Tally

This generally means you don't quite meet the criteria for a diagnosis of ASD, but acknowledges that you have some of the difficulties associated with autism. It's probably best to go back to the person who diagnosed this to ask for clarification about exactly what it means. I think it's safe to say you are on the autistic spectrum and have things in common with other autistic people. Remember that we are all different so you would never expect to be exactly like another autistic person anyway.

I'm a bit worried that the relationship between my boss and a young girl who used to be a member of staff is becoming slightly inappropriate and I think I need to say something before he gets into some trouble. He is 41 and she is 18. Both are very naive and immature, but there's still a massive difference between those ages. They are extremely affectionate with each other. At first I thought she was just treating him the same as she treats her girlfriends of her own age. But I've seen her with them and she is not like this with them. She's always hugging him, stroking him and poking him, just touching him all the time. They really do look like a couple when they are together and it's awkward to be around them. While she still worked there, he spent a lot of time teaching her to drive. He went out on long drives with her more than once a week over several months. In the summer, her mum paid for the girl and my boss to go to the Dr Who exhibition, and gave them both £50 to spend in the shop at the end. Her mum is always dropping into the shop with little gifts for him. The girl's mum does seem to be treating him like a much-loved boyfriend. When she left we went out for a meal for her leaving do. They were all over each other in the restaurant and other people were staring at them disapprovingly. I felt really awkward and as if they wanted to be alone together. When she went to university she found it really hard to settle and she would phone him twice per day during working hours and talk for her entire bus ride. He said she was phoning him during the evenings too. Whenever she phones he gets all giggly and goes and sits in the office where I can't hear him. She visits him at work a lot. Last week she came in to have lunch with him. They were sitting face to face with the chairs really close so their knees were touching. They were whispering and giggling with each other and holding hands, and looked like a teenage couple, except that he is bald. It was very embarrassing when I was trying to serve customers, and the customers could hear them giggling in the back of the shop. They often go to each other's houses. He lives in a studio flat, so that means she is going into his bedroom. Last night he went to her birthday party with her and some other teenage girls. Now she has given him a very expensive mobile phone for Christmas. Last year she gave him a 3-piece suit. It's odd that her parents seem to be encouraging the relationship by buying him gifts and allowing her to invite him to their house. I'm pretty sure it's her parents who are responsible for the very expensive Christmas gifts. Her friends think it's very strange that she hangs out with someone so old, although those who have got to know him seem to like him. I did think that nothing could possibly be going on even though it looked like it, but now I'm starting to wonder if they are seeing each other and making a very bad job of disguising it. The girl's mother does have a male friend who has practically moved in with them and the mother and the man sleep in the same bed although they deny they are in a relationship . . . I don't know whether to believe this either, but the girl believes it is true and maybe it's just given her a really odd idea of what is normal in a friendship. If there is anything going on it's just a recipe for disaster. But even if there isn't, they are acting like there is and he is being judged negatively for it. And either way, it's really uncomfortable being around them when they are together! I don't know whether to say something or maybe just make a joking comment about them and see if it gets him to realise what it looks like to others. I'm worried that he is going to get into trouble because they appear to be a couple and don't want him judged harshly (or punched) if there isn't actually anything going on. Or do you think it would be best to just stay well out of it and let them get on with it? After all, her parents are unconcerned and she does have them to turn to if there is a problem.

I got my avatar back, but it doesn't move any more, it just looks like a sad face. I am going to have to find a new one now.

Hi LlamaRama, and welcome I am 30 and I have Asperger's. I am going to university next year so I will be a student too soon! I am going to be studying animal behaviour, so maybe I will meet a llama It's nice to meet you.

In autism we normally talk about "special interest." "Obsession" works as well, but sometimes has a slightly negative connotation.

Hi Shelby, and welcome. When you've had bad experiences, it's understandable your self-esteem will suffer. I can understand that because the same thing happened to me. You're not wasting your life, you are doing the best you can. You might find it easier to make friends with people who share similar interests. Work colleagues can be a good place to start because you all have something in common because you work in the same place. But it could also be helpful to join a sports team or some other club associated with one of your interests. You could always bring a relative to help you make conversations and start getting to know people - you might find that after a while you feel more comfortable about going on your own. Another idea can be to see if there is a social club near you for people with Asperger's/autism. You might get to meet people with similar difficulties and share tips. And they should be more understanding and forgiving of any social "mistakes" which might make you feel more comfortable.

They are gifts for my young cousins. I can't wait to see what they think!

It's grim up north

You are not the first person to be confused about the mountains Hopefully this link will explain it for you: http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=13337

Hello Spirit, and welcome to the forum No, you don't sound like you are moaning. Obviously you are not seeking support with the good aspects of your relationship, only the difficult parts. I am an adult with Asperger's, I was diagnosed about 5 years ago and I am 30 now. It was suggested to me by two other people. I read a little about it, but I wasn't really aware of how I came across to others and the list of traits didn't make any sense. It was only when I happened across an article written by a woman with Asperger's about how she feels that I realised I felt the same way and that it did actually make sense after all. I can appreciate the difficulty of bringing up the subject with your partner because I have two people I know well who I think have Asperger's and I haven't worked out how to bring the subject up with either of them. If your partner is aware he has difficulties he might be much more receptive to an explanation for them. You need to bear in mind that the difficulties he perceives may be totally different to the ones you do! I have a book which I think is very good. It's called Asperger Syndrome and Long-Term Realtionships by Ashley Stanford. It is written by a woman whose husband has Asperger's. Aside from the obvious, it also talks about how Asperger's can present in adults, especially when they have been undiagnosed until adulthood. It might also give you some ideas of how better to communicate with your partner so that he can understand your needs better. You don't need a diagnosis to start trying this. It could also be helpful to see a relationship counsellor. I know a few people who have found Relate extremely helpful. Even without a diagnosis, they should be able to help you raise the issues with each other in a non-confrontational way. They might even help you bring up the subject of Asperger's with your partner - you should have some individual sessions as well as being seen together. You can even go by yourself if your partner is unwilling, they can often still help you that way. Diagnosis for adults can be very difficult to come by. He would need to start with his GP, and it's normal to see the mental health team to rule out mental health difficulties as a cause for the symptoms. He would eventually need to be assessed by a psychologist, but it can be very difficult to get an assessment out of the NHS. There is always the option to be assessed privately. But it sounds like this is all a little way off yet I think there are a few people around in a similar position to yourself. I hope they will make themselves known to you.

Today I FINISHED MY CHRISTMAS SHOPPING!!! I managed to find pen pots that were the right size and shape, and stuck some of my cross-stitch to them. I'm very pleased with how they've turned out. Here are a couple of photos: http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a24/Tallulah550/RIMG0107.jpg http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a24/Tallulah550/RIMG0109.jpg

Hallo Butterfly en welkom op het forum We are mainly from the UK at this forum. You are very welcome to post here, but if ever you're looking for specific advice about support services, we are unlikely to know what is available in Holland. I don't know whether ASD and cataplexy is a very common combination because I have only ever come across one other person who has both - that I know of anyway. If you google the name "Jim Sinclair," you will hopefully come across his website or learn more about him.

Oh dear . . . he is now terribly offended that I thought he thought I made it up. I said in my email that I hoped we could put this behind us. We're just going round and round in circles now, offending each other! Nevertheless, he is going to to phone me tonight to discuss it further. I won't be answering. This will offend him.

Right, email approved by Mum and Dad, and sent. If he wants to discuss it further, I can now justifiably refuse. Which means it's over now. As far as I'm concerned anyway. Relief!!!

Christmas dinner is at my house Kathryn, so the table plan is mine, all mine! Rannoch, your comparison to "strange elderly relatives" made me giggle . . . my uncle turns 49 on Tuesday

I can see why he now thinks I made it up for a joke, this is because my mum used the word "joke" during the conversation and he's latched onto it as an explanation. Which is something I think people with AS commonly do. Though he's completely failed to take into account what kind of person I am, which is what is hurtful about the accusation. But I really can't understand why he panicked and phoned her in the first place. I only ever mentioned backache, so I don't know why he thought I had other illnesses. Lots of my other Facebook friends have AS and not a single other one of them thought I had other illnesses. My mum really is the last person I would think of to comment on Facebook.

Now my mum feels like the whole thing is her fault Anyway, the email will be sent tomorrow evening and I'm having nothing more to do with it after that. This will have had 4 days of my attention and it really doesn't deserve any more. PS. I had to drive over to my old house this morning along the country lanes and all the looking round has flared my backache up again and I can't even moan to anyone about it.

I agree with darkshine, that's a really helpful outline Rannoch I had already decided that if I say nothing it leaves him still believing I lied, and also that I wouldn't make amends once he caught me out. And he would bring it up over Christmas and we would upset each other. I have to address it now so that if he brings it up over Christmas I can reasonably say that I've said all that needs to be said and let's just put it behind us now. I drafted a reply this afternoon but my mum says it's too harsh, as I knew she would. I've basically outlined my side of what happened in the hope that he'll ask himself why it is so different from his perception and realise he overreacted. So I'm going to have another go tomorrow and polish it with my mum and dad before sending it tomorrow evening. I have said I'm sorry he misunderstood, rather than apologising for being unclear myself. But I also wanted to make him see that he was the only one who misunderstood and panicked, so he can see that the miscommunication was at his end, not mine. Rannoch's way of doing that is much nicer. Also my mum suggested I say that I played it down to her and told her it was just a joke so as not to worry her (which was why she then told him it was a joke) - to make him see that asking her opinion, without her having even seen the comments, was not a good way to get a good understanding of what I meant. My mum did say that whatever I say, there still is the possibility that he will take it wrong. But at least she is on my side if it all goes horribly wrong. And hopefully it won't if I tread carefully enough!

I'm glad you liked Issue 1 Lynden. Because it was the first issue, I didn't receive many contributions and had to write a lot of it myself. I'm pleased to say that seeing Issue 1 seems to have stimulated a lot more people into contributing and I've written less myself and still managed to piece together a longer magazine this time. There is a rather controversial article in this one from a man who says he has cured himself from autism, and believes other autistic people should do likewise. If nothing else, it should at least stir up some debate for the next issue! I was really pleased when someone else sent me a slightly amusing take on the opposite opinion, so at least it is more balanced. I'd love a contribution from you if you get chance Lynden. I do feel it's a bit too weighted toward adults with Asperger's at the moment and would love to include more from different perspectives on ASD. Contributions are not supposed to be professional journalism quality and I can always polish them up a bit.

I don't know what to do at the moment. I am still so angry that he worried my mum like that, and I'm not willing to apologise for making him do it. I can't believe he's sent such a nasty email accusing me of making it all up.

OK, I think I might have got to the bottom of things. He somehow thought my backache was a symptom of something serious and urged me to see an emergency doctor. Other people's replies are more along the lines of, "I'm sorry, I hope you feel better soon," than, "oh my goodness I am sleepless with worry." He is the only one who was excessively concerned. I refused to call out the doctor and he persisted. I'd had an overall rubbishy day and was in pain, and felt harrassed by him, and before I lost it with him simply logged off facebook. This concerned him so much he phoned my mum. My mum does not use facebook and did not know what I had written. She was exhausted, having only come home from 3 weeks in Sri Lanka and India on Saturday, and was also on a massive downer that evening. Knowing that I wouldn't have been posting on facebook in a medical emergency, she palmed him off by saying I can't be that ill because I'd been to my German class and shopping that day and it must just be a joke. So I think he now thinks the whole backache thing was a joke. People have posted sympathetic replies and he is probably annoyed that I misled them into thinking I had a backache. He is also annoyed that in our chat conversation I did not tell him I was making it up, and instead let him continue to believe I had backache, and worried him even further by refusing to seek medical treatment. His reaction makes a lot more sense now. But it still seems a bit extreme. In his email he's asked me to take responsibility for my joke getting misunderstood and apologise to all the people I misled and worried. If I do reply to the email it will be only to give my side of the story, without apportioning any blame, but also without accepting responsibility for him misunderstanding. Otherwise I am just going to ignore the email and refuse to discuss it if he brings it up over Christmas. He's now only coming for 10 days over Christmas, but he is coming to my aunty's party so I will be with him 4 days on the trot.

He's now sent me an email saying he is very upset that I misled and worried a number of people close to me by making it sound like I was seriously ill. (The tone of their replies doesn't honestly suggest great concern to me, they just seem to hope my back gets better.) All I said was that I had a sore back and later jokingly added that it only hurts when I move, except that he didn't realise this bit was a joke and believed I was immobile and got really scared when I typed to him in chat (whilst apparently immobile) that I didn't think I needed to phone the emergency doctor! When I saw the email I was expecting an apology for worrying my mum late at night over a misunderstanding. But no, instead I get accused of making stuff up for attention.

I've just submitted issue 2. It's a bit longer this time as well, so people must be getting inspired to contribute

Your brother sounds a lot like my uncle! I definitely have to see him all day long on Christmas eve, Christmas day and boxing day. My aunt (other side of the family) is having a party the 27th so I'm really hoping she won't invite my uncle along too - she is visiting boxing day and will see my uncle then and probably feel bad about not inviting him. Because I work in a shop I don't get the long break other people do, so some days I have the excuse of having to go to work. But maybe I could find a film I'm not very interested in for him to talk over and give my parents a break.

I do feel a bit bad that I've refused to have him stay with me so my parents will have to have him. But at least there are two of them. My mum has got better over the years about being assertive with him, but this normally results in him being in a bad mood and dressed in a smelly crumpled shirt because she's refused to do his washing on Christmas morning while she's trying to cook the turkey. I haven't heard anything from him today so he must have calmed down a bit now.