For those with kids in mainstream school

[mum22boys]

I have been wondering if other parents feel the same as me.

 

Now I hope to have added a poll on here but who knows if it will have worked!

 

Anyway, what got me thinking was, before we decided to seek help for M (when he was in nursery and early in reception) if the school needed volunteers I would offer. The school always took me up on my offer and I accompanied the kids on school trips etc. However, since I went down the diagnosis route and have had to continually go in the school about M they seem to make it obvious i am not wanted.

 

When M was in Year 1 I volunteered for a school trip, yes I admit i was worried sick about him going as he has run off before. I was turned down as a volunteer and I admit the school did a good job of preparing him and escorting him on the trip. So when it came to the next trip I didn't worry too much and I was fairly happy with him going.

 

Recently I offered my services at the school to help the kids read. I never heard anything, but I know from others that their offers were taken up. Yesterday M came out with a letter about a trip on a train. Again they asked for volunteers. I have no worries about him going as it's very simular to a trip last year that he was well prepared for. I offered to help because I like to. The look on his teachers face said it all. She looked at me with dread when I offered to come. I think the head has told her not to accept me. I may be wrong but that is the impression I get.

 

I offered this week to design a painting in one of the school rooms as they needed someone. I haven't heard anything, and to be honest i don't expect to. I do however feel very let down that it is obvious i am not wanted.

 

Is this just happening to me? I know it is because of M. They feel if I am around he is worse. I don't see though why I can't be accepted to help out when needed though. They don't even give it a go.

 

Just interested to see if others feel the same.

 

mum22boys

[mum22boys]

Poll didn't work - help!!!!

 

mum22boys

[Tylers-mum]

To be honest, I have nevber volunteered to work or help out at my son's school even though I am trained and qualified to do so. I feel that the time he is in school is 'my' time away from him for a break. LOL Mean mummy an't I!

 

Having read your post and the numerous examples you gave of offering your services, I would personally have taken all that to heart and have been VERY upset.

If it were me, I'd either put a letter together for the Head expressing your concerns and worries, or maybe arrange a meeting with him. A meeting would be better b/c then he can't back out of any questions you ask him.

 

All the best hun. ((((HUGS))))

[jools]

i only started the assessment process after starting work at the school and i'm sure they sometimes wish they hadn't taken me on

[jlp]

I don't know! Last week dp accompanied G (and his class) on a trip to another school to see a theatre group and it saved school having to change the support worker and lose a mornings support. They were prepared to change but G started saying he wasn't going and we knew he'd enjoy it if we could get him there.

 

The last trip we had was 2 years ago in reception and I didn't volunteer incase it caused G to act up (quite probable) and I had a young baby at the time. I haven't volunteered for any thing else as again I think it will unsettle G. On various 'open days' I've been in to see his work etc like all the other parents and he loves it but is hysterical when I leave as he is on sports day too - I have to go to those because he looks for me.

 

We have a lot of Masses but I don't go incase it unsettles G and because if I go to one then if there's ever a one I can't go to then there'll be uproar.

 

If I knew he'd be ok though then I'd be upset if I offered and was continuously refused.

[Nic m]

Hi, I always helped at nursery and up till i really pushed for diagnosis my help was always accepted at school now i am not so welcome.They could say it is because Hayley is more tearful when i am there but she has always been like this.So yes i do agree i think it can make a difference.

Nicola

[Jericho]

At my son's school they only usually allow helpers who have been police-checked (or whatever it's called now).

 

I must admit though that I'm quite relieved that they don't ask me. I like the freedom that school gives me.

[noogsy]

hi hun all parents who help with the kids must have there disclosure in scotland anyway.most schools PTA are involved and if you ask the school they are normally willing to pay for it to be done.i have had to do mine cos i help with school discos and fetes.i am welcome on school outings...hope i have helped love noogsy...xxxi have to say again this is a PTA they are in charge of making sure parents who help have done the police checks....

[Devon mum]

All my three children have gone through the same primary school, teachers have changed and there are now only 4 teachers that were there when DS1 started there, but the children have all gone through the Dx process while at school or at least they will have by the time DD is finished!!

 

I have not been turned away when I have offered to help out at school except for this year; the teacher didn't want me to help with the class swimming trips because they want to be R less dependant on me being around on school trips as they have their residenial trip in the summer and they want her to be able to go.

(I have always gone with her class as we have experienced her running off too many times)

But I still do a short stint in the school library once a week to help a new year 1 teacher with the computer system they have to keep track of the books.

 

But right at the outset I had to get a police check done, this is going back 11 years now.

 

You should write in to the HT if this is causing you this much anxiety, call him out, see what he says!

[Flora]

Before we moved down South and Luke was in reception then year 1 I used to go in regularly for the morning session. I'd sit in on the lesson then work 1-1 with Luke (aka Ben).

 

Since moving I haven't been allowed to go in and work with him even though I've offered several times. I do get invited on trips though and have been on a couple.

 

Flo'

[butterfingersbimbo]

i would be very offended too, and also think you should make an appoinyment with the head to get to the bottom of this. a couple of years ago i was asked to go on a school trip with the year and went as i sort of got the impression that maybe el wouldnt be going otherwise.....

 

now that el is statemented and getting more support, i have volunteered (?) to go and listen to children in her class read. am waiting for the police check. thing is while listening to a ten year old reading i really got worried as he could hardly read, i mentioned it to el's lsa and she said she has noticed it too and is worried about him. but the school are not concerned!!! he is getting no support for this......me being me will have to say something about it so dont think this will go down well......

[lisa]

I always went in to help before the relationship with school detoriated through the statementing process and then tribunal. I was on the DPA, I did the christmas fayre and summer fate. I helped out at sports day. Volunteered to help with all the trips. I used to go in to each of my kids classes one afternoon a week to help out and read with other people's kids. I did this all through the school until my oldest was in year 5.

 

But this is where my story is different to mum22boys. I started to feel resentful and felt that I'd been a good parent for the school and this was how they repaid me by refusing to acknowledge and help when my kids were struggling. The SENCO attended the tribunal and denied that my daughter was having any difficulties and blatently lied saying she fully expected her to achieve her end of year targets when there was no way she would (and didn't!!)

 

I got to the point where I just though ***** YOU, I'm not doing it any more. So now I don't volunteer for anything. Why should I help out and particularly on the DPA raise money for the school to buy video cameras or digital cameras and all that s*** when they'll probably spending the SEN budget on hanging baskets!!

 

As the kids get older not many parents volunteer for trips, a lot of the time it was only me and one other parent who volunteered. Now they have to pay for an LSA to accompany the class, it's their loss. I used to donate books and stuff, I don't anymore. It hasn't gone un-noticed either and one teacher actually came and asked why I didn't want to help anymore. I didn't want to get in to it so just said "I don't want to anymore" and walked off. Very childish but couldn't help myself.

 

 

Lisa

[smiley]

I offered to help out when M was in Infants.............. But, he found it very, very, very confusing having mummy there. That was school!! Mummy wasn't at school, mummy was at home!!!!

I used to help the other classes instead .

I work in a unit, within my sons school . As a result, i have a great relationship with the school - i'm watching them....... .

They keep trying to persuade me to go to the PTA meetings I'm now avoiding the head at all costs .

 

Seriously - i would be offended if they kept turing me down for no apparent reason <'> . I would let them know how you're feeling. <'>

[lil_me]

My son is the same as Smiley's gets rather confused if I am in school, would love to go sometimes but not worth the confusion for him.

[Valiant_Skylark]

My story is almost the same as Lisa's. Dad chaired the PTA and I helped out several times a week and at weekends with class (reading, trips, sports day, activity days etc) and social events.

 

When we disagreed with the school about each sons' level of disability, we came up against lies, stone-walling, lack of basic respect - in fact you name it - from the school staff. Eventually we felt so let down that neither of us was willing to put any more in. We were getting just too tired from dealing with our sons tantrums 24 hours a day anyway.

 

At the next (junior) school, we were far less willing to "give" and felt less let down when that school, equally, gave little.

 

At the current senior school, my "help" is limited to setting out, in writing, what the school has done to "set up" my son, what changes and strategies will help my son instead, and reminders of what is expected from the school, in law, to meet his statement.

 

I help my own son by helping his organisation, for example. I have been known to remind the school that it would normally have to pay for the quality of advice that I have, so far, provided without charging.

 

I am blunt, far more businesslike than I started off (no longer "chummy") and send out the message that I do not suffer fools gladly - especially those who lie or otherwise sabotage my sons' education. I no longer care much about being "liked" or "popular" with the school staff - I have decided to sacrifice that (if needs be) for the goal of being effective. I try still to be "pleasant"... but "steely"!

 

This way I feel less like a victim and have less resentment. I have no wish to help out anymore in an altruistic way. I now only look to put myself out for those who reciprocate. I can't afford to do anything else.

 

I was never police checked, nor was I ever turned away when I did offer help. I did always avoid volunteering for activities, though, directly related to my own child if it made him clingy, losing concentration because he was wondering "if Mum would be there today". Perhaps this is a crucial factor?

 

Best of luck and I hope you can grow a thick skin to protect yourself.

 

VS xx

[elaine1]

<'> <'> Hi there. I took a playground supervisors job just to keep an eye on T, someone was bullying him and no-one wd admit it. I sorted the chap out myself, i caught him and sent him straight to the head, that soon sorted him out. I used to go into school to help in class too i am an NNEB, and enjoyed it. After a while though, i felt as though they thought i was keeping an eye on T and my daughter who attended the school too, she had playground trouble but one of the supervisors was this girls aunt and she just ignored anyone who reported this girl to her.

when i saw her taunting another girl i sorted it out myself again reporting her straight to the head.

 

I left my job to take care of my grandson but have never regretted taking that job, if we cant keep an yey on our kids who can? im sorry the school feel this way about you, you obviously enjoy helping out in the school and surely they have nothing to hide?.