Pippin

Not much support here either. My folks were great when he was small, but are both now, sadly, dead. In laws are fine with him for a few hours but "couldnt possibly cope" for any longer and live quite a way away. We're lucky to have one good friend who he adores and will look after him if I'm taxiing the others around. I think my biggest need is for someone to yell and sob at occasionally, and my friend is always there for me then.

The government's own definition of bullying is "behaviour by an individual or group, usually repeated over time, that intentionally hurts another individual or group either physically or emotionally". If it being done deliberately to wind your son up, then it most certainly IS bullying. The key is the intention rather than the actual action or consequence. (which, confusingly, means that it may NOT be bullying if the boot were on the other foot, as an ASD child often doesnt realise what they're doing). We have an emergency meeting tomorrow on just this subject about P at school. I'm fed up of the excuse that it's "just boys being boys" and the fact that they make no effort to teach respect of others as part of the PSE curriculum. Got to rush for a violin lesson but I'll be back later.

Please do appeal Karen. I think they routinely turn down as many as they can get away with. You'd be surprised how many succeed on appeal with very few changes to their original application. All we did was to get an extra letter from the HV and P got middle band. !!!

Keeping absolutely everything crossed for you!!

Not a problem Karen, I'm sure he would do it if he thought about it....but he's such an innocent abroad it wouldn,t cross his mind. He says he's happy to go back tomorrow as arranged. Sue

Thanks all for your input. I'm very aware that this is an easy solution for the school but also that he only has 2 terms to go there and they have little incentive to do much more for him. I also have the worries setting in for next year, and how he will cope (OR NOT!!). He's not the type of kid to do this deliberately to get time off, and I think I can read him well. I'm just going to enjoy him being calmer whilst I can, and assess whether I would be capable of HEing full time.....just in case.

I was in school for an unrelated meeting last Friday and witnessed P being ignored by staff as he was bullied by the other kids(no-one could see me!!!, ) and left behind, crying, when the class went for a walk (no-one noticed he wasnt with the others, his LSA wasn't in). I went somewhast balistic at this, got hubby and went in to see the teachers. I told them he was really stressed and I didnt want him in school if he wasnt being supervised properly. I guess they felt guilty cos they said I can keep him home whenever I feel its too much for him, and they will send work home for him. This may not be entirely as the LEA likes (what they dont know cant hurt them!!), and also gets the school out of supervising him.....but it suits me fine. We've had 2 lovely days of working at his pace and he's already much calmer. He's going back in on Thursday as he has his annual review then, but we'll see how it goes. I dont have to deregister him at the moment (a good thing as he is transition year and I could do without the hassle until his secondary school is sorted) and everyone is happy.

Our local paper and Sainsbury run a Christmas party for kids who've "battled adversity" each year. I put P forward mainly cos he never gets invited to parties. He got an invite (along with the whole family) and we trogged along on Sunday evening. He had SUCH a good time. He said on the way in "is this the party where I can just be myself?" (Awwwwwwww <'> ). They had a circus troupe who just let the kids dive in to all their equipment, Father Christmas and two local footballers (who I wouldn't know from Adam!!). They all stuffed themselves with food and came home with sackfulls (or is it sacks full??) of goodies. He flapped and squealed to his hearts content and no-one told him to stop. All in all a successful evening. Followed up by a picture in the local rag the following night....which I've completely failed to copy to here!!!

Well, the HT agreed with us and overruled the teacher!! She wasn't too pleased (which is sad cos she's a great teacher) but did it. P isnt even aware that it happened, and his LSA told him he did well in rehearsal today. E is a bit miffed that we "chose P over her" but we had a good heart to heart and she's OK now as she understands it was all about taking things away from P after they've been promised and not about us favouring him. Only 2 weeks til the show for things to go pear shaped now!!

[ Oh p s: just noticed this bit and totally disagree with it. Sorry, I'm sure that's not what you want to hear, but I do. Not a problem. Theres no point in sending her to school as they do nothing but rehearse the play for the last month of term anyway. Any real work goes out of the window, and they get bored stiff. Loads of parents book holidays for now as the kids arent exactly missing much. She's perfectly happy having a day off and I'm cool with it.

I just dont understand how they can do this!!! Let me fill you in. P is in year 6. The year in which the kids get the best roles in the school Christmas play. They are doing "wind in the Willows" this year and decided to have one cast for act one and another for act 2 so more people got a chance. Well, P gets the coveted role of "Mole" in act 1. He has learned his lines already....all 35 of them. The girl playing "Mole" in act 2 only has 7 lines (I will fill you in on this later!). Firstly she demanded some of Ps lines to even it up. We said No as it was HIS turn to shine and show what he could do. She was OK about this as she gets loads of roles in shows outside. The teacher initially agreed but then changed her mind and P came home in tears as she'd taken some of his lines off him. Then P gets the tummy bug and spends a whole ONE day off school. Teacher then informs the "other" Mole that the parts are to be swapped. Other Mole says NO, she doent think that is fair. Teacher says "Sorry, but that's how the cookie crumbles" (and that's a direct quote!!). I Havent even told P yet as it will devastate him. His confidence is low at the best of times and he was SO proud that he had been given a good part and a chance to prove himself. He HAS learned all the lines and was doing well....its just that the "other" mole has a lovely singing voice and is proven to behave well in a show. We have kept him off school until it is sorted and the "other mole" is sworn to secrecy and is also not going to school.........did I tell you, the "other mole" is his twin sister!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As well as pulling the rug out from under him this will really damage an already fragile relationship between them. It's not rocket science, FGS. Their attitude of "I know he'll be upset but he'll be alright!" shows such a level of ignorance of a little boy they've had for 4 years now, and of sibling relationships. I want to withdraw them altogether and HE until they go to high school in September but I cant get any support from hubby. Sorry for the rant but I cant rant at anyone else at the moment. Pippin

It's such a relief to see this thread!! I thought mine (aged 10) was the only one!!! He has foam handled cutlery for school from the OT but hates it. He will pick up a knife and fork at home when nagged but puts it down a minute later and goes back to his fingers. I've fought it for years and got nowhere.

Firstly, stuff what they think at work. I worked on a few delivery suites and, not only is it very stressful, they are populated by people who really dont care about anyone but themselves. It was the worst working envoironment I have ever known. Put your foot down and think of yourself and your family. You may be able to get your GP to sign you off with the condition your are waiting for surgery for....they couldnt argue with that!!! I ended up leaving midwifery due to the high stress levels....and that was before I had kids (NOW I know what stress is!!) and its not worth making yourself ill over! Take some time and get yourself well. Sue

I've just wandered over to another couple of fora I frequent and counted their boards. They range from 15 to 27....so I find only 9 here quite refreshing. The level of antagonism on here is WAY less than anywhere else I look and, considering the stress we're all under, I think that is quite remarkable.

I would certainly second centerparcs. The staff there are fantastic .

Hi, P wouldnt take the tablets either when he was younger. Luckily they have very little taste so I crushed them and put them in fromage frais or yoghurt. He is now fine with the tablets. I'd echo the thought that 5mg is a bit much to start. P only takes 1mg and has done so for 6 years now. We have breaks during holidays but a weeks break during school time wouldnt suit him at all. Good luck....melatonin gave us our lives back!!!

Good news....he has an invite!!! Along with the whole of the rest of the family!!! Have to say I'm really chuffed. The cynical side of me was expecting us to be turned down as he wasnt seen as disabled enough (you know the stuff.......he doesnt "look" autistic!!!). I'm really glad to be proven wrong. P is flapping all over the house in exitement.

That's why I was careful to say "about" 10, though I'm not sure an exact age even applies any more (will have to look that one up!). I'm trying to make the point that he appears to be someone who is on the edge of "accountability" and the press arent helping. I strongly suspect your final sentence is correct.

I think it's far more relevant that he has a mental age of about 10 than that he has an ASD. He's clearly vulnerable and it will take a lot of assessment to see if he can be held accountable....not something the media are good at!!

Thanks both....food for thought there!! I#ll let you all know how it goes.

Our local rag are coming round tomorrow to interview me as I nominated P to attend a Christmas party for kids who have "triumphed over adversity" and the like. I basically nominated him as he never gets party invites cos his peers think he's wierd. How the hell can I explain that to a reporter for publication??? And how can I explain HFA to someone who, clearly, doesnt have a clue....and is likely to print whatever I say?? Short essays welcome!!!!

I run a Brownie pack and P loves to come along. (hasn't figured out he's a boy yet!!). As far as uniforms go, there was a change in uniform 3 years ago and we havet had many of the new ones "through the system" yet, and very few people want the old style ones....even if we give them away! Hope she really enjoys it.

Hi Loulou. It must be hard to see it as a positive move at the moment....especially as you have the task of telling him tomorrow. But it gives a chance for someone experienced to both handle him and assess him. Then you can hopefully move on with him. I'm sure we'll all be thinking of you over the weekend.

P gets upset if not invited but then doesnt join in!! Its his sister who really gets torn up by it. Hopefully he wont notice so much next year when he goes up to the "Comp". Its hard now as there are only a relatively small number in his year at school.

Well, would you Adam and Eve it!!! Having organised things so Hubby would take the boys out straight from school and leave me to get E to the party, the twins came home from school saying that P had now been invited!!! We hurried down to the cafe with them and he had a lovely time playing on his own next to the rest of the party! (well, digging a hole in the middle of their beach cricket pitch......the rest of the kids just carried on playing around him).