curra

It was the same with my DS in Maths, the school always expected him to do work that he didn't know how to do. I struggled like you for years, teaching him the best I could, but he only got more confused. Now he has to prepare for his GCSEs and he still can't add without a calculator. He has special support in Maths because it's in his statement, but they still don't teach him how to improve his maths skills. Perhaps your son has dyscalculia, as I suspect mine has, but it's very hard to get support for it because it's not as recognized as dyslexia. Maths teachers usually think it's just a question of practising until you grasp a concept and learn an operation . For example timetables. Most children do learn them by repetition but my son couldn't. I even chanted them with him everyday when he was in primary school. He said he could "see" the words but not the numbers. He learned to tell the time when he was 12! You need to discuss your son's difficulties with the teacher and the Senco and ask them to use different teaching techniques with him. This is called differentiation and schools have to do it (but usually avoid because it implies more work). You can also ask the school to assess him first and then work out the strategies. There are special tests for this but I don't know what they are called. Perhaps someone who knows more about Maths can tell you. Giving him the same homework again just shows that they are treating his difficulties as lack of studying which is not the case of your son. Good luck! Curra

My DS is a lad who has lots of difficulties understanding and accepting other people's points of view when they are different from his own . He comes accross as a narrow-minded youth unless you know that he is AS and that he sees the world under his perspective only. He can't make friends because of it. I have always taught him tolerance, respect, moderation and now that he's a teenager even more so, his teachers are constantly encouraging him to see things from different angles, but it's no use, he says that's the way he thinks and that his views are the only ones that are "correct". He likes to talk about his interests and insist that only one type of music, one type of art etc are right, and he can argue for hours. Yesterday one of his TAs lost her patience with him and called him a "fascist". He said that she told him "You are a fascist". M was quite shocked because he would never identify with such an ideology which he knows well about. I am also not a fascist so how could he be one???!! I didn't think too much of it at first but now I am fuming. How understanding and supportive of ASD is she??? I don't know whether to complain or not. What do you guys think? Curra

Good idea Pumpkinpie! I'll use the IEP to get them to agree things in writing. They have also left out his favourite subject from his timetible. How can people be so careless?? When I said to the head that M chose that subject as first priority she said that it couldn't be given in the unit and that if she reshuffled the timetable he would have to go to mainstream. Sounds like blackmail to me Curra

What a bad and difficult situation! I feel so upset just reading what Jay has been going through. Things are in some ways similar for my son in his unit with another boy who has attacked him twice, but M provoked him while Jay is an innocent victim of that aggressive kid. I know what it's like to ask for things to happen, like keeping them separate, looking after our DS, and the staff don't do anything. I was at my son's unit the other day and I witnessed the aggression that goes on among the boys while the staff was busy preparing things in another room. In your case, Mel, I think you should ask for a meeting to discuss al these things and ask that the EP is also present and make sure that some agreement is made in writing regarding the support and supervision that Jay needs. Have some more hugs from me <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> Curra

Clare, They gave me his IEP yesterday, very vague targets, but at least there's mention of him being in the unit. BUT, at the same time the pressure started again for him to have lessons outside the unit. It's very confusing, they say yes and act the opposite. Hope you get an answer from the school soon. They should write an IEP for your son too. Take care Curra

Thanks for the advice Pumkinpie, I will remember it in the future. So far there hasn't been anything in writing (except the statement). <'> <'> Curra

Mel, <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> You must be feeling relieved to have managed to talk to the teacher and clear the air. Well done, hun!!! They will make you feel less like the villain next time (hopefully there is no next time). Take care Curra

Hope your son has a very good first day and that he gains more confidence from day to day. Best of luck to both of you!! <'> <'> Curra

Oh Mel, Im so sorry to hear that you are having this kind of trouble. I never got much support from my late hubby regarding my son either, and he always said that I worried too much. But when my DS was punched once by another kid in year 3, my hubby wrote a very angry letter to the school with copy to the LEA. Now that was going a bit over the top! It's not easy to agree on these matters and we had to agree to disagree to keep peace between us because he simply couldn't deal emotionally with it, so I became the one who dealt with the school. It's hard when you feel you have no support and no one to talk to. You can always rant here and get advice from others who are experiencing similar situations. You are not alone. <'> <'> <'> Curra

Thanks Mel! <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

It was really unnecessary. M was talking about committing suicide, I had to see th GP about my health (and the GP asked for several tests), and although today I'm relieved and happy that M's allowed again to be in the unit I'm not holding my breath. The school really wants him out of the unit (I don't think they'll be getting more money from the LEA) so I know that they will keep pressuring my son to go to the mainstream lessons. How much pressure he'll be able to cope with is not clear. It's only a matter of time until there's another crisis. Curra

Brief update: After talking to the chief of the LA I had a meeting this morning with the head of the school and M will be allowed to continue in the unit!!! Hugs and thanks to All of you lovely guys for your support!!! <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> Curra

My DS says that I look 100

Mel <'> <'> <'> I'm so sorry for poor J, it's unbelievable that nobody noticed that he was injured and in pain!. Teachers need to open their eyes more to see individual children and not just a class. Good days at school don't seem to last, do they, but I hope that he feels well again soon. Lots of <'> <'> to you and J. Curra

Claire <'> <'> <'> <'> What a nightmare for your poor boy and you!. It was so similar with my DS also every time he started school. It's horrible how schools avoid giving support unless they are compelled to it:wallbash:. It makes things so difficult for everyone involved, especially the kids I hope that Connor had a better day today after the Senco "woke up"! Lots of good wishes and hugs to you and all who have been having difficult school days these week! <'> <'> <'> Curra xxx

Canopus, I'm also looking forward to this survey. Home-ed may be the only option left for my DS if he can't cope at school anymore. Thanks for any info that you can provide us. Curra xxx

Lots of <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> and thanks to all for your lovely replies. DS is still refusing to go to school, I have already contacted the head of LEA who will get in touch with the school and will have a meeting with them , hopefully to discuss "resources". Things take time and in the meanwhile M is losing out. It's not clear yet whether he'll be allowed to stay in the unit next week, I have a meeting with the head on Monday. I usually feel very strong but when your' in your 50s worries start taking their toll on your health. People kindly say that I look 45 but that's only on the outside. Curra xxx

Thanks Pumpkinpie, I needed to laugh Curra

Thanks for replies and support, Caroline, Clare and Puffin <'> Ive been feeling all day as if I had a tight belt round my chest. If schools really knew what effect they have on families with SEN children! . I'm going to call tomorrow someone from the NAS and also the LEA. The statement is very clear, the provision will be giiven at the unit. Keep fingers crossed please !! <'> <'> Curra

Thanks Pumpkinpie, <'> <'> I have only the notes I wrote down at the meeting, but the statement is very clear. It says that his provision will be given at the unit, there's not a word of mainstream lessons. I'll wait until tomorrow to see whether the school comes up with something (they said they'd phone back today) and then I'll phone the LEA and write them a letter. Curra

Thanks, Pearl <'> <'> I'm also sending lots of hugs to all who are school stressed today <'> <'> <'> Curra

Hi Pinkspapphire, Thanks for your reply. Just when you think that everything is fine because your child has finally a statement and you found a "better" school, the problems start again. It seems that the budget assigned in the statement is not big enough for specialist teachers for him. The children at the unit are learning at a lower level and M cannot stay in the lessons with them. But that should be a problem to sort between the LEA and the school, or so I think, why should my son be left without support because of that? It's so unbelievable. Reading other postst I see that many of our children also had a terrible first day at school . Take care Curra

Hi Mel, Hope your lad had a better first day than mine. Thanks for your reply, yes I will HAVE to do something about this, but I'm not sure about a meeting with them since there was one towards the end of last term ( a multiagency meeting) wihich was a total waste of time. They agreed there and then to give M 100% tuition in the unit. What a joke! I still can't believe that they have taken all away from him. I wonder if just asking the LEA for help would be a good idea. If the school think I'm not going to fight for his rights they are very wrong. They see a lone mother, perhaps she'll accept it and blame herself for whatever happens? NO WAY. I did all I could yesterday to persuade M that he could eventually cope with mainstream, but it was no ues, he broke down and I ended up feeling physically ill (I have high blood pressure). M feels that he's sinking and that he has no way out. He was so looking forward to his first lessons in his favourite subjects, now he's going to miss them . What a way to start school, and all because of money! Curra

Hi Everyone. Some of you may remember me, haven't been to the forum for months but Ive been reading some of your posts now and then. M 's first day in year 10 left him in tears as he was not allowed to stay in the ASD unit and was forced to go to mainstream lessons. He also has no more TA in the lessons. School called me to explain that they don't have resources to teach him at his level in the unit. M said that he was in "agony" the whole day , that everyone was looking at him and now he refuses to go back to school feeling stressed, hopeless, saying that his learning and emotional welbeing are destroyed. I explained all this today to the school but I don't think that they are going to do much about it. I suppose I will have to ask the LEA to intervene as my son has a statement and his special needs are clearly not being met. I cried and cried yesterday night. M is academically a good student but this last school tactic is a blow to his achievement. They simply don't unfderstand what his emotional needs are, they think that because he's a good learner he can "go for it", "make the effortt" etc. There's no way that forcing him to learn in big groups will make him overcome his fears. The worst part is that last term school gave their word that he would learn all his lessons in the unit but it seems that they changed their minds during the hols when they added up the costs. I'm at my lowest, but still with some strength for another fight. Curra

Soraya There are portable toilets in all shapes, sizes and prices. I bought a cheap one like the portable urinal in this link: http://hss.uk.net/index.php?main_page=adva...portable+urinal M has been using it for more than a year and it's still not smelly (washed everyday with toilet cleaner). Curra