherwise he would be hitting and yelling at anyone who got in his way, spoke to him or 'looked at him funny' he also didn't differentiate between children. He was and is very good with babies and small toddlers, but if you were in the playground, you were all the same and got the same reaction. So if you were 4 and banged into him, and he was cross at you invading his space, he would push you. All 7 stone of him. At Secondary, he was given the choice of not going to the playground at all if he chose not to. There is a base with computers, soft chairs, the option of reading, drawing or playing games with other children who also can't handle the playground. It has an LSA based there too. And he chose to opt out of the jungle, and has been very happy. But it's his active choice. They also do a lot of work on social skills in a more structured environment, and he participates and enjoys those sessions.

I can understand what you're saying Baddad, and in a way that sort of open dialogue is one of the things thst PSHCE and circle time is meant to address, along with all the new talk about Rights and Responsibilities in schools. Had the teacher guided the discussion into identifying behaviours, explanations of them and what sort of mutually beneficial, mutually supportive strategies and ideas could result from having discussed the issue of having an ASD child in the class, then it wouldn't be quite such a horrible story. Had the task been to think of positive ways of dealing with the problem. But it wasn't. He was excluded, marginalised, made to feel worthless and unwanted by his peers, with no support or understanding from the one person who should have been working on all the socialisation skills of her class. An opportunity lost and a child demonised.

That article turns my stomach in the way that it was presented as a fair, democratic and sensible way to deal with a special needs child. I wonder if she smiled and said "Goodbye now, and have a nice day" as she explained what the ruling of his peers meant and showed him the door.

That's the reason that B gave for liking Hammond best, 'He's funny but Clarkeson bullies him and always wants his own way, and breaks the rules so that he can win'

Two of our favourite programmes! I warmed up to Top Gear after realising that the cars were incidental to the fun.

Warren is absolutely right, you need a number of professional opinions on her, abused and traumatised children are very complex characters, and their ability or inability to handle life manifests itself in so many different ways. I would be seeking advice and help from specialists in childhood trauma and abuse. I have over 20 years experience of teaching in primary schools, and sadly I have encountered many children who have already been damaged by their families and their life experiences, and the complex behaviour that such abuse creates. As I am a non-specialist, I sometimes found and find it very hard to see the logical connection between behaviour and cause, and in many cases it takes years of counselling and support for the child to understand and rationalise what has happened. Sometimes that understanding doesn't happen. You don't say why you are involved in this case, so apologies if you know this sort of stuff already. She is 8, even the professionals who specialise in this area will find it hard to untangle the mess that she is, before attempting to try and help her move on. Soiling, rocking, controlling the situation and environment, swearing, aggression, lack of social awareness can all be symptoms of abuse in a child. At 8, you also need to consider that antenatal abuse, poor nutrition, violence, a neglectful or traumatic infancy may have affected her mental development and linguistic capabilities. As warren said " The hard thing here is determining if a symptom/behaviour is learned (or lack of learning) or much deeper and potentially ASD related. Communication will be an issue with an 8 year old when trying to determine the reasons for her behaviour. Sounds like you would benefit from the opinion of a child psychologist or experienced child mental health professional. Ultimately there is only so much you can do yourself and sometimes love and a safe environment alone wont repair the damage caused by the trauma without the right mental health or other specialist interventions." I hate to think why you know so much about this area, warren. What you could try is using some ASD-friendly strategies with her, based on building a secure routine; visual and pictorial information and timetables, social stories, the manner in which you speak with and to her, accepting that something you don't understand is of huge significance to her, giving her a safe space to retreat to. I have found that some other non-ASD children often benefit from having those sorts of approaches and strategies used with them, and they do no harm to try. Observe and learn, then you will begin to have a better idea of whether she is needing to move towards a dx. You have an enormous task on your hands if you are going to be closely involved with her care, but someone needs to help her cope with what others have done to her. Good luck.

Its own thread? More like its own novel. Don't your fingers get tired?

B disapproves of rap because it has rude words and they don't sing in English. He is the pedantic son of a teacher and a linguist.

Both what you say, and bid's explanation ' If you have spent your life struggling, not understanding people, the world and yourself,' still make sense to me when I look at my OH. He found a niche too.

I'm so sorry that it's not a good outlook. I dread anything happening to our little ginger tomcat, he's the centre of B's universe.

My dad has finally been released from hospital. He looks like the walking dead, can't stand up by himself, or speak in sentences, but he was cracking up being incarcerated. He doesn't cope well with restraint and rules, and he was driving them up the wall as well. They reckon he might be calmer and give things a better chance of healing at home. We'll just have to wait and see. But to quote Monty "I'm not dead yet!'

My mum thinks of it as men being pale lilac on the spectrum, and B with AS being Deep Purple.

Oh that post was close to my heart! My parents look after B between school and collection by me, have done for years and now it's just habit. The downside was that for years, his favourite bands were ~The Seekers..and....Andy Stewart ( White Heather club anyone?) So he'd have Sinner Man on repeat. Last year he discovered The Levellers. Yeah! And now he has an MP3, so the fact it's got two albums on it, and a repeat button means he's very happy.

Well, that's the thing isn't it. B's school is big, 1400 children. Yet they take the time and trouble to deal with one boy in such detail.