Opinions.

[fiorelli]

If you had been into your child's school, and asked for help and or advice, because your child was being verbally and physically agressive, was angry, upset and you had tried everything you could think of, told the school that you were advised to try the GF/CF diet, and were going back in a months time (to dietitian) and you then recieved the following form from school, what would you think?

 

PARENTING DAILY HASSLES Scale

 

Each event is marked for How Often It Happens (Rarely, Sometimes, A Lot, Constantly), and Hassle (Low to high 1-5)

1. Continually Clearing Up Messes of Toys or Food
2. Being Nagged, whined at, complained to
3. Meal-time difficulties with picky eaters, complaining etc.
4. The kids won't listen or do what they are asked without being nagged
5. baby-siters are hard to find
6. The kids schedules (like playschool or other activities) interfere with meting your own household needs
7. Sibling arguments or fights require a referree
8. The kids demand that you entertain them or play with them
9. The kids resist or struggle with you over bed-time
10. The kids are constantly underfoot, interfeering with other chores
11. The need to keep a constant eye on where the kids are and what they are doing
12. The kids interrupt adult conversations or interactions
13. Having to change your plans because of unprecedented child needs
14. The kids get dirty several times a day requiring change of clothes
15. Difficulties in getting privacy (e.g. in the bathroom)
16. The kids are hard to manage in public (grocery store, shopping centre, restaurant)
17. Difficulties in getting kids ready for outings and leaving on time
18. Difficulties in leaving kids for a night out or at school or day care
19. The kids have difficulties with friends (e.g. fighting trouble, getting along, or no friends available
20. Having to run extra errands to meet the kids needs.

[noogsy]

did they send you a acompanying letter with this erm rating scale thingy.....i have to say i would be a bit bemused if i was sent this. noogsy..who are the results for, you????, the school?? or someone eles??...

[fiorelli]

There was no accompanying letter noogsy. He had said in our meeting that he would send me a rating scale to help us decide if the diet had helped Louis's behaviour (In our opinion it hasn't helped his behaviour, but it has helped his bowel problems - you only need to give him one slice of normal bread, and within 15 minutes, he is back and fore the toilet with number 2's ).

 

What are your thoughts about the 'scale'? (I'll give mine a bit later)

[Minxygal]

Erm....I'd be really cautious of this list if I were you. Am I the only one that thinks this could be used to monitor your parenting rather than the behaviours of your child?

I'm purplexed by the use of the word 'hassle' too, just doesn't sound appropriate to me.

Sorry, but you did ask!

[bikergal]

Yep, I thought the same...looks like they're trying to determine whether your parenting skills are lacking. Alarm bells rang for me when I first read it.

[noogsy]

ahhhhh so your child may have allergies,wheat....and changing his diet hasnt helped...ok

my big son who is undergoing adult evalution for asd and adhd..big long story...which i could bore all of scotland with....

but he has the puking thing.

my big son pukes

he has been puking since he was about 4 or 5 years old.

we never found anything wrong with him.

he has had the camera look in his tummy.

barium meal.

he has had anti sick drugs(the ones given to people on chemo)still didnt stop him puking.......

we found out that david had depression

puking was davids way of telling us he was unhappy.

or upset

or just plain miserable

david stopped puking when he was put on anti depressants when he was 15...

david has a phisical reaction to stress...

now my son is 24 and specialists are looking at him and they think he has asd and possibley add inattentive type..

if you need to know more mail me...

love noogsy

[Emum]

From what you have said, they don't expect you to fill this out and return it to them, so the intention in sending it can't be to judge your parenting. I think what was intended was to give you a scale on which to measure your child's behaviour over time so you can see if it is changing in ways which you may not notice. They use a similar thing with depressed patients, called the Becks Inventory, and some of those questions also seem very odd. Having used it myself, though it is quite interesting, as you may feel that you are still terribly depressed and that nothing is working, but then look at the results of the inventory (which you fill in yourself and keep confidential to yourself) and can see that things have in fact improved a bit over time.

 

I would be inclined to try to use it for your own use (just ignore any questions which are clearly inappropriate), and if anyone asks you for it, don't hand it in, just say you lost it/threw it in the bin, or whatever.

[KarenT]

I'm concerned at the language used in this list. It doesn't seem to have been compiled by a psychologist or anyone else who might have an interest in the child's perspective - it seems designed to force you into a position of complaining about your child and how much damned hard work they are. The usual questionnaires we get for our children are more clinical/technical in language and focus more on the child's areas of difficulty, NOT on how irritating they are. It looks like it's been cobbled together by a Clerical Assistant at the DWP, or someone similarly uncaring.

 

What is the PURPOSE of this questionnaire? Who is it meant to benefit? What information is it collating?

 

And what of those rare few of us with the patience of saints, who wouldn't ever feel that these points were 'hassles', just steps you need to take every day to look after your child? I'd bet they'd answer at level 3 for just about everything then just carry on taking it in their stride - what would the questionnaire show for them?

 

It just doesn't make sense to me, and I wouldn't go anywhere near it with a pen without full explanation of where it came from and what it was meant to achieve. Even then I'd be cautious, especially with no covering letter to tell you what to do with it. IMO it's not remotely official, so doesn't need to be treated with any kind of official respect. Who in officialdom refers to children as 'kids' anyway?! I'd be tempted to bin it tbh.

 

Karen

x

[LizK]

I've got an assessment form to use to score my son's behaviour if he goes GF to see if it's helping. If I cna find it I'll see if the questions bear any resemblence to what you've been given

 

Lx

[fiorelli]

I'm back from shopping now so I can tell you my own thoughts on this letter now.

 

This questionnaire has a Department of Health logo on it.

 

When I opened up the envelope with the questionnaire in, my hackles were immediately raised when I read the questionnaire was called Parenting Daily HASSLES.

 

My hackles were raised even higher with each question I read.

 

 

I am thinking of sending a letter a bit like this.

 

Dear XXXXX and XXXXX (Headteacher and Class teacher)

 

Re: Parenting Hassles Questionnaire

 

Thank you for sending us the questionnaire, however, we will not be filling it in.

 

Parenting is not a 'hassle' for neither myself or my husband. The questions within the questionnaire are what we would class as normal day-to-day life. When you become a parent, there are certain things you expect. You expect to have your children want to play with you, and take up your time. You expect there to be fights between children that need you to help them to work it out. You expect difficulties in getting out of the house on time etc. You expect to have to do things for your kids that need to take priority over housework/chores.

 

The 'hassles' within the questionnaire are not the problems we came to you with. We came to you because we thought you may have been able to help us to deal with Louis's difficulties, as we were told that you have had training in ASD's and ADHD. Louis's disabilities have become to much for us to cope with. It is the verbal and physical violence towards people we cannot cope with. It is Louis's constant need for his thoughts and needs to come above all else, no matter what the consequences, that we cannot cope with. It is Louis's inability to cope with being told 'No', and getting angry, stressed out, violent, that we cannot cope with.

 

We came to you in the hope that you may know any strategies we have not tried yet.

 

As far as we can see, the GF/CF diet is not working towards helping Louis's behaviour (it is the same now as it was before he started on the diet), but it IS working to help towards his bowel problems. When we see the dietician at the end of December, we will be telling her the same, and then going from there. We do not see how this questionnaire can help determine the overall benefit of the GF/CF diet.

 

Yours sincerely

 

Mr and Mrs fiorelli

[fiorelli]

I've got an assessment form to use to score my son's behaviour if he goes GF to see if it's helping. If I cna find it I'll see if the questions bear any resemblence to what you've been given

 

Lx

 

That would be great Liz (could I have a copy if you find it please?)

[cmuir]

Hi

 

At a recent school review meeting I was quizzed about sleep routines, what happens when my son is at home, do we have friends round, etc. I was peeved! I ended up saying that I could see what she was getting at and that whilst some of these factors may have an effect, that I'd been through all of this numerous times and we needed to get past this and move on to talking about what happens when my son's at school!

 

This form isn't designed to look at triggers, etc. It looks to me like it's designed to fault find. It's clearly not been written by a medical professional. I certainly wouldn't be filling it in!

 

I recently filled out a form from my son's consultant. It was called a Connor's scale and my son's two teachers also filled one out. It was much more articulate and designed to actually look at areas of difficult ie hyperactivity, levels of concentration, oppositional behaviour. I had fully expected me to have said one thing and the teachers to have said another. Got a report saying that the results mirrored each others!!! This form would tell far more than the school's attempt which will ultimately tell you nothing.

 

I would ask your child's consultant if there's a form specifically to look at diet. Alternatively, keeping a diary of food consumed and behaviour will help to provide a clearer picture.

 

Caroline.

Edited December 12, 2006 by cmuir

[loupin]

What a strange scale and list. I would not fill that in. It reads like one of those tea towels you send out for xmas pressies!!!!

I think your letter in response is spot on!

[lorryw]

It seems very American to me,kids, grocery store, schedules etc. Very odd and not the help you are looking for.

Just a thought and you have probably already been down this route but have you tried contacting the HAS for help.

Loraine

[noogsy]

hi we used the connors rating scale to which is a diagnostic tool..it is well thought of...and focuses on the child...the parent does it and all the childs teachers do it..so in theory it should come back and can be read by a expert....it will have a common thread running through from all the teachers..

the list you were given by the school is a bit odd.

do you think it is somthing from a student teacher who is intrested in kids with difficulties??

i would be inclined to phone them up and ask why they think that it would be helpfull?.

where it came from?.

and are you a guinypig for someone??

id take a copy of it for your file so you can show it to your own specialist...not that us parents are paranoid or anything ....lol.

lets hope at the end of the day the school are trying to help your child.

hope i have helped noogsy

[fiorelli]

We have already done a Connor's questionnaire, that is how we got Louis's ADHD dx! Louis's old psych had us do it, there was only 1 point in difference between us, and Louis's [then] school.

 

The Headteacher has given us this form to complete. His words where 'I'll send you a questionnaire - you have probably come across loads of them - for you to fill in. Use the same one, and fill it in for before he started the diet, and then again for when he finishes his trial period.'

 

I suppose the good thing is that because we have recently had SS involved with us, they are of the opinion that there is nothing wrong with our parenting, so whatever the school may try and do, at least we have that back-up!

 

I'll not be filling in the form, and I will be showing it to the CAMHS Dr on 20th to get her opinion of it. - Oh, and will also take it along to the dietician appointment (also just before Christmas) to see what she has to say about it!

[Suze]

I really felt un-nerved by this, I don,t know what your relationship is like with the school, but to me it felt like they don,t see the behaviours you have at home,and that puts the problem on you as parents .This questionaire seems to point the finger at you and your mental health etc.............it really worried me.Your doing the right thing , the letter is great, big hugs to you hope things get better soon Suzex <'>

[Cat]

Please remind me before I give you my 2p worth but did this come from a Special School or a Mainstream School - I do have a reason for asking.

 

Thanks

 

Cat

[fiorelli]

Cat it comes from a Special School (an EBsD School)

[Suze]

Sorry, me again, felt I had to write again...........I,ve read the the questions you were given again, and what I don,t like is the implications the questions give.There are many times my kids nag me , get under my feet etc during the day.But by asking these questions of you they seem to be implying that you find this difficult?..........etc etc........, and you can,t cope with it?............(hope that comes over right.)............ ..............and I still think this questionaire may have a hidden agenda.Take care suzex

[Kathryn]

Highly subjective, negative and judgemental - very strange.

 

K x

[butterfingersbimbo]

i think its really strange too..........

[hev]

i think its a really odd thing to recieve from the school,strange