curra

bargain

My son could cope with mainstream to a certain extent better when he was in primary school because he was not so aware of his own differences and he was most of the time OK being left alone as long as he had something to do that he liked. Now it's very different, he feels that the school forces him to be with peers who reject him or laugh at him , and he refuses having to socialize with people who don't accept him and at times tease him. The school on the other hand, insists that he has to learn to socialize and therefore put up with typical teenage behaviour, playing down his anxiety and poor achievement as "lack of effort" .They show little understanding of the anxiety that my son suffers because he hides his emotions when he's at school. When my son is at his lowest and refuses to go to school, then they complain about his poor attendance and send me the EWO. If this is what inclusion is about, I am against it because it's used as a convenient, cheap way to deal with some special needs children who are not emotionally ready for it. Curra

Petience is another thing one needs a lot of when trying to make 2 or more cats accept each other. The last time I did that was some years ago when my 2 female cats began to share the same home with 2 other female cats who were already the owners of the house. After 2 months of hissing and ignoring one another, they suddenly shared the cat tree which was conveniently placed in a very sunny spot I guess the temptation of climbing the cat tree was stronger than than the territorial instinct. They ended sleeping on the same bed, but not together. Make sure that your older cat gets your attention everyday and doesn't feel too jealous of the kitten. Good luck!! Curra

Mel, The staff at my son's unit also imply all the time that he's OK at school and that they can't understand how he can be so different at home. This even if my son tells them that he's stressed. Their reply to him is "everyone feels anxiety in daily life, it's natural" as if he was exaggerating. Makes me wonder why they have an ASD unit in the first place, if they are obviously not well trained in ASD! You can win on the taxi, don't give up! Curra

Jen, I'm sorry to hear your news. When there's no other option the best is to separate without a war. Children usually feel that they are to blame which later can have consequences to their emotional wellbeing, so my only advice is that whatever you say to them, tell them clearly that it's not their fault and that daddy and mummy love them just the same and will always do. Take care <'> Curra

Mel, <'> <'> <'> <'> It's just like my son's school, putting pressure until we do what they are supposed to do but can't be bothered with The LEA must provide transport for your son so "lump it" is not an option, it's just pressure so that you accept what they already have in place, otherwise they'd have to hire a 3rd taxi. Write a letter to the school transport office with a copy of your son's timetable requesting transport that takes your son to school on time. Good luck! Curra xx

Thanks, Mel, the stress of the meeting caused me heartburn and palpitations the next day, but it had a positive outcome, and that's the main thing! Jlp, high functioning AS kids are not getting the support they need. M's school is back to playing dirty tricks to prove their point, by telling him that he'll get a D in his GCSE if he doesn't go to the mainstream class, so the pressure continues! They are trying to discourage him and they ###### know that he can get discouraged very easily! They call that support!. I'm starting to think that the school can't imagine that an autistic boy can get good GCSE grades. Curra xx

My son had this problem until he was 12. There's some useful information in this website: http://www.eric.org.uk/ Try not to react to his difficulties since they are usually of a neurological nature but can become an emotional issue when parents get too upset. My son learned to change his pants by himself and put the dirty one in a special bin only when he was 12. All my efforts and parenting strategies before that were useless. Eventually he began to feel it was yucky and learned to go to the loo as soon as he felt pressure in his bowels. Most of the time he arrived too late and not only his pants but the toilet was dirty, but in the end he learned to control his bowels and now he doesn't have the problem anymore. Good luck! Curra

January, February and March. It's the longest and most boring time of the year! To avoid depression I try to start something new in January such as a hobby or volunteer work. Curra

Thanks, Guys!! <'> <'> I have to say again what a great and supportive place this is. Without this forum I would've broken into little pieces a long time ago. The success is only until Xmas when there'll be another meeting to see how to move forward next year but it gives M 2 months of relief and we're already seeing a very positive change in him. I feel lucky to have the LEA on my side at least for now, I suppose it's more convenient for them to put pressure on the school than to have me fighting them ! Curra

How can teachers be so arrogant, you must be feeling so upset! I'd ask the GP about this problem and send a note to the school saying what the GP diagnosed, also mentioning the upset that this teacher caused your family. Happy birthday J !

Clare, Well done! My GP was also fantastic. Good luck with the statement. If you need help, there's lots of information and support on the forum <'> <'> Curra

Thanks for replies and your good wishes! <'> <'> <'> I read your messages before going to the meeting and I received lots of encouragement from them - although I was really nervous before the meeting - Bach drops also helped a bit. The meeting lasted 2 hours! The head was with the senco and I went with an LEA officer. Thanks to your advices and a check list for meetings I got from the NAS, I prepared my points in writing and I just simply read them. There were many opinions and ideas said but I stuck to my view that my son has to take his GCSE in that subject and that he can't cope in the mainstream class so he's not learning according to his ability. The school tried to convince me that my son is doing fantastic at school (therefore it's all my exaggeration or my bad parenting! ) and that he has to go to maintream classes to learn to socialize. They obviously don't give much importance to his academic achievement, as in their view what he needs most is to fit in in society . (At what cost??? I felt like blowing up but I controlled myself) I said that he would eventually learn it and even if he never fits in completely the best way to help him is not to put pressure on him. I saw on their faces that they didn't agree with me. But the really good news is that the LEA officer supported my views! That was absolutely fantastic.! The conclusion was that the school agreed that he can learn in the unit until he feels he can return to the mainstream class. He may eventually have an online tutor, but that was just an idea said in the meeting so I'm not holding my breath. The main thing is that M is feeling more relaxed now. for a change - bless him! The head didn't look very happy though at the end of the meeting, which is a pity because there has been good communication so far between the school and me . Today I feel relieved and optimistic, thanks to all of you !! <'> <'> Curra

I have a meeting today with the head and I'm dreading it. I know there will be other people too and if I'm too nervous they will just walk over me. What I fear most is that they might say that they are not the right school for my son because he can't cope with mainstream lessons. They have been hinting at this for some time. Please keep fingers crossed for me Curra

Hi Callum, My son also suffers from acne but the dermatolist didn't give him anything. I asked the pharmacist for something effective (not the usual stuff which doesn't really work for acne) and she gave me PanOxyl which you can buy without a prescription. It's a gel that you have to apply on your skin after washing your face thoroughly with soap and water. My son's acne is not 100% gone but there has been a big improvement in a few weeks. Good luck! Curra

Mel <'> <'> <'> If Jay is depressed and anxious, perhaps it would help if you take him to the GP. That would also give you more evidence that his fears are real. My son's school is acting in a very similar way, denying that he has anxiety at school and making me feel like I'm the one who's exaggerating. I have a meeting next week at the school, and I'll be just like you. Hope you have a good half term. Take care Curra

Clare <'> <'> <'> Your son CAN have a statement even if he has no academic difficulties. My DS got one due to his anxiety and social difficulties. Have you taken your son to the GP? You need to gather evidence of his anxiety (to present when requesting an statutory assessment) . I've sent you a PM. Take care. You are not alone. Curra

I agree and hope that you find a sn school for your son! Curra xx

Well, I contacted the NAS helpline and they sent me some info to back my views in the meeting with the school which will be in 2 weeks. I'll post an update and till then I wish you all good luck, don't let school/Lea ignore you!! <'> <'> Curra

Ian, Ive sent you a 2nd PM. Hopes and good wishes just help us parents to cope with the lack of support for our children. What treatment is there, can you please post a link? Curra

Thanks Ian! I have sent you a PM. Curra

Hi Clare, you could be describing my son when I go to pay for petrol! He also doesn't answer the phone or opens the door when he's alone at home! I hope in time our lads learn to be more confident ! Curra

Hi Taggingalong, He sounds just like my lad. M hates the neighbourhood and wants to move to a "safer" area. He started to have this fears at about that age too. I hope they get better in time... Curra

Hi Ian, thanks. He certainly can't tell if a person looks threatening and suspicious, or not. Where can he be tested for prosopagnosia? Curra

Hi Fran, thanks for your advice. Not making eye contact is a good idea. I always avoid high streets and crowded places with him but he's afraid even when there's no one in sight. Curra