lorryw

Brilliant news Kathryn!!

Thank you all so much for your advice. The service has been training since November, it is a completely new service. We have spent months having him assessed by various professionals from the local learning disability team. I have tried to be positive and supportive but I have a horrible feeling its a case of the blind leading the blind. Yesterday he ran off while getting into the taxt to come home. He banged his head on metal raiilings and got on the ground to hit his head on the concrete. We were called to come and collect him, the situation was explained and I was told "dont worry no one was hurt", They obviously meant no one other than my son who had a cut head and huge bump. I hate feeling like the parent from hell but we have campaigned so hard for this. We were told today that he wouldnt be leaving the building because they didnt want to over stimulate him. So he has swapped our 4 walls for another 4 walls, I feel as though I have completely let him down.

Hi guys, Well the new day service has started for our lad (now 24, non verbal with challenging behaviour) and we are having a few teething problems. I know you are a very learned and experienced group and would like some help and opinions please. The staff at the day service have decided that my lad is constipated (he opens his bowels at home every morning0 and feel this has led to a couple of meltdowns. I feel he is anxious and this has resulted in his increasing use of the loo while at day service. The day manager phoned me to discuss this and pointed out they were a day care service not a medical centre. I pointed out that autism and anxiety related stomach problems were common but agreed I would contact our GP. I then had a call from an OT who had visited the centre and had been asked by the staff to contact me to discuss sons bowels. This morning I had a phone call from sons socail worker who had also been contacted to talk to me ablut sons bowels. Later a note arrived home with a suggestion by the behaviour therapist that my sons GP could come and visit him at the day service "to help build a positive relationship between him and my son for times when he needed to be seen by him" Im cross that so much personal information has been shared with so many with the insinuation that that we are ignoring his health needs. I have arranged an appointment with our GP to discuss the issues with him. Our son has reached 24 and to be honest has not needed a doctor other than for usual childhood ailments. Most doctors are totally clueless about how to deal with him. Should I be feeling so cross or am I overreacting. Alao concerned about our sons right to privacy.

have a brilliant time love Loraine xx

Hi Viper, I am so thrilled for you! I often wondered what had happened to you and yours, brilliant news!!! love Loraine xxx

Good luck next time. Its a really tough job market at the moment but hopefully you will find something soon.

Brilliant news, well done for having the strength to fight your way through the system. Loraine xx

Hello stranger! Lovely to hear from you. So sorry to hear about Nicks Mum. lots of love Loraine xx

Hi Bid, I feel a lot better today, just very, very angry now. I think SS are having an adult protection meeting today (without our input!) so will probably hear later today what the outcome is. Loraine

Thank you all so much for your support and kind messages. I am now very angry and preparing all the details to send to the local Government Ombudsman (thanks Esther). We have already been through the LA complaints system and they appear to be totally toothless. Loraine xx

The new day service we have fought for during the past 5 years have let us down so badly it has taken a couple of days to recover from the trauma. My lad is 23 with autism,severe learning difficulties, non verbal and occassional challenging behaviour. The day service centre itself has been delayed for almost 6 months, a variety of excuses. We have always felt that our lad had to get to know the staff in a safe enviroment before taking him out. However due to the length of time he has been at home without any service we were persuaded that this would be a "transition". None of the staff have any 'hands on 'autism experience. Two members of staff arrived to take him out on Wednesday. It was pouring with rain and I pointed out that as they had arrived my son would expect to go out. I suggested they drive up the road, by some chips at the mighty Ms and come home. They decided to take him to a country walk they had taken him to the previous week. I nipped into town and arrived home and played my telephone messages "just in case" All I could hear was my son screaming. I immediately rang in a state of panic. The carers answered and said they were unable to get him back into the car. I could hear him screaming in the background and they said he had stripped off and banged his head on the concrete and had smeared himself with animal droppings. They had called for backup and were waiting for help. I called again and nothing had changed. I then had a call to tell me he was on his way home and apparently the police had been involved having been called by Day Services. The police tried to take our son away until one of the carers explained. He arrived home soaked to the skin, he had soiled himself (which is probably why he had been so distressed in the first place, having no loo in the Countryside) when he couldnt uand had a large bump on his head. The soiling has caused burns on the insides of his legs and he has difficulty walking but otherwise he seems okay, although he cant say how he feels. I am so upset, I cry everytime I think of him screaming and without his clothes on.

We have had no respite (our own fault, never felt we needed it) and suddenly 24 years of constant caring has caught up. I love my son but having had a dreadful couple of weeks I could quite happily have packed a bag and sent him on his way. We were in desperate need of respite but SS couldnt give us any help. We will have to wait until the end of May for anything. Things are now a lot calmer but I will never now feel guilty about getting a break (whenever it happens!). Enjoy your break, you well and truly deserve every minute.

Thank you all for your opinions and good wishes. I have just contacted my sons social worker to get the ball rolling. Reading all your posts has cheered me up. Sometimes the blindingly obvious is very hard to see when you are in the midst of it all. Loraine

My son is almost 24 and it is slowly dawning on us that living at home with us is not the best option for him or us. He has autism,challenging behaviour, non verbal and severe learning difficulties. We have always lived each day as it comes and just got on with things as best we could. We have asked several times for some kind of help but it never appears or is totally inappropriate. We asked for help with his behaviour in July of last year and 6 months later we were allocated a learning disability nurse. Very sweet and the same age as our son, but she hadnt a clue how to be of any real help. A visit from 2 consultant psycologists was a waste of time, we had done a wonderful job etc, but gave us no help with our problems. We have fought for a local day service which will soon happen but the "expert" guidelines I have just read produced by the consultant psycologist are simply a rehash of stuff from his school days (he left 6 years ago). We have cared for and protected him and I think we have run simply out of energy and patience. I think our first step is to access some respite, Im sure he is sick to death of the sight of us, he is at home with either of us 24 hours a day. I am only putting this into writing because I cant believe we have made this decision and I feel incredibly sad.

Oh Bid, what a horrible shock. I hope she feels a bit better today, keep us posted. take care Loraine xx

When I first started working in school (12 years ago) autism was unheard of. One teacher actually believed it was a physical disability and asked how I coped with my sons wheelchair. Now the term autistic spectrum seems to be given to any child with a behaviour issue. I am forever hearing the phrase "of course we suspect he/she is on the autistic spectrum" in our staffroom. I get very cross because it devalues (im humble opinion) autism.

Oh, just remembered, you should be safe Baddad. Headlice very rarely attach themselves to men, they dont like the testosterone.

Coat, shoes, short walk, Marks and Spencers.........perfect microwavable mash.

Headlice are one of the hazzards of my job as a TA. The little sods make a beeline for me (the lice, not the children) and I have to get rid of the pesky things at least every half term. I use a plastic lice comb and loads of cheap hair conditioner. I smother my head in the conditioner (I work on the assumption that it suffocates the lice) and then comb through. I give my hair a quick comb through everyday to kill off any emerging lice and that seems to do the trick.

We have been very lucky. Mum and Dad (on my side) dont understand my sons problems but love him anyway. My son has had a huge effect on my sisters family. My nephew and nieces have grown into wonderful, caring adults because they have brought up to involve my lad as much as possible. They have all helped out as carers at some time or other (my son has severe learning difficulties and is non verbal). On the other hand my husbands family havent seen my son for almost 15 years.

I had a horrible time on another site. I was left in tears and couldnt believe how cruel people could be just for holding a different opinion.

Brilliant new Clare!! Loraine xx

Hi, I would definately give them a ring, it will put your mind at rest, there is nothing worse than waiting for the phone to ring.

Hi Jeanne, My son is now 23 and I think from previous posts your lad is quite similar to mine. I would love to find an electric razor with minimum sound and vibration, he just cant tolerate them. He is very dark and we have to shave him every other day which can be a real trial if he isnt in the mood. We shave him in the bath after having his hair washed, I put olive oil on his face (cheaper than those posh shaving oils and more effective) and then shaving foam and then my husband steps in and quickly shaves him. We used to let him pretend to shave my husband with the safety cover on the razor and then my husband would do the same, it just got him used to the sensation. good luck Lorainex

Im shocked that it is felt appropriate to involve the police if a child displays challenging behaviour. What on earth can the police do other than use physical force?