Juney

Hi Sue, Its nice to hear from people in the same situation - ( sometimes you feel like the only one!!) the worst thing is feeling as if I am leaving him out of things - there we all are having a cuppa and a chat, and there he is stood in the garden looking anxious. I never know if I should be exposing him to these sort of situations more or not. Having said that I am pleased with how yesterday went... previous situations like this have ended in huge meltdowns.

As Cariad has said contact your local social services and ask for an assessment for respite, as Cariad has also said you do really need to stress how desparate you are for help. juney

Hi LouLou Thanks for the reply. Hope your week is going well - have you managed to get to the woods yet? We had a successful swimming trip yesterday, but it hit home to me my DS's difficulties as I had to run an errand to a relative. My DS's cousins were there, so he wouldnt come in the house ( it is a house he knows) , would only stand by the front door. gradually edging back to the car. I managed a swift cup of tea before we left. At least I have learnt .. a few years ago I would've been trying to force him into the house!! Juney

As a social work student - I can't see how ss could speed up a diagnosis. When I went to the GP regarding my son, she didn't have any knowledge but was willing to refer, and asked me to find out the best person in our area to refer to as she didn't know, I found this out by phoning the National Autistic Society. we waited about 6 months to be seen, and the diagnosis process took about 18 months. good luck. juney

I just cut my son's hair with clippers after a couple of weeks of notice. I don't know how I'd cope with long hair or any sort of styling!! juney

I just cut my son's hair with clippers after a couple of weeks of notice. I don't know how I'd cope with long hair or any sort of styling!! juney

Hi Emma, Glad to hear you having a good summer, and that your daughter is settled at school.Hope you get the DLA sorted. We're doing OK, had a blip yesterday as I didn't handle a meltdown very well, I probably exacerbated it to be honest. which is how I ended up finding this board. All Ok today, and hoping to go swimming tomorrow. I know what you mean about places being too busy - we go for quiet places - castle ruins, country walks. failing that I go as early as I possibly can!! speak soon juney

thanks for your replies. Its good to hear from people in similar positions. I aim to go out twice a week during the hols. Last week, he did go to the cinema with his friend for his friend's birthday. then a couple of days later we went to nearby museum for 90minutes - he said to me " why do we have to go out so much?" lol!! Tomorrow we are going swimming. He does manage to control himself when we are out much more nowadays..but when he says its time to go...its time to go.. I am grateful though that he can verbalize this rather than having a meltdown. but it does mean our "day" trips are more rather "morning-if you're lucky" trips. In June I went on a good Supporting Siblings seminar by NAS - it was good, and I have managed to take my neuro-typical DS out on a trip which his brother wouldnt have managed ( York Dungeons) It was embarrasing at the weekend my other son had his friend round, and my AS son after a while said " When is he going?" when they went out to the park he yelled after them " And don't come back!" At least he can tolerate this lad, some children seem to switch on some sort of light in his head and somehow cause some bizarre behaviour! he doesnt say anything at all about moving up to secondary school! he gets quite irritated if I mention it! He does have a friend that is going up to the same school. He specialist teacher said to me that he won't see 'friendship' in the same why I do. I am going to do him a laminated timetable, and we will change it every evening. he's got his uniform and have washed it. and he has practiced with his new more grown up lunch box. he did go to an AS specific after school club for a while, but like your son Mel, doesnt interact - he won't go now, but I have his name down at another one - its a year wait for a place at least - but I know his response would be " Why would I want to go there" hope you manage a family day out jb, have you tried doing a sort of social story beforehand, I usually do - and it gives me a better chance of successI've got a few strategies now - we always go early, and our trips are usually to quiet places like english heritage castles, countryside walks etc. As for the cinema we always go to the earliest showing of the day as we've had numerous cinema problems over the years!! The amount of uniform I've had to buy and then take back coz it doesnt fit etc is amazing. Good luck with getting it sorted at the weekend. juney

Hi I'm Mum to an 11year old with HFA, I am also a final year social work studies student at Sheffield Hallam. I was very interested to read your research proposals and ideas. The support we received was a leaflet for NAS and that was about it. I am passionate about providing more resources and support network for individuals and families affected by ASD's, particuarly for families and individuals who for whatever reason find it difficult to access any information, resources or help. This is an area that I would like to pursue and gain further knowledge and qualifications in once I have finished my social work training. Juney

Hi Jo I'm new too - only found this board yesterday. How you doing? Juney

Hi I just read a post about playdates...and it made me think.. My DS is 11years old.HFA. He has also found groups of children and social events hard to cope with..he once nearly got run over as he did a bolt from a busy playground ( pre-diagnosis) He isn't at all sociable, when he is with other kids -he seems to tolerate rather than enjoy their company. He had a couple of friends but doesn't see then often during the hols. He has a sibling who he plays with sometimes. Well, I think that if he is happy like this I shouldnt force him to be sociable..is this a cop out. I tend to give him the option of attending family functions..and usually he says no. He likes to have lots of notice to do anything.. I've just suggested I cut his hair this afternoon and the answer is no as he needs a few days notice!! He is also very difficult to get out during the hols. I am planning a day trip tomorrow. He just seems to be getting more rigid in everything just lately.. I wonder is this is because he is getting anxious about starting secondary school. this is all a bit mixed up - I am just feeling a bit confused - the more I seem to try and understand, the more confused I seem to get. Juney

Hi My DS is 11 years old HFA. I get worried about him as for about a year after he has had a meltdown, or during one - he says things like You wish I were dead, I'd be better off dead, everything is my fault, everyone hates me, You wish I'd never been born. I know all kids say these sort of things but due to him finding it so difficult to talk about emotions and feelings it worries me. I must admit it usually happens when I haven't handled a situation very well. He usually goes to his bed when he is like this and can't handle any interaction whatsoever.. I've tried to talk to him about his dx but I am not sure what he understands or feels. Juney

Hi I'm new - my DS is 11years old. dx HFA. Its good to read this thread - for years I thought I was the only one with these shoe shop problems. In fact shoes are a problem period. he has been known to throw brand new shoes out of his bedroom window to lose them!!I now measure his feet myself and buy them. To be honest I have found this more of a problem as he gets older, as people are far less tolerant of older kids who they feel should know better. Also as his feet get bigger its more difficult to buy velcro straps as I've had no luck teaching him to do laces. For his footie boots I got those sports elastic laces that you just pull to tighten. Juney

Hi everyone, Just found this forum. My DS is 11years old, and has a diagnosis of HFA for nearly four years. He's just about to start mainstream secondary which I am very nervous about and am trying to think of lots of strategies to make it less painful for us all. Also.. trying to persuade him to leave the house is proving a struggle this summer holiday. We have the fastest day trips ever! Juney