he doesnt want to do his activities anymore????

[JsMum]

What do I do, he has already quit gymnastics due to a member of staff not managing him properly, he quit swimming because it became repatative, basically swimming up and down lanes so understood that was boring so take him myself now, he has now just this weekend quit Trampolining, as he says that the instructer just tells him off all the time and its not fun, I had a word with the instructor but he said they cant ignore his behaviour as it is unsafe, he was struggling with the sequence of the jumps and the leader wanted J to have it perfect and so was becoming something J couldnt manage and this week J has said he really doesnt want to go anymore.

I know he struggles with the waiting his turn and the listening but I really thought I had choosen something that was a challange for him.

So now this week end it has been canceled and he doesnt go anymore and J is happy.

He also does football skills training but he says he doesnt like going to that either for a about three weeks but I have been insisting he attends this, tonight is his test to see what he has learnt and he is really saying he doesnt want to do the tests.

 

So soon it will be no football, so thats swimming lessons, trampoline lessons, footballs skills and gymnastics that will of all been exhausted with.

 

We have in the past tried Drama class but a lot of what they did went over Js head and he just watched or withdrew.

 

J has requested he wants to try kickboxing again but that had to be prospond due to using it in temper.

 

So I really dont know.

 

The only thing left now that he is keen and interested in is rock climbing and he is left to much of that on his own accord.

 

It seems if theres rules and a set code of conduct then hes not interested.

 

At the moment he hates school, and doesnt even want to go their!

 

 

What do I do with him if he isnt going to the activities, he needs to channel it into some form of activity or he becomes unmanagable.

 

JsMum

[Suze]

My son has no more activities/clubs etc................no more swimming, scouts, cubs............tae kwondo...art club.....and he won,t ever do activity days or anything else in the school holidays either.I think stuff like this is really hard for our kids, my son has given up alot of his activities because he was told off or shouted at.The resulting anxiety and pressure it takes to do this stuff may in the end far out weigh any enjoyment derived from it.Hence my boy has his dvd,s hamster , and tractor stuff he does at home.....and no more clubs.It seems really tough on them sometimes but I,d be guided by your sons wishes, love suzex

[butterfingersbimbo]

i think suze has summed it up pretty well, i was only going to say similar! i would encourage him to keep up with the rock climbing tho, at least that's something he is still enjoying. team games are very hard for our children and if they dont hit it off with others in the group then its no fun for anyone. and since he is having a hard time coping at school i would be inclined to say let him come home and chill out, especially now. you can always re think clubs and activities later on when he is happier in himself.

[Kathryn]

It seems if theres rules and a set code of conduct then hes not interested.

 

Perhaps this is the heart of the problem. He may just be tired of being in a group and being organised by somebody else, especially after a day at school, it may feel like more of the same. He obviously likes physical activity or he wouldn't be doing the swimming and climbing, perhaps he needs more of this kind of thing?

 

My daughter went through all the typical girl activities, ballet, brownies, netball, drama, and didn't take to any of them - she gave up as soon as she could. I think it was physically and mentally tiring for her to do these things after school. I used to feel a vague sense of guilt that other children seemed to be so occupied after school, and she never was. She was only really enthused by going to the library.

 

K x

[Just Jo]

Dont worry too much, my son is nearly 13 and joined and left every club there is......

 

 

Your certainly not alone in your thinking....... My son is happier doing things with those closest too him. I take him for a kick about, i brought a trampoline.... If he is happy then i am happy....

 

Thinking of you <'> <'> <'>

[JsMum]

Thanks for the replies and I do see your points its just that he was the one asking to attend the clubs in the first place, and I have never forced him into anything he doesnt want to do in activities, and when he has a plausable reason for stopping I let him but its just that he has quit 4 activities in the last 6 months.

J has a lot of energy to use up, even with all the cycling he does and he has a trampoline in the garden he is still craving for more and so when he said he wanted trampoline lessons I booked him on.

 

The other reason for the activities is to increase his social skills, I know its hard for J to interact so in smaller groups I was hoping it wouldnt be too difficult but it is, I see that more now as he is getting older.

 

I can see clearer now with the conection with school and wanting to may be relax and chill a bit but him chilling early on in the evening is a wishful thought, he nags me constantly to play tig, hide and seek, football and I do a real good job but it surely cant be good for him for it to be just me and him all the time.

 

I see now that maybe he is happier with just us but its hard work, As I also cycle too, we love swimming together, and will make that more frequent now.

 

J didnt go to football, he was very clear that he really didnt want to go because he was tired, but then when his care worker came he was outside kicking the footie around for over half an hour.

 

In the evening later I always try to have something relaxing for J to do, a bath is in his routine, and there is paints and colouring pens and paper available all the time, he listens to relaxing cds and some evenings we will do some breathing excercises.

 

I am into relaxation and calming enviorments but Js activities where there as a way of helping him do something that was a bit more stimulating and encouraged him to interact with other children and adults.

 

plus to tire him out so he settled more easily at bedtime because if he goes without doing these kinds of things it has a knock on effect to the rest of his routines, and it becomes harder when he is bouncing off the chairs and running around the house so he has a place to do that when at the activities.

 

In some ways its a shame he was told off a lot and isolated from other children but his behaviour was very impulsive and he didnt listen so its hard as well on the club, so I do understand both sides.

 

J found the interacting difficult at football, and recently he has been more detatched that is why I have listened to him tonight, he really didnt want to go and he didnt go.

 

I guess I had better buy myself some footie shoes and a good coat!

 

Jsmum

[Karen A]

Hi I do not have any answers but wanted to let you know you are not alone. <'> <'> It is exhausting and so frustrating working through a list of potential activities that a child shows an interest in.Then finding with each one that they cannot stick with the social rules and so demand to drop them.

They then don't sleep because they do not use up excess energy and they demand lots of attention at home.

We have been fortunate in having a Taekwondo instructor and a youth group worker who are able to manage Ben and understand him well.However he still needs encouragement to stick with things.

Sorry I cannot provide any answers to solve the problem.At least it says others have similar experiences.Karen

[jlp]

I haven't AS but was terrible as a child for joining things then leaving - I think I liked the idea more than the reality!

 

Is there any special needs clubs locally (could anyone advise you? Social Services or a local support group might know) or something J could do one to one? It seems a shame if the reason he is leaving is because they're not handling his behaviour and a specialist group might be better with regard to this.

 

My G is 6, almost 7 and has no actual classes. I'd like him to do something, maybe, but he'd struggle with a class atm. He goes horseriding now and again with one other little boy with AS and is hopefully near the top of the list for private swimming lessons (again he'd not cope with a class). He's been climbing once and is hopefully going again on Saturday - again 1-2-1 with the instructor as I'm not sure he'd manage a class.

[cmuir]

Hi

 

Personally, I'd encourage him, but wouldn't push it if he really doesn't want to do it. He may just find these things difficult in terms of social interaction, rules, etc.

 

Best wishes

 

Caroline.

[phoebe]

We have also tried and then given up on a variety of different activities and have thus far been unable to do activity days etc that run in the holidays.

I worry about it and I think about the activities that the other kids do. i question whether we don't go because I cant face the stress etc, but at the end of the day, I know that we have tried and the result always seems to be the same. Basically G does not like instruction and thinks he knows how to do something and that if he is doing it then he can do it and he doesn't need someone "telling him how to do it."

 

The psych who diagnosed him recommended that we tried some clubs and that we had friends for tea and made the occasions short and hpefully successful and then built on it, but a year and a half on, I wonder whether any of that is really for G. He is happy coming home and having his screen time and chilling.

I suppose that as long as you make them aware of the things that are available and allow them to try, then you are offering what is needed. If it isn't what they want to do, at least you did your bit and made it available.

 

It's hard to know what is for the best, but .....................................as long as we keep trying <'>

Phoebe

[jane molyneux]

We have also tried and then given up on a variety of different activities and have thus far been unable to do activity days etc that run in the holidays.

I worry about it and I think about the activities that the other kids do. i question whether we don't go because I cant face the stress etc, but at the end of the day, I know that we have tried and the result always seems to be the same. Basically G does not like instruction and thinks he knows how to do something and that if he is doing it then he can do it and he doesn't need someone "telling him how to do it."

 

The psych who diagnosed him recommended that we tried some clubs and that we had friends for tea and made the occasions short and hpefully successful and then built on it, but a year and a half on, I wonder whether any of that is really for G. He is happy coming home and having his screen time and chilling.

I suppose that as long as you make them aware of the things that are available and allow them to try, then you are offering what is needed. If it isn't what they want to do, at least you did your bit and made it available.

 

It's hard to know what is for the best, but .....................................as long as we keep trying <'>

Phoebe

phoebe i have had the same with my girl.she just did not like alot of people about.it was the noise the activity around her.she just wanted mum one to one or her brother one to one.she excluded herself from everyone.we could not understand it as she was raised with a loving family around her.at school she would rather stand in the corner of the playground than mix with other children how i wished for her to make friends.she just felt safer at home.but now she has slowly not completely at 20yrs got to make more than one friend at a time.she drops them if it gets too much for her just becasuse she cannot take on too much at one time.the same as her activities at school and in life.as a mum i dream of her life being normal.her father does not except her having a disability nor her grandparents and i think being over 50 what would happen to her.i believe if we offer all we can give they know and they understand that deep down inside.they have to do what that makes them happy and if they are we are.

[Valiant_Skylark]

My eldest has had a hard time coping with most clubs and activities out of school too. We had more joy with clubs and activities aimed specifically at special needs kids, but even these were too hard sometimes.

 

We've had most joy with RDA (Riding for the Disabled), which he has stuck at for over 6 years now, although I have been told that ours is a particularly tolerant and friendly group. There is often a waiting list, so it is worth putting a child's name down if you think he might be willing to give it a go.

 

Art and Craft (special needs) group worked for a while, but once he realised what "real art" looked like after a visit to a gallery with his school, he refused to do it anymore

 

Since it was recommended by the Paed, we have done Beavers, Cubs and Scouts. Our group is very small (there are currently only 3 scouts) and this has worked well. The leader of the scout group is like a mentor and has infinite patience provided eldest son is not simply taking the p*##! Eldest son is now Patrol Leader. Several of the leaders have direct experience of dyspraxia and ASD. A child currently attends Cubs with a "Me too!" helper, which makes the group accessible for him. Obviously, not all groups are as clued up as ours, but could you investigate different groups to see if any are far better for your son?

 

Could you also see if there are any volunteer projects going (like "Me too!") where somebody attends the club with the child as their individual supporter? It might help if the helper could explain the rules etc?

 

We have found that with a good cub/scout group eldest son (12) has been able to have a taster of many activities without having to get to the stage of frightening himself when it moves on too fast. He has done canoeing, survival skills, horse-riding, navigation, IT, fitness challenge, art and craft, performer, you name it... Eldest son will now confidently man a stall, act as "Security" at events, stay away from home, attend church services for main events (which he wouldn't do AT ALL before!) etc.

 

I'm beginning to think that it is the peole who run the clubs and activities that can make it or break it for our kids.

 

Hope you can find even just one thing that will expand your son's world beyond his own four walls. I'm sure it will be worth it if you can.

 

Best of luck,

 

vs xx

[bikergal]

My daughter ASD is 13 and has stopped doing anything out of school except Riding for the disabled. This is great for her because animals are her one great love and of course we have an obsession for horses now and she constantly demands to know when she can have one!

 

It is difficult for our kids to socialise and make sense of the world. I would love her to do something else , she used to go to guides but found the other girls too much . Plus she tends to be quite negative and dwell on things at times...that said she went to camp and did lots of physical activities like abseiling and canoeing which she loved. I think it's just that she feels so alone and powerless to do anything about it as she finds it hard to talk when out of her comfort zone.