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joybed

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  1. Just thought i would update the situation looks like noone in the family is going to the wedding anyway. Most of my female members of family are in Maguluf on the Hen do and it sounds like fun (not). i should have gone but after the issue with Piers backed out, they refused to give me my money back and gave my ticket away to another family member. Whilst there my delightful cousin has beaten up my mother and thrown my 18 year old niece out of the apartment in the middle of the night. I am furious as you can imagine and now neither me nor lydia are being bridesmaids as well as piers not being paige boy. My sister has also withdrawn her children as bridesmaids. Her own mother is now no longer going to the wedding. They say you get what you deserve. the 30 grand wedding is now seriously depleted on guests.
  2. I have though of another one but usually directed at Lydia "why do I always have to get cross before you do as i ask". to this she usually just shrugs her shoulders.
  3. Words can,t describe how sickened i am by this. You should go to the papers but then obviously that will make it all very public unless there is some way of doing it anonymously. Really feel for you and your boy. What are they waiting for, how many more kids are going to have to suffer at this boys hands. The justice system in this country stinks. So sorry again.
  4. I think I probably say "No" a lot, also "right thats it I,ve had enough", i must also say "fors G*DS sake" too as Piers has started saying it although I am not aware of that one. I am also a fan of "move quicker we are late for school". All of these are counter productive and make them go even slower
  5. My Mum has suggested numerous times in front of Marcus that he would be better of living with her and not us. She even said once that because Piers was so difficult as well that i was obviously finding it difficult to cope and she would "happily take marcus off our hands". this was all within earshot of the children. The last time I disciplined Marcus he said you can,t stop me from seeing my Nanna and i said i don,t want to. to which he replied if you tried she would come and get me and you would have no choice because she is in control as she is your mum. I tried to explain that i was an adult and therefore now responsible for my own choices and also the way i brought up my children had nothing to do with my mum, he couldn,t get it, incidentally my mum denied any of this had been said but how would Marcus make that up. She has also in the past called family meetings to discuss the way we treat the children and has threatened to report DH to social services all because he shouted at Marcus. Last night she said i was evil as i was drugging my child to get him to sleep (he takes melatonin) I explained that without it he only gets 3 hours sleep and is like a zombie but she said he sleeps fine at her house and it is obvious he is unhappy here and that is why he doesn,t sleep, she attempts to undermine my confidence all the time. Marcus has also made comments such as I don,t belong living in our village I am from the other side of the bridge this area is rough and the other side is full of the best people (it is very much the other way around). All this has been discussed with CAMHS who have said they see no way forward as my mother is openly manipulating Marcus and they see the only way as to give my mum custody. There is no way this can happen as she would not do the best for him in the long run, nobody can get all their own way and be a nice person. We have considered breaking all ties with my family as they all interfere constantly and just make me feel bad about myself but we are concerned about the effect this will have on Marcus as he can see no wrong in his Nanna only us and given a choice i know he would choose her as life is easier for him there. He is with us this weekend as my mum is in Maguluf on a hen do and he had a meltdown over it, can,t possibly stay in this house a whole weekend too much for him. i am losing my son and know he will go to live with her one day. the trouble is I can see a day when she will lose interest in him and then he will be alone (well he will have me). I dream of running away so she cant interfere. The toy he broke was a toy vacuum cleaner (dyson) so a little noisy i suppose but he had one as a child and loved it which was why we got one for Piers he just said he lost control, my worry is that one day he will lose control and it will be a person that gets it and then he will be in trouble. Yesterday i tried to reason with him and gave him the scenario that he had had a meltdown, Piers had bitten Lydia and was having a meltdown and Lydia was upset, I reasoned this would make me stressed but it didn,t give me the right to go out and smash up someones car and if I did the police would punish me and not care how stressed I was, he id appear to take this on board but he will forget very quickly. Sorry for the long moan .
  6. Hi you probably remember Marcus had a lot of problems at school a little while ago and this led to him self harming and having increasing panic attacks. This all improved after a long discussion with school, they disaplied him from some difficult lessons, moved his tutor group, arranged a taxi to take him to school and allowed him to leave 15 minutes earlier to avoid the crowds, made PE easier for him and a whole host of other adaptations. He became calmer and was no longer panicking for hours into the night. This was helped by a very understanding consultant who prescribed melatonin to help him sleep. However over the past few weeks he has been becoming increasingly more anxious again and having major meltdowns over the slightest thing. When you ask him what the problem is he says he can,t stand living at home with us and would prefer to live with his Nanna (I have posted before that my mother interferes when we disapline M and he has been increasingly playing my Mum and DH against one another). I have explained to him that this will not be happening that he is our son and we make up the rules not his Nanna, as she was saying things like my Nanna says you can,t do that and she will take me to live with her if you don,t stop it. I have just recieved a call from school to say they have caught M pulling out his hair and eating it, his hair is long and there is apparently a large bald patch at the back. I have also noticed he is back to biting his hand the old scar is again opened up. How can i stop him hurting himself I am going to get astress ball but anything else. He has always eaten inedible objects and used to eat the cuffs of his jumpers he has stopped this but he is now just ripping holes in them or stretching them to capacity. He has no decent clothes and I don,t feel inclined to buy any as they are destroyed on the first wearing. My mums atidtude is I get DLA so shouldn,t mind buying a complete new wardrobe every week (she doesn,t think we should claim and called me a dispicable person and a sponger as he is my child). I know there is a lot going on in his life, DS2 recently diagnosed ASD, DD1 having difficulties coping with her brothers and becoming a diva, just chose his GCSE options but i again treading on eggshells. School are being really helpful at last and have rearranged all the tutor groups next year so M is seperated from some boys who make his life a misery, they have also bent over backwards to accomodate his options. His relationship with his stepfather is again at breaking point and he has just confessed to breaking some of Piers and Lydia,s toys infront of them and then blaimed them which they got into trouble for. i now have to go and replace these toys. I no longer allow him to be alone with his younger siblings as he is nasty towards them I feel like i am constantly separating them and keeping Lydia safe from her brothers. Thanks for reading I don,t expect anyone to come up with a magic wand.
  7. You might remember me saying about our disastrous holiday last year in Cornwall. The one where it rained constantly, we were all cooped up in a 5 berth caravan with 3 kids, 2 with ASD and 4 year old twins. DS1 made the holiday hell for everyone screamed and tantrumed constantly, told strangers we were abusing him, told us he hated us, became aggressive with his siblings etc etc. After 5 days everyone had had enough and DH drove M back to Doncaster to be with his grandparents where they rewarded him with another holiday with all his favourite things to do (great). Anyway as a result DH says he can,t come on holiday with us and DS1 doesn,t want to. Part of me thinks this is the best solution as it just makes eveyone miserable and we deserve a holiday as we work pretty hard, but the other part of me feels really guilty as he should be with us. When Marcus is with us he tries to manipulate everyone into doing things his way and when we wont he becomes very difficult to live with. We don,t allow manipulation as he has to live in the big wide world and it is not fair to his siblings if we do everything he wants to all the time. Unfortunately at his grandparents they plan holidays around the grandkids and as long as they are happy that is all that matters, he basically chooses what he does and how they do it. This situation has been made worse because we have booked our holidays 1st 2 weeks in August and Marcus is going jsut as we come back this means 3 weeks with his grandparents. I want a peacefull holiday and DH and Piers and Lydia deserve one too so this is the best solution, but why do I feel so bad about it. Anyone else do this. I can,t ever see us having a family holiday again and this saddens me.
  8. Autism has had a big impact on our lives or maybe meeting DH was the biggest impact you decide after reading. Before diagnosis i was a single parent bringing up Marcus with the help of my mum. i had my own house and a full time job we holidayed abroad on package deals at this time i didn,t know DS1 was autistic. After a chance meeting with someone on holiday who worked with ASD kids, who asked me if my son was autistic (bolt out of the blue I can tell you) the diagnostic process began. I had a good job worked 08.30 to 17.00 everyday but had every weekend off so spent this time with Marcus. Just before he was diagnosed i met Miles and after an argument with my mum in which she cut me off, moved in with him, she continued to have Marcus the odd weekend so we had some respite. Marcus started school and after this DX came quickly. We had a series of childminders who couldn,t cope with Marcus behaviour and after the 3rd one let us down i decided to leave my comfy job and sarted working nights on less hours as a nurse. After 6 months i went back to midwifery but still on permanent nights. I would work all night and then do the school run go to bed for 4 hours and then get up to get m from school. I was and still am constantly shattered. When M was 8 the twins were born and after struggling to cope on little sleep and the demands of 3 children I went of sick with postnatal depression. I returned to work but was still struggling to cope so after much discussion with my manager they agreed to give me a term time contract and recently i have reduced my hours still further. WE now have less money with more children but the positive side to this is i now get to spend most of my time with the children I am available for all their hospital/school appointments and know all the mums and kids in their class. Since DS2 has been diagnosed i will possibly reduce my hours still further. I suppose the biggest change for me is that before I was very career orientated and very focused on my job. Now i still love my job but their are far more important things in my life now and i am determined to enjoy my children and do my best for them no matter what that brings. At times i feel like I am not pulling my weight at work (I have been told my colleagues don,t feel this) and feel quilty for my special working arrangements. Some colleagues have openly criticised the fact that i don,t work late shifts in the week but I just suggest they would like to swap lives for a week and that shuts them up. I have always been honest with work about how tough things can be at home and i think they respect me for this but it is hard to ring up for yet another carers day because your 13 year old has had a meltdown at school and is now in a panic or your 5 year old has just swallowed tea tree oil again. On the whole life isn,t bad just different I now have the support of my DH, and my children i hope feel I am always there for them. I now speak to my mother but we still have a very volatile relationship and probably always will, we have very little family support but our local support group are great as is my best friend and continue to give unconditional support. The other positive is i now have many friends that i have met through support groups and they conitinue to be a very important part of my life as is this and the other forums i live on.
  9. Hi Sarah my older boy was given 18 hours support even before diagnosis as school were really struggling to cope with his behaviour, he was shouting out in class, wandering all over the place and had no concentration at all, he also wasn,t toilet trained and regularly soiled himself at school so he needed support urgently, his statement came quickly and he has always had a high level of support currently on 25 hours he is 13. As soon as we had a concrete diagnosis for Piers i telephoned schoool and told them the head said it would probably hapen much quicker if i requested statutory assessment myself, i telephoned the SEN office and they said to write them a letter stating diagnosis, DOD, school etc and then they would set the ball rolling. I sent letter Friday, Mon had a call from parent partnership and by wednesday had leters to sign to start the procedure. They now have 6 weeks to get reports etc and decide if they are going ahead with assessment. I have been told it is harder to get a statment these days as ASD is far more prevalent and funding harder to come by. However as a mother i just want the best for my boys and indeed girl. Piers is much more passive than his brother at school but is much more innatentive and impulsive, also Marcus was never behind educationally but Piers is really struggling to learn, maybe this is because M got a statement so soon or maybe it is Piers ? ADHD that is causing this i suppose time will tell. Their behaviour is far worse at home than at school, i have been told this is because they feel secure with me and know they can be themselves, thats all well and good but it is hard constantly dealing with their behaviours and it really effects Lydia as much as the rest of us. Also the 2 boys are so simialar that it creates an explosive combination with neither knowing when to quit so both of them lose it and someone gets hurt, usually Marcus, Piers may be small but he is strong. You have nothing to lose by requesting an assessment my oldest has really struggled at school this past 2 years I don,t know where we would be without a statement as it is hard enough with one. I have found that unfortunately you do have to fight a lot for their rights and we have had it relatively easy until the past 2 years and it is hard to get understanding even from loved ones at times. If we don,t fight for them who will. Hope it all goes smoothly.
  10. Saw them on Wednesday night at Manchester for the 4th time and as always they were fantastic. Such a great show I was shaking with excitement. We were very close to the B satge and Jason waved at me. Felt like a teenager all over again but now back to reality, Can,t wait for the DVD.
  11. Hi Sarah I have 2 children with ASD who both behave very differently. Marcus at 13 has never had nor wants to have any friends. He sees any social contact as a means to getting his needs met, he tells you he loves you but only because he has learnt that is a nice thing to do but i doubt he knows what it means. Piers on the other hand was diagnosed last week with HFA probably aspergers, he really wants to have friends but goes about it in all the wrong way, he is either too rough and forces himself upon others or he behaves very passively and pretends to be a baby. both of these tactics get him into trouble and the boys in school are at times horrible to him. His twin sister helps him out a lot but he still gets it wrong all the time. at times he becomes very upset, at other times he doesn,t care and insists he is going home with a child irrespective of whether he is invited or welcome. At times this works but it is embarrassing for me (last week he managed to get himself invited to a house by someone who never mixes outside her own culture (clever boy doubt anyone else would have got away with that). We also have just started the statementing process and I can,t believe how long these things take, when my oldest boy was diagnosed he was just handed a statement. I think initially you need to speak to the class teacher as she/he are the one dealing with your daughter all the time, I would also ask for an appointment with the school SENCO. Offer easy to read literature regarding aspergers aimed at schools, the national autistic society do a range and some are available on line on the NAS site for you to print off. Remember it is early days following diagnosis and you are probably still in shock even if it was an expected diagnosis), although if you are anything like me you are probably frantically trying to get things in place quickly. Good luck
  12. Hi Sally thankyou so much for your kind words and excellent advice at this time. I do attend a support group and have done since Marcus diagnosis 8 years ago. I find it very helpful however my husband does not he says we have enough of our own problems and has no interest in discussing other peoples. He has read the odd bit of information but says it is not helpful and just depresses him further. He is supportive in his own way but very much burys his head in the sand. He expressed concern regarding Lydia this morning. He was left to look after the children last night as I had a night off (went to see Take That yippeee). He picked them up from school and took them out for food. I had arranged for Lydia to go to rainbows, all her friends go and she wanted to go. As the time approached he said she got noticeably quieter and then said she didn,t want to go. He explained to her who would be there and she reluctantly went. He said when they got there he felt really mean as he had to practically drag her from the car and she needed to be carried in. as he attempted to put her down she clung to him like a koala and was reluctant to let go and was sucking her thumb as usual. He said her friends were talking to her and she blanked them. When he picked her up she said she enjoyed it but didn,t know what to do as she didn,t know any of the songs and didn,t know what to do. She said she will go again but doesn,t want the unifrom as it is the wrong colour and trousers (Lydia won,t wear trousers she says only boys wear trousers). She refused to go to a dance class because the uniform was black and not her favourite pink. DH has taken the view that she is too shy and needs pushing to do things so she grows out of it. As i said she is popular at school and has lots of friends but has also been the victim of I will only play with you because you have a chocolate flavoured lip balm, then the following day didn,t have it girls didn,t want to know her. My concern is if she continues ignoring people her friends are going to lose interest and move on. At a party recently her best friend (supposedly) and her never even spoke Lydia was too shy to approach her and when another friend approached her to play she refused and only went when i sat very close and played also, the minute i moved she stopped playing. I am really not sure if this is just extreme shyness and lack of confidence. I am sure she does understand us. She is very clever but has started to mess about whilst reading, she was so bad the other night i packed away the game we were playing and tried to talk to her she became very cheeky and refused to acknowledge she had done anything wrong. She lost out on her bedtime story as a penalty for bad behaviour, however when I came out of Piers room she was stood there and said she didn,t care as she had still had a story because she heard Piers. I ignored the comment and put her to bed and spoke about why she had missed her story but all she said was she hadn,t really and continued to be cheeky. I don,t know if she is just attention seeking. She was in a mood last night because i had gone to take that without her. She also hardly sleeps. Today they are on a school trip, she was excited but wanted me to go. I try to keep home and school seperate for the boys as i find it confuses them if i go into school as i shouldn,t be there IYSWIM , she was upset but accepted this. I don,t know if she is just attention seeking. Why does this parenting stuff have to be so hard.
  13. Sally thankyou for your reply. I agree with everything you are saying and have thought it myself but do not feel ready just yet to ask for an assessment for another child. It took a long time for everyone to recognise Piers problems and during this time i was made to feel like a pushy paranoid parent by school and health professionals, and at times was concerned munchausens by proxy might be mentioned. Also DH has reallly struggled to come to terms with the fact we have another child with ASD and has made comments such as it is only Lydia that keeps me going thank goodness their is nothing wrong with her. Aparently she is the only thing keeping him going or life wouldn,t be worth living. Yes he is suffering from depression and I am trying to persuade him to get help but he doesn,t want to know. I treat lydia in mostly the same way as i treat the boys, she has a visual timetable just like Piers and I work hard to build her confidence. For the time being all I feel able to do is watch how things pan out. Maybe I am being weak but DH is still in shock from Piers assessment etc and I can,t put added strain on him at this time.
  14. HI all and thanks for your replies. Lydia allready goes swimming but unfortunately i have to take Piers with me as well as I don,t have childcare. He sits on the balcony with me while she swims. She is joining rainbows as a lot of her friends go and she really wants to. The problem is she is extremely shy and very clingy. she tried dancing but refused to go after the dance teacher asked parents in to watch, she couldn,t cope with being watched and was meant to be in the show, she got very upset and flatly refused to go anymore. She goes to film club but Piers goes also, wanted to do another club but wouldn,t without me. She is very clingy and follows me around the house, if I leave the room she calls me and becomes upset if I don,t answer immediately. At parties she sits on my knee and rarely joins in until the very end, she is very shy with even people she knows well, neighbours, family etc. DH is also very shy and not a social person at all, I am shy until I get to know someone but am also very social and outgoing when comfortable. She does have some AS traits she speaks in a monotone and is quite formal and pedantic. She has a good circle of friends but will often totally ignore them if she doesn,t want to speak or if she sees them out of school. She likes routine and has little rituals she carries out. Her eye contact at times is very poor. She is very sound sensitive at a firework display she will be the one grabbing my hands to cover her ears and will be physically shaking, where as the boys just become very loud and giggle innapropriately. On the whole though she is doing very well at school, is a popular member of the class and joins in well with persuasion. School staff don,t have any concerns about her. I think most of her problems are down to the fact she is so painfully shy and needs much persuasion to be independent, (she asks me to do the simplest of things for her, she will shout me to pass toilet paper which is right next to her, of course i don,t). I also think she really struggles to cope with her brothers and the amount of general chaos in the house. I try hard to give the children independent time but this is difficult as DH works a lot and i am often alone with the children. They all have seperate story time at bedtime which Piers sticks to but Lydia listens to her story and then comes to Piers room to listen also, Piers doesn,t have a problem with this thankfully. She needs constant love and reassurance which I think she gets in abundance but also anyhting i do with either child will be interrupted by some minor catastrophe, I am often having a 3 way conservation, (none of the children have any concept of turn taking) while trying to prepare a meal. I am off work at the moment so have a little more time with them and generally feel more chilled in myself. I think her confidence and independence needs boosting but how do you do this in a child that constantly clings to your leg sucking her thumb. I try to encourage her to go and mix but feel like I am pushing her away as she clearly doesn,t want to. At home she is confident and bossy and can hold her own in a fight i just wish she was more like this outside, but obviously in a polite way. Sorry for the long post again.
  15. HI LouLou I was thinking about you the other day. glad things are geting a little better although I am sure it is still really hard work. Girls are so different to boys I am so glad i have one too. Take care of yourself.
  16. Hi my 2 boys both have ASD and as you can guess at times in our house it is complete chaos. They are very similar but also very different, have an 8 year age gap and all this leads to them playing nicely one minute then fighting the next. Neither of them knows when to stop. My question really relates to their sister. She is NT and on the whole a lovely, helpful, bright and loving girl. She instinctively knows her brothers need her help and on the whole accepts their differences (and aggressive behaviour from Piers) very well. However just lately we have had problems with her being cheeky, stubborn, being awkward especially when the boys are being stubborn and generally attention seeking. I know a lot of this is her age and finding her feet at school and testing the boundaries, but i am also sure much of it is that she sees her brothers behaviours and that they get attention and she thinks I,ll have some of that (as I said she is clever). How do I deal with her behaviours in a way that makes her feel loved and valued. Obviously I discipline the boys but they respond differently to Lydia and I don,t want her feeling things are different for her. Also i have noticed she copies some of their behaviours. This was very apparent the other night. we had been to a support group meeting and one of the boys was squeeling in a high pitched way, Lydia is now squeeling at everything and its driving me nuts. Neither of my boys squeel, Marcus makes noises and Piers Hums, but squeeling really annoys me. Not really sure if I have worded this properly to get the answer i need but hopefully you will know what I mean. I have bought her book aimed at her age to explain her brothers ASD hopefully this will help her. She is a very shy/ sensitive girl who can become quite anxious herself, she wet the bed last night so obviously she is worried about something.
  17. Went to the hospital this morning prepared for a fight as the doc we see didn,t seem to think he had ASD at all. Anyway DH and i walked in sat down and she said i know you are very anxious regarding your son and i want to tell you I now have enough evidence to diagnose ASD. Apparently the updated report from school and speech therapy gave her all the info she needed. We are relieved to be honest as he is really struggling at school and we have known for a while now so not shocked at all, maybe it will hit me later. Feel more sad for our daughter as she now has 2 ASD brothers to deal with, but she will be fine with our help. I have already started the ball moving for a statement of special educational needs and already have a good support network from the ASD team and support groups through Marcus. We have also been referred to another paediatrician as he shows signs of ADHD as well so this diagnosis is pending. I just wanted to let you all know and thank you all for your support in the lead up to this as it has been rather a stressful time as you all know. I am sure I will need more support in the future thanks again.
  18. Thankyou all for your replies. My oldest went to this school and I was more than happy with them then. He got a statement very quickly and they really helped with the diagnosing process. Piers teacher is newly qualified but very keen and willing to listen, intially they were saying it was just because he was a June birthday and he needed longer to settle but now they realise what I have been saying all along is correct. A new headteacher started a few years ago and a lot of the mums of special needs kids are not happy with him, their are a lot of diagnosed kids without statements or appropriate help and he is slow to fill in forms required etc. I have to say he was very good with my oldest but then again his statement was already in place and he caused them no trouble (that came at comp). His teacher takes on board whatever i say and has quite happily accepted a copy of the ADHD diagnostic criteria this morning, she is going to look at it and tell me if she thinks he meets the criteria as I think he fits it perfectly. They have no hyperactivity at school but do have fidgeting getting up to walk around the class at innapropriate times, extremely poor concentration etc. I don,t think he will cope with the work in year 1 and neither does his teacher this is what has spurred her on to write another report. If he had good support then maybe he could go at his own pace but looking at the schols track record in recent years I will have to fight to get this for him. I think it could be an advantage to repeat reception but will this mean he will be a year behind forever because i can,t imagine Lydia going to comprehensive and leaving him behind at their present school that would be horrible for everyone and I think could potentially lead to trouble between them both. He does have lots of autistic tendencies but when you meet the diagnostic criteria for AS it doesn,t sound like Piers at all when you read the DC for ADHD this jumps out at you even my Mum agrees that it decribes him to the letter. DH is adamant he is not AS or autistic and reading the ed psychs report I think this is what she is going to suggest tomorrow, I was concerned that DH would challenge this and we would be back at square one but having spoke to him this morning he has said he just wants help and will accept any diagnosis to get Piers support at school because he says he can feel our son slipping away from us. i have to say i am worried about DH he does not cope well and it is taking this all very badly, he is leaving me to do all the fighting and meeting etc, he is coming tomorrow but will find it hard. I have thought in the past that he might be on the spectrum and his Dad says he was just like Piers as a small boy. Will be glad when tomorrow is over not slept well last night and feel quite ill. Thankyou again.
  19. I made perfect sense to me in Doncaster
  20. Got a copy of the report his teacher has written this morning. It is very helpful as far as getting a diagnosis goes but makes very upsetting reading. He is very behind his peers academically and socially and becomes very easily frustrated and either becomes angry or just cries. School have said he is aware he is different to the other kids and this is affecting his self esteem and confidence. They are giving as much one to one time as they can without a statement but even with this he needs constant prompting to stay on track easily loses focus and wanders of when he is supposed to be doing something. When on the carpet he fidgets looks in the opposite direction, fiddles with his feet socks fingers and hums to himself. They have said he has a relationship of sorts with his peers but due to his social difficulties cannot expand on this. This morning he said he didn,t want ot go to school as the other boys make fun of him, calling him baby Piers and saying he is stupid, he is very small for his age and also very immature in the way he speaks and conducts himself. I could cry both for him at having to go to a place he obviously doesn,t understand and also reading the report. I am dreading, but also can,t wait for wednesday to come hopefully we will get some answers but equally i am scared they will fob us off again and send us away with nothing and my little man will continue to suffer. Thankyou all again for your support at this difficult time.
  21. I found parent partnership to be pretty good they came to all Ms appointments when we were having problems at school and really forced school to acknowledge the difficulties we were experiencing as a family i felt she was on my side and helped me investigate options i hadnt previously considered. Education welfare pretended to be on my side but ultimately said he had to go back to school. The ed psych said M was coping and didn,t acknowledge anything i told her at all. Fortunately for us M was dissaplied from a few subjects at school and this mafe tolerable for us, along with a taxi to school and an increase in support this was enough to get M happily back to school, for now anyway no doubt it will all kick off again soon.
  22. Sally i think ADHD is a very real posibilty. He is extremely impulsive and has no awareness of danger at all. At home he is constantly leaping around, climbing allover everyone and everything and behaving in an aggressive manner. At school his teacher says he rarely faces her but sits with his back to her and fidgets constantly. she says she spends 30 minutes with each child as part of a small group to do a one to one writng writing task and despite her undevided attention he has never yet completed a task. For the past week walking home we have had a problem with him trying to destroy someones flowers in the garden, we have had numerous long discussions about how wrong this is but he continued to try to trample the flowers, after 2 nights of this I crossed the road earlier to avoid this problem but unfortunately he spotted an equally lovely bush and attempted to destroy that instead. He has no attention span at all even if he is really interested in a DVD he will be leaping around while watching this. I have obviously told the docs all this but they are focusing on ASD which i am well aware that although he has many autistic tendencies he doesn,t properly fit the bill as he is very imaginative and loving at times. School can,t attend the assessment next week but his consultant still wants to go ahead with the meeting with a written report from his teacher I have asked her for this tonight and asked her to not try to make things sound better than it is. I would rather her be honest and be upset than not get a diagnosis. I hope this makes sense. The latest act of destroying things needs cleaning up tomorrow, Lydia got some makeup for her birthday and Piers found it tonight and tried to apply it to himself, he now has bright pink hands, streaks on his face and Lydia,s bedding is covered in nailpolish any tips for removing this from bedding/ clothing. I only had the energy to conviscate the stuff tonight and return him to his room god only knows where else I am going to find the stuff. Will investigate properly tomorrow as i need sleep now he is finally asleep.
  23. HI Sally he has been seen by SALT, ed psych and a paediatrician none of the others. He was found to have good understanding of spoken language and his spoken speech is good in his SALT assessment but she said it was very hard to keep him on track and you had to gain his attention before you could ask him a question. She said that she could see this would cause him problems in a mainstream school setting when there are 27 other kids present. The paed we are seeing has said he just copies his older brothers behaviour and is naughty and attention seeking, she offered me a parenting course. I have no objections to doing this but I am the kind of parent who spends time with there children at the detriment of other things. Most of his tantrums occur when walking to school I can only think this is either because of something like sensory integration disorder or because he finds school so difficult he is dreading going. HE hates to be rushed and the past 2 days have been better as i have allowed 30 minutes to complete a 10 minute journey so I don,t have to rush him. Getting ready to do anything is a nightmare this morning trying to get him dressed I almost have to physically fight him and in the space of 5 minutes he had stabbed his older brother in the leg with a pencil and kicked Lydia in the face i spend all day trying to protect myself and others from him. he does sometimes bring things to you to show you and is occasionally loving he wants to spend time with you but then will turn nasty very quickly. Marcus would happily spend time on his own all day only coming to you when he needs something. Hopefully now school are having difficulties we will get somewhere.
  24. Hi as some of you may remember my little man is undergoing assessment at the moment but no firm diagnosis of anything. He is nearing the end of reception and has just turned 5 on Sunday. School intially said he was just very immature but no real problems. However after easter they began to see a different side to him, have had a few frustrated/ aggressive outbursts and he is sinking further behind the class as a whole. I have seen this from the start of reception, he is a twin and although she is a girl and everyone said girls are always more keen to learn and mature than boys, they were leagues apart. This gap has widened as the school year has progressed. Lydia is very keen to sit down and do her school work knows all her key words and will happily sit and draw and write for hours. Piers on the other hand still can,t hold a pencil properly, can count 1 to 15 but can,t write numbers, can write his name with prompting if in the mood, only knows five key words and is reluctant to practice the list goes on. He has no concentration or prganisational skills at all. i am not comparing them as they have always been treated as individuals but the difference is very noticable now. Today his teacher approached me to say her and the head teacher had gone through the childrens work and to cut a long story short Piers isn,t up to the required standard and they want him to repeat reception. I have an appointment to discuss this fully. Although I knew this was coming I am still gutted more for the fact the twins are going to be spilt up . I think this will do them good in a way as Piers is reliant on Lydia and she helps him too much, also i think it will increase Lydia,s confidence too. Lydia I am sure will be fine as she has a good circle of friends in her year group but Piers will be starting again. Anyone else been there does it bother them at all. He will have a few kids he went to nursery in his class so won,t be totally alone but I am worried it will damage his already shattered self esteem. I am going to ring his consultant this morning as we are due for a MDT meeting to try to obtain a diagnosis but they are confused about what is going on, he has some ASD, ADHD and PDA traits. I feel it is more PDA but his consultant doesn,t believe there is such a condition. We can,t afford to pay private. We are awaitng a genetics referral. Any advice.
  25. Hi Dee I too have twins who are just 5. The boy is undergoing assessment at the moment and like you we have had problems with people disagreeing on a diagnosis. The ed psych thinks he is and he scored mild to moderate on CARS the paediatrician things he is copying his older brothers behaviours who has ASD. I totally disagree as they are completely different children obviously some similarities. Piers is a beautiful boy but is also very aggressive, avoidant of doing anything asked of him and in his own world most of the time. His spoken speech is fairly good but understanding not so good and he has learning difficulties. His twin ,a girl like yours, is often the victim of his aggression and is frequently covered in bruises and bite marks, as am I. She is very shy and lacks self confidence and has some odd ways like ignoring her friends and avoiding eye contact but I think this is just extreme shyness. Good luck with getting a diagnosis.
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